No friends = something wrong?

[Jenya]

Hello all! I'm new here and just needed to start with something. The reason why I'm here is a bad feeling of full loneliness. I liked the name of this website and forum. All what I'm writing probably sounds too familiar and I could find million sounces to read, but in my google's keywords for search was the word "forum", cause I needed real people to talk to. Anyway...

My name is Jenya and it's the first time when I introduce myself with my real name. Everybody knows me as Fiona, but this time I wanted to use another way. I'm 20. I live in country I've been hating since the day I was born. I have a good job which I love, I study in the second university (I mean I previously studied in another one after the school) as a part-time student and learn the things I love as well. I have very understanding parent (I have only mom) and boyfriend (we're in long distance relationships - subject of another forum - but anyway). Everything seems to be not very bad, but I don't have friends. Absolutely. People with whom I talked to said that I'm a great person, but I'm always alone. I don't like public places, I don't go to parties, don't like to walk, go to cinema, cafes, shops, etc. Most of time I spend in Internet (I'm a web-desiner so I'm online the whole day at work), but even there I didn't find good people I could trust. Sometimes I want so much to share something with somebody, to tell about my feelings, my pain or ask for help when something hurts and I don't know what to do. Today my boy (who lives in MSN) had to go, my mom is at work at night, but she's not that person with whom I can talk to. And I relized how loneny I am... What's wrong with me? I talk to different people, some of them are very interesting and close to me, but I don't feel.... some kind of "special connection" to call them friends. I can't trust people completely. First time everybody seems to be friendly and kind with me, but then I start to think that they don't understand me and don't want to deal with me anymore or think that I'm crazy. I would like someone to wait for me, to want to talk to me, to be glad to see me....

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

How peculiar...I for one do understand you.

 

I am slightly more ungracious and difficult than you - I seem to have opportunities for friends, but even though I get lonely sometimes, I ultimately prefer to be alone. I don't know why, as such. I like feeling detached, like I can't hurt anyone and screw anyone up, as I used to when I was younger..ah, I'm rambling, will now return to the point.

 

You do indeed seem like an intelligent, pleasant soul, so perhaps, unwittingly, your communication skills need sharpening. Web designing is valuable but doesn't tell you much about human nature, I'd guess. So you need to get into contact with more people, I think voluntary work or a society of some kind could provide a good starting point- folks all united for one purpose and all that?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

P.S I can understand why you don't enjoy parties, but ..cafes and so forth? Shops? Do you think there may be some underlying agoraphobic tendencies?

[hosswhispra]

So you need to get into contact with more people, I think voluntary work or a society of some kind could provide a good starting point- folks all united for one purpose and all that?

 

Good idea....

 

How about something like: link removed

[renaissancewoman101]

I know how you feel. I have been living in this city for one year now and I still have very little friends. Actually I have very little friends in general. But then, I tend to be a loner and keep to myself. I also have self-esteem problems and avoid doing things with people. I also have a hard time trusting people and I have gotten addicted to the Internet as a way of interacting with people.

 

It's hard to get out there and do things and make friends and meet people, but you have to push yourself to do it. It gets easier after you overcome the initial resistance. There are lots of good people out there, and bad one too, but you wont find out until you go out there and interact with people. Not all of them are bad.

 

Like the others suggest, it is a good idea to get involved with social groups and clubs and activities. Gives you something to do and a way to meet people who might have characteristics you are looking for.

 

Good luck!

[Jenya]

I seem to have opportunities for friends, but even though I get lonely sometimes, I ultimately prefer to be alone. I don't know why, as such.

Yeah, the same here. Not a one time I got invitation at least from Internet friends who said: "Come on, Jenya, we have a 'friends meeting' in your city, join us, it will be fun". But I usually answer: "Ohhh... I don't know, I'm not sure, I have plans and I will be busy these days". I prefer to be alone at home, I'm not that shy, I talk too much, tell jokes, laugh with everybody, but I feel really uncomfortable in companies of people, I feel lost and confused and I get calm only when I come back home. One time I took the part of those 'friends meetings' things, I went to another city and we were walking around there. They all were very interesting and good people, but I felt lonely even being with people and the whole day I was waiting for an hour when my train arrived and I would go home.

 

P.S I can understand why you don't enjoy parties, but ..cafes and so forth? Shops? Do you think there may be some underlying agoraphobic tendencies?

Hmm... What do you mean? Sorry, my English isn't that great, I'm still on the learning way

 

So you need to get into contact with more people, I think voluntary work or a society of some kind could provide a good starting point- folks all united for one purpose and all that?

 

Good idea....

 

How about something like:

crossculturalsolutions

I would like to. Really would like. But I have no possibilities to leave my country. The government cut all my chances. I wanted to go to Oklahoma with an exchange program, cause I had opportunity, but no way. I want to go to States, I'd like to move there actually, but I even can't visit it as a tourist.

 

But then, I tend to be a loner and keep to myself.

Sometimes I just need that someone could listen to me at least for a while... But in most cases I used to hear: "Oh, shut up, you're bothering".

 

Like the others suggest, it is a good idea to get involved with social groups and clubs and activities. Gives you something to do and a way to meet people who might have characteristics you are looking for.

Yeah, and again, it's a great thing. Even when I was younger my mom suggested me to join some club when different people are connected with one common business what makes them closer (she said it after watching movies where she saw it), and that I could learn English faster communicating with them. Well... sometimes I still hope that something like this will be on my way. I would try this thing with pleasure.

 

Thanks for replies.

[applepie]

Hey there,

 

I know this is an old thread, but I haven't been on here in a couple of days. What country do you live in? Your English is pretty good by the way. It's better than some people who speak it as a first language.

 

Anyway, I'm in a similar situation to you, but like antilove, I somewhat enjoy the solitude. I moved to where I'm currently living about 10 months ago. Before then I had lots of friends and a boyfriend of 3 years. Once we broke up, I decided to go and live with my parents overseas because I was lonely and depressed.

 

While the healing was setting in, I made a few friends where I was working. We went out and did things, but slowly and surely I stopped hanging out with them outside of work. I ended up quitting my job, and now I'm just taking classes at my local college. This place is notorious for not having any kind of social networking.

 

The past month I have sat around and done practically nothing. I've been seeing a guy, who I am no longer interested in and I am breaking up with him tonight. It's almost like I enjoy the lonliness in some sick way. I would like to have friends again, but I don't feel like going out of my way to make them.

 

In the mean time I'm thinking about working on my physical health. I about to join a health club. At least that will give me something to do and I can get fit at the same time.

 

I just worry that I'll never find another boyfriend. It's hard to do when you don't have the social connections. I'm not particularly outgoing either. I do love being with someone.