THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[crab62]

OMG!!, that sounds so much like my situation!! My exbf broke up with me 2x too... once in June after 5months of dating him. He said I didn't respect him, whatever.

 

I wasn't attracted to my exbf either in the beginning but because we liked alot of the same activites and that he seemed kind, I continued on. I am not sure if I miss the attention my exbf gave me. I miss his company, but I'm not sure if what he gave me was attention. He gave me companionship, but I always think he was looking for me to fulfill him in ways I could not. I was looking to connect with him emotionally, and couldn't... and he was looking for me to fulfill him... but since I coudln't connect with him emotionally, I couldn't fulfill him... it was odd.

 

Also... I think towards the end... my exbf was only only hanging on because of the sex. I started to feel more and more detached from him and was not interested in sex... and I believe that was the last straw for him. He probably saw no reason to hang on anymore if he wasn't getting any

 

I too settled alot with my exbf.... put my heart into it and ultimately he was the one who didn't want to work at it... it was easier for him to pack up and leave.

 

Touche... I am better off in the end.... and so are you. PM me if you want to chat!

[millionaire1]

I'm sorry I'm new to this, what is PM???

[millionaire1]

Nevermind, i figured it out

[goincd3]

I forgot! Day 4 was yesterday. About like day 3, except for a little depressed feeling for a couple hours. Today's day 5 and I'm doing ok! I like photography so my friend and I are going to go into the hills tonight and take pictures of the full moon, which is supposed to be the biggest one of the year. Should be pretty cool.

[crab62]

Day 14... wow!!, that sounds impressive, LOL!!

 

I was sad a little last night... I do get sad often, but not super sad, and if I cry it out, it usually doesn't last too long.

 

So I got sad and cried cause I missed him... then I remembered the crap I had to put up with all summer with him and that girl and then I quickly felt relieved.

 

and you know, we made a good couple at times, and we did alot of good things... but this dude wasn't in love with me like he says he was. ... and I don't know if I was really in love with him. I loved him, but honestly.... looking to marriage with him was not so comforting. After he broke up with me in June... that always sent a huge red flag to me... and I was thinking myself how would I ever move forward with him without really trusting him. I never trusted him after he blew up and June and left... so here are the words I thought I'd never hear myself say "it's probably best the relationship ended" I can't believe I said that!

 

So I'm doing good. Have my horse riding lesson today... lots of sewing to do this weekend. I have good friends, I love to eat, LOL... and I can eat cause I work out alot, LOL!!... so things are good this weekend.

 

I feel better than I have in the last 5 weeks. I have absolutely no desire to break NC. I think he was about the coldest person I know on that break-up and the absolutely most insenstive person on his email to me when I called him crying. I just don't have the desire to put myself back into that flame. It's much easier to workout the emotions through crying, writing, calling a friend, coming on here... than it is to think about contacting him and spiraling down so far.

 

So day 14. I hope he is happy... I hope he is working out his emotions with that girl... I hope he feels free... cause the next guy I date is going to put his arms around me and say "babe, I don't need anyone else but you"... that's who I'll be dating next

[crab62]

pssst... jen, tyler, where are you?

[jennamajig]

I'm here...and having an awful depressing morning. I'm in tears and trying to motivate myself to get up and take a shower. I have plans and am not as excited about them.

 

I went shopping with friends yesterday. It was fun. But every couple I saw shopping together made me want to throw up because I missed the stupid ex. That and the loneliness of having someone like that in my life, perhaps.

 

I spoke to my mom today in tears...I've stopped crying now, but I wonder when I will finally be over him. I'm doing everything I can. NC. Acceptance that it is over. Threw out the cards, deleted his number. Counted my blessings and I still find him popping up in my dreams!

 

And the people in the apartment above me are also having sex at the moment because I can hear the bed creak...

 

Oh, I won't break NC. I'm not worried about it. I guess I'm just sad at the moment. I will get past it. I need to.

[crab62]

jen... I am logged into AIM if you want to chat a bit to get the feelings out.

 

I'm sorry you are sad. You had 2 longs years with this guy and you lived with him... that's huge!!.. and ending this relationship is going to take some time. You just don't get over something like that in a few months.

 

I'm sorry you are sad.... I'm here if you want to chat.

[Sunshine3]

Together for over 5 years. I need to start no contact. Contact is putting me through emotional confusion and nothing but sadness. He's dating and acting like a immature 18 year old (he's 28 and going through "grass is greener syndrome). I can't bear to watch this happen in front of me.

 

I was tempted to send him a long letter that I wrote, not sure if I should even bother anymore.

 

Day 3 No Contact

[jennamajig]

Together for over 5 years. I need to start no contact. Contact is putting me through emotional confusion and nothing but sadness. He's dating and acting like a immature 18 year old (he's 28 and going through "grass is greener syndrome). I can't bear to watch this happen in front of me.

 

I was tempted to send him a long letter that I wrote, not sure if I should even bother anymore.

 

Day 3 No Contact

 

Oh, Sunshine. I wrote a couple of long letters during the early days. They helped release something when I wrote them. But don't send 'em. I sent one (via e-mail) and it was a mistake. It takes willpower, but resist and you will be better off.

 

for you.

[jennamajig]

Hi Jenna - thank you

 

I will just print it out and than tear it up when I'm ready. I won't send it. How long were you and the Ex together for?

I may write a novel soon, it does feel better to get it all out on paper.

 

We should all think of the "No Contact" challenge as a contest...and reward ourselves when we can make it to one week, two weeks...

reward with a nice run outside or new outfit!

 

My ex and I were together just over two years, lived together one. Broken up about 2 1/2 months. I'm roughly three weeks NC, but I don't count days anyway because I am NC until I am over the ex, and probably forever.

 

I bought myself some stuff yesterday when I hit up the outlets here in MA. I also bought my dad a great Christmas gift and I am looking forward to him opening it.

 

And if you need to write a novel to channel your thoughts, do it. Start a journal, maybe. Just don't send any of it or show it to the ex

[Sunshine3]

I guess the letters show we are weak and not over them?

 

After 2 1/2 months, do you feel stronger each day?

[jennamajig]

jen... I am logged into AIM if you want to chat a bit to get the feelings out.

 

I'm sorry you are sad. You had 2 longs years with this guy and you lived with him... that's huge!!.. and ending this relationship is going to take some time. You just don't get over something like that in a few months.

 

I'm sorry you are sad.... I'm here if you want to chat.

 

I'm on AIM now, but I signed up to do a scavenger hunt this afternoon and I need to leave very shortly. I took a shower and feel a little better, so hopefully meeting new people will help. But the date I was supposed to have today is probably canceled...the guy's mother is in the hospital after a car accident last night. It appears she is okay and getting discharged today, which is the most important thing.

 

But it does make me wonder about my luck this week...

[jennamajig]

I guess the letters show we are weak and not over them?

 

After 2 1/2 months, do you feel stronger each day?

 

I do feel better, but sometimes I feel like I should be having less bad days at this point. NC is helping, though not as quickly as I wish it would sometimes.

 

A friend at work told me there are two important humps - when you hit three weeks and when you hit three months. I hit three months basically around New Year's, so I tell myself if I get there, I will be 100% okay.

 

The letters don't show weakness if we keep them to ourselves. You go through stages. I hit anger with my ex and I am getting over that hump into acceptance. The loneliness at the holidays has been the hardest part for me to deal with, but it makes you stronger, I know.

 

You will get stronger.

[ljp]

Jenn, is it three wekks/months from breakup or from start of NC that are the humps?

[jennamajig]

Jenn, is it three wekks/months from breakup or from start of NC that are the humps?

 

My friend told me it is post break-up. And then told me to stay NC.

[manup7228]

Day 5

 

Wow. Its Day 5 already. This is going really fast. Not too bad now. I still think about her all the time, probably too much, but then I put my head on straight and realize that even if she came back I wouldn't accept her. I also noticed that when I do think about her, its not really painful, just sad. I was amazing to her, and I know she'll never find a guy that made her feel like I do. My only problem is she is running through men like crazy. One relationship after another. But I attribute that to her being insecure about dumping me and the fact that she has few GOOD friends so she needs a boy to latch onto. Its whatever. She screwed up. She'll realize it one day. I doubt she'll come back because she will never swallow her pride and admit she made a mistake. But I have to move on either way, which I am doing.

[crab62]

I think we hit humps all the frickin time... uggh...

 

after feeling so good this morning... I started sewing and then started getting so sad. but I just cry it out.

 

what gets me is that I rationalized his behavior all year with that girl... that's what kills me. I was so worried about her, and now I know why. I used to think he wasn't strong enough to stand up to her, and now I realize my fear was really that he didn't want to stand up to her... he never wanted her to quit emailing and he wanted to see her during the summer... he missed her.

 

I was so stupid to keep pushing this stuff down and down and down... all it did was prevent me from seeing the truth and building more experience with him... more to grieve, ugggh.

 

when i saw his email soon after we broke up... and he emailed her, it made me sick. it makes me sad that i thought he was really into me... when he was not only NOT into me, but was missing her... all the while dating me and sleeping with me... yuck.

 

what a jerk.

[Jester1586]

I missed my post for yesterday, but nothing really happened. I worked, and slept in, saw some friends. Overall a good day.

 

Today though, started good, ended badly. Saw some friends for a few drinks and dinner, the conversation turned to my personal life. I had a one on one conversation with a friend who I hadn't seen a while, and he was asking about my ex. He thought we were still together. Wasn't really bad, or anything, but it sprung her to the top of my mind, and I've had her in my thoughts ever sense. I actually almost called her on my way home. I put her number in my phone, but quickly hung up. I need to be stronger.

 

She added me as a friend on Facebook as well. Funny, as I sent her a friend request over a month ago right before we broke up, and I know she uses that site, as well as Myspace all the time. She's what you'd call an addict. When she never accepted my invite, I figured she never would, and I got an E-Mail from it this evening saying she accepted it. I'm curious as to why now.

 

I'm coming down off my thoughts now, and my mind is back to where it needs to be again. Tomorrow should go smoothly. Football and work, all day. No room for my thoughts to really wander to far, so let's hope.

 

I hope everyone else is having good luck during this holiday season. Much love to everyone in their life.

[goincd3]

End of day 6. Pretty good day. Had my first day of work and it went well. My ex contacted me via text today, asking me if I had a certain dvd that I wanted...it was awkward. I simply said no and nothing else. All in all another good day.

[crab62]

day 15 for me. I forgot what NC day it was, so I had to look back at yesterday's post, LOL!!

 

so doing okay. Got sad yesterday here and there. I think about what he's doing and wonder if he's happy now... feeling relieved like he said he was two days after the break-up, ugggh. He's a hard one to figure out... so when I start trying to figure it out, I tell myself to stop. I could guess all I want, and I'll probably never get to the right answer... cause since he wasn't honest being in the relationship, I'm sure he won't be honest about anything. Talked to my girlfriend last night... and she always sets me straight reminding me of the crap I had to put up with all summer with him and his "previous" woman friend... or whatever she was. I did put up with alot... certainly he would have never put up with something like that, never.

 

Anyway... onward I go. Have lots of sewing to do today. and tonight going out to dinner with my Mom and sis and niece, so that will be fun

 

Also had a great day at the barn yesterday, it rocked!! I love being there. I am so grateful I found that place... it's about the best thing going for me right now... it just rocks being there.

[jennamajig]

^^crab, the horses are so pretty! I've never ridden a horse, so I'm envious

 

Day...21, I think? The date I wasn't supposed to have last night (and was looking forward to) got canceled. His mom was in a car accident (she will be okay, but he stayed with her as she hit her head). It did not really help my mood. I went on a scavenger hunt with a group from link removed, but to be honest, it was hard to meet people. The group all seemed to know each other and it wasn't as welcoming as I thought.

 

Once someone told me people in Boston aren't friendly...I never thought much about it, but I think it is somewhat right. People here aren't mean, but sometimes they aren't as welcoming either. Thoughts like this make me wonder if moving would help. I went through a horrible time my sophomore year in college with a couple of lost friendships -- it sucked so much -- and I almost left my college, it was that bad (I called my mom every day, crying). It even got worse before it got better and I was depressed for a couple of months. But I didn't leave and the next couple of years were so much better. I tell myself moving would be bad and I just need to weather these bad months and it will get better. But I really wonder. I thought about moving closer to my family as I always wanted to live in NYC. But I don't ever want to do anything rash.

 

Last night I felt lonely and fell asleep on the couch. I hadn't done that in weeks as I'd made progress sleeping in my bed again. I moved to the bed at about 7 a.m. and tried to sleep a little more, but it didn't work. My sleeping habits have been effected greatly by the changes in my life and while it has gotten slightly better, it hasn't gotten to normal. I want normal.

 

I am supposed to meet another guy for drinks tonight. Just drinks and conversation. I was questioning dating again, because I have bad days, but it does help me not think of my ex. I'm a smart girl and I have no expectations. I just go and see if we click. I wonder if I will ever have as great of a connection as I did with my ex. Everyone tells me I will have a better one. And if I don't eventually look, I suppose I won't find it. But baby steps...I doubt Mr. Right is around the corner and you know what? I don't expect him to be. Because even if I met someone tomorrow who was awesome, you wouldn't know someone was Mr. Right until dating/being in a relationship for a while. And the way my feelings are, I would be taking sooo slow if I did happen to meet someone I liked.

 

But Santa, I have been a good girl... .

[crab62]

^^ here there jen....

 

hang in there my friend, I know how much it hurts... ugggh.

 

I'm a bit sad today too. By summer we'll be emailing and having a blast and we'll be looking back at our posts and thinking "glad that's over", LOL!!

 

We just gotta be strong and weather this stuff..... ugggh. Day by day. We've already proven we can do it... cause we got this far, so we can certainly keep going We just gotta let this wound of ours heal... let it ooze out it's ickiness... let it scab up, and ultimately heal. Okay, that was gross, LOL!!

 

Hang in there... and good luck on your date tonight. I know it's probably hard to get motivated, but once you're out you usually feel better... at least I do. Have fun... let me know how it goes.

[goincd3]

Day 7. Gahhh I'm so stupid!!! My ex called me earlier but I didn't have my phone on me. I text her later asking what she wanted, and she said she wanted to talk to me. So I called her, I know I shouldn't have...but we just made small talk for about 10 minutes. She said she missed me, so I asked her if she wanted to get food, and talk, and she agreed.

 

I'm really hoping that I won't regret this. I hope this doesn't open up the wounds from when we broke up. I have improved considerably since last week. I think I can handle seeing her now. I know that I can't have her back right now, and you know, I think I'm fine with that. I'm moving on and doing well. Hopefully this won't set me back to square one. If it does, I will pick myself up, and start again. Wish me luck!

[crab62]

day 16 for me...

 

i'm going to keep posting my days until i get to 30... like super dave says

 

i'm not sure how i'm feeling this morning. i go from being glad he's out of my life, to missing him, and then back to thinking what an awful jerk he was with his words. i think about how he hung-up in my face... that takes some courage let me tell you... to hang up in someone's face. if i did that to someone, i'd better be ready to never hear from them again, cause that's just disgusting.

 

anyway, i digress. eventually the days will come when i think of him less... i can't wait.