THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[derekjones52]

day 11today wasnt all too bad. it was hard not to think about her, was right by where she lives because I had to do some errands and it was really hard not to call or text to say hey and that I was near by. I keep looking at her pictures on myspace and facebook, for some odd reason it relieves me a little bit to see what she has been up to (and not having any pictures up of some guy she is seeing or anything \\ ...none of her friends mention guys so I assume there is none). It all hurts much less now and I can control my thoughts better than before, I find myself sometimes over her and fine and then later on I just wish for her to call me and want to get back together.

 

Think that going another 2.5 weeks will be hard for me to stick to... I am going to do my best at sticking to it and not giving in, what good does it do?? It doesnt help me heal and it doesnt give her space to MAYBE come to her senses that she made a mistake.

[ExarionUniverse19]

Day 10

 

Wow, Day 10 already? I'm getting there. Today was a little bit more difficult, and I've had to come on eNotAlone several times to help me with my intermittent thoughts about her... many of which were thoughts about what could have happened if we were to have a future together. But it's silly, because we're both so young and immature that a serious relationship wasn't going to happen anyway.

 

Naturally, I continue to think about what she's thinking about. I think, "It was only a 1 month relationship, is she going through what I'm going through? How is she getting over it? Was it easy for her?". And I think about whether she still likes me even after breaking up, about the many reasons why she broke up with me. This leads to thoughts about reconciliation...

 

But right now these thoughts are silly and pointless. Why? Because of 2 things:

 

1) If she does contact me about reconciliation within the next 2 months (something I think about quite often), I won't even consider it. If she tries to contact me during strict NC, I'll briefly tell her not to contact me. If it happens a little later, I might be more polite, but I still won't allow anything to happen this year.

 

2) I tell myself that reconciliation is only a possibility once we've both healed, which will definitely happen by next school year. But we'll both feel completely different about each other then. We will have lost that special feeling for each other. IT WON'T BE THE SAME. So whatever thoughts go through my head about reconciliation now aren't going to apply next year. Time will heal me...

 

So at least I can prevent myself from thinking about getting back together. It will only happen once we've both healed. I've accepted that. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean I've healed. I still have fantasies about what could have been, and I think about the past...

 

Amazingly, I still have new thoughts about her almost every day. I'm beating a dead horse here, but as long as I'm healing...

 

I think I'm "getting away" with thinking about her a lot. I don't seem to have a problem with it, and hopefully I will heal while my thoughts gradually move away from her. It doesn't look like I'll have to force myself to stop. So it's going smooth... for now.

[bear12]

i guess it's day 21 of round 2.. i don't know... i still really miss him. i'm starting to think more about the bad times and not just the good ones (which is good) but i can't help but think that no one is perfect and he did make me happy... ugh.. it's so hard to separate out my feelings of missing him from my feelings of being worried that i'll never find anyone else i want to spend the rest of my life with...

[Rosie007]

Day 53

 

Just woke up from a nightmare. Dreamt that I accidentally called him, he was really mean, and he took delight he'd fallen in love already ... with another woman.

 

Here's the extra icky part. That's probaby true in the waking world.

 

Reality check: We're not together anymore because he doesn't love me.

 

What a way to start the day. Hopefully it can only go up from here;

[andy5128]

Day 8 (i think) seem to have lost count already!

Feeling pretty good, thoughts of her still pop in my head here and there but nice thoughts and then just get on with things.. No longer feeling so down just focussing on me and my future if she appears in it then that's fine if not then I feel i have come to terms with that or are getting there.. So stick with it guys it gets easier..

[Rosie007]

If she tries to contact me during strict NC, I'll briefly tell her not to contact me.

 

 

You're missing the point. If she contacts you during strict NC, you don't contact her. That's what No Contact means.

[Rosie007]

ROUND 4

 

I still may send my ex a birthday card, but don't know yet.

 

 

Macgyver, Macgyver, Macgyver. Sending your ex a birthday card would be contacting her. Maybe I'm missing something, but aren't you trying to do the No Contact challenge?

 

Please give yourself a chance to heal this time. Your ex doesn't need you to send her a birthday card. Period.

 

(SuperDave, I think you better pull out the heavy duty roll of duct tape for our friend Macgyver.)

 

You can rationalize it and justify it all you want (she's got abandonement issues, I'll feel better, her parents will give me a toaster), but the simple truth is you really don't need to send her a card. What you need to do is take care of yourself. What's something special you can do for YOU? Go see a movie? Take a nap? Start a hobby-related project you've been meaning to do? Go to the beautiful Chicago Aquarium and look at the sea horses? Take a ride on the Ferris wheel? How about you think of one extra special thing to do for yourself each day? That way you'll know you can count on yourself to take care of and love sweet, wonderful YOU.

[BrokenHeart82]

Today is my ex's bday. Its funny, i spent the last two weeks thinking will I contact, how will I contact, etc.

Now that the day is here I have no inclination to contact him. I even bought a birthday card a few days ago...and threw it away this morning.

 

I removed all of his numbers from my cell (finally! seriously, what was i waiting on?)

 

Vacation in just a few short weeks (beaches, sun, fun)

 

I met a real sweetheart about a month ago and we've been dating for about two weeks now. He is definitely reminding me of how I should be treated.

[thelonelydoll]

Day 22 since last direct contact/ Day 5 since I checked his myspace

 

For whatever reason, I'm not feeling so bitter and angry today. Maybe that's the time apart, maybe it's the outlet of this site, maybe it's the fact that I'm going to see my folks for the weekend, and my relentlessly upbeat 21-year-old niece is there. All I know is, I'm glad I don't feel so angry today - and I'm going back to blonde!

[macgyver4ever]

Day 2

 

I felt awful yesterday. Very depressed. It was sinking in hard that it was all over. Last night I started feeling good, and feel pretty good today as well. I know good things will happen to me, and I am excited to see what special girl comes along now. I think I will always miss my ex, but that's what a first love will do, especially when you are together for 4 years. I thought it was forever. You can never assume that.

 

I had a dream last night about being "the other person" I posted the dream in "Letting Go of Hope." It really helped me understand the "fog" theory of affairs, and I can see how people can easily get carried away quickly.

 

This little vacation I am on will be great for me. I am starting to feel better now, and am looking forward to the good things the future holds.

 

Rosie: Thanks for the advice on not sending a card. I doubt I will, just because I don't think I will be friends with her at that point. Her snotty email, along with her cheating on me, is starting to make me resent her. I should have felt this way a long time ago, but it is raw now. I'll see how I feel. I am not planning on anything.

 

 

Today I feel" Confident, a little depressed, and mildly excited.

[SuperDave71]

Mac,

 

Its not that your ex is a BAD person, you are beginning to realize that YOU matter first. You are only letting go because you have been holding on to what you wanted you ex to be...rather than what she became.

 

She did what she did. To say it was ok for her to cheat on you and you be ok with it...is simply not healthy. To me, you are screaming out loud, "I don't matter...just as long as you stay with me"....

 

Again, I am not saying she is a bad person, but it was wrong. What was even more wrong was the fact you were ok at the time with wanting her back.

 

Stand up tall, snap in your backbone and Smile....today is a new day.

 

You can do it !!

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[ExarionUniverse19]

You're missing the point. If she contacts you during strict NC, you don't contact her. That's what No Contact means.

 

Well, I've haven't contacted her once since the break up. I don't believe that completely ignoring them is the answer. She has a right to know, and that's all there is to it. If I had told her I was doing NC when I started, that would be different. But she replied to my email a couple of weeks ago briefly... so that's what I'll do too.

 

I mean, I guess it depends on the tone of the email (if that's how she chooses to contact me). If it's polite enough, I'll respond.

[HangingInThere]

Day 4 of NC, Day 1 of Challenge.

 

We have broken up in the past and have never ran into each other until today - I am in a restaurant having lunch with a girlfriend, casually mentioned our breakup and not even 2 seconds later, she says, 'talking about the devil'. He had to walk pass us to get ot his table - he said hello...i dont even think i replied!

 

For some reason i am kinda upset that he spoke to me (am I backwards?) I would have felt better if he just kept on walking. he sat in 2 booths down from us and my girlfriend said he kept on looking over. Our bill came and i just got up and left without saying/waving goodbye to him.

 

what do you think was going through his mind and why was i bother that he spoke to me?

[Krisnakay]

Help I am drowning in pathetic pitty

[bear12]

rosie-

 

glad to hear you saw the friend! i'm going into a career that has notoriously long hours myself, so i'll be trying to be conscious of that sort of thing too once i start next fall!

 

anyway, day 22- last time i broke NC on day 24 so i'm trying hard to beat it! i think i will- as much as a miss him i know talking to him will just mess me up again. the weekends are always the hardest for me b/c i can just imagine him and the new gf doing all kinds of fun things together... ugh.. it's true, i don't know forsure that she exists (all i ever knew was that he met a girl he liked and they went on one date and were talking on the phone) but i always imagine the worst... not that it should matter what he's doing, anyway.... i'm clearly not very good at this whole NC thing

[Krisnakay]

I found where I'm supposed to be.My ex boyfriend broke up with me this morning.Doesn't really matter why that's just the way it is.We work together so I know it will be very hard.I deleted his phone number from my phone and deleted his email from my address book..I know it by heart but I really think that since I will have to type the address in it will be easier for me.My first tempatation was knowing that he gets off work at 5:00.I wanted to call him and tell him how much I hate him.But I passed on it cause I dont really hate him..I wish I did tho.

[Krisnakay]

b/c i can just imagine him and the new gf doing all kinds of fun things together... ugh.. it's true, i don't know forsure that she exists (all i ever knew was that he met a girl he liked and they went on one date and were talking on the phone)....I dont know how to do the Quote thing but...This sounds so much like the way I think.I'm sure that the whole reason my ex dumped me is cause he had another woman waiting in the wings

[misskitty]

DAY 4

 

Was easy to do NC but I have been very down. I keep thinking of this other woman he has met. And what might be going on with them. I keep thinking of what a ***** his mother was and being disrespectful of our decision to work on things by trying to "hook them up".(This scum is 28 years old!) I cried at work a few times. At one point I did want to call him and tell him everything I feel about him. (which isnt very nice) But I restrained. I almost left early so I could just cry all day about this. Then I decided I am not going to let this POS have this kind of affect on me when we are not even involved anymore!

 

My day got better when I redirected my attention to other things. I went out easter shopping, to one of my favorite places to eat. The people know me there and always talk to me so it was nice to have some conversation.

 

This depression/anxiety is not leaving me at all. My therapist said I have PTSD. It does seem to get worse at times and its scary. I am almost thinking in addition to therapy, I may try some meds. But I am very leery since I had a bad exp. last time.

[11everything2-1nothing]

Day 5,

 

Ok so I did not post the first four days. So I will try to sum them up here. All I can say is that they have been miserable. I think about calling him at least 50 times a day. The only thing that keeps me going is that he probably will not pick up anyway.

[supercalifragilistic]

rosie-

 

anyway, day 22- last time i broke NC on day 24 so i'm trying hard to beat it! i think i will- as much as a miss him i know talking to him will just mess me up again. the weekends are always the hardest for me b/c i can just imagine him and the new gf doing all kinds of fun things together... ugh.. it's true, i don't know forsure that she exists (all i ever knew was that he met a girl he liked and they went on one date and were talking on the phone) but i always imagine the worst... not that it should matter what he's doing, anyway.... i'm clearly not very good at this whole NC thing

 

I'm the same way. Can't stand the thought of him being with someone else. It's hard to accept that he might find someone he loves more than he loves me and that he prefers to spend time with this other person instead of me even after telling me he doesn't think he'll find someone he likes more than he likes me. Oh well.

 

Day 2

 

Woke up not feeling so great. But came here and found that "The Secret" video and got really excited and motivated to stop worrying so much about my ex and what he's doing. I ended up checking his myspace today, damn curiosity. I don't even know how I feel now.

I'm think I'm happy now, and I know I can be happy without him but I still want him to realize he loves me and come back.

[ExarionUniverse19]

Day 5,

 

Ok so I did not post the first four days. So I will try to sum them up here. All I can say is that they have been miserable. I think about calling him at least 50 times a day. The only thing that keeps me going is that he probably will not pick up anyway.

 

If you're feeling miserable, you should try posting here more often. Don't spend the whole day here, but a post everyday about how you're feeling should help...

[p_fred]

7 days since she showed up briefly at the dinner party. I've managed not to make contact but I really really wonder what she is feeling and if she misses spending time together (why do I have to be such a curious person!) I'm still baffled.

 

Not going to call. Not going to call. Not going to call.

 

I'm starting to think being just friends wouldn't work for me either

 

 

PS: macgyver4ever... NC for her birthday! No Card!

[Krisnakay]

wondering what the other person is doing is natural I think.I went to bed at 8 o'clock pm and just woke up at 11:45 P.M.I woke up almost in a panic.Wondering if he will try to call.Saturday night has been our night for a year.Tomorrow will be my first saturday night without him feel miserable..like someone knocked the wind out of me.

[11everything2-1nothing]

wondering what the other person is doing is natural I think.I went to bed at 8 o'clock pm and just woke up at 11:45 P.M.I woke up almost in a panic.Wondering if he will try to call.Saturday night has been our night for a year.Tomorrow will be my first saturday night without him feel miserable..like someone knocked the wind out of me.

 

 

Day 6

I also went to bed early which is not normal for me, but I think my lack of sleep just made me crash. I went to bed at 11PM, and woke up at 5AM also in a panic and just broke down. It is really is difficult having to start off everyday like this. I think I got five hours of sleep I think this is the most I have had in 12 days. I do try to lay there and fantasize about something else, anything really. Long as it is not him. Sometimes this helps, sometimes it seems impossible. Ok so I thought today would be a little easier since yesterday I was starting to feel a little more confident towards the end of the day, and thought about him a little less. I still feel tired, and based on the way I woke up I am not sure that today will be easier at all. I can only wonder if he's feeling any pain at all, it feels horrible thinking that I am the only one of us having to take all this. I only wonder because the two times I did talk to him before NC he seemed cold and fine.

[Krisnakay]

for straws....wondering if I could have did something different.If I could still do something different.I made so many plans for our future and now I feel like I don't have one.Wondering how he could tell me he loves me and then dump me.We were just together Sunday and he dumps me on Friday.He must have known then he was going to,I feel used,and wonder if he was really just using me the whole time.I wonder if I'll ever trust a man again.