Getting rid of the other woman

[glitternails]

I found out about 2 months ago that my husband has been having an affair with one of his clients. He has very forthcoming and honest with me and I forgive him and love him. He has physically broken it off (which was not hard because she hardly ever wanted to have sex with him -she has no sex drive-because of her problem) with the other woman, but there is a problem. She is addicted to perscription drugs and part of their relationship was him helping her get off of some of them and her becoming somewhat normal again. She has no one except for an asstranged sister and an 83 year old very mean father who neither one have much to do with her. She has no job and, I guess, no hope. He has had to go get her groceries because there is no food in her house and she says she has nothing to live for now that he has "chosen" me. He feels like if he leaves her (completely) she might either O.D. or somehow injure herself or at best go back to the way she was.

 

I am 39 and have 6 kids. I love my husband very much. I feel sorry for this woman. I have a soft heart for disadavantaged people, but I feel like if he still stays in contact with her, even as a friend, I am sharing his heart with her. What should I do?! Are there any programs we can refer her to so that she can get help or disability or something and my husband will not feel so guilty? If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.

[EvaGina]

He is married to YOU.

He can refer her to the proper authorities, help her get councelling, get her commited, do it through the proper channels.

I take it he isnt a psychologist? Then its not his problem, YOU should be his priority.

[lessy20]

Might just be me but I wouldn't feel sorry for her in the least! She has had sex with your husband, she knew he was married and has 6 kids. Let her work it out on her own or find someone who isn't married! She was able to live perfectly fine before their affair, she'll manage.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. I am sorry to hear about the circumstances that brought you here!

 

well, first thing is first, he needs to end this friendship. if he is going to get the marriage back on track, he needs to stick by YOU, his wife and mother of 6 kids! it is not his fault that her life is messed up. he needs to cut off contact, and give her the phone number of a support system to call. a therapist or counselor or something. I mean, he can go out and keep buying her groceries, but what about the other 7 people in his life (you and the kids). i think to take care of her while not being supportive of your emotional needs at this time would be foolish.

 

I think you two should also get couples' counseling together, to try to repair your marriage. is he up for it?

 

good luck

[Enakmai]

I agree. To sum it up: tell the man to never speak to this woman again, ever. There is no morale or logical reasoning to suggest that because you now know this woman, you are obligated to help her. Do you feel empathy for the homeless to this extent? Certainly not...

[itsallgrand]

You want to sign up for helping your hubby feel less guilty about having an affair?

 

No way am I gonna help you to do that. lol. C'mon, you know that is silly!

[caro33]

Yes I agree glitternails. Kudos to you for being understanding and seeing clear of the affair to retain the marriage, but this situation is a bit ridiculous.

 

When you say "client" - what role does he have with her?

 

Except for my confusion about the "client" matter, I can see no reason on this earth that your husband needs to be the primary caregiver for what sounds like a selfish and damaged person. An interloper into your marriage. She has made her bed, she needs to lie in it.

 

I would recommend as the others have said - refer her to the authorities.

[agent1607307371]

Glitternails - if their affair was never primarily sexual, and he says he's stopped sleeping with her, then what has changed about the situation? Nothing.

 

He's using a lot of excuses that make you feel guilty to keep putting this woman ahead of you and 6 children.

 

There are many programmes and professionals who will be able to help this woman, finding her one is above and beyond anything you feel you owe her.

[majord23]

Is your husband counselling this woman? (in a professional sense). That's the impression that I'm getting from this post that he met her whilst he was helping her in a professional capacity....which means that their relationship is obviously highly inappropriate.

 

This could open a whole can of worms if that's the case...but I won't post any advice until you clarify just what you mean by 'client'.

[Scout]

You want to sign up for helping your hubby feel less guilty about having an affair?

 

No way am I gonna help you to do that. lol. C'mon, you know that is silly!

 

I have to say I agree with this. And last I checked, you don't help someone break an addiction to pills by sleeping with them.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

ummm.... sounds like a convenient reason to continue an affair and make himself look noble...

 

really, the WORST thing you can do mentally for a woman with lots of problems is get her involved in an affair with a married man with 6 kids! what was your husband thinking, other than justifying REALLY poor behavior on his own part.

 

get this poor other woman a bunch of contact numbers for people who can REALLY help her, not some guy taking advantage of her AND YOU by claiming he is 'helping' her.

 

then tell him to cut all contact, and haul him off to marriage counseling to discuss this... really inappropriate behavior on his part, and you are being naive if you think his behavior is anything other than beastly...

 

i don't mean to be mean about that, but continued contact between them will only make the woman feel worse and not get real help, and will just lead to larger breaches in your own marriage.