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Is she cheating or not? help


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Hello everyone,


At the moment im at work and its driving me insane about my home life.


This morning when i looked in my wifes phone, there were messages with , sleep well, i love you. Also i looked in call register and i see long phone calls from this number. When i asked her about it , she sayt : Its someone whos harrasing me. But ini my mind i think.. why he calls u everyday?? Why for so long conversations?? If he harrases u why dont just pick up?... When i asked her later that day, give me your phone, i want to check the number to phone him up. She erased all the numbers, sayt to me.. sorry i erased them all .. i dont need those numbers. Serious im now at work, i need to do a job but i cant concentrate anymore.

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She sayt to me, that she knew i was gona be upset if she told me bout him harrasing her. I asked her how does he have your number? She sayt i dont know, i never met the guy. All the calls have been made while i was at work. Its even more difficult for me cause even if he would call when im at home , they talk diffrent languas then me. And what i find kinda really strange, if she dont know him, he is from same country ?? And he wrote: Sleep well , love you. So how he knows shes gona sleep at that time?

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Jen has a good point. The "I love you" just doesn't seem to fit if someone is actually harassing her. What's even more out of place, though, is the long phone conversations. Though someone could keep saying "I love you" as harassment, I don't think anyone would choose to talk on the phone for long periods of time with someone that was harassing them.

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Humnn i dont know how to find out if she is cheating or not. At the moment i feel like going home and wana make her tell me it. But i know she wont tell me anything. I really dont know what to do now. Im hoping that he phones again and she forgets to erase the number so i can call it, maybe that guy can tell me whats going on...

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I think so.. With general assumption of said suspicious activities, I don't see the wrong in it. Others might.


I used to be insecure and would look through my ex's phone years ago. It got old to her and I just did it for whatever reason I did back then.


Nowadays, I dont look in my girlfriends phone, ever. Infact I don't recall ever opening it..


To the OP, I think you need to sit her down and ask her to be honest. Calling this guy won't fix anything. He could lie too. How do you know they speak different languages, if you've never actually caught her on the phone talking to him?


I'd ask her to as dako said, to level up and be honest. If you feel she can't, or feel she's ill witted about it. Do something drastic... Leave her.

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I'm really sorry, but like ILP, I think she's cheating on you.


I'd stay out of the phone records and simply confront her.

Sure, she'll initially deny it, but unless she's made of stone, she'll give herself away by shaking, crying or getting irrationally angry at the accusation.

Eventually she has to level with you.


Hope I'm wrong, because I know it hurts.

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Hence, why I think you should deal with this swiftly.



Ignore the phone, and the numbers. Ask her whats going on, plead with her even.


You shouldn't have to be a detective, and you shouldn't have to deal with these emotions.. Ask for honesty and a way for her to clear this up, or tell her to pack her things.. Being swift and hard, will save you alot of heartache and headaches.

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Why i knew she and him are same country. Cause there were 2 messages. And why i looked in the phone is because i woke up from a phonecall , she forgot her phone. So i looked who it was. Could have been important. I confronted her but she says there is nothing going on.

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Unfortunately, I am going to have to agree with ILP and Dako.


"Yes, she is cheating on you. Whether it be physically, emotionally or both... you are currently sharing her with another person."


This is based on my recent experiences with a cheating husband...it just sounds too similar to me! And I'm sorry because I know it hurts sooooooo badly.


When I confronted him, my husband became "irrationally angry" and indignant. As the saying goes, the best defense is an offense. So watch out for that type of reaction as it really worked on me for quite awhile!!!


I think it's OK to look at phone records if you are not getting complete honesty from her...and I don't think you are. You deserve to know the truth and not to have things drawn out any longer.


I'm so sorry that she is doing this to you. :sad:

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Did you ask her why there are LONG phone conversations if there isn't anything going on??? That's the part that doesn't make sense to me. If someone were harassing me, I would just hang up and I would definitely tell my husband about it. If it kept happening, I would report it to someone. Why continue the calls if they are only harassment? And why erase all of the numbers in the phone if it were nothing to hide? It just seems fishy to me.


But only YOU can decide if you want to take your wife's word on this or not. Just trust what your instincts are telling you....even if you don't like it. Our instincts are usually right. I have learned that the hard way.

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i do agree with you guys. But u see im only 29 and this is my second wife already. I just wanted to make it work. I try so my best and i do really love her. Never even spoken to other women. It really puts me down. I remember that my family told me. Please son make it work this time. Your not getting younger. Man why cant a woman just love me?

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I think she might be cheating.


Also I think how now ,when she knows you noticed weird msg in her phone, she's going to be more carefull to hide her traces.


I suggest confronting her, and if you have another chance check up her mobile again.

I am not against spying when it comes to this.

Some people are liers and they will do their best to sit on two stools, so checking up is a good proof.

But you also need to confront her too.


WHat's that other language they use?

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I will say this....


only a VERY small percentage of people in this world are fortunate enough to experience true and unconditional romantic love. An even smaller percentage are fortunate enough to have it reciprocated towards them.


we often make the mistake of using 'love' as we would hope it would be; to cure fear. Fear of being alone, fear of not accomplishing certain life goals, fear of lack of physical touch and intamcy... you get the picture.


Love in it's purest and most authentic form is NOT an emotion. Love is an action.


Now, based on your wife's actions, does that equate to love? Based on what you and every human being should expect in a relationship/marriage, do you want that for yourself?


You don't want your second marriage to fail. Understandable. Based on what you say she is doing, I can completely understand why a second divorce is a worse alternative...

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  • 9 months later...


It's true, its already his second marriage. Als this is a post from his first wife... Who experienced quite the same story a few years ago, when Bwyte was cheating on me...

Now he's going through the same pain... And so you see, it allways comes back on you..... Cant feel sorry for you Bwyte, although I love you and you know that...


And you are not honest with your new wife either, cause you seek contact with me too.... Oh boy what a mess you make...:sad:

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Honestly if she thinks this guy is harassing her then why would she have all those calls from him, and like others say why would there be an I love you message? It doesnt make sense. This type of thing is a persons worst nightmare. Dont believe the lies, because if she lies to you now and you dont act on it she is going to think its okay and she will keep lying to you regardless what it is about. There should be no reason why she would be hiding the call log or even deleting it. Ask her to see her phone bill when it comes in, or even online. If she hesitates at that point then you should know that she is cheating. I know its hard to make yourself believe it, you know deep down she is, but you dont want to believe it. Youve given her a chance to prove herself and she hid it so I would honestly think whats really important and whether or not you want to live with those lies.

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And what if he is a big cheater himself..... I was married with this guy and we were 6 years together when he did exactly the same, made long distance calls to someone he met on a online game.... And was allways lying about it... He is not to trust and now it's happening to him and ohw he is so sad, instead of making his second relationship work, he's calling other women and can't blame him, his second wife is a * * * * * who drinks to much and is cheating him......

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