Beaker5 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Hi guys Warning: This is a Rant and I'm just writing down everything without actually processing what I'm writing. So here goes: I am very very miserable right now in my life. I am currently a college student and life seems downhill and I seem to be waiting for my life to end. Why? I don't know. But Here are a few things that frustrate me and have been frustrating me: 1. My boyfriend dumped me in June 2006 and I still think of him even though I immediately started no contact when he dumped me and he was a jerk and a cheater but I already mentioned that in a past post. 2. Any guy that shows interest in me seems to lose interest as soon as they start to attempt to get to know me. It must be because of my shyness and their lack of patience in actually taking the time to wait until the other person feels comfortable enough to open up. Oh well...too bad for me. 3. I am a broke joke. I have no money to do certain things. One of the things that I have been waiting to do is get my chemical peel on my face (as recommended by dermatologist) because I suffer from hyperpigmentation and I get acne scars from all of my acne...so you could imagine all the dark spots on my disgusting face. My parents don't help either because they're always criticizing me for it but as stated by my dermatologist, my acne is genetic....so that frustrates me even further. Well, the insurance doesn't cover the chemical peel so I have to wait until I or my parents have money...(I'm planning on using my income tax to do this) So yes...finally...but I'm honestly tired of waiting. Because of my acne problem, I tend to look down a lot because I guess I'm mentally trying to hide my face (even though it doesn't really work). I also have acne on my back and acne scars and I can't wear spaghetti straps or any clothes that is revealing because it would be disgusting to even see my acne. 4. I am also waiting to have a reduction mammaplasty. I just finished my physical therapy sessions and now my physical therapist has sent me to get an Xray and an MRI done so I am taking all of the steps needed to have the insurance approve my surgery. The reason why I am having my surgery is because I actually do have back pains because of the size of my breasts so it causes me to hunch over. I am also not comfortable by the physical appearance of my chest so I try to hide it by wearing loose fitting clothing. So here I am waiting. Waiting to have my miserable surgery. 5. I have gained weight..not too much...just about 15 pounds a while ago but I am a petite girl so it is quite obvious. I started going to the gym this semester but after a stressful situation with my previous roommates and my appointments with the physical therapist, I have stopped going. Now that I'm done, I haven't been able to force myself to go back to the gym...and I actually did start feeling really good when I was going. I guess the reason why I haven't been back is because I know that since I haven't been there in such a long time, it will be harder and I won't be able to workout as easily and as long as I used to. 6. I have slight orthodontal relapse that bothers me and that I see as temporary ( A small gap in between my two front teeth). I had braces when I was younger but due to my tongue thrusting, this gap formed. I went back to my orthodontist and he gave me a video that would correct my tongue thrusting and I haven't been doing the exercises. It is supposed to work in 3 months. I am a lazy, pathetic person. 7. I can't wear revealing bathing suits (if I ever did decide to go to the beach) because I have stretch marks. Yes..I have stretch marks and it's genetic and its simply that the dermis is stretched and if the elasticity (caused by collagenous and elastic fibers in the skin) is not sufficient then you will end up with these nasty scars. I got mine during puberty. Lucky me. So it's not like it's disgusting to have stretch marks...they're simply scars. That's it. Well, I guess that's it. That's the temporary end of my rant. I've revealed everything but who cares. Like I said before, I've grown tired of life and I really feel like I should just sit here and wait for it to be over. I'm miserable and I feel hopeless. Thanks for listening. Link to comment
musicguy Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 You sound like a beautiful woman to me Link to comment
Beaker5 Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 *I guess I should have said uphill since it would be more difficult to go up a hill but I guess I said down because I do feel down Link to comment
Beaker5 Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 lol...why thank you musicguy. That's just it though, I SOUND like a beautiful woman...but I am in fact not a beautiful woman to sight Link to comment
Beaker5 Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 perhaps I'm just exaggerating but perhaps I'm not. I don't know but I'm just pissed right now Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Hey Beaker- Hey, this is the place to get out your feelings, no shame in that. You feel how you feel. But let's be fair here. You spelled out what is perceptually wrong with you, things you don't have or think you can't do. Now tell us what you like about your life and yourself. There a lot more than 7 entries to that list I bet... And why are you pissed right now? Link to comment
BYOB Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 It will not change from today to tomorrow but there is no time when you can start to put back balance into your life. I do not know if you really value having a boyfriend but although it is a good goal in life, it is not necessary to be successful. I really hope that you will find the strenght to come back. In fact, that inner strenght is within everyone. Link to comment
Beaker5 Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 Hi friscodj, Yes, you're right..I am just focusing on my negative aspects right now but I have fallen into a self loathing cycle and can't seem to get out. I guess it must have been triggered by the fact that I've been thinking about how I have to wait for everything (and I know its normal and a lot of other people have to wait) but I've been waiting my whole life to be happy. But maybe what I think will make me happy, actually won't....maybe it'll just be temporary and I'll just be miserable again. I don't know... maybe I'll just never be content with myself. And ever since my ex left me, I've lost my passion for the thing I held in such high regards (my future). I have so many dreams and plans and I've just lost my motivation. I'm probably not making much sense right now. Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 So where's that list of the good things you do like about yourself? Link to comment
Beaker5 Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 lol...I really can't think of what I like about myself right now...because my mind is full of negative thoughts but here's my attept.... I like my interests I like my field of study I like my family I guess that's it. Also, thanks BYOB Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 What specifically are your interests and your field of study? Can you describe them and why you like them? What are your passions in life? Things that truly make you happy and why? Link to comment
BYOB Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 I have none of those. In fact I do enjoy my interests. However, I said that I have none of those likes for a special reason that makes the affirmation become more right than false. Again, do not let yourself down and keep on seeking help when you need it. It is brilliant. Link to comment
Beaker5 Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 lol...I know what you're trying to do...you're trying to cheer up.... And its actually working... well..some of my interests are martial arts, horror, science fiction, and fantasy related stuff, arts and crafts, astronomy and marine biology, and science in general my career goals consist of getting my doctorate degree in physics eventually and going into research and moving to France laaaater on. Link to comment
musicguy Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 oo I smell a really smart girl Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 lol...I know what you're trying to do...you're trying to cheer up.... And its actually working... well..some of my interests are martial arts, horror, science fiction, and fantasy related stuff, arts and crafts, astronomy and marine biology, and science in general my career goals consist of getting my doctorate degree in physics eventually and going into research and moving to France laaaater on. I smell a really awesome girl! Link to comment
Beaker5 Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 hahaha...Thanks musicguy and RedQueen....you guys are actually making making me smile. yay! Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 lol...I know what you're trying to do...you're trying to cheer up.... And its actually working... well..some of my interests are martial arts, horror, science fiction, and fantasy related stuff, arts and crafts, astronomy and marine biology, and science in general my career goals consist of getting my doctorate degree in physics eventually and going into research and moving to France laaaater on. Are you freaking kidding me? Your first list seems pretty trivial to me compared to this one. A space between your teeth or a doctorate in physics? Yeah, you have nothing going for you... You sound pretty complete to me, interested in your body, different aspects of your mind in art and science, and travel. You likely speak French (or desire to do so) and appreciate the culture as well, right? You'll get your surgery, no one cares about your stretch marks but you, you'll lose the weight you want to lose and enjoy doing so in practicing martial arts, you'll get over your ex-boyfriend, meet a great guy who is blown away by you, get a good job and live a good life with your education and obvious intellectual capability...and have a great time in France sipping the best Pinot Grigio in the world on some sunny beach... Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 I'm gonna have to agree with Friscodj here. Don't sweat the small stuff, and always remember to keep your head up. Link to comment
Beaker5 Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 lol wow...thanks friscodj...yes. Now I really do feel a lot better. You're really good at that. thanks again. \\ yay! Link to comment
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