SHY GUYS: Who raised you?

[RaeKai]

While nurture does influence one's personality, let's not forget the nature part of this elongated debate! What about astrology in psychology, which is for the most part overlooked? Depending on where the stars are when you are born is part of your predetermined and dominate personality. For example, Pisces, Cancers, Scorpios, and Aquarius' (And those located on cusps) are the most introverted out of all the signs. Anyone agree, or have there own conclusions?

[Altruist]

Interesting contributions...

I don´t know about the astrology aspect Raekai - I have 3 Capricorn friends who are painfully shy.

Hackuuna Matata brings out an interesting point: could it be possibly that someone can be perceived as shy yet they are not shy but just enjoy being alone and not talking too much?

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

Interesting contributions...

I don´t know about the astrology aspect Raekai - I have 3 Capricorn friends who are painfully shy.

Hackuuna Matata brings out an interesting point: could it be possibly that someone can be perceived as shy yet they are not shy but just enjoy being alone and not talking too much?

 

yes their called introverts

[scotty77]

I am shy for a lot of reasons Dad is shy],typical adolecent difficulties,I was small as a teenager and bullied as a result,I had acne for a while.Ironically none of my siblings are particularly shy but then again they didn't experience life the way I did.

[CluelessGuy321]

In an effort to find out where the problem of shyness originates from,

 

Mass media programming and believing that we're putting women off/out by hitting on them. Mass media programming that makes you care too much what other people think or mind read.

[Jimbot07]

I was raised in a strict religious household, and thereforeeee had a very sheltered childhood as I was not allowed to do things that my parents felt was unsuitable (which included most things teenagers do). I was also bullied for several years at school, and had very few friends.

Funnily enough two of my three younger sisters are completely the opposite, very chatty and outgoing.

[shyguy9]

I was brought up by both my parents but my dad (who is in a high position in a large company so he HAS to be outgoing) influenced me the most. My parents let me go out and things when I was young and still aren't overly controlling or possessive. My older sister and only sibling is nice to me...most of the time. My parents have lots of friends and have people over all the time. And last of all, my parents are definitely not abusive.

 

If you've looked at my username you will have guessed how I am around other people.

[ftheunion]

I am shy and ain't much good at that social junk. I was raised in a normal family. Just us two brothers. My dad is fairly strict though.

[Altruist]

I am shy and ain't much good at that social junk. I was raised in a normal family. Just us two brothers. My dad is fairly strict though.

 

As I menzioned in the OP, a strict upbringing and repressive parents can also make children remain in their shells all the way up to adulthood.

[MattW]

My mom and dad were fairly normal; I DID have an older half-sister (from my mom's previous marriage) that was always picking fights with my mom, but she didn't turn her attention to me until much later. I think the reason I became very introverted is because of my peers. I've always been a lot shorter than most people all through grade school, high school, even now; so, I got picked on and talked down to (no pun inteded) A LOT. I think that's what ultimately made me "shy".

 

Though, something worth noting is that I'm much less shy around girls than I am around guys. In high school, there were quite a few girls I was friendly with and was able to be myself around, but with the guys, I was always pretty reserved, because they had to take their shots at me and make me feel like crap. But, being that I'm straight, I suppose it bodes well for me that I'm comfortable around girls; only thing to worry about is a lack of real "guy friends".

[Iconate]

I am the oldest of 2 in my family...and I believe a fair bit of the blame rests on my parents shoulders; mainly my mothers. She was one of those moms who, whenever a girl came over, she would always be up in my face once my friend left about: how long i've known them, am i dating them or not...etc...: It was her intrusive and defensive nature which made me really...not want to really have a relationship. And because I never really made any attempt what so ever to date/ask girls out, I got caught up in the loop of them only EVER being my friends.

 

I am 19 years old, and I asked my parents if I could have a house party, they agreed, then I asked my mom if it would be ok if people could crash here for the night so no one would like have to drive home drunk. And her response was "As long as none of them are girls." I could have slapped her. Her "logical" way of thinking was that she didn't want people sleeping together...I immediately replied with "So what you want me to say to my male friends who are passed out 'ya you can stay', but tell my female friends they have to leave?". I talked her out of her insanity...but still. At 19.. come on...

 

I love talking to girls and shooting the fly with them, but anything more...intimate...I like clam up. and my logical thinking for it is because ive forced my self not to have real interaction with girls in highschool and now im paying for it...

 

Thanks mom...

[MD Geist]

My mother and my brothers.

[Mandyish]

I was majorly shy as a child. I am the youngest of 3- both my sister and brother were very outgoing. My sister even got class clown in high school. Very outgoing. My brother put me down alot and we were close in age. I also had a very critical mother- even though my parents didn't divorce til I was 16. I don't think I was born this way. I def think it had to do with siblings and mother.

[watupgangsta]

i'm not sure if i should say im shy because im very quiet around new people. however, i'm often the center of attention when im with people i know well. however, i grew up with both parents in the house, but my mom really "raising" me, discaplining me, etc. she was pretty possessive too, not crazy tho.

[learning_i_suppose86]

1. Brought up by mother and father, but my mother had a greater influence on me. My dad ignored me for the older siblings. He became a greater influence to me and started to listen to everything I had to say after they left the house. I would say my parents' parenting style was "authorative" by the way.

 

2. Yep, my mom was possessive alright. She wouldn't let me go out play with the kid next door because he was "trouble" and she wouldn't dress me in the latest fashion trends since it might be risqué. She also thought I looked better with a long, crappy haircut and a unibrow back when I was in primary school. I was teased endlessly in school because of those things.

 

 

3. Not my oldest sister, but my sister who is 5 years older than me was always the attention seeker. My dad ignored me for her and she always criticized me on lots of stuff.

 

 

4. My dad has no friends at all because my mom doesn't let him socialize outside of the house or even spend time alone with himself...it's very sad. On the other hand, my mom has a several friends but she uses them because they can help her around the house and such. I get the impression that she never respects or appreciates them at all; she just keeps them close because they can bill her out of troubling situations.

 

5. They would never.

 

I know i'm shy because i'm a wuss. I don't mind admitting that i'm afraid of girls. I can remember being made fun of girls back in kindergarten--which by the way my parents held me back--and I can remember girls snickering with each other after a boy has asked one of htem them out. I also remember that they would soon say nasty and immature things about the boy.

 

I've been scared of that crap ever since. Till this day, I'm scared of girls and I still have an immature view towards them. To fill the emotional void, I have become addicted to pornography which is made my troubles worse. I let my shyness get th best of me because I quick college due to low self-esteem issues. It's effed up I tell ya and hate myself for it.. My parents and siblings still continue to be very supportive, but they're all i've got. No one outside of my family hasn't show any signs that they reallly cared for me except for this one girl who I got together with once. I ended up breaking her heart and saying nasty things to her because of my insecurities and anger management issues.

 

Sorry for the rant, Just had to get that off my chest. but that's my reasons I'm shy and I suppose I keep improving myself and get rid of this problem

[scotty77]

Has partaking in sports helped you to overcome your shyness? I suppose you get to interact with a lot of people during sporting activities.

Not really,generally speaking I am always the guy who will talk quietly with the person next to them but never speaks in a group setting.

[Caterina]

I was majorly shy as a child. I am the youngest of 3- both my sister and brother were very outgoing. My sister even got class clown in high school. Very outgoing. My brother put me down alot and we were close in age. I also had a very critical mother- even though my parents didn't divorce til I was 16. I don't think I was born this way. I def think it had to do with siblings and mother.

 

 

They say that this is actually a very common dynamic...an overly outgoing sibling will shadow out the less aggressive sibling.

[Caterina]

I think we've all been in a slump similar to this. It comes from bad circumstances. When you finally get your mind to grasp aroudn the idea that you will have to fight to be happy, it will be better. SOmetimes you need to make a change.

[Adobe GIllis]

I am an only child. Always been kind of solitary, but I did have friends as a child and in High School. In college, I had many fairweathers and since grad school I still remain chums with some colleagues.

 

As for my parentals, my dad died when I was 9. He was a P/V/E abusive alcoholic. I was quite relieved upon his death. Still am. My mother is a cold person, but she raised me until I left for school at 19. She had alienated us from our extended family for really oblique reasons. She was not really possessive and let me do what I wanted (I was a "Latch-key") but she made frequently poor decisions.

 

I have been Dx'd Schizoid Personality type. I don't quite agree with this, because I do have some desires to be around people and I would in some cases like to change my solitude. I also have dated and lived with others, although I did not care for the experiences. I have also held socially-oriented jobs and did well at them.

 

However, I have little care for marriage and I don't like children. An ex of mine even joked that I was "Kind of autistic". My relationships usually fail because I lack empathy and romance. I also date trashy women because they are easy. No kidding. They come to me, so I don't really have to do any work at it. So therein, the relationship is doomed from the get go. I guess I subconsciously desire this end. Most people are elated when they have a new significant, but I tend to avoid her at first. Unfortunately, this makes me a "Challenge" and I wind up getting roped in until she dumps me or I dump her because I can't tolerate an attribute I find to be a "hassle" to my lifestyle.

 

Yep, I'm a screwed-up dude.

[Caterina]

I think its better that you have chosen to not be in a relationship until you view people differently. Try talking to a child about something simple...look at how beautiful a young child can be...they're really adorable and innocent. When you see the beauty of a human being instead of focusing on the decay, you'll be able to understand why relationships are important. Steer clear of romantic relationships until you are ready for mutual respect/kindness.

[Adobe GIllis]

I think its better that you have chosen to not be in a relationship until you view people differently. Try talking to a child about something simple...look at how beautiful a young child can be...they're really adorable and innocent. When you see the beauty of a human being instead of focusing on the decay, you'll be able to understand why relationships are important. Steer clear of romantic relationships until you are ready for mutual respect/kindness.

 

No doubt. HAHAHA! I have learned to avoid that situation a little while back. Ever since I have decided to do so I have felt like a large burden has lifted. Seriously. Sure, sometimes I feel the societal pressures to be a "married suburban 30-something" but I quickly snap back to reality.

 

As for kids? Still haven't sold me on 'em.

 

Back to topic...

 

I noticed that some of you had moved around alot as a child. Do you feel that this can enhance or be a detriment to your sociability? I had to as a kid and I really had no problem making new friends, but I think that did contribute to my detachment of others. I met an army brat in college and she had the same sentiments about others too If you are there, fine, if not, oh well..." She wasn't shy per se, but she was kind of phony (not a liar, but "staged"). I feel that way when interacting face-to-face. I guess it helps overcome the shyness by making a mask. Better than staying holed-up all the time.

[Caterina]

I'm shy. I was tormented by schoolchildren growing up and have very overbearing parents.

[MyNinja]

I was painfully shy in highschool because I was bullied alot during my junior high years and I carried that insecurity with me those four years. I was living with my father. My father never really had any input in social life and never really gave me much comfort from elementary to early college during these "hard" times.I guess his parenting stragety was that I needed to figure the problem out for myself and toughen up. It didn't work too well.

 

Now I'm with my mother for a bit and I feel very secure with myself because she doesn't ignore me when she sees something wrong and she forces me to get out. This is what I love about her because I ultimately feel better

 

Before Junior High, more specifically 2nd and 3rd grade, I was extroverted and had a close circle of friends that I still remember to this day. I'm starting to feel more extroverted now that I'm living in a new city with my mother and making mature, fun friends.

[lila...]

I'm shy but it has nothing to do with my parents or issues growing up. I was born that way. I was mostly raised by my mom (my father was always absent) but both of them were very outgoing, talkative, extroverted people. I have no idea why I turned out the total opposite!