Porn Addiction

[kate111]

I think my ex had a porn addiction. He was constantly downloading porn, hada plasma, talked about porn etc.

 

For me, during the relaionship it was fine because I considered it fantasy. As long as he never touched another woman I was happy.

 

But towards the end of the relationship his character changed a bit. He would always make comments about women's appearance, talk about girls who got boob jobs etc. He started expecting me to buy more clothes, wear more makeup and told me I was "letting myself go".

 

I have a full time job so I couldn't devote my whole life to looking good and frankly I wasn't interested in it (and told him as such).

 

He kept going on about us having threesomes, sex with other couples etc which I told him I wasn't really into.

 

I'm now thinking he had a porn addiction. He now wants to chase chicks and have sex with them like in his movies.

 

Does anyone have any experience with porn addictions? What happens? Any advice?

[Newo Ikkin]

I haven't had any experiences with porn addictions/addicts, but it sounds pretty black and white to me.

[HyruleGuardian]

My dad has a porn addiction. I've never confronted him, but it's quite obvious to me. My mom doesn't know about it. Every night he stays up late and looks at porn on his computer. I've never caught him in the act, but every morning I go on and find porn sites in the history. I've found google searches of "infidelity", "porn addiction", "how to deal with porn addictions", etc. Anytime we're doing something together he makes comments about women and yells things at them. It's embarrassing and sickening to me.

 

Now if he was like this before the porn I have no idea. I honestly don't remember.

[kate111]

What do you mean by black and white?

 

My views? Obviously there were other factors at play in the relationship but I am pondering this aspect.

 

His attitude to women seemed to change.

[HyruleGuardian]

What do you mean by black and white?

 

My views? Obviously there were other factors at play in the relationship but I am pondering this aspect.

 

His attitude to women seemed to change.

 

My dad tends to look at all women as "sluts". He sees them as objects and not people. I doubt he was always like this either.

 

It's really sad.

 

He hides that side of himself when my mom is around. But when his friends or I am around, the worst comes out in him. He sees me as a buddy and doesn't think I take it to heart. Well, I do.

[kate111]

My dad tends to look at all women as "sluts". He sees them as objects and not people. I doubt he was always like this either.

 

It's really sad.

 

 

That's it!

 

When I met my boyfriend he was so charming and thoughtful. Really nice guy.

 

Now he judges a woman on her sexual appearance and makes comments about any female he meets. His brother is worse, he makes really crude "locker room" comments about woman he has shagged. It used to make me feel bad when I listened to it. Was it my insecurity?

 

I'm not sure if the porn was making him like that or if he just started behaving that way out or if that is ridiculous.

 

I've never had a problem with porn until this realisation has occurred to me.

[revitalized]

I personally have an addiction of recieving oral sex. I dunno it just kinda came into my life during early high school years and never really vanished. but I keep it all to myself and don't really express how I feel about it.

[kate111]

Does it effect other areas of your life though?

 

I don't have any problem with porn itself. Only if it affects someone's attitude towards women.

 

I have NEVER believed that stance that porn damages relationships until now.

[MissTee]

If I found out my boyfriend was watching porn on a regular basis, I wouldn't stick around long enough to find out if it were an addiction or not.

 

To me, porn in unhealthy... period.

[HyruleGuardian]

That's it!

 

When I met my boyfriend he was so charming and thoughtful. Really nice guy.

 

Now he judges a woman on her sexual appearance and makes comments about any female he meets. His brother is worse, he makes really crude "locker room" comments about woman he has shagged. It used to make me feel bad when I listened to it. Was it my insecurity?

 

I'm not sure if the porn was making him like that or if he just started behaving that way out or if that is ridiculous.

 

I've never had a problem with porn until this realisation has occurred to me.

 

I'm really sorry. That sounds so much like my dad.

 

I don't think porn is a problem until people start to look at it too much and begin to think it's reality. Real people aren't like that, but porn addicts think they are. There's no doubt in my mind that porn can corrupt the mind if it's looked at too much.

[kate111]

If I found out my boyfriend was watching porn on a regular basis, I wouldn't stick around long enough to find out if it were an addiction or not.

 

To me, porn in unhealthy... period.

 

Why is it unhealthy exactly, do you think?

[kate111]

I'm really sorry. That sounds so much like my dad.

 

I don't think porn is a problem until people start to look at it too much and begin to think it's reality. Real people aren't like that, but porn addicts think they are. There's no doubt in my mind that porn can corrupt the mind if it's looked at too much.

 

This is the thing. I think the problem IS when people begin to think it's reality. How could anyone think that???

 

So what happens to these people in the end?

 

Your poor mum.

[melrich]

Why is it unhealthy exactly, do you think?

 

Just about anything that becomes an obsession is unhealthy. When the something is determining how you conduct your life it it has moved beyond healthy interest.

[Dako]

A number of women have mates who prefer cyberwomen to the real thing, and it ruins the relationship to sleep alone while he plays with himself in another room. I never realized how widespread this was until joining this forum.

I looked at some porn to try and understand, but to me, it's pretty boring stuff. If I were a woman, I'd run.

[MissTee]

Why is it unhealthy exactly, do you think?

 

It's an overly debated topic but I personally think that alot of men use masturbation as an excuse to watch porn.

 

I don't think it's necessary and I think with enough moral fibre and will power, the whole thing can be avoided. I have been very upfront with my boyfriend from the very beginning and have told him that I will not accept porn into our relationship or in our home at all. He loves me enough and respects me enough to obide by that rule/standard.

 

I just think prevention is better than cure. I would rather rule it out completely, right from the start than wait for it to become a problem and then deal with it.

 

However, if you accept the porn into your relationship... I guess you just have to deal with whatever the outcome may be.

[kate111]

I'm still figuring out whether there is in fact a connection between his behaviour and the porn. I'm wondering if many other people have gone through anything similar.

 

 

Not ALL men are into it are they?

[MissTee]

I'm still figuring out whether there is in fact a connection between his behaviour and the porn. I'm wondering if many other people have gone through anything similar.

 

 

Not ALL men are into it are they?

 

My man is definitely not. We live together, so he can't hide any "physical evidence" and we share a computer. He is porn-free.

[kate111]

Lucky you.

 

I don't care about porn, just its side effects.

[MissTee]

Lucky you.

 

I don't care about porn, just its side effects.

 

Like I said, prevention is better than cure. Maybe you should think about ruling it out of your future relationships all together. If the guy isn't addicted, than he shouldn't have any trouble giving it up for the women he wants to be with.

 

So many girls come to this forum upset about porn in their relationships... I just think that it can be easily fixed if you just take a stance in your relationship. Some girls don't want to be bossy or to push their partner away, but as I mentioned, it shouldn't be hard for the guy to give up if he isn't addicted and if he loves you.

 

Simple.

[Zaphod]

It all depends what you mean by "porn"......

 

Watching lesbian soft porn for exmple is very different from watching hard core fetish, for example.

Watching amateurs is different from watching the Silvia Saint type boob job stuff.

 

If your G/F goes away fro a few weeks/ you don't sleep together for a few weeks, the man has to erm.... lighten himself somehow..... porn is just an easy way of doing it.

 

A lot of the time men will imagine the characters in the video are the woman/women of his dreams - perhaps even you. I doubt it's because he actually wants to sleep with the actual actresses in the video.

 

I always think porn is fun. However if it gets too graphic and ceases to be sexy, it becomes sinister, also if your man is at the point where he is getting brainwashed by all the make up and boob jobs then he's being a bit of a prat IMHO - I apologise for saying so but that's what I think.

[kate111]

I think the ex got brainwashed (ie prat).

 

He is searching out those kinds of chicks to have porno adventures with.

[Dako]

The problem with forbidding your guy from viewing porn is obvious.

He'll resent being treated like a child.

[pacman]

It seems like he does have an addiction.

 

His request for threesomes and other couples all that sort of thing, is upping the ante so to speak. Porn/sex addiction works like other addictions where the person builds up a tolerance. With a drug addiction, they need more drugs to get the same effect. With gambling, they need more risky bets to get the same effect. With sexual compulsive behavior they will need more taboo behaviors to get the same effect. He wants to move from just porn to doing more freaky things in your bedroom because the porn alone doesnt do what it used to and he needs more.

 

I guess it depends on how much you value your relationship with him and how willing he is to work with you on this issue and getting help. If he wont get help or even admit he has a problem, then I say you should leave.

[MissTee]

The problem with forbidding your guy from viewing porn is obvious.

He'll resent being treated like a child.

 

Far from it. He doesn't resent me at all. We have a very healthy relationship.

 

I have my standards. He has his. And we respect them. That's why it's called a relationship.

 

I never told him that he couldn't watch porn. I just simply advised that if he does choose to watch it then, he won't have me. Simple choice I think.

[kate111]

He dumped me so I dont have a choice. I believe he left me to have "sexual adventures".

 

He has no idea that he has a problem. Perhaps to him it isn't a problem.

 

His priorities are certainly screwed though. I wonder if he will ever learn or will live a life of pretend and shallowness for the rest of his life.