Jenya

thank you

I wrote it two years ago and it was my first poem in English (English isn't my native language and I even didn't have it school, I was learning English by myself). So this it. So empty streets around me The world is almost clear I know you'll never come to me I will not see you near And everytime I think of you I feel you in the air And ghosts are clubbing like a crew They're trying make fight fair I have a few and want some more But don't know what to find I'll never find I'm looking for These wishes on my mind You gave me wings and made me bird But couldn't teach to fly I wished to see dimension third But I just fell and cry To be the bird is very nice It's just a life's new page But you hypnotized me by your eyes Imprisoned in a cage You make me smile and make me sad Sometimes I cry and laugh You give me good and give me bad But still I feel in love I dream of you each day and night Abuse myself for it It's just imaginary fight Which called 'my usual fit' My every word is full of stuff I'm sorry for I said I can't say just the one 'enough' And don't be like a dead So well... I'm here, I'm still alive I try to find my way I'm just a girl and live my life But every night and day... I cannot help but feel one thing It's pulling me inside You just became my everything I love you, my 'dark side'!

Yeah, the same here. Not a one time I got invitation at least from Internet friends who said: "Come on, Jenya, we have a 'friends meeting' in your city, join us, it will be fun". But I usually answer: "Ohhh... I don't know, I'm not sure, I have plans and I will be busy these days". I prefer to be alone at home, I'm not that shy, I talk too much, tell jokes, laugh with everybody, but I feel really uncomfortable in companies of people, I feel lost and confused and I get calm only when I come back home. One time I took the part of those 'friends meetings' things, I went to another city and we were walking around there. They all were very interesting and good people, but I felt lonely even being with people and the whole day I was waiting for an hour when my train arrived and I would go home. Hmm... What do you mean? Sorry, my English isn't that great, I'm still on the learning way Good idea.... How about something like: crossculturalsolutions I would like to. Really would like. But I have no possibilities to leave my country. The government cut all my chances. I wanted to go to Oklahoma with an exchange program, cause I had opportunity, but no way. I want to go to States, I'd like to move there actually, but I even can't visit it as a tourist. Sometimes I just need that someone could listen to me at least for a while... But in most cases I used to hear: "Oh, shut up, you're bothering". Yeah, and again, it's a great thing. Even when I was younger my mom suggested me to join some club when different people are connected with one common business what makes them closer (she said it after watching movies where she saw it), and that I could learn English faster communicating with them. Well... sometimes I still hope that something like this will be on my way. I would try this thing with pleasure. Thanks for replies.

Hello all! I'm new here and just needed to start with something. The reason why I'm here is a bad feeling of full loneliness. I liked the name of this website and forum. All what I'm writing probably sounds too familiar and I could find million sounces to read, but in my google's keywords for search was the word "forum", cause I needed real people to talk to. Anyway... My name is Jenya and it's the first time when I introduce myself with my real name. Everybody knows me as Fiona, but this time I wanted to use another way. I'm 20. I live in country I've been hating since the day I was born. I have a good job which I love, I study in the second university (I mean I previously studied in another one after the school) as a part-time student and learn the things I love as well. I have very understanding parent (I have only mom) and boyfriend (we're in long distance relationships - subject of another forum - but anyway). Everything seems to be not very bad, but I don't have friends. Absolutely. People with whom I talked to said that I'm a great person, but I'm always alone. I don't like public places, I don't go to parties, don't like to walk, go to cinema, cafes, shops, etc. Most of time I spend in Internet (I'm a web-desiner so I'm online the whole day at work), but even there I didn't find good people I could trust. Sometimes I want so much to share something with somebody, to tell about my feelings, my pain or ask for help when something hurts and I don't know what to do. Today my boy (who lives in MSN) had to go, my mom is at work at night, but she's not that person with whom I can talk to. And I relized how loneny I am... What's wrong with me? I talk to different people, some of them are very interesting and close to me, but I don't feel.... some kind of "special connection" to call them friends. I can't trust people completely. First time everybody seems to be friendly and kind with me, but then I start to think that they don't understand me and don't want to deal with me anymore or think that I'm crazy. I would like someone to wait for me, to want to talk to me, to be glad to see me....