how serious of an offense is lying?

[mintblossom]

meaning...when someone lies to me a few times about small things...and i find out they were lies later on......what's the best thing to do?

 

is lying very serious? is it a good enough reason to get rid of the person?

 

i've dated guys who just started out lying about random things and later they became just horrible......worse and worse and worse.

 

i dated another guy who had a reputation for being two-faced. at the time, i didnt even know what a two face was.

 

so, what has your experience been with lying?

[shikashika]

well liars are never good.. you may have found out about the little things.. but what about the bigger things?I would always wonder if he was lying about something more important.

 

 

besides lying about anything is pretty ridiculous... Why bother?

[justpaisley]

I really think that it depends on the reason for the lie. If there was no reason to lie, that's indicative of a larger problem. If he's lying to you about what he's getting you for your birthday to throw you off, there's pretty much a good reason.

 

Lying over anything for no reason and lying over big things because they'd get him in trouble are problems. Lying for a good reason is okay.

[EvaGina]

OK, do you tend to date guys that smoke weed?

I find that people tell the stupidest lies when stoned.

[HellFrost666]

is lying very serious? is it a good enough reason to get rid of the person?

 

 

I would say it is. Even if it is only small things, who's to say it won't turn into a bigger problem later on. If nothing else I would see it as a huge red flag.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey teardrops

 

I agree with HellFrost that its a red flag but I also agree with Paisley who said it depends on the reason for the lie.

 

If someone is lying to impress you, be flattered. Let them know its unnecessary, but be flattered. If someone is lying to get away with something, be afraid. Be very afraid.

 

If they're just the kind of person who is a story teller, hhmph. No Big. They just may have a confidence problem and think they need to have big impressive stories.

 

Could be a red flag, could be just a weird quirk......

[mintblossom]

from what i know, he says a lot of crap about people when they're not around and then to their face he will tell them the exact opposite.

 

for example, he said someone at work was a total and really lazy. then to the person's face he told them that he understood they were sick and it happens....

 

to my face he told me that my writing didnt seem so good and he thought it was because i had been working too late at night but apparently when other people were around.....he said that my work totally sucked and that i was just horrible at this.

 

and well....he told me he stuck up for me at work....but the week before he was going around telling everyone that my work sucked and i wouldn't make the cut.

 

i have no idea why he would lie. so this is a red flag right?

for some reason.....sigh......i wanted so badly to believe in him.

[EvaGina]

ah, the social face....

its not so much lying as desperatly trying to not hurt peoples feelings.

sometimes there is no way to tactfully tell someone they suck at somthing.

[Karhu]

is lying very serious? is it a good enough reason to get rid of the person?

 

 

Truthfulness is the foundation of all human virtues.

 

How can someone be truly honest without being truthful?

How can someone be truly faithful without being truthful?

How can someone be truly generous without being truthful?

How can someone be truly loving without being truthful?

How can someone be truly understanding without being truthful?

 

Without truthfulness all their virtues in a way become hollow. You never know if there is something more behind a persons actions. You might only find out about some of the small things now, but in the end the big things will be the things that come back and hit you in the face. It is irrelevant about rhe reason for a particular lie, it is more the fact that they are proven to be untruthful, and that characteristic will cause a lot of problems in the end.

 

For me lying would be more of a stop sign then a red flag.

 

from what i know, he says a lot of crap about people when they're not around and then to their face he will tell them the exact opposite.

 

for example, he said someone at work was a total * * * * * * * and really lazy. then to the person's face he told them that he understood they were sick and it happens....

 

 

This is not lying, it’s backbiting. Which is a definite NO NO!

You don’t know what he’s saying about you behind your back. Backbiting harms both the person doing the backbiting, the person being backbitten and the person hearing the backbiting.

I would lose respect for anyone backbiting.

 

 

 

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------

“Backbiting quenches the light of the hart and extinguishes the life of the soul”

-Bahaullah

 

“Truthfulness is the foundation of all human virtues.”

-Bahaullah

[MrCrazy2u]

This might be a little off-topic, but what would you say if someone cheated on you, but told you everything the very next day? They're being honest about it even though they performed a very unfaithful and disloyal action

[Karhu]

I would personally want someone to be honest and speak up even if it's hard.

 

If they cheated on me and told me the next day, then with a lot of sincerity, communication and work I could work through the obstacles, and possibly continue the relation, hopefully with the right attitude and communication even growing in strength of relationship from the honesty and openness.

 

However if they lied and tried to hide it, and I found out (which normally would happen eventually) then I’ve lost my trust in them, and it's over.

 

And even if I don’t find out about it, it is still in their head, affecting the realtionship, breeding uncertainty in the relationship, which will then cause a lot of side effects, symptoms, jealousy, problems etc, which would severely hurt the relationship.

[ghost69]

liars are not good. when you find out about them lying about little things, that doesn't mean bigger things aren't being lied about. it just means you haven't found out about them yet.

 

.........................................................................................................................................................................................

[mintblossom]

Can anyone share some experiences they've had with liars and dating? I would love to hear some personal stories.

[mintblossom]

I can't be around liars, manipulators or backstabs. I just can't. I think I will have to remember this and stick to this no matter what.

[ghost69]

i think a lot of people selectively leave out stuff instead of lying.

 

i dated a liar. this was in early high school. i was young and dumb and didn't know the signals. she told me she was hanging out with an old friend she hadn't talked to in a while. her cousin told me she hooked him up with a bj. i was shocked. she tried to lie and i made her cry when i confronted her. why she was so upset i dunno, she knew what she did. i almost whooped this dude when he showed up too. he ended up leaving after the cops came by. anyways, i ran into her years later and i looked completely different. she was amazed at my good looks. i dusted her off trying to talk to me like it was nothing. she felt so bad. i felt incredible.

[ghost69]

i had a friend that used to tell women stuff behind my back about me. they were obviously interested in me. he felt since he was married and has kids that this was a good thing. ruin my situations. i found out about it. he's not my friend anymore. he's lucky i found out when he wasn't around. i would have ____ slapped him.

[rosie76]

I'm wondering about little lies myself at the moment. Of the sort someone tells when one doesn't want to see you - for personal reasons - but doesn't want to hurt your feelings or engage in a larger discussion because of it. Been seeing a guy for just over a month with lots of contact and warm times. He told me he was sleeping when I rang his bell, but later told me he was home but just really down and didn't want me to see him like that. It's reasonable, I guess, as many women wouldn't like to hear 'I don't want to see you right now.' I'm not fussed about that _at all_, but hate that he was deliberately ignoring me and then later said he was sleeping. Casual dishonesty bothers me as it makes me doubt how genuine he is about anything. Is this an overreaction?

 

In response to OP, lying to you to save your feelings may not be a bad thing, but telling his true negative opinions to others definitely is. Get rid of him!

[ghost69]

how is somebody so down they don't answer the door when a chick rings it? either he had someone over, or he really doesn't like you. sorry to say that.

[omayra]

lieing is bad so i would say that whoever that persoon is, he isnt very found of you.

[ghost69]

just lie back. see what happens.

[Aurian]

I don't outright lie, but I sometimes "lie" by wording. For example, I wasn't ready to say that my divorce wasn't final yet (aka, I was still separated because Canadian law requires a year-long trial separation). So I said that I filed for divorce last year and let him conclude that I was divorced. I came clean later about it when there was more trust and openness between us.

 

I don't like lies. Some things are hard to talk about, and I would prefer someone talk to me about them when they are able to instead of lying outright. There are some grey areas in how much you share at any one point in a relationship, but there should be a point where you are not hiding back anything.

 

If I find someone who consistantly and blatantly lies to me, then trust would be broken. Trust is something I give to someone easily, but once broken, it is almost impossible to fix. And I have no interest in being in a relationship without trust.

[mintblossom]

the more i think about it, the more aware i am that lying is a symptom of poor character and poor moral values. that's a good enough reason to drop someone.

[Cardinal]

I am going with...it depends on the frequency, the severity of the lie (white or black)...do the lies span accross the relationship, could they foreseeably control the lies, do they lie around everyone. Then just look at it in the context of the whole relationship. Chances are it can very much be a reason to end it.

 

Being around someone who lies constantly and isn't even remotely good at it gets very lame very fast.

 

Everyone lies pretty much everyday. It is easy to see if you look at a particular situation when too much is too much.

 

Lies by themselves are not inherently good or bad.

[Leonhart]

the more i think about it, the more aware i am that lying is a symptom of poor character and poor moral values. that's a good enough reason to drop someone.

 

I agree.

 

Smart person, you.

[ghost69]

very true.