THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Tyler82]

Day 2.

 

Feeling ok today. I had to start over after a bunch of emails over the weekend and Monday morning. So yesterday was my first full day of NC. Time to get back on track.

[Mhaira]

The past couple of days have been really bad. However, I haven't felt the need to come to this site as often as I used to, or even count how many days of NC it has been. That seems like some sort of progress, even if I am going backwards in other ways.

[manup7228]

Day 2,

 

Great Day! 2 nights ago was my ex's birthday, I had been no contact for 6 weeks prior to that, i felt it was just wrong to have someone so important in my life not get a happy bday from me, the funny thing was that i sent it one day late just to send a msg that i dont really care that much, and ive come to the realization that I dont! The only problem is now shes telling me all this pish posh about how she sat by her phone all day waiting for me to tell her happy birthday and how she thinks about me all the time, i didnt respond.

 

Apparently i have reopened Pandora's box tho caz today she sent me another msg asking how i was doing and asking if its hard to not think about her caz she supposedly thinks about me all the time. OH YA, btw, she currently has a boyfriend. The whole situation is messed up but i found out that i really dont care. I am not responding to anything she says to me. I feel if she truly wants me back shell get the courage to swallow her pride and either A) Come to my Doorstep or B) call me and leave me a voicemail. And quite frankly, if she doesnt do either of those, Ill still be fine with everything, she broke my heart, but at least I had a heart to break : ) ....

[goincd3]

Day 3

 

Holy cow was this so much better than yesterday. I kept busy all day today, got a new job, and met up with one of my best friends that I hadn't seen in a while. Occasionally the ex would pop into my head, and I would get down for a few minutes, but something would come along and I would forget all about her!

 

If only every day could be like this

[crab62]

Day 2.

 

Feeling ok today. I had to start over after a bunch of emails over the weekend and Monday morning. So yesterday was my first full day of NC. Time to get back on track.

 

good job tyler!, hang in there. i'm sure it's especially hard for you given the dog situation and that you "have" to be in contact with the ex... uggh... almost like double strength to get through those days.

 

have you figured anything out with the dog?... are you two going to continue to share him?

 

tomorrow is day 12 for me and last time i relapsed big time there on that day... so I may need your help... I hope you're around. You were a great pillar of stength when I started... and I think you still are very much!

 

Hope you are resting easy tonight... and we'll both celebrate another NC day tomorrow!

[babes23]

Day 1

 

Spoke briefly, he said he loves me and cares about me, but it isn't what he wanted. I can't make sense of that bit, in other words he's just saying he wanted to be single right?. I told him that i agreed and that i was unhappy in that relationship and always wanted something "proper" with someone. He said he will always care about me, i wished him well and we both said bye. That's it now, i'm ready to move on, it's for real this time.

 

Hope everyone else is okay xx

[Jester1586]

Double digits! I'm very proud of myself!

 

Today was a great day. In fact, I don't recall thinking of her once, expect one time at work when I made a comment about getting seasonal stuff in for Valentine's Day in already, and it started a big discussion about what people thought of the holiday, as well as Sweetest Day. In fact, I didn't think of her until I was asked what I got for my "girlfriend" last Valentine's. No sadness though.

 

Other then that, I didn't think of her until now, when I got on here. Nothing bad though.

 

I think I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[montgomery]

I'm beginning to feel really stupid about this. I keep going through the motions of NC, but I'm not feeling it. I still think in terms of how I can get her back, like NC is some sort of argument we're having that I could win.

 

it's pathetic, really; I KNOW what I have to do, but I'm really struggling. I told myself it'd be easier this week without her at the office - she's off sick - but it's not.

 

I think about her all the time - literally ALL the time - like a background buzz of white noise. I'm certain she doesn't have the same problem.

 

I have this desperate, helpless sensation of time running out, and it makes me panic. panicking, I know, is the last thing I need to do.

 

I WISH I could sort out the way I think. I try to respond to every emotional low with a rational point, but my emotions knock down the rational point without even breaking a sweat.

 

and she doesn't help by talking to people about how she still wants us to be together, but 'can't', for a shifting set of reasons. this gets back to me, of course, and I get a brief, exhilarating dose of hope which just means I have that much further to fall when nothing happens, and which makes me think I should DO something, try to talk her round, which I know doesn't work. I've tried it, over and over. the frustration is unbearable.

 

it's muck, it really is, and I'm SO fed up with being SO fed up.

 

hope you guys are cool.

[Robert013]

Feeling okay today. She is still haunting my dreams. A good sign I am not over her, so NC continues. until I can say truthfully I am over her NC will keep on continuing. I know what happens to me emotionally when I respond to her attempts at contact. I do not like it so I will not keep opening old wounds. They will never heal if you keep picking at them.

 

I understand this is in the getting back together forum but many people here need to realize it will never happen when you actually want them back. This only happens when we have honestly let them go. By then who cares if they come back or not I won't.

 

I want everyone to remember life before there ex. You had some pretty gosh darn good times right? So why can't we do that again just because our ex is not with us anymore. It didn't matter that they were not with us then, so why should it matter if they are with us now? It doesn't we just think it does. Make yourself believe this and you will feal better.

 

Here is a quote that I found some where that makes alot of sense to me.

 

"you do not drowned from being under water, you drowned from staying there"

 

So pick your head up out of the water and breath people. Only you can realize that what you are doing is leading to your own destruction. Stop the patterns that lead to pain, and switch them for patterns that make you smile.

 

Stay NC and you will be fine.

[babes23]

Thanks for that Robert xx

[Robert013]

No it's not pathetic it is human. Don't beat yourself up for caring about someone. Thats okay. Tell everyone who is talking to you about her to stop it is making it worse for you. It is a form of contact and hurts you when you hear it doesn't it? Then put it to an end.

 

If you actually think that your ex is not having trouble with this also think again. You are doing this for the both of you. But you need to focus on yourself.

 

You need some release. You work out? if not go for a run/walk today. Don't stop until you feal your emotion release it will happen.

 

Why are you missing your ex? Because you are focusing on all the good. Save that for when you are healed it will never go away. Write down everything you will not miss about them. Use this as your weapon and add to it whenever you want.

 

Block them from your thoughts. replace them with something positive. Everytime try to replace them quicker. It will get better.

 

Hang in there NC will work, but it is the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life. Look at it as a challenge. You will come out the other end more magnificent then you have ever been.

[montgomery]

thanks, robert. much appreciated. good to hear from someone who's making it work.

 

that's a good tip. I'm a keen cyclist, and went out for the first time in ages and battered some big hills at the weekend. it was a good release.

 

and yeah, I should stop listening to people. their intentions are good: people say we were such a cool couple and are always trying to get us back together, but I should tell them there's nothing they can do, just like there's nothing I can do.

 

keeping strong, man. wu wei, all the way.

[Tyler82]

good job tyler!, hang in there. i'm sure it's especially hard for you given the dog situation and that you "have" to be in contact with the ex... uggh... almost like double strength to get through those days.

 

have you figured anything out with the dog?... are you two going to continue to share him?

 

tomorrow is day 12 for me and last time i relapsed big time there on that day... so I may need your help... I hope you're around. You were a great pillar of stength when I started... and I think you still are very much!

 

Hope you are resting easy tonight... and we'll both celebrate another NC day tomorrow!

 

Day 3 for me today. So far my morning has been easy. I have been really busy and started work early so I havnt even had time to think about her or miss her yet. I know it will come at some point though as it always does. But I feel good so far.

 

Crab, great job on coming this far with NC again. Just remember how far you have come the past 12 days and how nothing came of breaking NC last time. Keep strong. You can do this. Message me if you like.

 

The dog situation is still a bit fuzzy. Last Friday when we were emailing eachotehr about me dropping off the dog on Saturday, I told her I cant keep doing this sharing thing forever. I told her that it will be weird if she met a guy and had to go to her exe's place every 2 weeks to exchange the dog. I told her the same for me. I then told her that one of us has to let her go and I think I should be the one to keep her. I told her I lost my girl, my condo, the City I live in, our Europe travel plans, and moving to California as we were saving to do that. I dont want to lose my dog too. Also that I did pay for her and although I bought it for her as a gift, I really bought it for us. SInce she decided there is no more us, that i should keep the dog.

 

Anyways, she told me that it was too upsetting to think about right now. So I asked her to think about it while she has the dog for the 2 weeks and we can see if that helps. The ex is dropping off the dog next Thursday as she flies home the following day for the holidays. I dont think she gets back til the 3rd or 4th of Jan. I dont want this to carry on into the new year so I have some serious thinking and actions to take care of. But until then, Im on Day3 and Im going to focus on that!

[crab62]

day 12!!... this is the day I relapsed last time... and there won't be any relapsing this time!! I know the bite of breaking NC... and it hurts](*,) It helps to think if I did call him, he wouldn't pick up anyway...and all it does is send me spiraling downward... and it's hard to stop that spiral once it gets going... I remember, ugggh.

 

So onward I go. I'm thinking ahead to Christmas and thinking that will probably be a hard day and I'm going to have to be strong to not break NC... I more want to break NC by writing him a nasty emailing saying "who the f do you think you are"... but I won't.

 

I'm slowly taking my life back and it feels good. Went spinning twice this week, and am going again tonight... and dinner will follow with my spinning friends. I anticipate a good weekend as well... with horse back riding and sewing. I think if I get past Christmas, things will be much easier. I am definitely healing and find myself thinking of him less and less... but I do get sad at times... and I still cry... but I know that's all part of the mourning... part of the process.

 

So day 12... here i am

[manup7228]

Day 3

 

Fought the urge to respond to my ex after I gave her birthday wishes. She got all mushy on me and told me how she misses me all the time and thinks about me all the time. I know its a bunch of bull though because she has a new boyfriend now and if she truly did have those feelings she would be back with me. Anyways, this isn't about trying to be friends, trying to get her back, or trying to be anything in her life at all really; it's about me trying to find myself again. I feel I am on the right track and feel that I must go NC if I want to be able to do this. If she feels that me ignoring her means that I am being immature and a jerk to her than so be it. This is not about her anymore, its about ME. I am now ready to take back my life and my heart and give it to someone much more deserving in the future. I can do this!

[dqueen]

Day 1

 

Back to day one after a few days of contact finally getting all my stuff back (only 6 months late!)

 

Just feel terrible most of the time. Wondering if I am ever going to get better? Have seen people come and go on this challenge and wonder if I will ever leave it or if I will stay perpetuating my same little circles?

 

Dqueen your doing really well- so proud and can't believe how long you have gone! well done!

 

I read it. I only work 2 days a week so i always have time!

I know that he thinks he is the man for you but we all know he isnt. The man for you is one that will not do what i would call "Severe Damage". I of course now know why its been 15months as if he is still contacting you reguarly that must be a pain. I know if my ex contacted me I would struggle.

I think deep down you dont want to HATE him so thats why its difficult.

Your going to make it though. Sticking to NC and keep coming to ENA will help.

All the best Dqueen

Kurt.

 

Well, I was strong for a short while until this past Saturday when he IMed me. I was not responding to him so he kept typing in the IM window as if he were entertaining himself. He kept typing for about an hour and a half when I finally responded thus breaking NC. Dammit! I was so mad at myself that I didn't say much and logged off.

 

Anyway, that same night he emailed me and said that he has unconditional love for me. Then he started to become very sexually intimate in his emails...I told him it made me feel very uncomfortable because these were the same things he used to say to his ex who he cheated on me with. Needless to say, he didn't like my reaction and became aggravated...aaaaand I have not heard from him sense. Which tells me all I need to know...and what he was after all along.

 

So it is Day 2 of NC now. I was going to email him today saying that I know why he hasn't responded but at this point I do not care anymore.

[Jester1586]

Seems to be getting easier and easier now. I'm surprised at how fast I'm starting to feel better.

 

I still want to stay with her, but the thought of not being with her anymore doesn't haunt me anymore. I just want to be with her. I don't necessarily need her though.

[Robert013]

Had some drinks last night so I am feeling low today. This is the downfall about going out with friends and having drinks you always pay the next day. It feals great when you are out and enjoying yourself. But then the morning comes and that is when you realize alcohol is a depresant. The price we pay oh well.

 

I need to hit the gym today I missed the last 2 day's I feal the emotions building. Mostly anger, but i will run until it is out this afternoon. I feal like I am going to explode. I can't ever just relax anymore it sucks. I will touph it out.

 

This is not the end of the world althogh sometimes it feals like it. One of my girl friends told me to just relax and do not be so worried about finding someone so soon. She told me I was desperate and I agreed. I asked her to watch out for me because of this. She has been there this whole time for me. i told her I just need to take a step back and not try to find someone to be with right now. She said I have been making bad choices on dates because of this. I agreed. Time to slow down.

 

Right now my heart is telling me I want her back, but I know better now. I just have to convince my heart that I will be fine without her or anyone. Then I will jump back in the game.

 

Going to a mutual friends tonight for drinks then out. I asked them not to mention anything about her, and they said we never see her or talk to her anymore anyway. She doesn't call one of her best friends anymore? Strange

[crab62]

day 13 for me

 

NC is working... seem I am past the shattering phase and since I decided to take my life back... by returning to the gym and going out more, I'm feeling much better.

 

I still have lots of hills to climb... have to face alot more people from the bike club and deal with that, but it'll be okay. Also there will come a time when the friends I have been hanging with will bike with him... because he is a mutual friend... but I will deal with that when it happens.

 

Right now I'm focusing on one day at a time.. and my healing.

 

I think about how cocky he was the night he left... 5 weeks ago today... I laugh at the audacity in that... the coldness, and then when he wrote me the email to tell me to stop calling he put a subject of "time to move on". What an arrogant jerk!!!!, yes what a jerk!

 

The actual event of the break-up is losing it's sting. I was not perfect in the relationship, and neither was he... but for him to blame it all on me on his way out... was not only cowardly, but extremely immature. I was not all those things he said I was... and I know that. The break-up is losing it's sting, and he's losing his power I held for him in my mind.

 

Soo... last night went to spinning and then out to dinner with some friends. didn't talk about the ex until the end... and then I even found myself laughing at the crap I tolerated during some of the summer events, ugggh.

 

I know there will be sad days ahead... but I'm having more better days than sad. During those sad moments, I just have to remind myself to stay with the emotion, work it through... and it will pass.

 

Both times NC was broken... first by me and then learning of him on a singles site... set me back. I can see how much that does... so I'm really going to focus on not what he is doing, but what I am doing... and in that... I will be... taking my life back... and it feels so good.

 

I am no longer his victim... I like that

[millionaire1]

Hello everyone,

I just joined today. I've been reading several post for the past few days. I haven't contacted my ex since last Tuesday, Dec. 2nd. And each day is tough. He broke up with me the monday before Thanksgiving by email and deleted me off of facebook. He said I was controlling, insecure and selfish. He later apologized for the way he handled the break-up and begin to say nice things, and said that I have set and raised the bar for future girlfriends. He told me before the break-up that he's never experienced the type of care and concern I have shown him.

 

He tried contacting me last week about a potential business client for me but I didn't respond. Lately he's only been sending me forwards on email. I'm hurting so much and want to be in his arms again. I wish that just once he would tell me that he misses me or something along those lines.

 

I'm doing the NC but it's difficult. I feel like I just have to tell him how I miss him and want to be with him.

[millionaire1]

I'm also wondering if he's perhaps waiting for me to initiate us getting back together.

[millionaire1]

[i think about how cocky he was the night he left... 5 weeks ago today... I laugh at the audacity in that... the coldness, and then when he wrote me the email to tell me to stop calling he put a subject of "time to move on". What an arrogant jerk!!!!, yes what a jerk!

 

The actual event of the break-up is losing it's sting. I was not perfect in the relationship, and neither was he... but for him to blame it all on me on his way out... was not only cowardly, but extremely immature. I was not all those things he said I was... and I know that. The break-up is losing it's sting, and he's losing his power I held for him in my mind.]

 

My ex broke up with me the same sort of way, . . . by email and called it in the subject, "Happy Holidays!" At first I thought it was a forward, then I thought maybe he's saying he's looking forward to Thanksgiving, but it was a break-up email. I was so devastated.

 

This sucks so much though. I haven't given my heart to anyone like this in years.

[crab62]

I'm also wondering if he's perhaps waiting for me to initiate us getting back together.

 

would you want that?... coud you ever trust him again? He said you were controlling, insecure and selfish... my exbf told me that too.

 

I know it's hard... but when a man loves you, they don't say these kinds of things I had never said those words to my exbf ever. He accused me of disrespecting him, yet he was the one who had all the names and accusations of me.

 

You are probably much better off... but like the rest of us... you gotta walk through the pain in order to see that.

 

How long did you date him?

[millionaire1]

lol, not that long. I met him June 24th and we began being together sometime in July. Actually, this last break up was the 2nd time he broke up with me. The first time he said I had too many trust issues, and I had also told him that I wanted to abstain from sex til marriage. But we got back together a few days later and we continued being intimate. So basically he broke up with me twice in 5 months.

 

I do believe I'm much better off though. Because I was lowering my standards alot with him. I wasn't even attracted to him in the beginning. I did meet his mom and brother and they both told him that I was the best looking girl he's ever been with. One of the things that makes me so upset is that, I settled so much with him, and put my heart into it, but he was willing to give me up just like that.

 

I have to say that I really miss being in his arms and the attention I received from him.

[millionaire1]

i'm sorry if i'm posting too much. But i'm hurting.

 

But the other thing that makes me upset is that while were together, I had the opportunity to leave him to date someone that makes more money, a whole lot more attractive in my eyes, more outgoing, taller, more in shape, . . . . but I turned him down because I was committed to being with my ex. I could have left him for this other guy or played him but I didn't. And he dumps me? Man!!!!!