heyguys Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hey everyone, my bf of two years now all of a sudden has this new friend out of no where. My boyfriend has always been high maintenance about his looks, smell, etc. His new friend is extremeley high maintenance...not too feminine looking. But I have met his new friend a few times and he acts real awkward around me or my BF. I have a vibe that he may be gay and that he likes my bf. He is always calling my Bf to go out like nearly everyday, literally. The way he talks to him also looks odd...I just feel weird like i compete with him when we have hung out (which has only been a few times since hes new in the pic). what do i do or say. i mentioned it to my bf and he said he doesnt think his new friend is gay, but if he is so what! i have nothing against gay ppl but i dont want this new guy to try to steal my bf!this is insane..out of all out problems i never expected this. help! Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I'm going to assume your bf knows his friend a little better than you..... and just because they want to hang out together doesn't mean he is gay? Believe it or not, guys sometimes idolize other guys, and try to "be like them". Maybe this guy wants to be more like your boyfriend, and enjoys hanging out with him...... I know I'm with my best friend all the time down at school here... go to parties together, hang out together all the time...... I don't think either of us are gay for each other though.... Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I'm pretty sure he's not going to be stolen by that guy. If he's straight there's nothing to worry about. If that guy really is gay, your bf will realize it soon enough and cut his ties with him. Link to comment
heyguys Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 the "idolizing" eachother part makes sense. just witnessing it first hand it so foreign to me i guess. like this guy talks so soft to my bf, fixes his hood on his sweatshirt...blah...my bf is a little naive i think about it or im not sure...but i see where ur coming from....i know i had a friend like that and my bf accused her of being lesbian and in love with me...but i never expected the tables to turn...i dunno Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 err.. side comment: just because you find out a friend is gay, doesn't mean you "cut ties" with them..... its not some kind of a dieses (sp?).... but ya, I really wouldn't worry about it. he likes you remember Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 well, maybe its just because everyone at my age is shallow-minded but being a guy with gay friends is kinda messed up. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 If this guy does like your bf, and your bf does end up leaving you for him... it may hurt, but if your bf is gay and in denile, then wouldnt you rather he was being true to himself? Link to comment
heyguys Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 perhaps...i guess im feeling jealous....but i sit back im jealous of another guy..real trippy....i asked him about his friend and he says he is "good company" i was hurt, i told him "oh so you're feeling lonely, you need new friends to keep you company". my bf does not need NEW company he is a full time student works and has a gf (me) and his regular batch of guy friends...hes well accompanied as it is.... Link to comment
EvaGina Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 fair enough when I was 16, I was dating a guy who would tell me he kissed anther guy... it hurt, just like it would have if he had kissed a girl. (turns out he is gay...) anyways, now that I am a bit older, it would still hurt, but I wouldnt be angry about it, I would HATE to be with a guy who wanted to be with other men.. Link to comment
Siriana Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Well if your bf isn't gay or bi I really don't know where is the problem?! You're jelous of him hanging around with friends, and having new friends so you have a problem with that - because of that you decided to claim how this guy might possibly be gay (completely irrelevant). I think that's not good. You bf has every right to choose new firends - and if he feels he has enough time to study, have friends, have a gf and a new firend I think you should trust him he can. Link to comment
AintittheTruth Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 "err.. side comment: just because you find out a friend is gay, doesn't mean you "cut ties" with them..... its not some kind of a dieses (sp?).... but ya, I really wouldn't worry about it. he likes you remember Great post Maverick32x!!! Still, she may be seeing and picking up on subtle things that we cannot. A conversation between you and your boyfriend may clear this concern up ....yes? If your boyfriend is not gay or bi- he may simply end up with a gay friend... Link to comment
sophie274 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Apart from the gay issue, if you feel like you're being stood up, cancelled on, or just left by the wayside by your boyfriend so that he can hang out with his new friend, you should speak up. Tell your boyfriend you are feeling a bit neglected and that you'd like to spend more time together with him. If you do think there is some inappropriate flirting/touching going on (not clear from your posts), just ask your boyfriend what's up. It does sound like he's had that conversation with you and says he is just a friend - I think you have no choice but to trust him, at least for now! Probably your boyfriend is just excited about having a new friend. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 well, maybe its just because everyone at my age is shallow-minded but being a guy with gay friends is kinda messed up. Its the 21st century time to get out of the narrowminded view of people. Sidenote, Gays actually make great friends. I have many of them and they are actually very loyale and trusting friends. Infact one of my gay guy friends is in love pretty much with my bf but I know my bf is straight and my friend would never tread on such grounds out of respect for me so what? Ya know. But to the OP, I agree with everyone else I think you're just stressing over the fact your bf has a new friend and he's taking time away from you and your bf if your bf is straight why sweat it? Jealousy is a big problema nd can cause big problems in your relationship if you don't kick it in the bud right now. Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 a close friend of mine is actually gay and I pretty much rely on him for any sort of "fashion" sense..... bi-yearly I go buy clothes with him (that he pretty much picks out) and than he cuts my hair at his house accross the street... if it wasn't for him I would get no girls!!! (because I have no idea what clothes are 'in' and my hair would look crazy ) Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 i think you have it in your head that this guy is gay and now you are picking up on things that make him look 'more gay'. this guy is probably straight. there are a lot of guys these days with feminine characteristics. i think you are reading into it too much. it sounds like a bit of jealousy. you are a bit upset that he is spending time with him and you are making up reasons to not like this guy. maybe if you went and hung out with both of them more, you will see that he is a great friend to your bf. you must not know him well enough yet. i have a gay friend. he says he wants me, blah blah. he knows nothing will come of it though. he doesn't pressure me for anything. he just jokes with me if i was gay i would be his. haha. quite funny actually. he is a cool person and i like hanging out with him. doesn't mean any gay tendencies in me. friendship is a different beast than sexual preference. give the guy a chance. maybe you can get your nails done together. ........................................................................................................................................................................................ Link to comment
heyguys Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Well just to clarify a few responses I have been getting in the posts, I LIKED his friend and we have hung out a few times. When I first saw him I thought "wow, he is cute and fashionable, well taken care of". But from that I did not assume he is gay since my own boyfriend is the same way, very fashionable loves to shop, all things that didn't make me assume he was gay. So when I met his new friend, I thought ok he may look gay but I'm not gonna assume anything since he and my bf are probably friends because they have similar interests and personalities (when it comes to fashion, clean cut, etc). My bf is def very trendy and clean etc, but he is totally NOT GAY. He is as macho as they get, loves girls, sports, everything. His new friend though, after I spent sometime with him not only looks trendy, but acts real feminine and acts a certain way to my bf, like i can sense he is into him, interested, perhaps idolizes him as someone else posted...i just cant put my finger on it. THOSE cluse make me think he is gay. And I have NO problem with my bf having a gay friend, i just dont want him to have a friend that is interested in him romantically, whether its a gay male or a girl....he has had gay friends from the gym (my bf is also very fit) but it never went so far as they spent ALOT of time together like my bf and his new friend... Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 I think it still boils down to jealousy, so what if he has a gay friend who is into him? It is different then him having a girl friend who is into him although most people dont see the difference. If you're bf is straight there is no reason to worry.. just because your bf's friend idolizes him to some sense doens't mean he's gay nor does it mean he wants him. I'd really back away from the whole thing before you end up putting a strain on your relationship because of your accusations. Link to comment
Rabican Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Is your boyfriend gay? If he is not then you have nothing to worry about. Trust me, if he is straight... no worries. If hes gay... you probably shouldnt be with him anyways. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 you shouldn't worry about this so much. i think you are just upset that he is using some of his time by hanging with this guy and it bugs you. all of a guy's time cannot be devoted to a woman. i'm sorry to say, but it will ruin any relationship. straight or gay guy, it's still just the guys hanging out. so what if he likes your bf anyways, if this is the case. your bf has his eyes set on you. that is all that should matter. you need to get over this quick, before your relationship passes you completely. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 I think you sound a bit controlling. Who gave you authority to decide if your bf has enough close friends - what does that even mean? My bf has a close friend who is gay and I would never dream that there was anything but a platonic friendship. It's fine to be jealous, not fine to react by being controlling. Even if this man is gay has no bearing on whether your bf should befriend him. If the friend treats you badly/is disrespectful, you can complain about that but as far as time spent - deal with the underlying issue - why you two don't agree on how much time to spend together - rather than he time he spends with his new friend. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 haven't you ever heard the term 'bros before _ _ _'? this term applies a lot here. you might find yourself a lonely person trying to keep your significant other all to yourself. keep feeling this way and pestering your bf. watch what happens when he has had enough of you. more time for his friend. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
heyguys Posted February 4, 2007 Author Share Posted February 4, 2007 of course I am jealous that they spend lots of time together. i barely spend time together, and lately m bf has been blowing me off to hang out with his new friend. so yes im mad and jealous. and not only do they spend lots of time together, they do things my bf never does with me such as go to clubs and bars. i love to dance and he never goes with me but he will go with his new friend... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 did you talk to him about it yet? you need to put your foot down instead of just looking for answers here. it sounds like you haven't said much to him about it and are whining on the site. you need to let him know how you feel and you pushed to the side it makes you seem. personally, if you think your bf doesn't want to be with you that much, you don't need him. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
heyguys Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 yes, i have talked to him but nothing changes. the times i do spend with him are nice but i like to do things he does with his friends, but he says he needs his "guy" time.....so i just feel stuck, bc i agree guys need their time to bond, which is fine, but i dont know how else to put it. the "gay part" just adds to it, i always felt this way about him and his other friends anyway....so i guess this jealousy is part of the main issue for this thread Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 well then. it seems you need to look at this situation deeper. how much do you really like this guy versus the time you get to spend. there are other great guys out there with much more time for you. liking a guy because he is good looking and dresses well is one thing. being with someone because they spend time with you and cherish the time they spend and can't stand to be away from you is much different. you need to re-evaluate what you want in a guy. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
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