How would you feel if your girlfriend said this?

[Aquafina]

my girlfriend sent a message to a girl on myspace today because of a dispute they had at school. well...she got to the whole, "i don't care about what you all say about me..." bla bla bla. well, in the midst of this, she said this exact quote...

 

"i have a boyfriend, he might not be hot, but hes the sweetest guy ever!!"

 

that is straight copy/paste straight into here. she didnt try to hide it, she actually knew i would read it. i havent talked to her yet since then, i will at 9 though...im so upset about how she could say something like that...what do you guys think? how would you feel?

[Batya33]

I have more of a problem that she is so indiscreet and disrespectful (to you) as to be typing about that on a public web site (hope you haven't shared anything private with her) and so tactless to share it with you, then about the underlying comment.

[Suesser Tod]

I would talk to her, if SHE likes you, then you're golden.

 

Truth hurts, I know I could not be a supermodel, heck, there are more chances of Mexico becoming next World Superpower than me being a supermodel (that is, less than nil). But you have to accept it and learn to live with it.

 

I know my girlfriend is not the best looking gal out there, but I like her and I love her. Because of who she is, because of her personality, her intelligence, etc, I am perfectly satisfied being with her. And no, I wouldn't change a bit of her, as changing a bit of her, would change her personality and basically turn her into a different person.

 

I know we are used to expect a "you are the best looking person", as media has teached us that love is blind, that you've got no eyes for someone else than your SO, and that you must spend every cent on your savings on February 14 as it is the only way to show your love to your SO...

 

 

 

So as long as SHE likes you, you've got no problem. A problem woudl be that she didn't liked you, so you woudl know that intimacy would be a problem. But if that is not the case, don't worry, and accept that there is always someone better than you.

[Batya33]

She might like him but if she is behaving that way she sure doesn't respect him or have a sense of discretion that one needs to be in an intimate relationship.

[blender]

Well, hold on a sec, it can also be read as very sweet, and that she is defending you, and most likely some weirdo kid from the group said, "I don't think your boyfriend is hot" and she is simply replying to them, so maybe your not "hot"..like some lame mister pretty boy, but you good looking, attractive and sweet. I know plenty of guys who are not "hot" whom I find extremely attractive because they are cute, handsome in thier own way, confident, funny, kind, sweet, respectful... all the IMPORTANT qualities that mature, wise girls are attracted to....

 

so you might not want to get insecure or too hurt by her saying this, instead choose to be confident and get your feelings out in a sincere and funny way, and say "I wasn't thrilled to read on your page, that I'm "Not hot"..but I'm glad you think I'm sweet, but really honey, I'd prefer to be described as a respectful, great, handsome stud, because after all you should only write the truth."

[Aquafina]

haha blender, that does sound like something i would say.

 

but i guess what really gets me is that, if i said that about her, the world would end. i dont see why she can say stuff like that, but if i said it to someone, she'd be beyond mad

[EvaGina]

 

 

better than "i have a boyfriend, he might not be a good person, but hes really good looking!!"

[Batya33]

I disagree. If someone on a public web site was crass enough to challenge whether my boyfriend is "hot" I would either not respond or respond with "that is a rude comment" or "we are very happy together in every way - that is all of a response that is needed." It's not like she told him she didn't think he was hot - she showed him something she wrote - very childish and tactless.

[Suesser Tod]

She might like him but if she is behaving that way she sure doesn't respect him or have a sense of discretion that one needs to be in an intimate relationship.

 

Its not like she were typing the measures of her boyfriend all over the internet. She is replying to a public matter, the response may have not been the best way to express the message, but she is not spreading confidential information.

 

And either way she could try to put it, you could find tons of negative conotations if you tried hard enough. Better not try to read between lines.

 

 

By the way, here we've got only a single line of what she said, so we don't know the context at all. A comment out of context is basically, worthless.

[Aquafina]

I disagree. If someone on a public web site was crass enough to challenge whether my boyfriend is "hot" I would either not respond or respond with "that is a rude comment" or "we are very happy together in every way - that is all of a response that is needed." It's not like she told him she didn't think he was hot - she showed him something she wrote - very childish and tactless.

 

i had nothing to do with any of this argument. this other girl didnt mention me or anything. this is all between them and at no point have i ever been brought up. my GF brought me up with that comment. so it's not like it was provoked

[Batya33]

Its not like she were typing the measures of her boyfriend all over the internet. She is replying to a public matter, the response may have not been the best way to express the message, but she is not spreading confidential information.

 

I disagree - they are in a relationship and it is disrespectful to him to post on a public web site that she doesn't think he is "hot" without his consent. Shows really poor judgment, in my opinion.

[DN]

I agree with Batya. It is not so much whether she thinks you are 'hot' but that she would say that on a public website.

[Suesser Tod]

I disagree - they are in a relationship and it is disrespectful to him to post on a public web site that she doesn't think he is "hot" without his consent. Shows really poor judgment, in my opinion.

 

So I am being a jerk on my own post, right?

 

 

 

There is nothing on my post that my SO doesn't know.

[Batya33]

The OP is referring to his girlfriend's statement to someone who knows her boyfriend personally -- that is different from your post.

[DN]

What matters is not whether an SO would or should be hurt by such a comment but that the risk is taken that they might be hurt. There is no good reason to say something like that but there is a good reason not to say it.

[Batya33]

And, it gives the impression that the speaker/writer is going to behave with similar judgment/discretion (i.e. a lack of) in other situation that might be far more embarrassing. Calls into question how trustworthy she is and her level of common sense.

[Suesser Tod]

I think people are judging a comment without knowing what led to said argument.

 

We don't even know what the "myspace" (A.K.A. drama theatre) argument was about, what they said to each other, and what led to that myspace argument.

 

As I said, it was taken entirely out of context and the girl is being judged on a single line, that from what we know, coudl be a dispute over an ex-boyfriend, world domination or the man on the moon.

 

The line was not appropiate, may have been said in a moment of heat, maybe she dind't meant it, and what really matters is if she really likes him. I think the OP should calm down and talk to his gf, with an open mind, instead of going in for the kill.

[Suesser Tod]

And, it gives the impression that the speaker/writer is going to behave with similar judgment/discretion (i.e. a lack of) in other situation that might be far more embarrassing. Calls into question how trustworthy she is and her level of common sense.

 

 

Come on, its a "myspace" argument, and quoting the OP:

 

"my girlfriend sent a message to a girl on myspace today because of a dispute they had at school"

 

They are likely in high school or, college at best, you can't expect them to act with the maturity of a 30y/o person.

[Batya33]

When you post something on a web site it is not like saying something in the heat of the moment and the fact that she showed it to him showed that she wanted to keep it up there - she didn't regret what she'd done - and wanted him to see that she posted on a public web site.

 

I didn't notice the ages - and I think 30 is a bit too late to first be developing that minimum level of discretion.

[Suesser Tod]

that is straight copy/paste straight into here. she didnt try to hide it, she actually knew i would read it. i havent talked to her yet since then, i will at 9 though...im so upset about how she could say something like that...what do you guys think? how would you feel?

 

 

She didn't showed it to him, he found it on her myspace, and she dind't hide it.

 

You are making up parts of the story that you don't know. If she actually went around saying that he is not hot, and then showing it to him, don't you think that would be a different story?

 

When you post something on a web site it is not like saying something in the heat of the moment

 

Why not? People go buy guns in the heat of the moment to kill other people, thats why there are cooling off period laws. I have sen't e-mails and SMS that later, after cooling down, I realized were not the right thing to do/say.

 

Are you going to tell me you haven't done anything, that later on you realized was wrong, in the heat of the moment?

[Batya33]

I am done debating this. Thanks for sharing your opinion and I do not feel the need to defend mine any longer.

[BellaDonna]

"i have a boyfriend, he might not be hot, but hes the sweetest guy ever!!"

 

I'm not sure why a person would even bother saying that unless they lacked tact and maturity.

 

Why not just say:

 

"I have a boyfriend and he's the sweetest guy ever"

 

????????????

 

If someone said or wrote something like that about me, regardless of the context, I think I'd be really upset.

 

BellaDonna

[omayra]

Im a girl but if I said that to my bpyfriend it wouldnt be like I was telling him something bad or trying to make him feel bad its just probably the way she feels about you.That is really nice though.

 

And besudes who cares about looks i sure dont and what is inside counts.

[trash mail]

Actually, i think it is the truth.

I know that i am not HOT, i don't have to be, what matters to me is that she wants to be with me and values me for more then ONLY looks. though it is not a compliment neither is it an insult. I'd be glad that she isnt superfical.

[mca1975]

you are worrying over nothing. she was defending you and so what if she thinks youre not that hot. not everyones boyfriends are hot. but she thinks you are the sweetest guy ever, which is a much better compliment that anything to do with looks.

 

You are worrying over nothing, unless you are insecure about your looks anyway. she probably only said it as she kind of worries what other people think a little bit thats all.

 

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