Do they ever wonder how we are doing?

[terk2021]

I just wanted to see what everyones thoughts were on this. After a breakup and true NC begins (immediately to 1 to 6 months to 1 year after), does the dumper ever think about the dumpee???

 

I would guess yes, but what percentage do you think ever actually pick up the phone, or email to find out and let you know they miss you? I have been on both sides of this one, but was just curious to get peoples thoughts. We have cleared most of the holiday hurdles, but the hardest one is just 2 days away...

 

If we still want our dumper to come back, we hope to hear from them saying they miss us and want to come back, but how many of them do you think act on it?

 

All thoughts welcome.

[anggrace]

I wouldn't count on getting that phone call where he/she says they want you back. It usually doesnt happen. Atleast from what Ive seen. But that doesn't mean they don't think of you or don't care. Its more likely that youll get a friendly call to see how your doing... or so they can rub in how good they're doing.

[bubbles07]

hey terk, I think it all depends on why they left you, they proably do think about you but who knows if they are thinking about good things or bad things to back up their decision to end the relationship. I know in the past when i've ended relationships, I would just think of the bad things about my ex to back up my decision to dump them. I think they proably do miss the other person but just like dumpees keep themselves busy to get their mind of them, I think they do the same.

[Orlander]

The kind of hope you are talking about is the kind that keeps you from truly moving on and being happy.

 

It doesn't matter if they think about you and thank goodness they haven't tried to contact you. But, they probably do from time to time I suppose, just as you will think about them from time to time when you are happily in another relationship. Usually, you will have fleeting memories of past experiences. Hopefully, nothing more.

 

Orlander

[terk2021]

Thanks. I was not really looking especially for me. That would have been for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have a new GF now, and I feel blessed I found out who she was before I said "I do".

 

Just more of a polling question, to see if anyone has had any experiences here...

 

Thanks though Orlando...

[Jeffrey2095]

I would guess and hope that the number was kind of low.

 

Do we really want to hear from a "dumper"?

 

Jeff

[anggrace]

Hmmm... so you weren't wondering if your ex would call?

[Jeffrey2095]

Sure, might have wondered...

 

But, after time I realized that separation is for a reason... maybe a darn good one.

 

After a month or more, I was glad to be rid of them... then, I could move on.

 

(Uh gee, you did mean me Anggrace?) eek

 

Maybe not so much didn't wonder, as much as didn't care.

 

Jeff

[shes2smart]

Sure, I think about my exes every once in a while. Then I realize how much happier I am in my current relationship than I was in a relationship with them. I feel no need to call or email them and let them know that. In fact, I sincerely hope they feel the same about me (..they feel they're happier and better off without me around..)

 

That applies no matter if I was the dumper or dumpee.

 

In the same way that people are in our lives for a reason, they are also NOT in our lives for a reason. Sometimes we just can't see what that reason is at the moment...but if we're lucky and observant, sometimes the reason is revealed to us at an appropriate time.

[Me and myself]

My ex texted me 2 days ago, inviting me to go to the bar where she was DJ'ing. She didn't told me how she was doing and didn't asked me how I was doing. Neither didn't told me she misses me or wants me back.

I thougt maybe their friends were not there and she was feeling lonely, or she was expecting me to go without hesitation...or she just was hoping to put me in her bed....I texted her back saying "NO, thanks but I already have another compromise tonight."

She never replied....This is minning all the hopes I had....maybe I will start to truly look for my self as they are gone forever...if they ever do completely.

[emma34]

It depends. I dated a guy for 2 and a half years and I was the dumper and time to time I will email or text to say hi (it's been over a year).

 

But I've not once wanted to go back

[EvaGina]

Hmmmmmm

Yes, I think about my ex's, I am friends with most of them.

 

the few I dont have contact with... yea, I wonder how they are I suppose, nothing major, seeing as the only reason we dont talk is becuase they treated me badly (hence why I broke up with them), but I do wonder how they are going from time to time.

[caro33]

I think that the dumper definitely thinks about the dumpee, but just not in the way the dumpee wants!

 

It makes sense that we look back to our pasts - we might be reminded by 1000 little things, and there are likely to be all sorts of associations the dumper makes with the dumpee, just like the dumpee makes those associations. What's different is the degree of emotion bound into that memory and possibly the frequency of remembering. The dumper is likely to have started to move on, and have less emotion. Or maybe they have guilt.

 

While it's all fresh I can't see how much good can come from contact...

 

I remember all my exes, through to the guys I dated for 5 weeks 16 years ago. I google these people occasionally. It doesn't matter if I broke up with them or they broke up with me. I think that once enough time has passed and the emotion leaches out it makes no difference.

[terk2021]

When relationships end, they generally end for a reason. There is the rare occasion when the come back together, but for the most part, both parties are better off in the long run.

 

I have been the dumper more than the dumpee, and I can honestly say there were a few times where I truly regretted ending the relationships. I guess the next question, or maybe the original question I was trying to pose is:

 

As a dumper, have you ever gone back 1, 2, 6 months later, or even a year and admitted to your ex that you made a mistake?

 

I did that twice. Once, I was told where to go (as a young jerk who was not grown up yet), and the next, I went out with her for 3 months, only to realize that breaking up the 1st time was the right decision...

[Jeffrey2095]

In my own case it was almost a "mutual" dumping...

 

She cheated on me (thats me being dumped maybe)

 

Then, she came back as a friend. (Okay, friends are good and I forgive you.)

 

She wanted to get back since her new guy treated her like (doo-doo)

 

I... wouldn't take her back... (so, I dumped her...)

 

We could be friends but that's it, from my camp.

 

And... I haven't spoken to her since Aug 06.

 

There's my bit.

 

Jeffr