Oops!! Found out the ex is engaged!!

[Orlander]

Hey all,

My path through this past year has been a pretty rough one. In the past few months I started to really feel better about myself and about my life.

 

Today I found out that my ex is engaged to be married. I also found out that the real reason she decided to stop speaking to me in February (3 weeks after telling me she was in love with me) was because she had met someone else.

 

To be honest, I am in shock! My body is coping the best it can, but I am going to fight letting this really affect me. This is just proof that this woman was not the woman I thought I knew or loved.

 

I am happy for her that she has found someone who she can share all of her life with. I don't know if it was this new guy or our differing views on religion that prompted our split, but ultimately it was not meant to be for us.

 

A part of me had held on all this time, but it's time to let go. This will help in my healing process, but I still am adament about using NC and NOT trying to find out info about your exes. We all deserve to heal peacefully.

 

I am going to post here every day my feelings until I deem that I no longer need to. In a big way I think the true healing can now continue.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

Orlander

[JoeWho]

Ouch............. I agree with you, best to avoid finding out anything about the exes, but when you do hear something,use it to heal. I heard a rumor that my ex was talking about getting engaged with her new guy so I know exactly how you feel. He may be getting what was once my life sentence......... LOL

[Orlander]

LOL, yeah! I know this guy was the "rebound" cause we last had sex and we really stopped seeing each other around the time they probably started dating. Not sure though. I did tell her repeatedly early last year that there was no future for us...all the while hoping to draw her back in, but I guess it didn't work out too well.

 

 

Orlander

[Heretic]

When I found out my ex was getting married it bothered me A LOT. Then I put it in perspective and I found it was easier to let her go simply because there was no way I could ever be with her again. I'm not saying it'll work for everyone but after I got over the initial shock I found I could really start to let her go for the first time in months.

 

So hang in there I know this ain't easy.

[HDD]

Sorry to hear about your ex's engagement! I guess you needed this to really let her go. But what makes me wonder is if you repeatedly told her that you two had no future together, when why would she wait around for you? Why would you want her back after you said that? I mean, she deserves to move on and live her life, right? And so do YOU! Its just sad that she had to get engaged to the rebound guy rather than give herself time to heal and to learn from the break up.

I am sure you are doing the right thing. let her live her life and move on. The good thing is, you are taking your time and healing in a healthy way. You deserve it... there is no rush for anyone to get engaged or be in a relationship, especially after a break up. Its not fair to either party. So Orlander, good luck with your healing and we will be here for you anytime you need to talk to someone We know you will get through this!!!

[Orlander]

Ellie, Heretic, HDD...thank you for your kind words of encouragement.

 

HDD, you are right...why would she wait around? It sucks, but it's true. She told me more than a couple of times that she was worried about finding someone. She even told me all the good guys were taken. LOL

 

I'm reeling, yes, but I will recover.

 

What hurts the most I guess is that this woman who said she needed time to think about a lot of things before being with anyone, would find someone just a short time after saying that.

 

Orlander

[HDD]

Honestly speaking, I dont think she fully healed from the break up and she might be moving too fast with this engagement... but who knows. Its her life and her choice. she's history!

lets worry about YOU now

[Jeffrey2095]

Hello Orlander,

 

And I am really sorry to hear about your recent disappointment.

 

But, it sounds as though you are taking it about the best way that is possible, when a person gets a bummer like that dropped on them.

 

Good job guy! =D>

 

Your healthy attitude and resilliant spirit should be an inspiration to us all.

 

Peace, and best wishes for the future. People like you have already won it.

 

Jeff

[Dako]

I'm really sorry this is a blow to you, but I suspect you'll manage this with your usual grace.

 

My ex's new guy is someone I know and like. If they were to marry it would feel a bit alienating, but I doubt she will.

 

Even so, I'll be taking notes from you.

Hang in there, guy.

[RayKay]

Hey Orlander,

 

My last-last-ex got engaged about 6 months after we broke up, and is married and quite happy now from what I know anyway.

 

It kinda sucks at first as you have that gut "what if" feeling (especially when they were saying they were "commitment phobics" - which is why I don't really buy into that but that is another story...) but really, it isn't so bad if you have done a lot of healing and moving on since. It is much harder if you are still stuck on reconciliation. One of my friends broke up with his live in gf of three years, and got engaged within months to the girl he started dating 2 weeks after the break up...I know that hurt her a lot.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to show some solidarity.....it kinda sucks when you wonder why the dumpers are the ones to find themselves in these supposedly happy relationships when you are still on the single scene, especially when you are the one whom never wanted to be in the first place!

[RayKay]

What hurts the most I guess is that this woman who said she needed time to think about a lot of things before being with anyone, would find someone just a short time after saying that.

 

And seriously, word for word, that is the same thing I heard from the last-last ex too! They are usually trying to convince themselves of it....more than us. And just because they do rush in, does not mean they were really ready.

 

This may be a rebound, or not. Not every relationship that starts soon after a breakup is one. But the point is, it's not something you need, or should, worry about anymore. She is someone else's problem now

[Orlander]

Dako, Jeffrey, thank you very much.

 

This is definitely no picnic, but I will persevere. One problem I always had was not caring too much for the woman I happened to be dating, but then, when it was over, feeling like I had lost the one thing that meant the most to me in life. So, realistically and logically, she was not worth all these months of heartache and pain.

 

I've learned a valuable lesson and I believe that part of the reason I was single for so long and didnt date was because I wanted to make sure the next time I got it right. I am extremely proud of myself for that.

 

But, it's truly time to move on...besides, I have two dates this weekend

 

 

Orlander

[Orlander]

She is someone else's problem now

Yes, I suppose she is. Though it breaks my heart, I hope she is happy. A part of me always felt conflicted that I didn't love her the way I felt she needed. I couldnt love her enough at the time...I can now. Live and learn.

 

I really do hope her marriage is successful and that she never regret her decision.

 

 

Thank you RayKay.

 

 

Orlander

[hosswhispra]

Hugs to you Orlander.....

[Orlander]

Thank you hosswhispra. I just talked my dad's head off for an hour. This is tough. It's tough to find out that someone quickly moved on. This is the second time it has happened to me.

 

Thanks to all of you for your support.

 

 

Orlander

[Jasrosy]

LOL, yeah! I know this guy was the "rebound" cause we last had sex and we really stopped seeing each other around the time they probably started dating. Not sure though. I did tell her repeatedly early last year that there was no future for us...all the while hoping to draw her back in, but I guess it didn't work out too well.

 

 

Orlander

 

this proves that i don't have any hope left. , wow, but i am sorry to hear this, but i guess you are right about the moving part. i haven't heard that my ex is engaged or something, but maybe that will help me in actually, forgetting about him, although, i had little hope of him coming back.

[Orlander]

Jasrosy, it's hard not to live in the past. I haven't been extremely successful at it. I'm hurting, but I know this too shall pass. My last relationship didnt work out the way I wanted, but I think it's for the best. Let me explain...

 

I can either look at finding about my ex's engagement in one of two ways:

 

1. Just as I was starting to heal and able to begin dating again, BAM, this hits me and puts me back to square one of healing

 

2. I was just starting to heal, just starting to date again, when BAM, this hits me and forces me to realize that it's over, that she WASN'T the angel I made her out to be and all of a sudden, I can apply everything that I have been working hard on to move on for good.

 

So, which side will win? Whichever one gets fed.

 

I am convinced that everything happens for a reason and so has this. I believe it's God's will, though I can't quite figure out the lesson to learn, I know that he is leading me to where I really want to be.

 

Same for you, Jasrosy. You will find your new love and get over your ex.

 

Orlander

[brando]

O,

Yeah this must have been a real shock. Not the thing you want to hear... but it is what it is.

 

You seem to be handling it well. You have a good outlook. To be able to see two sides of how you can react is key. Number two is the way to go. Things do hapen for a reason, and it is up to us to find that reason that pushed us through lifes mysteries.

 

be well friend,

brando.

[Orlander]

Thanks Brando. I've kept my ex and her family in my prayers every night since we broke up. Tonight will be the last time. It truly is time to do what seems impossible...put the past behind me.

 

 

Orlander

[LilPixie]

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling blue.

In one way her engagement makes the end final - it will be easier for you to move on.

 

I can't comprehend how anyone will leave an awesome human being like you.

 

However - you deserve better! The door is fully closed now - time to start the rest of your life. I hope that this year brings you someone who loves and respects you for who you are - with all your beliefs.

[longhaircats]

Orlander,

 

I feel you, I just found out 4 days ago that my ex of almost 3 years is already living with someone else. It hit me bacause he replaced me so quickly (3 months). Like your case, he broke up with me because I couldn't tell him that he was the "one" while he wanted to settle down.

 

But you know what? It really made me realized that we are over and no way to want to get back to someone who can replace me so quickly. He wanted to marry someone who love him buck, but it didn't have to be me. It really helped me moving on, and I feel that I turned the corner. You are on the right track.

 

I read John Gray's "starting over" book and it says "when a man (your case woman) rush into another relationship right away, his actions do not mean he did not love the woman with whom he was previously involved. He is just seeking to get out his pain. In some cases, the greater the loss, the more quickly he may try to be involved in another relationship"

 

This indicates that your ex moved on so quickly because her loss (you) was so big she has to fill the viod as soon as possible. So forgive her. She was just too weak to be on her own. You deserve so much better anyway!

[Orlander]

Thank you LilPixie and longhaircats. I do deserve better and I deserve better than to have spent the greater part of all of last year in pining for my ex.

 

I will read that book from John Gray ("Starting Over") and I do feel that she rushed into another relationship to ease the pain and also that it isn't every day a man shows interest in her and I know she was probably flattered and worried about finding someone (she told me so). So, I can't fault her, really. It just hurts.

 

Last night was rough. Not even an hours sleep. Hopefully tonight will be better. I promised myself I would not think about her or my heartache today. I'll leave it in God's hands today.

 

Thanks again.

 

 

Orlander

[lmtl]

Orlander,

 

I am truly sorry for your pain. What happened to you is what every dumpee dreads most. It is going to be difficult to digest it all, but YOU can do it. You have your dad & all of us for support. We're here for you.

[Orlander]

Thank you, lmtl. Yes, this is incredibly difficult. I kept my ex on her pedestal and didn't have faith/acceptance that this is the way it MUST be and in order to find true happiness I MUST get over my ex. Afterall, there was a reason after 4 years I couldnt bring myself to propose to her.

 

This is for the best...

 

Orlander

[Orlander]

Time for a story, one of hope, inspiration and faith.

 

Yesterday was the one and a half year anniversary since I laid in bed, sad, depressed and confused and asked God for help. It was the first time since I could remember that I talked to God. Our relationship had always been one of turmoil and uncertainty.

 

I was unhappy with my life. I was alone, didn't want to be with my ex (whom I was still dating at the time), didn't like my job, didn't like my apartment and didnt like that I had no friends. I asked God to intervene.

 

So, exactly a year and a half later I find out that my ex is engaged, which should help in facilitating me getting completely over her. I really like my job and am making the kind of money I always wanted. I'm in a house, have a nice car, have women to date and friends to go out with.

 

Has my prayer been answered? I believe so, yes! I still struggle with faith, faith in myself, acceptance of what my life is now and I still struggle with getting over my ex.

 

It's time to put the bag of bricks down that is this love I think I have for my ex. If I do that, I will have my wish come true.

 

 

Orlander