What's wrong with calling the ex?

[Iwantittoend]

I've gone no contact for about 2 weeks since she broke up with me. I feel I've healed enough and I want to just see how she's doing. Supposedly I'm going to have to talk to her parents tomorrow too, so should I ask how she's doing then?

 

I miss just having her there as a friend. If I wait too long I'm afraid she might forget about me and move on with another guy.

 

Also, we are both going to be going to the same college this fall. I still see her all the time at church. We just haven't spoken. It's an odd situation.

[darkpumpkin]

I don't think you are healed yet enough to communicate. You may think you miss her as a friend but the statment

"I miss just having her there as a friend. If I wait too long I'm afraid she might forget about me and move on with another guy"

is not just a friend statment

[shes2smart]

You say she broke up with you.

 

When I've been the one who broke up with a guy, I really didn't care to hear from him...especially those sort of "just wanted to see how you were doing calls." They always came accross as "fishing expeditions" on the ex's part. It was tempting to reply with a really snotty answer like, "Gosh, I just went through a break-up...how do you think I'm doing..duh!" But my good sense took over and they got something markedly more civil. Bottom line still was that I didn't want to hear from him.

 

But that's just me....

 

I also agree with darkpumpkin...this is NOT the sentiment of someone who is just a friend:

I miss just having her there as a friend. If I wait too long I'm afraid she might forget about me and move on with another guy.

 

Trust me on this...people don't forget an ex....much as I'd like to with some of mine....

[shes2smart]

Oh, and a clarification....

 

Since you will be going to the same school...if you happen to run into her during the normal course of going about your business, I wouldn't see anything wrong with saying "hi" briefly.

 

Polite and civil? Yes.

 

Trying to find out what's going on in her life now? No.

 

Initiating contact via a phone call/text/email? Not unless you've been specifically told that would be welcome.

[darkpumpkin]

It's true. You don't forget your ex's but it's easy to get into the thought process that if you go away and maintain n/c that they will forget you. It just doesn't work that way. You are more likely to remember someone after you haven't spoken to them for a while then if they are always around.

[sunday13]

Healed after 2 weeks?? Wish I had that blessing!! It's been 2 months for me and I still feel it nice and fresh!

 

But, I agree.... DON'T contact the ex if they broke up with you. They need to live with their decision. If they want to have some kind of relationship with you, even if it is just friends, they will contact you.

[confused25]

I don't think you're "healed" yet, I think you just miss her and wants to know what she's up to.

[lady00]

Agreed. You're not over her. Give it some more time.

[Iwantittoend]

When I do feel it's okay to call though, should I? Or should I just let her call?

[This is Horrible]

When I do feel it's okay to call though, should I? Or should I just let her call?

 

just continue NC one day at a time.

 

dont worry about tomorrow, next week, a month from now, 6 months from now, a year from now etc...

 

just worry about not contacting her in this 24 hour period, and do the same everyday.

 

you'll be surprised how you feel after a while.

[GoSox07]

I agree with the posts here - you are probably not ready for contact yet. I was in the same boat as you and thought that I was ready to give the "hey, how have you been?" call about 2 weeks in. While the conversation was very friendly, it set me back considerably.

 

You will begin to over-analyze everything that she said and you will begin to wonder why she hasn't called you after "x" number of weeks (where x is the length of time that you waited to initiate contact). She won't forget about you if you don't call. I know it's tempting, but you are being blinded by your emotions right now. It's best to wait until you are thinking with your head and not with your heart.