Oops!! Found out the ex is engaged!!

[Orlander]

Aw, I'm sorry to hear Tezza. Any guy capable of doing what you say your exboyfriend did definitely isnt worth your love. I know it stinks now what you are going through, but you have to stay strong because you WILL get through it.

 

I promise you you will find someone much better when you are ready.

 

I dont think about my ex's engagement much anymore. It just doenst bother me. It took a couple of months to get to this point where I am right now, but I am pretty much over my ex with the odd day here or there where I still miss her.

 

I'm falling in love with the idea of meeting someone new and wonderful and falling in love again.

 

Just keep reading and posting here on our great forums. There's a lot of really good advice around and some great people who give them.

 

Orlander

[beebee]

"I did tell her repeatedly early last year that there was no future for us...all the while hoping to draw her back in, but I guess it didn't work out too well."

 

orlander... i respect you very much... ive read your posts many times and i believe you have great insight in matters of the heart... i just have to ask one thing... why oh why did you tell her this?... my ex did the same thing to me saying "i see no future for us"... it broke my heart and pushed me so far away... why would you think that saying something like that would bring her closer to you?... why do people play mind games and say things they dont mean to get a different spin on what they want?... i just dont understand...

[Orlander]

hey beebee...anger has many affects on people and I was very VERY angry a year ago. My ex broke NC twice at that point and I was frustrated. I wanted her back and I wanted her to leave me alone. I did everything I could think of to get her back and at the same time I also did what I could to get her to leave me alone. It was my attempt to say "I love you more than anything but you have to leave because if you stay I will only hurt you"

 

That's what anger does. I dont regret anything I did really...I have forgiven myself and forgiven my ex (for the most part). I didnt deserve to be treated like that but she didnt deserve some of the things I said too.

 

Lesson learned. If someone says "leave" then do just that and close the door on the way out. Dont think too much about what someone says when they are angry. Hold them accountable for their words and actions, but love enough to forgive and move on.

 

That's why I condone leaving for good when someone breaks up with you. Turn away and walk and dont look back. I wasnt able to do that and it cost me months of wasted time, energy and much, much pain.

 

 

Orlander

[beebee]

i guess i understand... lol... how would you have hurt her if she stayed?... by disappointing her again?... im sorry darling... i remember exactly when my ex said those words to me "i see no future with you"... it took the wind out of my soul... he never spoke to me like that before and yes, you are right, he was angry... incredibly angry even though he admitted to me later that i had done nothing wrong... there were other things he said in anger that i just couldnt and cant get out of my mind... i wonder why?... ive had people say things to me in anger that i just shrug off and say "to hell with you!"... lol... but from him!... it was horrible... o well... onwards and upwards... life moves on... just a little snippet from the past that i wanted explained...

 

thanks darling... God bless... beebee

[auburnslp]

Today is Good Friday my friend. The day that Jesus died for us. Willingly laid down His life for us. I know you are hurting, and I can understand why-there is now a true finality to it all...nothing left to wonder.

 

You, in a sense, are now truly back to step one. Acknowledge and don't try to fight it...but please know that while you spent a year grieving the first time, this one will not last as long.

 

Do you belong to a Church? Many have groups where people can share their grief. And that can be so healing, just as this forum is, but even better in a way because you can actually establish personal and in-person friendships with people going through the same things. And laugh with, cry with, and learn to enjoy life again and look forward to better days, together-this forum is a life-saver to be sure...but what's not to like about the possibility of getting together with a friend going through the same things for a round of golf, a beer, whatever?

 

I am truly sorry you are going through this. You are a good man, a special person, your heart is huge in that you are so willing to spend your time on here and I am sure elsewhere helping others. I think it would be safe to say that you have all of our prayers on here to get through this difficult time and emerge renewed. A Christian analogy for you...Jesus died today, and was risen on Sunday. My friend, a part of your life has died today-or recently-and it is now done. But you too will rise again from it. And you will move on, and you will be just fine. Just take the time you need to heal.

 

My advice would be to take a step back for a time and consider taking time for you again-and maybe even not date for a bit. You have justifiably returned to a place where maybe that wouldn't be in your best interests for a while. Just my thoughts.

 

My friend, God loves you-and you are right that everything happens for a reason. And in time you will find that reason why this happened. And I personally believe that in the long-run, you will eventually thank God for this part of His Plan, because one day you will wake up and be truly equipped to completely move on with your wonderful life...

 

My best to you brother, you have my prayers and hopes for this tough time.

 

Michael

[Orlander]

Yesterday it was three months since I found out my ex was engaged. It's time to put this thread in the past as far as regular/continual updates. It doesnt bother me anymore. I'm over my ex in many ways, but equally not so in many other ways. It's tough to describe and explain.

 

I hope for new love. I'm nearly ready for it. I'm the only one really standing in my way of finding it, accepting it.

 

I think of where I was just three months ago and I am shocked at the progress. Still lonely, but love is out there. I'll find it when I'm ready.

 

To everyone out there struggling, wondering what the future brings...it brings calm, cool breezes, smiles and gratitude for what you have...if you allow it and just be patient.

 

Orlander