Why is it so hard to find a nice guy????

[scotty77]

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I basically agree with your post.Shy guys tend to avoid taking any initiative and it generally will try any woman's patience who are waiting for them to take action.Unfortunately the more aggressive guy usually always gets more relationships along with dates [or what he in his mind considers to be a relationship]than the shy guy,although the shy guy might be better in a relationship I don't think they obviously have it easy trying to develop one.

[MasterT]

It's funny. I never thought I'd see the day where I'd read a girl looking for a nice guy. (No Offense, just my pessimism)

 

I feel that I'm a nice guy, because I did everything in my power to show my ex that I loved her, while respecting both of our boundaries...

 

In the end, she left me, with little reason. I think the reason it's hard to find a nice guy is because some of us are tired of getting burned in the end. So we hide in our little caves, hoping that someday someone will pull us out and show us that we can be ourselves and be loved for it. No one likes to get hurt, and it is the nice guys who are always the ones to get cut the deepest.

 

Just my thoughts.

[Vinny]

I don't really know where to start with this. I'm not sure what you're looking for in a "nice" guy and a lot has been said by others. I guess I consider myself to be this type of "nice guy". No, I'm not a pushover, no, I don't bow before a girl's every wish just for the hell of it, and no, I am not shy and timid. I'm actually fairly opposite of that. Then again, I don't hook up with people, never have, I don't want to have sex with every girl I meet, and I don't cheat on my girlfriends or treat them poorly. Unfortunately, I can't meet anybody. Why? Honestly, I just have a fear of rejection. Since I'm not the badass, flirt with everyone I meet, make girls a notch on my belt type, I just have trouble starting things with women. I've only had two girlfriends (I'm 23). Both lasted quite some time, and both relationships ended due to college issues . Anyways, I'm not saying that everyone is like me, but if there do happen to be others in my situation, then you're not finding them because you don't know they're there. They may be your friends, your coworkers, they could be anywhere, and just not express interest because maybe they just don't think they have a chance. I do know a lot of others like me, most of my close friends at least.

 

I'm no love genius, nor am I perfect, and I expect at least some flak for what I've said here, but what I'm getting at is, there are plenty of "nice" guys out there that will treat you well and give you what you want. Maybe you are just looking in the wrong places. For instance, when I go to a bar, I don't expect to find a drunk girl that wants a serious relationship. It's just not the right type of environment, I suppose. Keep searching, and don't sweat the details too much. Eventually, you'll meet someone that will bring you happiness in all aspects of your life. Good luck

[scotty77]

I have trouble starting things with women also.Any woman who I do develop a good rapport with is usually already taken.

[4answers]

Here's my $0.02:

we all have heard the cliche of women complaining "there are no nice guys out there" It is because they usually go for the more aggressive guys, the ones that make it easy for them to get a boyfriend because the guy comes to THEM so there is little effort for the girl. So the more aggressive guys are the more likely they are like that because they're going for numbers and not relationships, or they just want their emotional/physical needs fullfilled.

 

 

I agree 100 % Very truy. So why dont women just stop accepting these sort of guys and go for a guy they like, make the effort the same way we have to, if we like a girl.

 

Sorry but I have very little sympathy for a girl who gets Used by a jerk. Girls your intellegent beings, We can see he is a jerk and so can you.

[Batya33]

Intelligence sometimes doesn't help with smittendom and sometimes it's hard to tell from the get go that the man is a jerk. I dated someone once and for the first 7 weeks he was lovely - introduced me to his friends and family, was respectful, spoke of the future. Luckily I am the type to stay cautiously optimistic and so I kept my heart in check. In the last week he cancelled a date last minute and was rude about another evening date a few days later.

 

A few days later it was new years eve and for the first time he got drunk (he did not drink regularly) in front of his parents and me, acted rudely, blew me off at midnight (although said it was up to him whether he was invited back to my place as I told him that if he was determined to get plastered he could not come home wiht me), and then blew me off for brunch at his parents the next day, calling late afternoon and leaving an unapologetic message. I never returned that call.

 

I'm an intelligent person and of course that was irrelevant in this situation - you don't always know because even men like that can stay on their best behavior for the first few months. Where intelligence/common sense clicks in is when you see the signs that I did, whether you stick around and if you do, under what circumstances.

[FortunateOne]

This is the right attitude to develop a healthy confidence as a man and continue the discovery of your identity so this confidence will grow. As for the original poster, this is why being friends with a down to earth guy is the best way to find a real man that wants you to compliment his life, not complete something he or you feel that's missing. Look for these types of men. So trust yourself and build a beautiful life and as Batya33 wrote about her experience there is always room to learn from life's challages.

[scotty77]

Intelligence sometimes doesn't help with smittendom and sometimes it's hard to tell from the get go that the man is a jerk. I dated someone once and for the first 7 weeks he was lovely - introduced me to his friends and family, was respectful, spoke of the future. Luckily I am the type to stay cautiously optimistic and so I kept my heart in check. In the last week he cancelled a date last minute and was rude about another evening date a few days later.

 

A few days later it was new years eve and for the first time he got drunk (he did not drink regularly) in front of his parents and me, acted rudely, blew me off at midnight (although said it was up to him whether he was invited back to my place as I told him that if he was determined to get plastered he could not come home wiht me), and then blew me off for brunch at his parents the next day, calling late afternoon and leaving an unapologetic message. I never returned that call.

 

I'm an intelligent person and of course that was irrelevant in this situation - you don't always know because even men like that can stay on their best behavior for the first few months. Where intelligence/common sense clicks in is when you see the signs that I did, whether you stick around and if you do, under what circumstances.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Sometimes people will overlook flaws in there partner if they find he/she very physically attractive,was this the case in this situation? Obviously you didn't stick around long when he showed his true colors.

[tmp0620]

Maybe it's hard for you to find a nice guy because you aren't attracted to them.

[EJoy25]

"I am not a taker! I'm a giver! When i was seeing my ex i was the giver and he was the taker i gave him all my love and spoiled him rotten. Sorry your wrong about that."

 

I understand, I am a giver too. The problem in my last relationship was that I was too giving. At the end of the relationship, I was doing all I could to please him which backfired. He didn't appreciate me at all and was taking all I did (even my love and affection) for granted.

 

Guys, even nice guys, enjoy chasing whether or not they admit it (or even realize it). In my current relationship (with a very nice guy), I let him chase me, and am not too available. I find this is far more effective. He appreciates me and pushes harder to spend time with me.

 

Guys distrust a girl that is too giving, too nice. So be nice, but play the hard to get card (act busy, even if you're not). It's worked for me.

[Beyondthesea]

Guys distrust a girl that is too giving, too nice. So be nice, but play the hard to get card (act busy, even if you're not). It's worked for me.

 

You know, I really think it just depends on the individual you are dating. I was "too nice and too giving" to all the guys I've dated, and that initiated them walking all over me and being very uncaring and unappreciative. With my fiance, it's 100% the opposite. The more loving, caring and giving I am, the more he is the same back to me...I think that's a normal relationship.

[Leonhart]

I expect a girl to be nice and giving. If she's a selfish, rude little waif, then I'm bound to move on right quick.

[BELLABORI89]

I Totally Understand You It Took Me A While To Get Adjusted To The Way Man Act In Ny...i Had Given Up On Finding A Good Man And Decided To Play In The Same Field Man Do For A While Until I Found My Boyfriend...

[ProtestTheHero]

You'll be looking for a while. I'd say nice guys are made up of the overly sensitive, the overly shy, the overly predictable, and the jaded. Anyone who calls themselves a nice guy and isn't any of the aforementioned things is few and far between. Once you find one, you actually have to be attracted to him. All in all, it's not looking good from a probability standpoint.

[Anonybrit]

This is pretty immature.

 

Look, you can have your personal preferences, fine, but this "nice guy" concept is about as shallow as it gets - this has absolutely nothing to do with finding love or a soulmate, concepts which require emotional attacthments that transcend the social trophyism of finding a partner that looks or behaves in a certain way.

 

If you're worried about ending up with a "nice guy", you're not even close to being ready for a true intmate relationship anyway. I suggest you take a few years to mature and then reconsider what it means to love.

 

 

 

What irritates me though, is that this entire debate is only happening because it's from a female perspective and thereforeeee appropriate. If a guy made a topic claiming that it was impossible to fall in love with a girl with small breasts or who didn't behave subserviently, it would be locked and he'd be banned - and rightly so.

 

Girls, feminism doesn't mean treating men like objects too. Imagine the roles reversed and then make your mind up.

[Batya33]

I would be very concerned about a woman ending up with a nice guy if nice means passive/doormat/no backbone, for several reasons. Nothing to do with feminism.

[Ilaria]

Ciao a tutti,

 

I am new to this message board. Was looking up info and saw a few messages. From my perspective it has been difficult meeting a man who has the right qualities for me. There are many reasons why that may be the case: the area where I live, missed oppurtunities, not many places to meet someone, no guys around my age, etc. I am not a dater. I have been in relationships. I usually can tell by talking with someone and get a feeling but then have to get to know someone over time. Yet after looking back over the years and relationships I realize I was never with someone who I was in love with. Hmm. Well, I can go on and on about that but I will spare everyone the sorded details of my twenties and the years that have disappeared too quickly.

I was reading about this topic and have a few things to add. There are some guys who are nice and some who are not, just like people in general. Then there are guys who pretend they are nice because they know that they can manipulate people that way. Their true self will eventually emerge. They are difficult to spot.

I am tired of women being blamed for being in a bad relationship because the guy is awful or abusive. Are women suppose to magically be a mind reader?How are women suppose to know? Most women do not intend for that to happen. It is not possible to be a truth detector and read guys minds. You find out by being with someone. There are cases where people who are married for years, find out some horrible thing that they never knew about their spouse. Some people are good at hiding things, playing games and getting what they want. There are guys who pretend to be nice and sincere and then find out that is not the truth. I have experience with that. It was like being with Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. It was truly a horrible experience.

 

Oh, and what is it about that ridiculous saying that nice guys finish last. It seems that finding a nice man is more difficult than for a "nice" guy to find a woman. Yet from reading things it seems there are more things focusing on those nice guys not being able to be with anyone because no one wants them.

 

Take care...Ciao

[terrahawk]

Nice guys are boring, plain and simple. They'll throw themselves off a cliff to have a girl love them,

 

That's the definition of a "desperate" guy not a "nice" guy.

[Unknown Guest]

Sometimes, finding a nice guy, can be alot of hard work and sometimes patience. I hope to find the right guy and whatnot

[terrahawk]

If girls really want a nice guy, they are not as hard to find as one might think. Sometimes he's the guy you hang with but never thought about dating, or the guy that shyly smiles when he passes you at work, etc..

[Leonhart]

Yep, nice men are everywhere. And the BEST part is: You don't have to worry about them being taken! Nice guys don't have girlfriends!

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

im just going to assume that u only want a bad boy and ure tying to make him into a good man, look around you nerds date them they will be faithful, or someone like myself who is loyal and never cheats but ooooohhhhhh no i forgot u women dont do that do you its mister bang bang shoot em up that u run after

[Salucious]

The thing is, when girls say they want to meet a "nice" guy it sounds like they're looking for a guy who will treat them the way they deserve to be treated, an honest, loyal, caring etc. The problem is they also want one who is exciting, mysterious, good-looking, and will give them a sense of adventure. But those guys don't exist. There is no perfect man out there, you either are looking for a guy who will treat you right and give you the healthy relaionship you need, or you go for the guy who will entertain you for as long as you let him. I think girls have two categories of men they go through in their life.

1. "Mr. Right"

2. "Mr. Right Now"

Girls will date #2 many times before finally realizing that #1 is what they're looking for. Because #2 is the fun guy who makes their life exciting from the moment they meet them. But he'll never settle down or change the many flaws he has, no matter how much you wish he will. Guy #1 is the one that will give you a real relationship. But it is hard to find him because he may not be as exciting as #2 at first. That doesn't mean you can't have more fun with him than guy #2, you just have to stick with it longer. No one offers themselves all at once at first, you have to work at getting to know them. I think the "nice guys" will treat you better and better the longer you're with them because staying with them and keeping that interest shows you care and are committed; so he'll open up more to you. There's nothing really wrong with a relationship with guy #2 but if you keep feeling that the relationship isn't serious enough or that he's not giving you what you want, then you have to try and stop letting yourself get involved with that type of guy.

 

Like others have said already, a large portion of the guys that come to you are looking for a fling. A lot of the ones that are genuinely interested in treating you right may not be so obvious, because they see you going for that exciting, outgoing type. Go after a guy yourself you think is nice, especially if you know what you want and think he has it. I think too many women complain about not meeting the right guy when all they date are guys that approach them But if you do go after guys yourself, good for you, you'll have a better chance at finding your nice guy.

 

does any of this make sense to girls? I don't presume to know everything, it is just something I've been going over in my head.

[Bada-Bing]

we arent hard to find, we show up every now and again....

[skyblue1]

we arent hard to find, we show up every now and again....

 

Nice guys sure are hard to find!!!