Why do men usually come back and not women??

[McmasterMcgee]

but what about when one person makes the other do it? I mean this goes along with this thread because we always talk about the dumper and the dumpee. Now what happens when the dumpee was really trying to get the other to dump them. Do they come back? (The guy is the dumpee)

 

your gonna start some conflict here lol

[This is Horrible]

this breakup has been two months and it has been by far the worst two months of my life. in the beginning i begged for her to take me back. she said no of course...now it still hurts, but there is no way in hell i would give her a shot again with me. i have taken this so hard, and really loved her so much...for her to drop me like a fly really tore me up....i am healing now...little by little, day by day, but i can never see myself giving her another shot after trusting her and giving her the key to my heart and everything else, only to have my heart broken like never before.

 

so, in closing, i am not healed yet, but i am moving on and her window for opportunity to get back together has beeen shut for good.

[macgyver4ever]

One thing I read though is that when one person doesn't want to be with the other they start breaking down any feelings they had for that person even months before breaking up with someone? think this is valid?.

 

Very true, especially in Long Term relationships. My ex started building resentment and looking for faults in me after cheating on me. She was looking for a way out, and eventually found enough wrong with me, and enough right in someone else to move on. She built up enough guilt and bad feelings that she couldn't enjoy spending time with me. None of this was really my fault, and I don't think there was really anything I could have done to stop this self-destructive path.

 

It's been 3 weeks since we called it quites and she is already in a serious relationship with this other guy. I know she still loves me, but has someone else now. He makes her feel loved and happy, without feelings of guilt and unfounded resentment.

[macgyver4ever]

but what about when one person makes the other do it? I mean this goes along with this thread because we always talk about the dumper and the dumpee. Now what happens when the dumpee was really trying to get the other to dump them. Do they come back? (The guy is the dumpee)

 

This was my case. My ex was treating me horrible, that I broke it off with her. She called me back crying 6 days later about how much she loved and missed me. I tried to come back to her, but she didn't try come back to me so I broke it off with her again, saying "Don't Call me Back until the other guy is out of the Picture!"

She called me again, 6 days later and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, that this other guy meant nothing. The next day she basically changed her mind/ We tried counseling after this but things got too serious with her and the other guy in the meantime and she gave up.

 

In Conclusion, my ex was a confused, selfish coward.

[Biffy]

I think a lot of this has do with how the relationship ended. If there was abuse or cheating involved in the break-up then whoever was treated badly usually can move on far more quickly. I was cheated on and that really motivated me to move on and I think if we had just broke up for other reasons I probably would have held on much longer.

 

Nail on the head there sir.

 

An ex of mine cheated on me after 3 years together - I was over that in about 6 weeks. She came back around to try and get back together with me twice - once a few months after we split and then again nearly 4 years later.

 

My most recent ex - only together 6 months, split up for seemingly no reason... 6 months later... only just over it!

[Mavis VDSande]

Maybe it's to do with our social/friendship support groups and the differences between them in men & women? For e.g. I knew that when I broke up with my ex I had all my girlies around to comfort me and go through the whole mourning process. However my ex was very much alone - he couldn't really open up to his mates (they never spoke more than bier talk anyways ) so the role I had whilst we were together - "best friend". Well he lost all of that when we broke up too

 

This made him miss me dearly - even though I missed him I had my female friends to cheer me up and take me out on dates etc. But he lacked that support.

 

This probably played a major factor in him coming back as he kept thinking about the good/social times.

 

?!

[Belle]

It's interesting that the only people who refute the notion that men regret breakups further down the line are men. From what I've seen and in my own experience, it usually is the man who regrets. I have seen women who regret as well. The dynamics seem to be whoever was taking the other person for granted, mistreating or cheating on someone seems to regret. It's unfortunate that I see more men committing these mistakes than women.

 

Of all of the men I've been dated seriously, 1 did not come back. I broke up with all but I guess the last one which was more of a preemptive strike on my part (he came back several times). The one that didn't come back I took for granted. I broke up with all of them because there was abuse, they treated me poorly or they took me for granted (this last one was the recurring theme)

 

Ex husband of 13 years is still trying to contact me.

[in_love]

I agree! I reckon we men are basically screwed when it comes to support!

 

Maybe it's to do with our social/friendship support groups and the differences between them in men & women? For e.g. I knew that when I broke up with my ex I had all my girlies around to comfort me and go through the whole mourning process. However my ex was very much alone - he couldn't really open up to his mates (they never spoke more than bier talk anyways ) so the role I had whilst we were together - "best friend". Well he lost all of that when we broke up too

 

This made him miss me dearly - even though I missed him I had my female friends to cheer me up and take me out on dates etc. But he lacked that support.

 

This probably played a major factor in him coming back as he kept thinking about the good/social times.

 

?!

[cristal]

From my experience, the person who comes back, it's generally the one that did the "screwing over" during the relationship.

[shes2smart]

From my experience, the person who comes back, it's generally the one that did the "screwing over" during the relationship.

 

 

LOL...I was just considering your statement in light of my previous relationships...and I'll be damned....that's a fairly accurate observation!

[JoeWho]

From my experience, the person who comes back, it's generally the one that did the "screwing over" during the relationship.

 

 

 

Yes agree 100%

[jh1581]

Yes agree 100%

 

I agree with this also 110%. Of the 3 relationships I've been in, all 3 of the guys have contacted me...one waited 6 months and told me when we talked (I had got over it a long time ago) that he has thought about me almost everyday since the day we cut off contact, that he wanted to call me several times and that he had hoped I'd eventually call him. It really does feel good when you're completely over someone who didn't treat you right and they contact you and there are NO feelings left for them!!

[dk2009]

For those of you who had men try to return, did you cut them off cold turkey immediately, or did you try to maintain contact for a while?

 

I was just dumped a month ago, and have exchanged a few texts since then (which I regret sending), making light jokes about him taking me back. I have to admit, I want him to do so.

[sweet_kisses]

I know plenty of women who's guys didn't come back, including myself. However, in all of those cases, the women were in the men's lives and very available to them.

 

I think that guys would want to come back if they see or somehow realize that the woman is much better off then they left her? Then they'd realize that maybe they made the wrong judgement...

[Kaiser_Soze]

Women dump a guy when they acknowledge there is no hope and it has no potential or the relationship has suffered irreparable damage. Guys do it for all sorts of reasons, usually they found someone else that they see more of a potential connection or someone who is more attractive, sexual, or has a more intriguing personality.

 

When we see that that person doesn't posses the qualities that we thought they did or the negative out weighs the positives we often reminisce on past relationships. We tend to forget why they didn't work out in the first place.

 

Either that or with minimal effort we can get back to tappin that ass...

[shes2smart]

For those of you who had men try to return, did you cut them off cold turkey immediately, or did you try to maintain contact for a while?

 

I was just dumped a month ago, and have exchanged a few texts since then (which I regret sending), making light jokes about him taking me back. I have to admit, I want him to do so.

 

Most of my ex-bfs contacted me at some point down the road after the relationship ended. All but one were met by me saying or writing something along the lines of, "I hope you are happy, I hope you are well. However, you are part of my past, and the past has no place in the present. Have a nice life."

 

The one I didn't answer like that...well, it was the ex I caught cheating on me. When I left I told him I didn't want to see or speak to him ever again. He contacted me 3 years after I dumped him. I had since moved on and was happily married. My husband answered that one.

 

By the way, this thread is from 2007. If you'd like some input on your situation, you'd be better off starting a new thread of your own.

[yeawutever]

I believe it's true too. Men tend to come back more often than us women. I had two break-ups with my now ex. The first time, it was him long, long ago (he was so lonely and wanted to see others, blah, blah, blah). What happens next is 1 month later he called me to ask me back and that it's not the same without me, that I'm special. I took him back off course.

On the second break-up, this time it was me dumping him on Christmas after too much hassles, no feelings left anymore and incompatibility differences. I will not come back to him and I'm happy about moving on....

[LifeGoesOn09]

Maybe it's to do with our social/friendship support groups and the differences between them in men & women? For e.g. I knew that when I broke up with my ex I had all my girlies around to comfort me and go through the whole mourning process. However my ex was very much alone - he couldn't really open up to his mates (they never spoke more than bier talk anyways ) so the role I had whilst we were together - "best friend". Well he lost all of that when we broke up too

 

This made him miss me dearly - even though I missed him I had my female friends to cheer me up and take me out on dates etc. But he lacked that support.

 

This probably played a major factor in him coming back as he kept thinking about the good/social times.

 

?!

This I'd agree with definitely. As a guy I feel alone in the process. To be fair my girl/ex girl is pretty alone too and that's why I feel drawn to her.

[LifeGoesOn09]

Most of my ex-bfs contacted me at some point down the road after the relationship ended. All but one were met by me saying or writing something along the lines of, "I hope you are happy, I hope you are well. However, you are part of my past, and the past has no place in the present. Have a nice life."

 

The one I didn't answer like that...well, it was the ex I caught cheating on me. When I left I told him I didn't want to see or speak to him ever again. He contacted me 3 years after I dumped him. I had since moved on and was happily married. My husband answered that one.

 

By the way, this thread is from 2007. If you'd like some input on your situation, you'd be better off starting a new thread of your own.

Yeah well he cheated on you so its a no brainer so why on earth would you want to see him or acknowledge him anyways. The guy sounded like a scumbag.

[Pontius]

Most of my ex-bfs contacted me at some point down the road after the relationship ended. All but one were met by me saying or writing something along the lines of, "I hope you are happy, I hope you are well. However, you are part of my past, and the past has no place in the present. Have a nice life."

 

Your quote really has no merit in reality. The present is directly related to the past and it always will be. That you are able to deny this to yourself is because you are wont to living in a fantasy land as if people come and go in your same version of "reality". But the truth is in their action of contacting you, making it a matter of the present in relation to a past. That you have no time for them and have moved on from any retractable feeling, only speaks to your ignorance of a worldly reality. It's like a lie that you tell yourself to feel better about how you lack certain honor in emotional expression and/or feeling.

[stargazer2009]

Hey Maverik I agree with u on that point. Men dump women because they think there is a better option out there....

 

i agree to the grass is greener syndrome lol when i've been the dumper in a relationship i;ve left because ive been wronged in someway. im hoping the theory men go back to women more is true.

[hater13]

Every time a relationship ends for me no matter how serious, the guy always comes back to me. I think women cry and talk and get over it and guys just hold everything in.

 

 

That's a very good point. Women talk to their friends about the relationship, vent and support each other. I can't even tell you how many times I broke down and cried in front of my best friend, she was there to support me NO MATTER what. All of my very close girlfriends listened to me rant and rave about this guy for almost a month..they were so understanding and wonderful

 

My ex on the otherhand, is VERY emotional, the kind of guy that cries and all that. He obviously can't do all of that infront of his male friends, or even female friends.

 

He even told me many times, that I'm the only person that's seen his sensitive side... he's holding it all in, he even said so himself the last we spoke. I guess when his emotions finally come to the surface things aren't going to be too good, and he won't have me there to comfort him either lol

[Tangz]

I almost fell out of love with my ex last year when i started thinking about another girl. nothing ever happened of course. Ex ends up dumping me in March and now im a mess. Also my mate used to hate his ex when they were togeather, always wanted to get away from her, cheated on her and they broke up. He ends up waiting a year to get her back lol.

So I think men do see other opportunity, they always think their current other half will always be there for them and when they go thats when they really think about whats happened.

 

I think its just a case of men holding feelings in, women expressing - and this goes on during the relationship and moreso after.

[stevyhope]

I have a question to all the female dumpers out there! Do you think when a girl breaks up with a guy because she has lost her feelings for him but still likes him is done for good? And in that case will you get back with your Ex if you see him as a potential partner again?

[hater13]

I have a question to all the female dumpers out there! Do you think when a girl breaks up with a guy because she has lost her feelings for him but still likes him is done for good? And in that case will you get back with your Ex if you see him as a potential partner again?

 

i got back with my ex mostly out of guilt...he's very emotional i couldn't see him go through such pain