macgyver4ever Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Does anyone ever get an apology letter from their dumper, or a phone call or anything apologizing for the awful way they treated you? Our 4 year relationship crumbled after she went into self destruct mode after kissing my roommate. She had an affair and left me after she was comfortable enough with him. She was the sweetest girl in the world, and the last several months stopped caring about me at all. The least she could do is send an apology letter, but I wasn't sure if people actually did that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvaGina Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 dont hold your breath she wasnt the sweetest girl in the world either... she was a tart Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anggrace Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Ive never written one. I had always felt I was doing the right thing by leaving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dateagain Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Yes, I have written an apology letter. I didn't get forgiveness, but I did apologize. It seemed like the right thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kate111 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I apologised to an ex I dumped. I realised the pain I must have caused him and apologised. It took a horrible break up myself to make me realise. This was 5 years later by the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kate111 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Oh and I had an ex keep texting me every so often. Not an apology as such, not sure if it was out of guilt. I think it was his version of an apology. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anna_k Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I think it's worse when they keep apologising. It makes you feel strangely pathetic. Also, if a break-up has been sudden and shocking to the other person, an apology can feel horrible because of its finality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kate111 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Yes I agree Anna. Patronising even. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finewhine Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Yes and yes. My one ex who cheated on me sent me an apology letter three years after I dumped him. It was very heartfelt. My most recent ex has apologized to me on numerous occasions, but none of his apologies have felt sincere except one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anna_k Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Yes! That's the word: patronising. I think the best times to apologise are: -as soon as you break-up (just the one apology will do) -many, many years later when you've both sufficiently moved on Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shikashika Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I have never done it... I always felt good about my decision... of course I wish when ik've been dumped, they would have at least apologised for being the lowest common denominator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kate111 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 But nobody cnsiders themselves "the lowest common denominator" do they? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anna_k Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Exactly. They're usually just relieved to get out of the situation. My guy said to me (post-break-up): I thought it was a nice thing to do. I could've said nothing at all. So obviously he thought he was the furthest thing from 'the lowest common denominator'. At the time he said he had news that was good and bad. Good for him. Bad for me. I kid you not. That was how he put it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkelephant Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 hmm... my ex said he felt sorry for the way he treated me.. and that he took me for granted.. then asked me why i stayed by his side when all he ever do is hurt me... never really an apology. i dont need one any more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kate111 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Oh harsh. Mine also apologised for being mean and I said I didn't notice! Only later on reflection did I notice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laboheme Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Right after my ex broke up with me, we hung out a couple of times...and he would always hug me and tell me how sorry he was. A little later he sent me a message saying that he's sorry for hurting me like that...but obviously his apologies didn't make me feel better. The way I see it, if he's so sorry, why did he dump me in the first place? Better to not say anything at all... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anna_k Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 ^Yes, I agree. Sometimes I think they wait for us to go 'It's okay.' Maybe that's why they keep apologising. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kate111 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 They feel guilt. A way to get rid of guilt is to talk about something. Not sure if it cures it properly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
macgyver4ever Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 She ended it during counseling, and it was very civil. We went out to eat afterwards, and talked as if nothing was really wrong. On the way to drop her off, I made the statement, "This really doesn't feel right. It's as if nothing happened. It just doesn't feel like the right thing to do. Don't you feel this way?" She responded by saying, "I feel like I have a huge weight lifted off my shoulders." Isn't that sweet!~ As I hugged her goodbye and cried, she acted like nothing was wrong. As if she was saying goodbye to a stranger. That's what hurts the most..................... besides all of the lying, cheating, and betrayal. That stuff all hurts more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anna_k Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Well, it sounds like she's relieved. I know that when I give a cold goodbye it's not always because I hate the person. It's just a way of distancing yourself. You know when you're little and you say to yourself 'If I ignore it, it will go away' ? Maybe that's how she thinks right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kr356 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I've never written an apology letter, but then again I have never broken up with anyone. the closest thing I have received to an apology letter was 3 years after the heartless break up, my ex got my email off my work website, emailed me wanting to be friends Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
macgyver4ever Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 I know she is just trying to ignore the problems. That's how we got into the mess. She couldn't confront her fear of commitment and her inability to forgive herself for cheating on me. She made up reasons we shouldn't be together, and then cheated on me because she is selfish. I expect some sort of apology because I treated her like gold. I guess it was my mistake that it it was actually fool's gold. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.thumb.jpg.619cbf9ada685acba712967edfb3e7aa.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.a7437edbcaa5924fb077b36bf6653986.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.