Ex Fiance that I am still in love with

[2bMRSG07]

I am very new to this forum, but I totally need it I am at the end of my rope. I was engaged to the love of my life until December 2006. The wedding was set and completely planned for July 7th 2007. It was too be perfect. Until he ran into money problems in november and completely changed. He stopped talking to me and I had no idea as to why until December 12 I stumbled upon an online diary and this woman was describing my fiance too the letter. I knew it was him so I wrote her and explained that I was his fiance and had been for the past 3 months. She wrote me back telling me how she wasnt going to let him go, and that she was in so many words- content to share him with me.

Well I talked to him and it was true the love of my life was having an affair with a woman who i knew to be his ex. An ex he was no longer involved with.

At the time I was furious... I told him he was dead to me and blocked any contact with him. At the time all i could see was my hurt and that he had been such an . Later the other woman contacts me- after searching the net for me, to tell me that she is praying for "our baby" meaning "our man" That was a major slap in the face I WONT EVER SHARE A MAN! She believes that we can share a man. That hurt so bad. Through that I discovered that they are now in a relationship.

Fast foreward from the day that it was over til now... I am finding it hard to get out of bed. I cant cry its just absolutely the most painful experience i have ever had to experience. See now the hate and sheer anger is gone. Now I miss the man I made the promise to Marry and spend the next 70 years with. I miss our inside jokes, the way he looked at me, the way he made me feel. HE WAS ONE OF THE BIGGEST PARTS OF MY WORLD AND THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY FUTURE. Now i walk around in love with a man I have no contact with, who is with another woman

[HarleyHunny]

I feel for you, sweetie. But hang in there. Consider yourself lucky BEFORE you said "I do". God has a better plan for you. Get yourself up, get with some friends, keep yourself busy. I promise it will get better. May take some time, but it will.

 

Best of luck to you.

[RayKay]

That would be devastating, but I am so proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself, for walking away from this guy. Sadly, many women would not have.

 

You deserve so much better, and in time you will see how lucky you were to get away from him; he won't change his spots at this rate since this other woman has basically "accepted" this behaviour.

 

Remember, he is NOT the man you thought he was; he deceived you and showed you the side he wanted you to see; but not the person he really was.

 

You deserve someone whom means it when he says he wants YOU and only YOU. And in time, you will find him.

[peaceseeker]

Hi there,

 

I am new to this forum as well. I don't really know what to say that will make it any better, but I just wanted to let you know that I really feel for you. I know what is like to struggle to get out of bed.....and to lose a person who you thought was going to be there forever- it sucks. But we have to believe what everybody says....the despair doesn't go on forever, it just feels like it will.

 

I think you are being really strong, keep breathing, looking after yourself and talking....you are being listened to.

[caro33]

What a terrible betrayal, I hope karma gets him in the end. I'm not usually mystical but I do believe the universe has a way of sorting stuff out.

 

It does get better. There will come a day that you will be grateful you did not marry a man who was obviously not worthy of you.

 

What you are going through right now is the normal grieving process - you are grieving the death of the relationship, and you are grieving the loss of the man you thought he was.

 

It is just going to feel awful for a while, there's no way around it.

 

My advice is to be super kind to yourself - if you feel like having a cry, have it. Feel sorry for yourself. Eat things, buy things, whatever gets you through. But keep a part of yourself separate from that and watch yourself. Keep involved with life, get out there when you are even only slightly up to it. It's important not to give in to the need to stay in bed TOO much, to not eat to the point you hate yourself, spend what you don't have, etc. But you need some TLC now - be generous with yourself.

 

It does get better day by day, you start to realise you don't know any more how many exact minutes or days have passed since "that day", and your crying cycle started to get longer (ie less crying).

 

In my case my terrible hurt freed me to do all sorts of things, and a few years later I married the man who was truly worthy and right for me. You will be happy again.

[Aleadragonhawk]

One of the worst things for me after a breakup was always thinking back over the good things about the person and how much I missed them. I found out that it helped to concentrate on the bad things that ended the relationship. Just keep reminding yourself of what he did that made you end the relationship every time you start to miss him.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i am sorry, this is terrible for you, but please try to recognize that fate did you a HUGE favor by you discovering this about him... he is a man who is content to live a double life, lie to his fiance, cheat, etc.

 

the man you fell in love with, that you thought would be your life partner, is NOT the man he really is...

 

and how totally preposterous for this woman to say she is 'praying' for 'our baby'... what planet does she come from, the planet of the insane?? this is such a totally abnormal and bizarre situation, i just can't imagine what those two (him and her) would have been expecting from you in the future if you married him... threesomes? raising 'your' babies together as siblings (your babies with him, and *her* babies with him)???

 

please recognize that though you are hurt now, you are grieving for a person and a marriage that would never have existed, just some twisted situation with a guy leading a double life, a liar and a cheat, and his nutty mistress...

 

please focus on the reality of how totally weird this all is, and how you TOTALLY deserve someone who loves you and is normal and not as crazy as those two... and let her have him, she sounds totally weird, and will probably end up stalking him like a lunatic if he ever leaves her, and i'm sure he eventually will, becuase cheaters and liars repeat their patterns again and again... he deserves what he gets then...

[yeawutever]

Good grief, you're lucky you got to know his real character before marrying him, otherwise a divorce would have cost you lots of money. It's great to see you're moving on, keep up the good work, one man isn't gonna kill you, there's many fishes in the ocean.