Why do men usually come back and not women??

[lolgirl]

I've had 4 serious relationships in my life. Out of those four, 3 of them have tried to squeeze their way back into my life. I haven't taken back any of my ex's, mostly because I just extinguished my flame for them. They tried to come back into my life when it was too late, and by then, I realized that I deserved better.

 

First BF (ended 7 years ago) - We were together for 5 years, and we broke up (finally) because he wanted to explore his options. About 1 year after we broke up, he told a mutual friend that he wished we could be friends again. I told our friend...NO...and I was already dating Second BF. I ran into First BF about 2 years ago, he looks like a homeless beggar and he told me, "Wow, you look amazing!" And me being a smart alec, I said, "Sooo, did you just roll out of bed or something?" He said it was "casual Friday" at his work. I said, "Yes...you look VERY casual..." Given the circumstance of how we met again, there's more to the story, but I'm not going to post it here!

 

Second BF (ended 4 years ago) - We were together for about 2 years. I broke up with him because he wasn't supportive of my demanding career...and I had just fallen out of love with him. About 6 months after we broke up, he started contacting me again. He kept in touch with me through e-mails and text messages, up until about a year ago, even though I constantly ignored him. Haven't heard from him since.

 

Third BF (ended 1 year ago) - We were together for about 6 months until I found out he was cheating on me. Had a rocky relationship for about 1-2 years afterwards and finally broke up for good a year ago. He just sent me a text a few weeks ago, asking me how I was doing. My guess is that he heard through the grapevine that I broke up with Fourth BF. I took great pleasure in erasing his text message. I've seen him around since he sent he sent the text, and I've given him the cold shoulder and completely ignored him.

 

Fourth BF (ended a month ago) - We broke up because he doesn't know what he wants. This one is still unfolding.

 

So, I'm convinced ex BF's always come back. But in my case, they always come back when its too late. Oh well... =)

[dont know]

well I've been only out of my relationship for about 3 weeks now, but I'll say that I took my girl for granted.. I'm pretty sure she did too. But what I'm trying to get at is that she cut off all of her friends slowly while dating me, while I kept mine. She had problems with me hanging out with my buddies for more than a couple hours at a time and constantly needed me there. Then she dumped me for another guy. I dont really feel regret in the relationship even though I did take her a little for granted and she dumped me. I guess the reason is that I started to realize that she just used me as an emotional crutch with her family problems, but whenever I had a problem and wanted to talk she just was never that comforting. She relied on me for a large part of the relationship and had hard times functioning without me constantly being there for her for EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM she ever had. Always telling me "I dont wanna complain, buuuuuuuut.... blah blah blah." Usually i was really supportive, but she just kept getting on my nerves as we could never both just be happy with our entire life. there always had to be a problem. Thats why I dont really regret a lot of what I did during the relationship, because for a while I just put up with her because I did truly love her. She wasn't fulfulling my needs, yet I stuck with it because I wanted it to work. I have a feeling that she will regret breaking up with me in a few months, but I'm not holding on to hope! I'll say that if it wasn't for my mother and one of my really good friends (who i have become a lot closer with because of the breakup) I'd probably still be moping around everywhere and regretting all the things I did in the relationship

[LAYAAN]

completely disagree.

Most men I know or have interacted with - They are unhappy in a relationship. They don't want to break up. They start looking for other options. When the other chick is truly within reach, is when they pull the plug on the previous one. If a man pulls the plug (if he is the dumper), he won't go back to his ex. If he gets dumped, he never gets over the girl.

Whether a woman is the dumper/dumpee, she never completely moves on. A man can still win her back.

[dont know]

See, I was honestly unhappy with the relationship but really wanted to make it work and never did anything unfaithful. I put my all into the relationship. Then she blindsided me and dumped me.. Since I've gotten over the depression stage, I have really had no want to get back with my ex. I mean, I'd like to someday speak to her again, but I don't really have any desire to get back with her. It feels really weird that I dont want her as my girlfriend anymore, but thats just how it is. Maybe over time I'll start to realize the regret maybe? The hardcore NC has made me realize other great things in life that I have instead of focusing on her. I honestly just spent a while thinking about us and even though I miss the amazing times we did have, I just dont feel anywhere the same as I did when we were dating. Maybe I'm the exception or maybe I just need to give it more time for me to miss her?? hahaha I dont want that!

[Theron]

It also really matters for how long you've been together. If like 2-3 months, there's very little chance to get back together. The bond between two persons isn't so strong and special if they're together only for a short time.

 

But my guess is, that when you're with someone for

[resilient7]

hey theron

when you say 18-19 year olds does that also go with the 3 months of dating...i was with my ex for 4 months and was good to her but she ended leaving me...almost sure she was still in love with her ex bf (her first love)...dont know if she will come back due to the age factor,shes 19 now.i could be wrong but dont think her age had anything to do with her breaking up with me.

still miss her though

[resilient7]

hu tinu thats why i cant get over my ex...she dumped me...but do you believe also that women leave men if they also had another option...only ask cause i somewhat believe that my ex left me for her ex (her first love) and does age come into play she was 18 i 23

[anu1560]

I had 3 serious relationship. The first one was four years relationship. He broke up saying I don't give him space. I took it really badly. That was a awful breakup. The nastiest till now. The bad memories haunted me for long long time. It took me quite sometime to move on. But when I moved on, I just moved on. After 8-9 months my friends started telling me he still loves me and after 1.5 years, he emailed me saying he loves me. I politely declined his new found love for me.

 

The second bf was pretty abusive. So I left him after dating for a years. I actually wanted to dump him after 4-5 months only. But he would always find ways to convince me to be in the relationship. He had a bad anger management problem. He actually tried to spray mosquito repellent on my eyes. So I dumped him. After breaking up with him for 7 months, he came to me one sudden day with a engagement ring. And that was hilarious. By the way, when I politely declined, he threw the glass of water in my face which I offered him. Ha ha. A month back, he tried to get in touch with me again. Had to take a restriction order against him.

 

The third one left me just 3 weeks back. Was a really nice guy. But we had a LDR and both of us had issues. I am sure I will not go back to him. I am done with my part of begging and pleading (one day of weakness and thats the only thing I regret from my side). Now in NC for 2 weeks. And I am not going to break it. Lets see if he comes back. he is a pretty proud guy. He may not come back.

[Lost Nuts]

The third one left me just 3 weeks back. Was a really nice guy. But we had a LDR and both of us had issues. I am sure I will not go back to him. I am done with my part of begging and pleading (one day of weakness and thats the only thing I regret from my side). Now in NC for 2 weeks. And I am not going to break it. Lets see if he comes back. he is a pretty proud guy. He may not come back.

 

The long distance thing posses a big problem, after a break up there are all kinds of strange feelings going through both people's heads. A chance meeting is out of the question, slowly working things out and becoming more comfortable around each other again seem impossible. It's easy to give up on someone if they are far away.

 

Even though both people may want to try again, the distance makes it seem pointless. It would than seem more likely that reconciliation has a better chance if the distance is taken care of first, it is taking a big chance that many would not want to take or put in the extra effort, but maybe it's something that will happen by chance.

 

I have not come accross a success story where distance plays a part in it, I would be interested in hearing about one.

 

As to the why do men come back and not women, this may be due to the fact that break ups are very emotional. I think that women are more likely to keep negative feelings towards the break up and events that followed afterwards, men tend to think more logically about the break up and find things about it that can be ignored in order to be with a person they care about.

[soul12]

EXACTLY! It was actually starting to piss me off to see so many people saying that guys are like 'dogs returning to their vomit' I believe that guys are logical and can get over things EASIER. We don't dwell on issues that can be repaired. For the guys that never came back (I've been a dumper before), its because we see it as something that didn't work out. I want my ex back not because I was the 'wrong doer', but because I know that I could work out the issues.

[ferna3069]

I am not sure if women DON'T come back to past relationships. I think some women do keep a flame burning, hoping that a past ex will come back into their lives. But then, I do agree with you, that when that flame truly and finally gets extinguished, the woman does move on.

 

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ok i know this thread is real old. but i want to bring it back so see what every one thinks. this quote says that when the flame gos out that women finally move on. well im thinking its the same thing for a guy right? i mean i remember my first ex. i moved on a long time ago. dont ever want to see her agian. and for women not coming back. my first ex came back two weeks after the break up. im sure that my most recent ext wont come back though.

[JLKLEE]

I have to agree that I think that guys are more likely to come back than women. From my personal experience, I have had 4 long term relationships. All but one (and I have only been broken up with my current ex for a month so I do not expect him to return yet) have come back but when I am in relationship, I give my ALL. Once I have given everything I have, I cannot give anything else. I dated one guy for a year and a half. We broke up maybe 5 years ago. He has been dating a new girl for over a year now but when I put "single" on my Facebook status, he said "It's his loss. I know from experience". Crazy how, after 5 years, someone can still regret the loss of me.

 

I dated another guy for 3 1/2 years. He had the GIGS really bad. After we broke up, he tried a year later to get me back. He told me that things that were important to him, that he put before me while we were together, were really not important. He was such a sexual person and would break up with me to sleep with other girls but he told me after we broke up, he couldn't bare the thought of sleeping with anyone else for 7 months and when he did sleep with someone, he was ALWAYS comparing them to me. He said he would always regret letting me go.

 

I just feel like a lot of guys always think they can find better instead of being happy with what they have (although I know not EVERY guy is like that)

[EgoJoe]

These generalizations based on what sex comes back are not accurate. It has more to do with the situation. The only thing that I think does add to this to a degree is that it is easier for a Woman to start new relationships and so if she's adamant on denying her feelings and convincing herself to move on, she will.

 

A self-aware intelligent man will eventually introspect and look to the truth instead of convincing themselves of something. It is in our nature.

 

Every Woman I've been with...whether I break it off or they do..they eventually get curious, want me back or try to talk to me for whatever end. That might have something to do with the fact that I'm never the "same" as it's a personal strength of mine to change and grow constantly.

[sentencedtoagony]

These generalizations based on what sex comes back are not accurate. It has more to do with the situation. The only thing that I think does add to this to a degree is that it is easier for a Woman to start new relationships and so if she's adamant on denying her feelings and convincing herself to move on, she will.

 

A self-aware intelligent man will eventually introspect and look to the truth instead of convincing themselves of something. It is in our nature.

 

Every Woman I've been with...whether I break it off or they do..they eventually get curious, want me back or try to talk to me for whatever end. That might have something to do with the fact that I'm never the "same" as it's a personal strength of mine to change and grow constantly.

 

Every girl I've been with for a few months or more has tried to reconcile. I think they all tried twice except for one.

[ZimboGon]

Honestly, i think it depends on the guy. I've had 4 relationships, the first three i dumped, and i never looked back. I did contact the third and first one in the future, but only to apologize for my actions and be friends with them. I had no romantic interest in them ever again. My last relationship, where i was dumped, i was madly in love with this girl. She was a great person for awhile, before she changed, took me for granted, started lying, and left me for another guy.

 

But, as far as i am concerned my ex's before her were a downgrade, and why would i go back when i know something better is out there? I'd rather reconcile with my ex, or find someone else new to date. I really hope it isn't more common for a man to come back, because man was i a good boyfriend to her.

[sentencedtoagony]

...My last relationship, where i was dumped, i was madly in love with this girl. She was a great person for awhile, before she changed, took me for granted, started lying, and left me for another guy.

 

But, as far as i am concerned my ex's before her were a downgrade, and why would i go back when i know something better is out there? I'd rather reconcile with my ex, or find someone else new to date. I really hope it isn't more common for a man to come back, because man was i a good boyfriend to her.

 

I can relate to all this.

[ZimboGon]

Could you tell me what happened with your ex's, agony if you don't mind? Like the cause, and time it took for them to return?

[Thorshammer]

I have only tried to get back with one ex that I dumped, that was it. Many of my past ex's broke contact, and most wanted to try again. So I dont believe this is restricted to gender when I speak from my experience. It is possible that since society says a man is supposed to be aggressive and chase the women, that the man will more likely pursue the women, where the woman on the other hand (who might be used to be chased) wont step out of her element to contact someone they broke up with (but then again, not many got right off the bat and say they want you back, it usually starts with a feeler message, which isnt too difficult). But, i dont really draw lines with genders when it comes to contact/getting back together.

[DerekJason]

It's easy to assume that more dudes come back opposed to ladies, seeing how roughly every 4 of 5 recon stories on ENA usually are posted by a lady that says dude came back.

[lemonhaze]

Judging by ENA you would suspect men come back a lot more, but it just depends really. For one of my friends all of his ex-girlfriends came back, 10 of them or so.

[The walkingman]

I don't agree with this. I had 2 women dump me, and both came back. My first girlfriend came back twice. My currrent ex broke up with me twice, she came back onec, but I am not sure if she will come back again. I am not banking on it, and not sure if I want her to.

 

I guess it depends on the dynamics of the relationship. Both cases the women took me for granted, lost the feelings they had etc. They months later they call me back wanting to get back.

 

It has nothing to do with gender, it has to do with how you were treated. If you were dumped, treated your ex well, and didn't beg or plead when they dumped you, there is decent chance they will come back to you.

 

I was always great to my ex (I always did plenty for her and vice versa, and we never got into arguments ever though probably due to it being only an 8 months relationship), I'm not exactly sure why she broke up with me. Problem is the first 2 days I begged/pleaded then said I would give her the space she wanted. 6 weeks later I tried contacting her around thanksgiving I decided to try to see if there wasa chance for getting back together or at least getting closure for me, and sent her a few text to which she didn't respond then had one really depressing day and I blew up her phone and sent her a letter. She eventually responded with something along the lines of we were not good for each other at all, quit messaging me. So yeah I royally * * * * ed up and doubt she is coming back, on 32 days of NC now.

 

It sounds like her rebound relationship is going south now so I feel like if I went streak NC after the first day of being broken up she might be coming back, but don't think so. (I was baffled when I found out she rebounded 2 weeks later (with a complete loser\less attractive as well, only has the bad boy image going for him) considering I was the only guy she ever had sex with).