Women go for personality over looks ?

[Batya33]

My only point was that there is not necesarily a link between a fit body and taking care of that body - it might be mostly if not all genetics.

[Altruist]

My only point was that there is not necesarily a link between a fit body and taking care of that body - it might be mostly if not all genetics.

 

No argument there. By taking care of oneself I was not confining it to exercising and toning down, but also to basic grooming, which I think is very important.

[Batya33]

I agree - that is a factor in what I find attractive- but again everyone is different - I go for a very clean cut look and not everyone does.

[Salucious]

I have no doubt that women desire a good personality. But I've been around enough couples, young people my age, to know that without good looks, many of them probably wouldn't have attracted their mate. I'm not just talking about people who are good looking, but including average looking people as well. In other words, I believe girls can be just as attracted to "hot" guys as average looking guys. It is when the guy is below-average looking that I think looks play a deciding role in whether or not girls will even consider him.

 

I guess I've just been witnessed to too many people critisizing others' looks. This story may have no relevance but here goes: I was taking a make-up exam in an empty study room at my college. An instructor asked if I'd mind some students using the room for some quiet work and I said fine. I couldn't help but listen to what they were doing. About 4 or 5 girls were asked to go through photos of random guys and rate their attractiveness. The girls made comments on most of them, one I remember had a dog in the picture and a girl said that the dog was cuter than the guy. I think if it is easy for a woman to judge a man (even before meeting him) on his looks, than looks are probably more important than she would admit.

 

Now by no means am I saying that it makes them a bad person or conceited. It is just from my experience and observations that many girls would not consider certain guys as possible love interests due to how they look. And not just the stuck-up girls but the average young woman. Even though I'm comfortable with myself, I know for a fact many girls look at my short height as a deal-breaker. I can tell by the way they act around me compared to other guys. I used to let it affect my confidence but no more.

 

So I think when it comes to good-looking to average-looking men women give them equal chance. But guys who are maybe less-than-average looking or lack some "masculine" look to them, women will weed them out.

 

Women go for guys with great personalities, yes, but they will generally go for the good-looking/average ones first, consciously or unconsciously. It is easy to say you go for personality first when the person you go for IS attractive to you. I don't believe personality can overcome an otherwise unnattractive mate.

 

I just never see beautiful women giving below-average-looking guys a chance when there are ten times as many good-looking guys trying too.

 

And I'm not calling any previous posters liars, but if they are being honest then they represent a VERY small population of women.

[Batya33]

Most of the men I've met in the last 10 plus years have been through fix ups from friends and through on line dating. I have not been in the situation too often where I have to choose who to approach. thereforeeee, on a blind date or an on line date, I evaluate looks and personality as a package deal. If I had to choose who to approach it would be someone who I believed was the same level of attractiveness or less than me - because I don't want the added competion or the risk of feeling insecure with someone who is better looking than me. I value intelligence and wit far more than looks so that if I can walk into a room with a man who I know has great social skills with just about anyone, is very intelligent/articulate and is a genuine person, I feel like a million bucks, the same way another woman might feel if she walked in with a hot stud.

[Leonhart]

You're correct, except that looks are more subjective than that. I've seen both good looking and not good looking people with others who I think are not attractive. It happens from both genders, much to my surprise. It's true anyone will choose someone good looking over someone who isn't, sure. But the hitch is that it's almost entirely in their opinion, so while they may find you attractive (or not), others may not at all.

 

It's true that there are some commonalities among women and men, for what we deem attractive. It's in us genetically. But even that can be altered and other qualities can be viewed as more or less important, based on personal standards and preferences. I think you're being too hard on yourself. I've seen plenty of short men with girls I would deem as "hot," so lighten up.

[ghost69]

wait wait wait. i never bashed personality, but you clearly stated looks matter in here. personality matters to me. it is of the most importance. but if initial physical attraction isn't there, i probably won't approach the women.

 

"If I had to choose who to approach it would be someone who I believed was the same level of attractiveness or less than me - because I don't want the added competion or the risk of feeling insecure with someone who is better looking than me." -batya

 

so attractiveness doesn't matter to you? hmmmm

[Batya33]

Attractiveness matters. Looks, not so much.

[ghost69]

hmmmm. i'm confused. so you don't use your eyes to judge attractiveness?

[Batya33]

Yes, of course I do - but I am judging attractiveness -- looks are only one component of that and I use my ears and intuition more than my eyes in judging attractiveness. Of course looks matter - for example, I once rejected a guy because half his face and neck was scarred and paralyzed -- if I didn't care about looks I would have been very interested in dating him.

[onlineguy]

Yes, of course I do - but I am judging attractiveness -- looks are only one component of that and I use my ears and intuition more than my eyes in judging attractiveness. Of course looks matter - for example, I once rejected a guy because half his face and neck was scarred and paralyzed -- if I didn't care about looks I would have been very interested in dating him.

 

Hi Batya33.

 

(firstly I am not having a personal go at you, this is just general observation of women and a person seeking clarification).

 

In this post and others women say they go for a complete package of atractfullness. Physical looks, how the person carries himself and others have said how the person makes them feel.

 

But (there is always a but)

 

This is all good and well if a guy goes up to the woman and she has accessed his looks as ok, then his mannerism as ok and then the way he makes her feel due to the way he is showing an interest in her. (all this happens in a micro second and is generaly sub consious).

 

But what if :

 

A: the guy passes this subconsious tick list - the girl will be open to having a conversation with him, open herself up to accessing his personality and letting him show an interest in her.

 

Or

 

B: the guy failes this subconsious tick list - the girl will be closed to having a conversation with him, and will not open herself up to accesing his personality. Now I have seen this happen loads, a guy aproaches a girl and she shoots him down without the guy being able to even talk to her.

 

Can you girls really tell me that this is girls judging someone on personality ! Or is it not as appears to be the case : I dont like his physical appearance, looks so I will not give him the time of day. If i dont fancy him why waist time talking to him and getting to know him.

 

That is judging someone on their looks ! If passed then conversation stage. If failed then shot down stage.

[Batya33]

I don't know how to respond because that is not how I behave in the interactions you described. I have ended up dating - and being smitten with - men I had no attraction to or interest in when we first met and I still had conversations with them etc and at times and over time I became interested. It is true that first impressions count - that is not just for dating but for many social interactions- but that's not where it ends for me.

 

Also you are talking about situations where the people are interacting for brief periods of time and likely are meeting for the first time. I think it's better to meet people through common activities and shared interests so that that microsecond summing up - if indeed that happens - is not the end of the road.

[ghost69]

Yes, of course I do - but I am judging attractiveness -- looks are only one component of that and I use my ears and intuition more than my eyes in judging attractiveness. Of course looks matter - for example, I once rejected a guy because half his face and neck was scarred and paralyzed -- if I didn't care about looks I would have been very interested in dating him.

 

"looks are only one component" - haven't i been saying this all along? you keep contradicting yourself. so looks do matter. personality comes into play later. "i use my ears and intuition more than my eyes", but you do use your eyes. for a relationship to move forward you need a total package....personality and 'attractiveness'. i have said this through the whole post. the only thing i'm pointing out is that you have to have some kind of physical attraction at first....to even approach the person to strike up a conversation to get to know their true personality. and yes, the way they interact, talk, etc, is all part of a physical attraction. physical attraction isn't limited to their facial features or their muscles, etc. the way somebody talks or interacts isn't their personality. but they physical attraction must be there before approaching a guy. that is all i said. then all of the women on here say 'no i don't care about looks'. i haven't seen one reply to support this though.

 

"I once rejected a guy because half his face and neck was scarred and paralyzed -- if I didn't care about looks I would have been very interested in dating him" i'm sure he was a really nice guy too. but looks didn't come into play here?

[Batya33]

Sorry - my purpose was not to say that looks don't matter at all - they do - but matter along with a whole host of other factors as to whether there is attractiveness. So, if a guy approaches me and I find his features repulsive, I still will speak with him all else being equal - if he is a gentleman, has something interesting to say - and perhaps I will grow attracted to him despite initially being repulsed by his looks. If after speaking with him I am still not attracted to him and cannot imagine ever wanting to kiss him or kissing him, then no I would probably not accept a date with him. I might accept one date but would make it clear that I wasn't sure if I was interested in dating him. I might also agree to spend more time with him as friends or in a group and see what develops.

 

Seeing a man with good looking features is a plus on the attractiveness scale but if I also notice at the same time something about him internally that turns me off - perhaps he sounds arrogant, looks arrogant, has a mean look, etc - something that reflects him internally, the fact that he has good looking features is irrelevant because the attraction would then be gone.

 

Hope that makes sense - I have no issue with stating that looks matter, I do have an issue with equating attraction/attractiveness with physical features - the latter is only one component of the former.

[ghost69]

thanks batya.

 

i think this will help the thread better now.

[poloplayer]

Hi,

 

...I have a bias against good looking guys (they're not to be trusted in my opinion).

 

I share the same sentiment, except with very good looking women that speak with me. It's not an issue of confidence or that I'm nervous - I just don't trust them. Perhaps this is just my own insecurity from previous experiences with very good looking women.

 

I also think personality is more important than looks, but personality is an entire umbrella of components and is defined by someone's perception. That tall, slender, chic dressed hottie with a martini in hand chatting away with everyone in the room is not someone I think is confident, sexy, and successful (others though would disagree with me). To me it's someone I'd prefer not to speak with and get to know. The girl who is simply cute and more reserved is someone I'd rather speak with and get to know. Maybe this all comes back to my issue of trustworthiness in my previous paragraph? We're all different in this respect. I've found the ugliest looking people I've met to have the best personalities, and some of the hottest women I've met to have the worst (hot women know they are hot, and that in itself is a huge turnoff).

 

As a side note, I think too many people throw around dating buzzwords such as confidence, personality, etc. Do I want someone with an awesome personality? What exactly is an awesome personality? How do you define it? Don't confuse personality with character - they may be intertwined at points, but they are separate.

[beh700]

i definitely do fall for a guy because of his personality. that doesn't mean that i'm not first attracted to his looks though. but i would never pursue something with a good looking guy unless he had an amazing personality. as for what i look for in a guy would have to be these traits:

 

1. a good listener. when i'm babbling on and on about my big toe on my left foot that is black and blue because of a donut falling on it in the middle of arizona i LOVE it when 24 hours later the guy will be like "how's your toe?" soooo freaking sexy. i'm not even listening to myself and yet he does!

 

2. puts themself on the line to help others. i love a guy who i know will protect me, in any type of situation. one guy came into work with a swollen eye because he saw one of his friends get hit by her boyfriend and he told him to back off and got a punch instead. or anyone watch law and order: svu? both of the partners would stand up for eachother no matter the situation. HOT.

 

3. one who puts his family first.

 

4. last one is a guy who i know isn't disgusted by me. hahah. this means touching me indirectly or on purpose. ie: brushing shoulders, touching my arm or hand when telling a story. do this to a girl anyways, even if you aren't interested! it makes them feel sexy that you just can't "keep your hands off."

 

mmmmm, i need a boyfriend.

[ghost69]

yeah apple, there are those times where you end up knowing a guy before you become attracted to there personality even though it isn't someone you would have hooked up with before. there are those times. but in general, to meet someone, initial attraction.

[iwishiknew]

Hi guys.

 

I read somewhere that unlike guys who are very visual and go for looks, then personality. Women on the other hand are more atracted to a guys personality than his looks ?

 

So a question for the femails out there, is this true ?

 

Also we all like to be found atractive by the opposite sex, it makes us feel good. But we want to be desired / attactive to someone who is of value to us.

 

In the case of guys a good looking girl with a good friendly nice personality.

 

But in the case of women, what traits are considered to be of value to a girl, so that she will want the guy to find her attractive and see him as a boyfriend prospect. As opposed to just a nice guy ?

 

What makes him more of value to her than anyone else ?

 

 

From the experiences I had, majority of girls go for looks. It's always looks that come first.

[Batya33]

From the experiences I had, majority of girls go for looks. It's always looks that come first.

 

If you're finding that, would you consider dating women, instead? I stopped dating boys in high school.

[CaptainPlanet]

If she is less than 25 years I consider it polite to refer to her as a girl.

[Batya33]

Not a question of politeness as much as it sounds like he is referring to younger people and perhaps he might do better with older, more mature people.

[ghost69]

i say chicks for all ages. unless really old i use lady. guess that is my personality.

[Batya33]

If someone referred to me as a "chick" unless it was some kind of inside joke, I would be offended.

[CaptainPlanet]

You cannot understand women do not even try. They will tell you looks don't matter but they will talk amongst themselves about how cute some guy is. They will date moslty good anglo looking men and won't admit that they like the fact he is good looking. It makes them feel guilty to say they like men to be good looking becaue they do not want to be judged in the same way they feel more conscious about their looks than men do so do not like to think there looks will matters a lot. So it makes them feel better if they say they do not think looks matter.

 

Some will say the truth that personality matters but looks do matter also if you;re not atleast good looking, good looking women won;t want you.

 

Simple as that