THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Jester1586]

Meh day. I miss her. I miss talking to her. I miss my best friend...

 

I really wish I could just talk to her, but I can't. It hurts so much knowing she may never be here again. I'm trying so hard to get over this.

 

Sigh. The days are going by faster now, but I miss her more and more each day. I just want it back.

[babes23]

Day 1

 

Had been in lc, not much was said just that he wanted the sexual side of the relationship, i didn't, he said he cares about me, always will do blah, blah, blah but he didn't want to be tied down. If he thinks seeing someone once a week was being tied down then boy he as a lot to learn. Fair enough though, i'm not going to be bitter about what a person thinks, they have the right to choose afterall, i didn't want that kind of relationship anyway. We said bye and that's the end of it now, i told him there would never be anymore chances so that's finalised.

 

It's just getting used to the changes now, getting on with things, us contacting one another never solved anything. Almost Christmas soon too, then a whole new year!!

[babes23]

Day 2 feel as alone as ever

 

Just wonder how all this is so easy for him yet I struggle to make it through each day

 

Hello hun, what happened?

 

In answer to the above i think it's because they let go of us a long time ago, bit sad but it's true. No use in sugar coating things anymore is it, they don't love or want us if they can so easily let us go.

 

Me and you know what it's now like getting in contact with them, it doesn't really solve anything does it? Time for us to heal now, we can do it!!

 

Robert why are you back on 2/3 days nc? You didn't speak to her did you?

[crab62]

Meh day. I miss her. I miss talking to her. I miss my best friend...

 

I really wish I could just talk to her, but I can't. It hurts so much knowing she may never be here again. I'm trying so hard to get over this.

 

Sigh. The days are going by faster now, but I miss her more and more each day. I just want it back.

 

aw Jester... I'm sorry. I know how much it hurts. I miss my exbf too... even though he's now turned out to be quite the cold hearted b******... but I do miss the good times.

 

It'll get better... hang in there... just like the rest of us... we'll get through this together.

[crab62]

let's see... to be exact NC is day 10 today... I made it to day 14 last time without crashing, LOL... hopefully that won't be the case this time around...

 

however, last night I almost caved. I was so enraged with finding out about him on a singles website... and how he can just "toss" me aside... with absolutely no regard to my feelings, and then goes on a single's website... not even 4 weeks later!! (my friend said she saw him on there weeks ago). He ends our relationship on "his" terms without any warning for me, and doesn't even want to call to see how I am... and then he emails me to "please stop calling!!!!!!!!" when I call him in tears on Thanksgiving and his birthday. I hate him.

 

I was enraged last night because I felt like a fool... like why am I being such a good girl by "still" keeping the peace and not calling him. I wanted to call and scream into his phone "who the heck do you think you are!!".... and I thought about bringing his bag of things to his house and throwing them all over the lawn.

 

Yes I was mad... and hurt... I almost called.. but I remembered what came out of it last time... (nothing good at all).. so I went to bed and cried instead. It just hurts, still, at times how he tossed me aside with absolutely no regard to my feelings... that's what hurts.

 

but overall I'm feeling better. I still have crying spells... but when that doesn't hit me, I am feeling better. It felt great to be at the gym last night and when I drove home, I felt like I had my life back... and that was the life I had before his pushed his way into it. I was not attracted to him at all at first... not physically, mentally, etc... but he was sooooooooo pushy... and needy and I tolerated it cause I thought he was kind. ... and over time, I broke down and got to know him and liked him and then boom. Okay... we've heard enough of THAT story, LOL!!

 

 

so onward I go... forward into living my life...

 

{{{{HUGS}}}} to all today who are hurting... we will get through this... together!

[jennamajig]

I said I was going to post less, but then he popped up in my dreams again. It's weird, I have let me go, yet he still haunts me. In the dream we were back together; it was very, very odd and when I woke up, that is main thing I remembered.

 

I don't know why he is still there. I am getting better, sleeping better, and yet there he is. I still got a good night's sleep. I just wonder what the silly dream means and how I can just rid myself of them completely. I think it is the last step and I'm not sure how to make my unconscious listen.

[Tyler82]

crab,

 

Day 10. Good job! Glad you resisted the urge to call lastnight. I want to see you posting on here on day 15 when you break your record!

 

Today is Day 1 of NC for me.

 

I had a alot of discussion via email with the ex last Friday which continued through the weekend. She had sort of gave me hope a bit, although I dont know if she meant to. But Sunday she said she really wants to help me move on and maybe I need to hear a few things to help with that. She basically spelled it out that she cant come back. She cares about me deeply but cant go back. I was a wreck on Sunday and posted on my thread on ENA. I hadnt felt that bad since the break up. It was painful and aweful.

 

Monday we chatted a bit more and she told me that if I wanted to grab a coffee to talk about us so that she can maybe help me move on she would be willing to. I told her thanks but that would be worse and that I have to go back to NC. She said she would try not to contact me for 2 weeks until she returns our dog to me. Yes we are still shairng. Ill post about that in my thread.

 

So long story short, today is day 1 again. I made it to day 17 before. I can do it agian. I feel alot better today than I did Sunday night.

[babes23]

Does anyone have this overwhelming urge to get into contact? Arrrggghhh so frustrating, i know where it all stands, it's not as if i even want it back anymore, what's wrong with me???? How do i stop this?

[jennamajig]

Does anyone have this overwhelming urge to get into contact? Arrrggghhh so frustrating, i know where it all stands, it's not as if i even want it back anymore, what's wrong with me???? How do i stop this?

 

I used to. Now I know he doesn't and won't ever talk to me. At first that made me think - what did I do to you? You're the one that broke up with *me*. Now I just realize he's an a**.

 

Get rid of every way to contact him. I deleted the ex's number. I don't remember it. The only way I have to ever contact him is e-mail and he will never read it, so why waste time and energy. Someday karma will be a b***h. That is what I tell myself during vindictive times. He'll fall in love and she'll dump him. Hehe, sometimes I am cruel. It doesn't happen often, though.

 

I just wish he'd stay out of my dreams and I'd be set.

[goincd3]

Day 2

 

Feel...i dont know how i feel right now. It was an interesting night last night after i posted. My ex had been gone all day from home and getting out of school without so much as a peep to anybody. I have been talking to her sister about everything that has happened and my ex did not answer her phone calls at 11:30 PM. Me, being worried sick, called her phone with no answer. I left a voicemail.

 

A few minutes later she texted her sister to say she was coming home. Huge relief. I was pretty mad with my ex though. I sent her a text saying that next time she should tell somebody where she is because the last thing i need right now is to worry about her being dead in a ditch somewhere. She responded a while later saying she was sorry, but I didn't respond.

 

This morning i woke up to a blog she posted last night or early this morning, talking about suicide. Needless to say I don't know whether i should break NC and talk to her or not. I did the thing anybody would do and commented on her blog that she should never think about suicide, and that it will not do anything but make my life worse.

 

I'm hoping that she will be ok...this is just making NC harder for me..a lot harder.

[Mhaira]

Does anyone have this overwhelming urge to get into contact? Arrrggghhh so frustrating, i know where it all stands, it's not as if i even want it back anymore, what's wrong with me???? How do i stop this?

 

Yes, today being particularly bad for that. It comes in waves. For whatever reason I really want to talk to him today. I just keep telling myself that he doesn't care about me, and I shouldn't care about him.

[thedude27]

hey dude... you're not so alone... I haven't heard from my exbf in 4 weeks one day... since the break-up.

 

but at this point, it's probably best cause what could he say now "how are you?"... that's laughable... after how he walked out with no warning, nothing.

 

so don't feel so bad... you, me and jenna are all paddling in the same boat,LOL!! to another lake with some more fishies that are bigger and better and hopefully sweeter!!

 

hang in there!

 

 

You have a point. I think she is at the point where she did this thing so badly its going to take a lot of humility to reconnect. Thats something she isnt comfortable with, she really really really dislikes confilct or hearing anything bad. I would make the first move but I feel like have have done that a bunch and I get shut down. I feel like she feels guilty when I talk to her. Its all such a mess. I guess if it ever gets real bad with the new guy maybe that will give her some confidence to push through her fears. Maybe not. I dont care so much about the pain of contacting her I just dont want to seem pathetic and have a loss of respect. I know she still loves me, it would be impossible for her not to. I also know that isnt the game, set, match of this thing. Its a good thing but it wont resolve the issue on its own.

 

I've always felt like it would take a while.

 

 

Hope we all get through this in the best possible way, whatever life decides that is

[Jester1586]

It'll get better... hang in there... just like the rest of us... we'll get through this together.

 

Thanks. That helps a little.

[manup7228]

December 9, 2008, DAY 1 of No Contact, fitting because its a day after my ex's birthday...

 

I am going to do this, and I am not going to let myself down this time, time to man up!

[Abbygail]

Day 2

 

Up and down today. Currently depressed. I'm going through a lot that has nothing to do with the ex though.

[montgomery]

Hey, guys. Hope you're all bearing up.

 

This might seem like a dumb question, but she's ill - has been for a few days - and I feel like I should at least send a get well soon text or something.

 

This is obviously breaking NC, but it's not like I'd use it as a way back in. I'd just like her to know that I'm thinking of her.

 

Would this be a big backward step, or just a nice thing to do?

[crab62]

Hey, guys. Hope you're all bearing up.

 

This might seem like a dumb question, but she's ill - has been for a few days - and I feel like I should at least send a get well soon text or something.

 

This is obviously breaking NC, but it's not like I'd use it as a way back in. I'd just like her to know that I'm thinking of her.

 

Would this be a big backward step, or just a nice thing to do?

 

yuk...sorry... but didn't she break up with you? i would not, but that's me. I've been bitten by the "breaking NC bug", and it ain't pretty. They don't care as much as you think they do. If she's ill, there are plenty of doctors.

[jennamajig]

I'd have to look at a calendar to count days. Maybe day 17?

 

I was doing so well. I am doing so well. But this morning I wake up nauseous, just like I was in the first month or so post break-up. I have no clue why I feel this way today. I have plans tonight, tomorrow night, and Friday with friends. I have what I think is a 2nd date with the guy I had drinks with last week on Saturday night (we are watching bad reality TV and cooking together).

 

Yet, some tears threaten and I feel physically crappy. I know I will get past this once I get into work, do something. It isn't a set back, I tell myself, just a bad day. When I think of him, I think of the someone cold. I wondered this morning if he misses me. I hadn't thought about that in a while. He doesn't care. I know.

 

I need to kick my own butt into gear.

[crab62]

day 11... tomorrow is my furthest NC to date... so I'll need your support to get past it?, okay!!!

 

I feel good today, although I did last time on day 11 too, LOL!! I had no idea what day 12 would bring last time... oh what horror, LOL!!

 

I went to the gym last night and saw a mutal friend of me and the exbf's. She mentioned his name in passing which makes me think she does not know of the break-up. It was a very small chat since her daughter was there... and I said nothing about the break-up... I didn't need to, the subject never came up.... and I don't owe anyone anything. When the timing is right, I will tell people... but until then, I just want my life back (hey, that's what he said when he broke up... "I just want my life back"... I had no idea I was stopping him from living, ugggh.

 

Tonight I rest and do some sewing... and tomorrow I go to spinning at another gym. Then not sure what the weekend holds, but I'll make the best of it.

 

So another day in the wake of the break-up... ugggh. 4.5 weeks. I still can't believe he has his profile up on a dating website... but whatever... let him go find a woman who is less emotional... and I'll go find a guy who can put his arms around me and "be" emotional, LOL!!

[crab62]

awww... sorry jen you are feeling crummy this morning... it will pass. it's just a tiny weeney itsy bitty setback... not even a setback... just some icky emotions trying to work their way out. let the emotions out and you'll be fine in a while, I'm sure.

 

i am not so sure if your ex and my ex don't care. i'm sure they "do" care, they just don't know how to care in a healthy way. they can't be there for us, so it's easier for them to "check out"... the coward's way. it's easier for them to just walk away than it is to work with someone emotionally... they can't do it... that is why they are not here. so unless they change, they will hook up with a woman just like them... and what kind of relationship will that be?... something with no substance?... sounds pretty lame if you ask me.

 

and yes your ex is cold, so is mine... very cold. their feelings are all about them... and that's cold. to walk out on a woman and have no contact for closure is extremely rude, and heartless... not to mention, immensely immature.

 

so go have fun tonight on your 2nd date. laugh and smile and know that you are worth a man who can be there for you... one who doesn't walk out on you. that's the true test of a man.. someone who hangs with you through the thick and thin of things... that's commitment. our guys may have loved us, but they can't handle commitment... and that's no good.

 

have fun tonight... and i bet you'll feel better in no time.

 

{{{{HUGS}}}}

[Jester1586]

Nine? Wow, it feels like it's been a lot longer. The days seem to drag by right now. I always feel like I have a cloud hanging over my head.

 

Today was good though. I thought about her, but I thought about why she wouldn't tell me about her feelings instead of just ignoring me when I noticed something wrong. She made me believe I was imagining it, only to just spring it all on me and break up. I really think we'd still be together if she had been able to just tell me what was up. We could've talked through this, it was nothing in compared to a lot of what we went through.

 

Work went fast today at least. I didn't think of her much there. Finals tomorrow, as well as work, lots of sleep hopefully. Should be a good day...

[Robert013]

This is not due to your ex. We all had bad days before we met them now we just blame a bad day on them. Just say to yourself it is just a normal bad day and has nothing to do with your ex. We all need to start realizing that these emotions are not caused by our exes and are caused by ourselves.

 

We are letting our emotions control us not our exes. It is your thoughts that are making you feal bad. When you think bad your brain makes your body feel bad. When you think positive your brain makes your body feal good. So whenever you get a bad thought replace it with a positive thought. Your brain will soon catch on and you will start feeling better. You are AWESOME! I am AWESOME!

 

It is a mind over matter thing i took from somewhere but it helps.

[Robert013]

I am not counting days and i think it is actually starting to harm me. So day whatever. If we worry about how many days it has been then we are not focusing on us. We are focusing on our ex's. They are controlling us if we count.

 

Why should it matter if they try to contact us? They left us we didn't ask to be alone. We must remember how we were before we met them. Did we talk to them then? No. Did it matter if they called then? No. So why does it matter now? Truthfully it doesn't just our ego's are telling us it does.

 

I still get sad. I still get angry. I still think about her. I just don't dwell on it and replace the thoughts of her with other positive thoughts. I read. I work out. I have made new friends. I am more compasionate, and more understanding. I have goals. I know who I am and the kind of person I want to be. I know the kind of women I want to be with. My ex is not this kind of women. My ex lacks some qualities that I desire. She is selfish, she is needy, and most of all she is not honest. What qualities does your ex lack that you desire? I am sure the list is long for us all.

 

I am growing everday for the better. I will find what i am looking for because I am determined. Being alone is not bad when we are focused on what we want in life. Most of our ex's are the same people as when they left. Most have not grown and will not change for the better in any way. They are our ex's for a reason they could not grow.

 

Stop counting days you will know when you can contact your ex again if you ever desire to. The number of days doesn't matter it is how they affect you emotionally. Once anything they say or do doesn't affect you emotionally then go ahead call or don't it doesn't matter.

 

Stop wanting them back! Stop wanting them to be your friend! NO.. NOT NOW.. Focus on you and take back control do not count.

[jennamajig]

Robert, very well put. You are at a great place.

 

My bad morning is just that. A bad morning. I didn't sleep as well and it is rainy and grey here in Boston this morning. Enough to put even the most normal person in a melancholy mood. I talked with my old boss and second mother this morning to get a few feelings out. It helped. Despite everything, I am 75% there. I just need to figure out what I want to do with *my* life the next few months and the plans will help me get to 100%. It is all about you. No one else.

 

I don't count days. It's pointless. I gave up counting NC and am just crossing days off in my calendar until I go home on see my family instead. That is something positive I am looking forward to.

 

I think when you get to the point of being able to contact your ex without emotions, you get to the point where you don't want to contact your ex at all. A good thing, very good indeed.

[keefy1972]

 

I don't count days. It's pointless. .

 

That is how you know it's getting better. It may not feel like it, but once you stop mentally emphasizing the no contact so much, then you can truly begin to heal.