My girlfriend ALWAYS complains about how she's getting fat

[Iwantittoend]

Everyday when I talk to her she says it at least 5 times. I always tell her that she's fine the way she is, but she says no, that she needs to start losing weight. Back about a year ago she was really skinny, but since moving up around here she's put on weight. I'd love her either way, but I don't think she believes me. The other day she kept asking me if she got really fat, if I'd still date her. I told her yes. If she shaved her head, would I still date her...and of course I said yes.

 

Her insecurities about her body are really starting to get on my nerves. I like girls that have a little bit more on them. I don't like twigs. I'll support her through a diet or if she starts working out, but honestly I'm getting tired of her complaining about it all the time. Anything I can really do?

[BellaDonna]

I think you should reassure her once again that you love her the way she is, and gently tell her that you think it's a major turn off when she says that all the time.

 

Honestly, if she did not like her weight and wanted to be more heathy- there are things she can do like alter her diet and exercise (but don't tell her that, because she will think that you are saying that she "IS" fat). I guess my point is- if a person is unhappy with their looks then they can do something about it- but complaining to others about it is not going to accomplish anything.

 

I think if you approach it from the standpoint that her low confidence and negative statements about her body are a bigger turnoff than real weight gain or a shaved head could ever be....you'll be ok.

 

Maybe she will censor herself more when she is tempted to say it.

 

BellaDonna

[rocio]

Just continue to reassure her. Don't wait for her to ask - let her know how sexy you find her on a regular basis. As long as she is unhappy with her body, though, she will likely continue to talk about it. You can't really change her.

[Honey Pumpkin]

That's tough - because if someone asks you the same question over and over again, it becomes very difficult to answer it with sincerity over and over.

 

I don't know - you could get her to work out her BMI, show her that she's in the healthy range, address this issue head on. But it's about a lot more than that; confidence, self-esteem and so on. Ironically, though, she's in danger of pushing a nice guy away because it's EXHAUSTING to be constantly reassuring someone all the time

[darkpumpkin]

This is where it really sucks being a guy. It's a catch 22 no matter what you say. You say "I'll support you in losing weight" which is taken as. " you think I need to lose weight." And "I love you for you who are" is "you want me to lose weight". I would tell her that fact is you love her for her and that it's starting to get to you that she is always complaining. You will help her if she wants it but she needs to just believe what you say is true.

[Beec]

Just tell her to stop and that you don't want to hear it. That's it. You've heard it enough, she knows how you feel and there should be no more of this. Done.

 

THe first time be good natured saying it, slowly progress to angry.

 

It's worked for me.

[darkpumpkin]

That is a super point rodeo-rider. To many women base their worth on their apperance. Including me.

[laboheme]

She proably isn't getting much out of you reassuring her that she's beautiful the way she is, and you're getting to the point where it's hard to be sincere, so there's not much hope for the future...But I wonder what would happen if whenever you thought about how attractive she looks to you, you actually told her that? Just out of the blue, randomly, honestly...not just when she asks. Would it be a shock to her? Possibly. But if you tell her that a few times on your own with no prompting, maybe she'll start getting the clue that you do find her beautiful and will ease up on talking about her weight.

 

Also remember that actions can speak louder than words...So if you find her body sexy as it is right now, show her

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

If it really bugs you, I'd just quit right now because it won't get any better.

 

I know, because I am in your girlfriend's position - for the past FOUR years.

[shikashika]

tell her to do something about it then!

 

Nothing more annoying that people who complain about how they are fat... then all they do is 3 yoga classes a week and come home and chow down on a pasta dinner... or drink fruit juice with every meal.

 

most people have zero clue about fitness and how to lose the fat.

 

Offer to do some fitness with her