i dont know how to tell my mom...

[lilyoa]

hey guys!

well im new here, im just looking for a way to get rid of the idea of suicide.

 

im only 15 years old. i really feel like im just $#!%, i cant live like this anymore, ive felt really really ugly like about 3 years ago, my parents have noticed i dont look myself in the mirror.

 

i havent seen myself in the mirror since september 13th 2006. i just cant , now i do my hair as i can , time before people told me i was pretty and many things like that but i never believed that, and now that almost no one says this i just feel like they have been lying all this time.

 

im sure its cooler if there's one less ugly person in the world, so maybe the solution is killing myself.

maybe they wont care about me aymore..

pretty much hate myself and i would feel really bad it i killed myself so im gonna try for one last time.

 

but i dont know how to tell my mom i need help , its just lame and humilliating to me, when child i didnt feel loved but im sure it was because myparents were busy, i havent seen myself in te mirror since september 13th 2006. because of an allergy i had. now im glad i did this because i realize how ugly i must look, i dont understand why uglier people than me have happy lifes, and some of them are even married, have a couple or whatever, but im only 15 years old.

dont let almost anyone see me, i cant say a speech at school or something and when im in the car i put a scarf all over my face so people dont see me, and i hide my pictures

 

i would like to know if i have a disease of something, or what kind of dissordes do i have, i would like to keep living but i dont know if its worth it...

[girl friend]

Hey there.

 

You sound like you dont want to kill yourself. Not really. But you do realise you want help. Thats a good move. Just like this was.

 

What would you like to do? Ideally

 

And you may have an anxiety based disorder, which manifests itself as depression, but i'd need to know more detail to be able to tell for sure. A doctor could tell you. If that is an option.

 

Also has something happened to make you feel this bad about yourself in the past

 

We're all here for you, ok.

 

girl friend~

xxx

[emit_remmus]

Beauty is relative. Do you have a picture of yourself you could PM me? I am the standard, thereforeeee I am the judge of beauty.

[b2761]

there's so much cool stuff out there in the world that you haven't gotten to yet, it'd be a shame for you to miss it.

[girl friend]

They will care you know.

It turns nature on its head. When a child dies before its parents, things will NEVER return to normal for them.

They do care.

[lilyoa]

hey guys , thanks for helping me out, well i cant find a way out of this and really ive thought of suicide, im so sick and tired of speaking words that no one understands, its lame, i stoped looking myself in the mirror because of an alergy i had; i didnt want to look how i was during and after it, so time kept going and now 7 months 2 weeks have happened since then, i still remember when my parents, my aunts or even the dentist's daughter told me how good i looked and ive always thought it was a lie, ive never felt good with myself and if someone stares at me i just freak out, when we go out to a restaurant or in the car i put my hands in my face so people cant see me, i hide my pictures, its like if i just hated myself, i know theres something really wrong going on but i cant tell my parents, i dont have the guts.

 

i long for someone to help me, id be glad if someone here could.

 

thank ya'll so much again.

[CharlesF]

This is unrelated to your problem, but I think it is interesting that you haven't looked at yourself in the mirror for so long. How long do you think you can go? I wonder if it is possible to go for years without looking at yourself in the mirror and without looking at a picture of yourself. It would be like going into the future. Someday when you are say in your 20s, or better yet in your 30s, you can stand in front of a mirror and see someone unfamiliar.

[lilyoa]

hey , id like to know if i might have a mental disorder or disease:

 

ill write my simptoms

 

well i havent seen myself in the mirror for 7 and a half months

i hide my pictures

i hate almost everything about me

i freak out when someone stares at me

when i go to a public place like a restaurant, or in the car i put my hands on my face so almost anyone can see me

when theres many people around me i cant stop wondering what they say about me (im sure they dont even look at me but this is how i feel)

well , thank you very much.

[lilyoa]

This is unrelated to your problem, but I think it is interesting that you haven't looked at yourself in the mirror for so long. How long do you think you can go? I wonder if it is possible to go for years without looking at yourself in the mirror and without looking at a picture of yourself. It would be like going into the future. Someday when you are say in your 20s, or better yet in your 30s, you can stand in front of a mirror and see someone unfamiliar.

 

well , im 15 so im sure ive changed a lot since i was 14 because my birthday is in november and this happened in september, its really awful not to be able to look m yself in the mirror because i cant do my hair or anything so it pretty much sucks, thanks 4 replying

[CharlesF]

Your situation does sound unusual. I think you should tell your mom.

[beh700]

hey , id like to know if i might have a mental disorder or disease:

 

ill write my simptoms

 

well i havent seen myself in the mirror for 7 and a half months

i hide my pictures

i hate almost everything about me

i freak out when someone stares at me

when i go to a public place like a restaurant, or in the car i put my hands on my face so almost anyone can see me

when theres many people around me i cant stop wondering what they say about me (im sure they dont even look at me but this is how i feel)

well , thank you very much.

 

hey! i think it would be a great help for you to see someone. taking the step to ask for help with a doctor is the hardest step, but well worth it in the end. if you want my opinion, it sounds like you have body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) or social phobia. at such a young age, therapy can help a great deal with both of these. both of these have symptoms of high anxiety and everything, which can be helped with prescriptions too.

 

don't label yourself with any diagnosis, but your experience isn't uncommon and a psychologist can help. good luck, let me know if you need anything.

[not2shy532]

I agree that you may have some type of body dysmorphic disorder(altered view of how you look) and maybe social anxiety also. I think you should see a therapist and then they can give you more information about what they can do to help.

i can tell you dont really want to kill yourself, you have inner strength. it's very positive that you want help and want to tell your mom.

[lilyoa]

but i really feel like a fool sayin , oh mom i havent seen myself in the mirros for so long , i bet they know because my uncle has schesophrenia and he didnt look at the pictures cause he saw things and my dad thinks i see things coming out of the mirror but i dont see anything , so i really feel embarrassed of teling someone about how i feel...

[lilyoa]

and i dont really think i have body dysmorphic disorder because then i would get obsessed with a specific part of my body and i cant even look at it!! , and ok , lets say i go to therapy or whatever, lets say im able once again to look myself in the mirror, now im not sure if im that ugly or if its just my mind, but if i ever find out i really am, then what??, i mean we live in a society where you cant be whatever you want or you cant do almost anything if youre not good looking, i dont want to look like a model but i dont want to be a toilet-faced girl!! (

[girl friend]

I think that diagnosis is a bit specific, but you are definitely dealing with some form of compulsive hatred disorder, anxiety based.

 

I understand you dread seeing yourself in case worst case scenario is that you are not attractive.

 

However i guess you'll just have to accept what you are and deal with it. For always there will be lesser and greater people than you. Being beautiful has its downsides. Look at all the anorexic models. Look at all the models with OCD, who are so worried about their appearance that they wont leave the house if they find the smallest blemish. And theres all the pressure they put upon themselves, and the countless hours they spend before they'll be seen out.

 

ANd then you mentioned yourself you know not so attractive people who went on to find love, get married and have kids. So looks ARENT everything. People get tired of looking at something. The most important thing is connection and the other person being genuine and nice.

 

Someone once said to me, if you connect physical attraction with sex, and say on average with a partner you'll have sex for say 3 hours overall in the week, then thats 165 more hours in the week you have to spend in that persons company. Point taken.

 

Also, at your age, i hate to sound patronising, but you are still in the wretched stage of adolescence and hormones tormenting you. You will change so much over the next 5 years. You may not even recognise yourself. So if your appearance does bother you when you look in the mirror, just remember it may not be permenant.

 

Other people see things differently to you see yourself anyways.

 

Also, maybe your standards are too high? Rigid and inflexible schemas are also a characteristic of a mental anxiety based disorder. All very fixable tho!

 

What do you think?

[Spugly Fuglet]

HI lilyoa and welcome

 

heres my view

Best place to start is your Doctor, pop in and have a chat with her and say whats up, its all confidential and they may help with telling family. If your School has a counselor why not pop in and see them as well. No need to take the big jump just yet and your mum will do the same ask you to see a doc or counselor.

 

Help is out there all you need do is ask for it, at 15 your are getting to an age there you can make your own mind up on where that help comes from.

[skyblue1]

I'm sorry to hear what your going though darling. Just be strong and hang up in there okay. Bet your really pretty aswell. Think you should speak to someone about it. Have a word with your GP. A lot of people go through this ugly thing even myself. Peace xx

[Bethany]

Sounds this allergy has knocked your confidence.

 

If you can't face the mirror, get out the old photographs. Maybe spend an evening with your mum and go through them together. I'm sure you looked beautiful as a child and still do. (I, myself looked like an oran-u-tang until I was 3 so you couldnt possibly top that, surely?) Build up to newer more recent photos as I'm sure this will remind you that your still very pretty.

 

Give yourself a makeover, treat yourself to some new make-up or a new (temporary) hair colour, ask your mum to buy you soemthing new to wear, as it all helps to build that confidence back up.

[lilyoa]

thank you all guys for posting back. i was able to look my old pictures, and i recognize i was not as ugly as ive become, but now i cant even look myself in peoples eyes, i just cant, and i cant talk to the school counselor because she hates me, and my doctor wont work, thank again for helping out!!

[Bethany]

Just because you are growing up and your face is changing into a womans face doesn't mean that you are becoming uglier.

[girl friend]

How do you know that the school counsellor hates you? She shouldn't. By rights she should be the one you go to. If you dont feel able to, why not make an annoymous complaint or something. Alternatively is there no other adult around that you trust enough to go to? When working on these things its always helpful to have a 'real' physical person around you to mentor.

[lilyoa]

well i know she really hates me because i made a story (twas for home work) and it was really aggressive and she got really pissed with it and we started yelling, she doesnt talk to me since then, and the other teachers are like dead, they woont help

[girl friend]

That doesn't necessarily mean she hates you. Counsellors are trained to be approachable and treat all students equally. Is there no way you'd consider trying to talk to her? In a counselling situation she might be a lot nicer...

[Sylivia]

Hello,

It takes a lot of guts to look into a mirror and look at the person.

A mirror can lie to us, and tell us what we know we are not, the person looking back at us, may not the person we feel inside.

We may even feel dead inside, or even sombody else, because we can't cope with who we are.

Hiding from the world suggests a loss, a loss of self, and confronting the source of that loss can be very painful indeed.

Suicide can feel like a release to that, and it's tempting when you feel so low, and have low-self esteem.

Somebody or something has robbed you of what it means to be human, so you feel unable to live, you may even feel unable to feel anything anymore.

I want to assure you that this will pass, when the time is right you will look in the mirror again, but it will only happen when you are ready.

I will tell you from personal experience, that there is only one mirror in our house, and it's only recently that I have acutually looked into it properly, It's taken me thirtynine years, I don't know and cannot speak for you, don't worry , you are not going strange, and many of my friends who have been through difficult experiences, have problems with eating or loss of identity due to trauma that they have faced.

When you feel really low just look at your hands, and spend time just looking how wonderfully you are made, there may be nothing you like about yourself at the moment, but tell yourself one good thing each day about yourself, even if it's well I didn't look in the mirror, but I'm still alive, I still wanted to tell people how I felt, there was still some part of me that reached out.

Maybe a councellor would be a good place to start.

Dont despair, did you know that 80percent of the general public are disfunctional, according to reseach, so please don't think yours is an isolated case.

You are not alone!

Confront your fear, when you are ready, don't let anybody push you, this may be the only thing that you can control at the moment.

Blessings dear one.

"Jesus on the cross, for a moment, went through such terrible trauma, he forgot his identity, he called out 'My God, he was God of course, but at that terrible, horrific moment, he had lost all sense of what it was to be himself, and so if it happened to him, it can happen to us, and he understands your pain.

Hope this helps!

[girl friend]

Hang on, wasn't Jesus talking to his father when he cried out "my God, my God, why have you forsaken me"?

 

Of course we could debate the meaning of those last words all night but he was always recognised as God's son, thats the title he gave to himself!