Need advice

[BoyDoneWrong]

I've been dating this girl for a little over a month, not long at all. I like her a lot as well. The thing is she weirds me out a lot with situations and conflicts that seem to arise out of nowhere.

 

Right now she lives about an hour away from my house so we don't see each other day. But on the weekends she comes and stays with me. We always have fun and enjoy ourselves. However during the week I always get messages from her saying how confused she is about our relationship and whether or not she wants to be committed. And just today she admitted that she is afraid she will cheat on me. She hasnt, but she thinks she will. How am I suppose to even take that? I literally just didn't know what to say. I wasn't mad, just weirded out.

 

This happens every week, the her wanting to break up thing. I don't know what to do anymore. Either break up with her or tell her to just relax. I don't know. I'm just confused in general.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hi Boydonwrong!

 

Welcome to ENA.

 

She lives from away from you huh?

 

Are you certain she's not seeing someone else colser to her own home?

[darkpumpkin]

That right there is a pretty good sign at least to me. The fact that she told you see would probably cheat and that every week she wants to break-up would indicate to me that she is just not happy with the relatioship she has.

[kellbell]

Hey there and welcome!

 

Well, it is my belief that relationships so early on such as yours should not have the difficulties you are experiencing now. The begninning should be fun, light, exciting. You should not feel "weirded out" 4 weeks into your relationship.

 

I believe it is your gut telling you something and you should always listen to it. I also believe she is telling you something indirectly, about being afraid she will cheat. I feel she is saying she is not available emotionally at the moment and looking to have fun. It seems like you two are not on the same page. And the hour drive? I don't know. I feel you should not put all your eggs in one basket and keep your options open. The young lady sounds "iffy" and deep down I think you have already realized this.

 

Take care.

[freeindeed]

Wow, those aren't red flags...they're huge red banners. You're only 1 month into the relationship and she's worried about cheating, and every week she isn't sure that the relationship is going to work? Not good signs, at all.

 

Firstly, if I liked someone and I really wanted it to work, I would NEVER tell them that I'm worried that I'm going to cheat on them. That creates a huge hole of insecurity in a relationship. If I ever did have a thought of cheating on someone, I wouldn't go running to my SO and say that I'm worried about cheating on him, I would go talk to a girlfriend or family member about it to see how I could prevent that from ever happening because I value my relationship too much. I believe she's doing that to make you react to her or feel insecure. Does she seem manipulative at all to you? Does she need a lot of attention? Same goes about the "almost breaking up"...I think she wants a reaction out of you like, "oh no baby, I love this too much...etc..." Girls, want to hear that kind of stuff, fortunately most of us don't use manipulative tactics to hear it.

 

All I can advise is that this might be weird right now, but in time it'll get annoying and difficult and you won't want to put up with it anymore. If I were you, I'd either talk to her openly and let her know that you care about her but don't want to go through this every week, or just dump her. If you leave it alone, it'll get worse.

[BoyDoneWrong]

She's actually come off very manipulative before in separate situations so its no surprise. I think its time to call it quits. Thanks abunch everyone.

[Dilly]

It's gamey at best. You really don't need someone making threats, but sometimes (very rarely) the person is actually just so insecure that their partner is going to cheat that they try to make their partner feel the same way they do by posing threats like this. It's what they deem as a test for the relationship and more like a lab experiment where a scientist polks a sharp object at a mouse to see if it flinches. Not very nice and really doesn't even tell the scientist if the stick is still sharp (if your feelings for her are still strong), but if the animal doesn't flinch, it may cause the scientist to go on a mad hunt for explanations (something must be wrong with the mouse - your relationship). Sorry if I lost you with the analogy, but I think she's a bit manipulative, too, and insecurity and jealousy can lead to cheating because often insecure people feel the need to cheat to obtain validation.

[EvaGina]

She does what I do...

She likes you too much and when she cant se eyou she gets paranoid her feelings arent returned and she is going to get her heart broken.

I say pay a little more attention to her during the week, send her sweet texts and stuff

[ghost69]

this one is easy. it's called hit it and quit it. anybody that talks like that cannot be trusted.