SHY GUYS: Who raised you?

[Altruist]

In an effort to find out where the problem of shyness originates from, I have come to the conclusion that:

(1) there is a strong corelation between whether you were brought up by a single mother, a single father, or both parents. Those who were raised by a single mother tend to be the shy ones while those raised by both parents can be either shy or extroverted depending on which parent had more influence on them.

 

(2) shyness is related to how possessive the parent was during the child's formative years i.e. whether or not the child was allowed to go out and play with other toddlers/kids or kept inside all the time.

 

(3) a dominant older brother/sister who is opinionated, arrogant and loves to have the last say could also cause the younger siblings to become withdrawn and grow up to be shy and introverted.

 

Edit: do to the overwhelming number of people who have stated this, I will also add

 

(4) parents not having friends (i.e also shy), can unwittingly school their children to be shy.

 

(5) a physically/sexually abusive parent can totally erode a child's confidence and make them shy.

 

So shy guys (and girls) share your experiences and your thoughts on this one!

[adahy]

Although social factors may come into play, I think most shy people are born that way.

 

Nothing wrong with being shy. In fact, I wish there were less loud, obnoxious, arrogant, aggressive individuals...and more shy/reserved one's!!

[chai714]

My best friend is very, very shy. He was raised mostly by his mother. His father died when he was 13 years old. He's now 29 years old. Hope this bit helps your study.

[lifestream]

The difference with me is that I'm shy only when alone. When I'm with others or with a familiar few people, I have no trouble making friends with people I don't know. I just don't like approaching people alone.

 

I was raised mostly by my mother and both we very possessive. They didn't like me playing in the snow because they were afraid I would get sick.

 

I think underneath I'm pretty outgoing and extroverted, but I have a huge layer of shyness on the top.

[Altruist]

My best friend is very, very shy. He was raised mostly by his mother. His father died when he was 13 years old. He's now 29 years old. Hope this bit helps your study.

 

Great, we have one affirmation so far. For the record, was his mother possessive?

[chai714]

Great, we have one affirmation so far. For the record, was his mother possessive?

 

She was somewhat protective but he's also very close with his mother. He still claims to this day that he'll never leave her alone (as in, abandon). She has since never re-married nor dated.

[Altruist]

The difference with me is that I'm shy only when alone. When I'm with others or with a familiar few people, I have no trouble making friends with people I don't know. I just don't like approaching people alone.

 

I was raised mostly by my mother and both we very possessive. They didn't like me playing in the snow because they were afraid I would get sick.

 

I think underneath I'm pretty outgoing and extroverted, but I have a huge layer of shyness on the top.

 

Shyness may express itself in many different ways- it may be extreme or selective in terms of the subject of manifestation but I guess the bottom line is that its still shyness.

[scotty77]

I think studies have shown that the majority of shy people are usually the oldest child among a group of siblings.

[Altruist]

She was somewhat protective but he's also very close with his mother. He still claims to this day that he'll never leave her alone (as in, abandon). She has since never re-married nor dated.

 

Hmmm...interesting. In all the cases of shyness that I've known, none of those who were shy resented their parents for making them that way.

[Altruist]

I think studies have shown that the majority of shy people are usually the oldest child among a group of siblings.

 

Really. I didn't know that. I would have thought the older child had all the opportunity to practive assertiveness on the younger siblings?

[scotty77]

I think I was basically born a shy person but the environment that I grew up in made me even shyer.It's unfortunate that the shy kids are the ones who are bullied at school but since most shy people can't really defend themselves they make easy targets.

[Altruist]

I think I was basically born a shy person but the environment that I grew up in made me even shyer.It's unfortunate that the shy kids are the ones who are bullied at school but since most shy people can't really defend themselves they make easy targets.

 

Was it the home environment or the school environment?

[sidehop]

Tronix, I recommend reading a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover.

 

Yes, there are many reasons why guys are shy but reading the book it pretty much described why they are kind of made me scared because it literally described my background which is pretty common for guys that grew up without a father/male figure.

 

It goes on about how early in the childhood, children set boundries, which I can't remember it has to do with gender roles or something related. But when this boy starts growing older he has the tendency to listen to women, often do what they want and basically worship them.

 

I need to re-read the book again but it's very interesting to read. I highly recommend it. It maybe a great resource for your studies

[easyguy]

I was raised by both my parents, played outside a lot, and ended up being pretty shy for the most part until recently.

[Altruist]

...It goes on about how early in the childhood, children set boundries, which I can't remember it has to do with gender roles or something related. But when this boy starts growing older he has the tendency to listen to women, often do what they want and basically worship them...

 

I'll certainly takea look at that book. So far it appears that mothers have a large role to play when it comes to shyness.

[Weeblie]

I think both the school environment and the home environment can mess up a kids confidence.

 

I wasn't a shy kid. I dreamt of becoming the class clown. And actually, I had quite a few teachers complain about my chattyness. But one teacher in particular could not stand me. Maybe I cracked one too many jokes about her age? Well one day I was being overly dramatic during show & tell and she decided to make an example out of me. Pulled out the class picture and made some comments about the face I was making in the photo. After that I decided class clown was a bad thing.

 

Another time, I had some popular girls laugh at me because my voice "sounded like a mans". That shut me up for good.

 

Perhaps if my parents exposed me to more social situations, I would've known how to handle those things. Maybe if they weren't so quick to side with the teacher or weren't so quick to laugh off the man voice comment, I wouldn't have felt so insecure. I don't really know.

[Altruist]

NOw that you mention it Weeblie, it looks like a single decision to become less chatty can actually drive one towards shyness (perhaps its more of introversion). I have heard other guys saying almost the same thing. One guy admitted that he became quiet and reserved after being admonished too many times by his mother for being the home 'clown'.

[veneratio]

I think it depends more on what you experience rather than who raised you. Most people I know who were raised by a single mother aren't shy at all, but the ones who were raised by both parents tend to be more shy.

[Altruist]

I was raised by both my parents, played outside a lot, and ended up being pretty shy for the most part until recently.

 

How did you overcome your shyness? Did you have any dominant older siblings growing up?

[88cookie]

my parents have been married for like 25 yrs or so. i think shyness with the opposite sex has a lot to do how u are raised though. i have 3 bros and no sisters so im not to comphy around the females, but i break out of my shell. i think it has to do with the fact i was hardly around and open with girls during my childhood

[HyruleGuardian]

I'm shy and I was raised by both parents. They weren't very strict but really overprotective when I was little. I'm the oldest.

 

I really don't know why I'm shy. I've just always been that way.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I'm answering even if I'm not a guy.

 

My brother is very much NOT SHY, I'm a little shy, but I can build up the courage, we were raised by our Mom and very little of our Dad (he was always working). My brother liked to harass me a lot and tended to be violent, I had to fight with him just to get through the day.

[Blackhawk2009]

for me im shy when approaching people and what to say, and with girls. But once im their friend and i have it all secure and stuff im pretty outgoing

[Altruist]

my parents have been married for like 25 yrs or so. i think shyness with the opposite sex has a lot to do how u are raised though. i have 3 bros and no sisters so im not to comphy around the females, but i break out of my shell. i think it has to do with the fact i was hardly around and open with girls during my childhood

 

So you are only shy around girls but not guys?

 

I'm answering even if I'm not a guy.

 

My brother is very much NOT SHY, I'm a little shy, but I can build up the courage, we were raised by our Mom and very little of our Dad (he was always working). My brother liked to harass me a lot and tended to be violent, I had to fight with him just to get through the day.

 

I suppose your Mom was not overprotective? Btw girls are free to answer, as I mentioned at the start of the thread.

 

I'm shy and I was raised by both parents. They weren't very strict but really overprotective when I was little. I'm the oldest.

 

I really don't know why I'm shy. I've just always been that way.

 

I'm beginning to get convinced that overprotectiveness during the formative years is the major cause of shyness.

[iwishiknew]

The difference with me is that I'm shy only when alone. When I'm with others or with a familiar few people, I have no trouble making friends with people I don't know. I just don't like approaching people alone.

 

I was raised mostly by my mother and both we very possessive. They didn't like me playing in the snow because they were afraid I would get sick.

 

I think underneath I'm pretty outgoing and extroverted, but I have a huge layer of shyness on the top.

 

Thats exactly like me! If I am alone, which most of the time I am, I do get shy..If I am with a group of people then I am not shy at all..It just sucks being alone all the time.