beh700

(sorry the quote didn't carry over from my last post! but this was what I was referring to)

I feel as though this post was a little judgmental. I would love it if Day_Walker could find something that lacks in me. I know tons of men who would love to be in my life who are my own age and who would disagree that I lacked anything. The only thing that makes my 15 year age gap relationship differ from any relationship is that we have to deal with people who see the age difference rather than our love. I'm sorry, but I felt I had to respond. I thought that this was a very personal insult to me.

i'm 21 and my boyfriend is 36. we've been dating for over a year and it has been a wonderful relationship. we have had our difficulties dealing with societal responses to our relationship, but if you love someone it is very easy to ignore the disapproving glares. good luck

I understand how a lot of advice is repetitious, so i'll try to stay away from that. but i've always thought that if i never had any close attachments, such as family, it might be a great life refresher if i could just "start over." move to some place completely new, start a completely different job, take on a different personality (not different, i am shy. i think i am completely able to be out-going though. so maybe i would give that a go and see how people react). this may be a naive plan, but i often think that one's environment changes so little over one's life time that people don't even realize that maybe their "well-thought-out" lifetime plan is the cause for their depression. either way, if you chose death i think maybe just the image of what you dislike in yourself should die. and have a rebirth of some new things! i do not condone you giving up though. you have so much life to live. and there is no such thing as an expiration to be able to love happy journeys!

thanks, eva! i think the whole how i have to call the doctor myself to set up an appointment lets me get off easily! because well, i haven't wanted to make an appointment in ages! but yes, i think it is time to just do it. the last time i went to the orthopedic they like "vana white-d" me through a lobby in an xray gown. humiliating! hmmmmmm. i swear THEY make you NOT want to come. it must be some sort of phD course. grrrrr....

hey...this may not be what you wanted in response, but when i'm lazy and have exams coming up i drag myself through this process: get up (before 9!), go through the whole getting ready tasks (so you feel good and awake), get out of your living space and go somewhere completely new (starbucks, local library, playground bleachers, state park etc.) and study. walk to the place if you want to work on excercising! nothing beats weights like a heavy bookbag. personally, i have to read textbook after textbook, so i highlight my textbooks and at the end of a chapter i go back and quickly jot down the vocab and important points. once my mind shuts down (usually within three hours) i go grab lunch with friends or what not, and head to wherever there is a computer and type up a study guide from the notes i've taken. this also gives me time to get back to my dearly loved tecnology. as soon as the sun sets, i am definitely done though. unless i have a quick assignment due for another class, preferably not involving exams. but i just repeat this process, switching places each day to keep my mind alive, and then by the time i've covered all the material and typed up my notes, i have a convenient little cheat sheet that i look over the night before and morning of. it hasn't failed me yet. good luck with the exams!

ahaha they edited that term out. it was a medical term, i think. it rhymes with 'click' if people don't get it. they stab your finger and squeeze. hah

has anyone dealt with a phobia? people always just say "suck it up." but it doesn't really work like that. i have a serious phobia of going to the doctors. it roots primarily because i pass out with shots or needles (even finger * * * * *s!), and am embarrassed easily. i've switched doctors 3 times in 2 years. i will drive over an hour, sit in the parking lot, and decide to leave. i throw away all letters from my dr's, saying how i need to see the gyno, dentist, orthopedic for xrays, physical therapist, etc. i'm a royal pain in the *ss. but want to be healthy! any type of experiences of how to deal? thanks!

one more question! oops! i know your mom isn't supportive of you dedicating your life to music, necessarily. but is there a middle ground you both could work on? like, managing a studio or jazz club, a critic, music researcher...i'm not really sure, but these careers would let your life revolve around music, and could keep you playing your guitar while earning an income! and being in the music industry would be a sure step into pursuing your own compositions and playing! just a thought.

hey! your music is great! it's really laid back (and intricate!). you definitely could go somewhere if you chose to. if i were you, i would go into a local music store, ask for an application. tell them that you are familiar with guitars and would be happy to restring, etc. on the application attach a separate note saying that you realize you don't have any job experience, but if they are unwilling to hire, you could volunteer for a few hours a week to prove that you are responsible. also, you could probably get a discount to purchase the things you'll need to pursue music! in the meantime, you going to school? you could always put in a few hours with a teacher who could reference you. let me know how it goes. (i'm still listening to your music! it's real good! )

to test out life without being shy! go up to people and say what i think. then go back to my shy self ooo that would be fun. i might actually accomplish something with my life. ahah

oh thanks so much for the reply, tronix. i was just sitting here thinking about this whole situation too. you definitely made my night. !

i definitely do fall for a guy because of his personality. that doesn't mean that i'm not first attracted to his looks though. but i would never pursue something with a good looking guy unless he had an amazing personality. as for what i look for in a guy would have to be these traits: 1. a good listener. when i'm babbling on and on about my big toe on my left foot that is black and blue because of a donut falling on it in the middle of arizona i LOVE it when 24 hours later the guy will be like "how's your toe?" soooo freaking sexy. i'm not even listening to myself and yet he does! 2. puts themself on the line to help others. i love a guy who i know will protect me, in any type of situation. one guy came into work with a swollen eye because he saw one of his friends get hit by her boyfriend and he told him to back off and got a punch instead. or anyone watch law and order: svu? both of the partners would stand up for eachother no matter the situation. HOT. 3. one who puts his family first. 4. last one is a guy who i know isn't disgusted by me. hahah. this means touching me indirectly or on purpose. ie: brushing shoulders, touching my arm or hand when telling a story. do this to a girl anyways, even if you aren't interested! it makes them feel sexy that you just can't "keep your hands off." mmmmm, i need a boyfriend.

yeah try volunteering at a place until the summer time. volunteer work is great to start a resume. any place that intests you that you could spend a few hours a week at will be a sure way to get hired elsewhere in a few months. good luck!

hey, my name is bethany. the world is obnoxious but i think the only reason you are so frustrated is that you are too big of a person and want to change every fault that everyone has. obviously showing you are a caring person who wants to help. if you care so much then live for everyone you will effect. you've already effected my life with this post. you'll save the suicidal coffee girl when saying she has a pretty smile, and help win the vote in 2008 for a president to help voice your opinions, and when you live you give a reason for your family to live. the world can only change if there are people to change it. you're strong enough to live life to the bottom. now be strong enough to see it up to the top. please hang on. i'm always free to talk.

let's see. i gave up red meat at the age of 8 because the "red" i knew was pretty much blood and all i could see was me biting out of a live cow. and all meat at the age of 10 because i was asked to cook dinner (of chicken) and i then realized that those red lines also were pretty much an animal's blood vessels. i started to research the humane slaughter act and the living conditions of animals, and that didn't help my situation. i became vegan this year at 19 because i realized that animals are treated very poorly when raised for milk or eggs. it's hard, especially for cheese. i have a great diet though. healthy life style. no passing out or anything. i crave meat like crazy. it's really hard especially since restaraunts don't always accommodate for my life style. but i respect everyone who respects me. my entire family is meat-eating, all my friends too. thanksgiving is the worst holiday because my grandma just rips on me being a vegetarian and not eating her turkey hahaha. i love her, oh well. but i don't think i'm a hypocrite. and i hope a guy doesn't choose not to date me because of my eating habits! most friends don't even know i'm a vegetarian unless they open my fridge! if anyone needs recipes, i'm a good creative vegan cook: soy milk, tofutti, and all!

Thanks so much for the reply! I think that my main problem is that I just don't want to be a hassle. I don't understand how I would be a good person to be with. I over think everything and I just don't ever trust my feelings because they are either bound to annoy someone or hurt me. I have been told I have this issue of "over thinking" but I just don't understand how I can stop thinking!!!! hah, oh well. i'll take that active mindset of yours and keep trying! sky, thanks for the reply too! ya'll hit the nail of my problem, which i know is my confidence. there's that saying of how you can't have love until you love yourself. so i guess i have a bit to go.

i hope ya'll don't mind that i just need a cheering up...the thing is i've never had anything sturdy in my life. my family is wonderful but i babysit everyone. and have a lot of guilt issues from them. but i had great friends in school. however, all but one moved by my senior year. i went to college 6 hours away to start over. didn't work because their education major was really poor. so i started applying. got accepted to my favorite school in manhattan with a full ride! then they call me in july saying "we dropped special education (my major) what do you want to do instead?" so i ended up at a college near my hometown on a wing and a prayer one month later. found out first semester that there was a mistake on my acceptance letter and that they dont have my exact degree. instead of working with birth - 2, i would have to work with 1 - 6th grade. and i know what i want to do. and that's not it. so i'm transferring again. i worked myself through this school's tuition and rent at an apartment, 30 hours a week working, and full time student status for the first semester. needless to say, i have no friends outside of classes around this area. had a crazy breakdown in november. so i dropped down to part time student status this semester (devestating, since i'm a really motivated student), and picked up another job, and am now working 45 hours a week until i transfer in the fall. while i have lots of friends, they all live hours away. so my co-workers are my only nearby friends. i started to like one guy (good friend) and now he started dating some one. i've never had a boyfriend. and the only thing that i can rely on are my newfound loves of cigarettes, food and alcohol. i never wanted to be like this. (recently gave up illicit drugs, though.) i'm a very outgoing person but really shy with guys and i'm getting ridiculously desperate and upset. it's either how i look (pictures attached) or WHO i am. because i have met lots of people in my day. thanks for listening to my whirlwind of a lifestory. if anyone has any advice, or similar situations, i would love to listen. thanks...!

She could just be very stressed with school or upset with something apart from you. You two also aren't close friends, so she might not tell you if there was something wrong. So, to sum it up, I wouldn't give up on rescheduling the date. But just give her maybe the weekend or something without much contact before you ask her out again. If she cancels again, then her loss. Good luck!

because i just pocketed the money i saved on not having a valentine and bought myself a new dress and a ben and jerrys. talk about having a good time! happy valentines day!

By far my favorite quote of the week, aha! I'll see how this weekend goes, thanks for the help!

Hey all, I have a question...how can you help a friend view you as more than a friend? I've liked one of my good friends for about seven months, and I have attempted to just tell him, but I'm just not comfortable with that. I don't want to force him to like me or anything, I just want to get his attention! Any experiences? Thanks!!!!

ok i can agree. the last three guys that asked me out to pursue a relationship i totally was just interested in as a friend. and every guy friend i've ever liked romantically doesn't seem to even second-glance me. oh the joy of trying to find a relationship. i'm sure we will all break out of the cycle soon !

(raises hand)! i feel this way. i remember having an indirect blanket fight with this guy once. ahahah i had problems as a teen in a competitive dance studio. they would measure our weight and waist in class. i remember reaching 100 pounds when i was like 15 at 5'4" and crying in front of everyone because 100 lbs was "unacceptable." i realize that's ridiculous now but it still affects me completely. the fact of the matter, is that i'm still getting a man's attention, and while i certainly wouldn't want to go to bed with myself, they seem to. you know? i'm sure you're an irresistible woman inside and out, and men are happy being with you. so smile no matter what your own views of yourself are, because they don't seem to be affecting anyone elses views!

this is such a harsh statement! I understand how you think everyone should be motivated enough to work and give up at the luxurious life, but our society does not dish out money to every job equally. Right now, I'm sure you are sitting on a chair, fair statement? The chair which was assembled in a factory, brought to a store on a truck, put on the sales floor by a stock boy, and sold to you by the one working the cash register. It's also a fair statement to say the majority of these workers are getting paid minimum wage. Do you think that your job is better than all four of these jobs? It's not to me. I don't care if you are the leader of our country. every job is a job that is needed in society. I've been working in retail since I was at a legal hiring age and have been putting myself through a 4 year college. I work 30 hours a week and substitute at a local school, when needed. And don't forget I go to school full time. I earn minimum wage and have never received a pay raise. I earn less than $450 biweekly. These two weeks of working doesn't even cover my month of rent. I live in a studio apartment and I have still not run the heat yet. You will never see my shopping or any typical college-girl activity. However if it wasn't for my parents who signed a co-dependent loan for me I would not be able to support myself through school. And I am not going to say that I am not working hard, because I am. And I hope you realize life isn't always the same in every case. I'm glad you got through your hard time successfully without having to depend on anyone. I would be proud too. Back to the original post, congratulations on making the decision to go back to school! I hope you find what you're looking for! I think the most appealing trait in a man is confidence and being a hard-worker. If you are studying and at a job part time, then that is more than most of the students I know. Also, by taking life into your own hands, it's going to prove to all women that you are living in the 'real world,' despite your living situation. Tell them how you've gotten to where you are, and I'm sure you'll receive the respect you deserve. If not, then they really aren't worth your time. Good luck with everything.