THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[baden]

Day 4

 

The days keep getting tougher and tougher. The last words I heard from her was through a text message that said "I am not going to call you back later. considerate it over. We will salvage the friendship in the future, if possible." Of course I freaked out that day and tried to call her over and over until she finally answered and it was like ](*,)](*,)](*,) I fear her birthday that is coming up in late July. I will feel like crap if I wish her a good bday and I will feel like crap if I do nothing at all. I just want to love her and I guess the best way is by letting her go. Where is the sense in all of this...

[spaced]

baden - you need to focus on something else to try and take your mind of this. It's easier said than done i know - thst first couple of weeks are hell (not eating, not sleeping, constantly going over and over everything you may have said or need to say or wish you had said) but you must do NC...DO NOT CONTACT! Im in the opposite position - my birthday is next week and part of my prays that she will wish me happy birthday - if she does im faced with breaking NC if she doesnt i will feel she has forgotten about me - its a tough one...its to soon to force reconciliation baden..you both need time to cool off and then contact (but at least the magic 30 days mate)

[InRoughShape]

1.5 months of NC down the drain.

 

Was kickin back a few beers and the phone rings. It's her. Ignore. Rings again. Ignore. Then a text msg. "Ignoring me works too."

 

A 2hr text message convo ensues.

Basically repeating the same things over and over so i'll keep it short.

 

 

me: what did you expect?

her: i still want to be able to see and talk to you again

me: well ya made that kind of hard dont you think?

(she went back to her ex and strung me along for a few days in the process)

her: im sorry

her: i want to talk to you

me: i dont if you still have a bf

 

i give reasons she asks why.... i eventually get a buzz going and give in....

she then asks to come over.....i said yes

 

so now shes at my house, and for a long time too

 

basically it was some small talk, me asking why she called, and her saying because she hadnt heard from me

 

she eventually says she misses me, thinks about me everyday and isnt happy (but wasnt specific)

 

i told her there's been times ive missed her but havent thought about her lately

 

then she began reminiscing about our relationship and i did as well

she even mentioned the sex

 

she wants to still talk to me and see me but i told her i cant be friends with her because it just doesnt work that way

 

anyway 3 hrs later....

 

i told her this was a 1 time thing and that i cannot talk to her while she has boyfriend

 

..........now shes been on my mind all day, what does this all mean? mind f#$%?

[MissIndigo]

After 96 days...broke it.

 

I feel a little icky now.

 

Last day at my current work and since we were professional colleagues I shot off an e-mail to everyone I worked with to let them know what was going on. I don't really give a damn if I hear back or not.

 

But it's still kind of an "ick" feeling.

[laugher]

day 4..again

 

I admit she is on my mind...woke up remembering that I treated her bad once..wanted to apologize for it. I know it won't do any good.

 

God i wish she would come pick up her stuff already...been 4 months

[Coyote9]

After 96 days...broke it.

 

I feel a little icky now.

 

Last day at my current work and since we were professional colleagues I shot off an e-mail to everyone I worked with to let them know what was going on. I don't really give a damn if I hear back or not.

 

But it's still kind of an "ick" feeling.

 

 

I know that "ikc" feeling....I'm at day 77 I think and I almost called her out of the blue today....stupid really, it's the holiday week coming up and I know she's off on a trip to Europe. Like your ex, she's a colleague that I've avoid like the plague since she broke it off for the last time in mid April. I don't think that a group e-mail counts as breaking NC, if it wasn't specifically to him, but I know that knowing that he even read it is both tantalizing and unnerving. Hang in there...I will also committ to not calling or e-mailing over these next fews days which I know will be rough....holidays...ikc.

[WorkoutAddict]

Ok... Day 10

 

As I said in another post, I feel emotionally and physically exhausted. This morning when the alarm rang I could barely open my eyes. Still in the shower I was more than half asleep. Going upstairs or downstairs one floor seems a titanic task to me and yet I spend more than an hour at the gym every day trying to get rid of all this negative energy.

 

I feel like I don't care about anything and anyone. I wish I could dig my nails in the jerk's face until it bled (he would need a very good surgeon after that, trust me).

[1guygirl]

JEEZ PEEPS....after reading your NC blogs its clear theres more to-ing and fro-ing going on than a tennis ball in wimbledon!!!!!!

 

game, more game, set - match???? errrm nop

 

games are for playgrounds as tempting and easy it is to get glooped in to them - they can after all be fun, all that 'what ifs', 'what did theys' etc etc....they give you a 'high' with all the suspense and that all important fix of contact with your ex, they get their fix knowing they still have control over you, their safety net/security blanket....but that is all they are - games...so be strong, and dont let them have 'advantage ex' by answering to their selfish meaningless cries of 'i miss you blah blah de blahhhhh'

 

if they wanted you back and you didnt pick up the phone or reply to their text - they would come round, bray the door down and shout through the letterbox 'i want you back!!!!' until that happens - NC!

 

 

PS Papa....luved the piccy - yes thats who i was thinking of...the krankees i do believe !!! hehe. see thats whats wrong with todays 'yoof' - they didnt sit down to good old family entertainment where a middleaged married scottish woman played a pre pubescent naughty boy with her hubby as her sidekick playing his/her friend/guardian/micheal jackson kinda companion figure

 

classic all the same hehehehe x x

[tree]

day # i don't know because keeping count is just adding another piece of obsessive behaviour to my repertoire

 

was going to break nc today because i didn't care anymore. keeping nc is like i still care about the break-up, like i still hold a grudge against someone who doesn't want to be my boyfriend (i don't want to be some other people's girlfriend but i sure hope they're not holding a grudge over me for that.) he's not coming back (as far as i can tell, he's not coming back now, hello, if he wanted to he wouldn't have broken us up) so really what does it matter? i'm one of those people who keep their exes in their lives so this nc will be broken some day. he was important to me and i like him as a person.

 

but, hey, i'm keeping nc anyway because i just want peace for now. we can always be friends later. it's sad we're no longer together but it's sadder that the situation is still such a mess that i can't even do what i want anymore. silly, silly! and on my side i'm consciously keeping nc while he has no clue and it's like, 'hi, crazy, you're in this competition with yourself.' this powerplay crap that i really don't care for anymore. i didn't before i got with him and i still don't. i guess that's why it's a game i lose. but in the final words of rhett butler..

[1guygirl]

see them final words of rhett butler were surpassed by Pete Burns version...

 

i know what you mean bout not counting the nc days..when i got to day 30 i dont consider myself in nc day whatever - i jus consider myself single,end of.

 

friends can happen when healing has... sooner you heal sooner you and your ex will make friends...just tough in the meantime granted. my mate had a on/off relationship for 9 years they finally split for good and now after over a year they do hang out and get on better than ever but they dont have them romantic feelings. everyone else has a problem with them but me - if something can be salvaged outta something then i can go with that. even tho me personally keep exs as exs as they were an ex for a reason and i wouldnt have friends who suddenly treat me with no respect so why stand for it just cos you shared a bed etc...but thats jus me...every situation is indeed diff

[tree]

yea, we split up mainly because we'd be living in different countries so the romantic feelings, attraction, etc. will probably be there because we didn't fall out of love, so to speak. and yea, my ex is an ex for a reason -- he wanted it! heh. what he did was disrespectful, though, but what wouldn't have been disrespectful? stay together forever until the end of time? that isn't feasible either. i guess that's why i can be friends with them because it was either a break-up or a marriage and we're all too young for marriage. haven't even got a career, what are we doing getting married and trying to hold each other up financially? ah, there's the future. the hope of youths!

 

nah, don't think of yourself as 'single'. single implies that you're not with someone. since when was it mandatory to be with someone?

[waterbaby07]

Day 16: One piece of advice to any of you to help heal: TRAVEL. I don't care if you're broke. Throw it on a credit card. Get the heck away from the environment that reminds of you the ex. Im visiting home for the next two weeks and it's been absolutely WONDERFUL!!!! He never met my family so nothing here reminds me of him. This is the happiest i've been since the break-up in April. Yeah, i talk to my siblings constantly of him, but i haven't cried over him in two days. If I saw him right now I wouldn't even be able to look at him- im disgusted and saddened by the way he acted in the end. I deserve 100 hundred times better. For those of you who are confused by your ex's actions: He or she MUST say, "Im sorry, I made a mistake. Let's work on this." or "i want you back, let's try again." Otherwise, they're calling you because they're lonely, miss your attention, miss the sex, etc, NOT because they want to get back together. Protect yourself, protect your feelings because they're sure as heck not going to (THEY dumped US, remember?)

Be strong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[1guygirl]

Day 16: This is the happiest i've been since the break-up in April.

 

now thats the kinda thing i love to hear - enjoy your break babe!!

[BrokenBear]

Day 13/14 -> Day 1 again. I went up to visit with some friends over this long weekend, and was doing incredibly well - had a great friday evening, even got hit on by one of the girls I just met that night. Things were going smooth, and as I logged into my MSN to look for instructions on how to get to a restaurant from one of them, my ex sends me messages, and me being the dumb and weak person I am, I respond nigh immediately, without even thinking - I however am upbeat, and cheerful, I think, just talking about where I am and what I've been up to. She on the other hand gives me one word responses to anything I ask, so oh well. I know I'm still not over her... but at least I've been able to keep her off my mind this weekend... till now.

 

I am glad I did leave the city though, it's been refreshing, and I've been able to sleep soundly for the first time in a while. I did get threats of being slapped if I even brought her up to my friends, that was a good thing.

 

I'm just not able to ignore her. Oh well.

[blujay]

I'm starting day 1 today. This is going to be extremely hard but i'm going to try and stick with it as I need to heal. I want to be friends with my ex as we got/get on extremely well and we went out for 4 years. During this time I don't think that there was a time when we didnt contact each other for more than 3 days. Although I have not contacted him via text, MSN or phone, i have sneakily looked up his myspace and his posts on a forum about the breakup. I know i shouldn't be doing it. It's now 7:00PM where i am. Night time is the worst for me. I haven't really been able to get a good nights sleep since the break up. I'll post at this time tomorrow to let you know how i'm going.

 

I've spent today reading other peoples stories online and it has given me hope for my healing and a little more understanding as to how we broke up in the first place. My family and friends have been great. Very supportive and keeping me company, asking how i'm going.

 

This is a great thread and i'm glad that there are people out there that care about complete strangers!

[1guygirl]

cors we care - cant have peeps feeling like sh*t now can we

 

well remember this dating dilema i have....i kinda put that i might be out goin on a date on my old msn (the ex dont have this) but his brother in law to be has...

 

next day (my day 30 of nc funnily enough) ex puts back up his faceparty and hes back engaged and happy and had been on his dream date etc etc...me...went and looked yesterday like a div...i just knew there was summit on there and well there you go i was right. i went cold but funnily i was ok...it was like "fair do's" i mean ive got so much in my life right now that will surpass anything he could give me now be it his undying love or whatever... its also clear that from his other profiles and made up women profiles hes playing games with this new gf and its just as volatile as we were, ie his status goes like this - engaged,single,engaged,single,found perfect partner,still looking,im with perfect partner....get the picture ...all this in 3.5months few days after breaking up with me (i presume to chase this lynn without feeling to guilty or justify himself that he didnt cheat huh) oh and cos shes got a few male linked buddies hes got a load too,including his gf and his female made up creation....a man in love wouldnt need to spend hours on line to other women would he?

 

does this sound like a healthy stable man in a healthy stable relationship?

 

but the lord works in mysterious ways and past few days ive been praying how do i tell my baby about its father...without lying and making up fairytales or telling the truth and destroying its self esteem....well ....my ex gave me the answer...will print his profile off,put it in an envelope with his unused wedding ring and give it to son when hes ready to read bout his father. does that sound fair? i hope so...i was adopted and i had this wrong info that my dad tried to stop adoption...well truth was it wasnt nowt of the sort and all the years i wrongly blamed/hated my birth mother and well - im going through what she went through its uncanny God rest her soul!

 

so for those whos ex has jumped straight into a new relationship or made a big commitment early on - its not romantic its lunacy and dont be there for them when it turns to sh*t (dunzo you taking note here?)

 

hows everybody else doing?

[1guygirl]

oh and while this was going on with ex profile...this guy who wants to date me asks again can we meet up? x

 

....y'know what....i think bugger it i jus might - hes fit hes hot and large calvin kleins seem too small a fit for him round the front woi oi

[Aldo25]

I reached the 30 day milestone! I gotta admit though part of it was me burying my emotions for my ex and focusing on this new girl I have a crush on. It shouldnt matter how I did it, just that I did it

 

30 days and counting, NC whatsoever, not even viewing her myspace.

[baden]

Day 6

 

Well today my mind is playing tricks on me. I keep trying to figure out ways in my head to fix the problems we had, but I know there is nothing that can been done without her effort. Ahhh, looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. How weird is that?

[The One]

Day 19, Feeling better and stronger every day, I don't look at my myspace page anymore or my ex's, the next time I log on to it I will be deleting my page.

 

Thank You Enotalone Family!!!!!!

 

I think it's really great to see how everyone is getting better everyday.

[nomorelovish]

I've been here tons before but I had to change my name due to privacy issues. I've decided to go NC for my own sanity, and today will only be Day 1. The break-up occurred a week or so ago but only today has it really start to set in. He wants to continue being friends, and he is very close with my family but I just don't think I can handle it, so I am going NC. Wish me luck everyone, I'll need it.

[blujay]

Day 6

 

Well today my mind is playing tricks on me. I keep trying to figure out ways in my head to fix the problems we had, but I know there is nothing that can been done without her effort. Ahhh, looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. How weird is that?

 

Day 2

This is exactly how i feel. Except its him that needs to put in the effort to communicate his issues about the relationship to me, instead of taking the cowards way out and breaking up and then telling me. If he had wanted to make it work, it could've been tried. But then that makes me think that he's just not ready for a long term commited relationship and he just couldnt be bothered to try and make it work. We also had a long distance thing going for 1.5 years which made it doubley hard. He is also in a career that would require him being away alot. But i have learned some things from this, that I need to learn to love myself more and realise that I deserve a more mature person to share my life with.

 

Finding it very hard not to go look at a forum he posts on to get his feelings about the breakup. I think what is really tempting me is that he wrote on their that he might want to get back together, but he thinks this is selfish of him. This was only 2 days after hte break up, which suggests that he is missing me and justs wants to get back together cos its too scary and painful to be on your own. 4 years with someone (17-21) is a huge chunk of my life and i have to learn how to live by myself again. I got a bit excited last night though as i relised that i dont really know myself properly, i have been defining myself through our relationship. I'm looking forward to getting to know me better and finding out how strong i am without him.

 

I'm going to go on the elliptical strider today and get ome exercise. Also clean room to make my living area more happy. I cant bring myself to look at the collection of items that i saved from when we were together (birthday cards etc) i think i'll leave that until i'm a bit more sorted out mentally.

 

Hope everyone is going well!

[Coyote9]

Day 79 I think, but I've sort of lost count. I had a bowt this morning of intense anger at my ex, and basically felt out of sorts and like life really sucks for me right now, despite the sunshine and even being outdoors in it.

She's long gone, and I've finally accepted that she's not going to contact me, even though I don't want her to, I still dream about her at times having a change of heart. It's a dangerous warm and fuzzy fantasy that makes me more depressed when I snap out of it and makes me feel no enthusiasm at all for the other people and activities in my life and for the future.

 

I think, for the first 2 months or so of NC, I had the idea that I was being strong....but in fact I was in shock. She has no problem with NC and doesn't likely think of me at all. Now that the shock and denial have worn off, what's left is this endless stretch of gray in front of me....a sense of depression and a total lack of motivation to do or meet anything new. I have taken good care of myself these past months but now that feels like a rut, and yet I don't have the interest or energy yet to get out and pursue new things or, heaven forbid, dating and a possible new relationship.

 

I am not emotionally available to anyone, and barely to myself at this point. Sorry to be on such a downer here, but the reality of this breakup, and how unbalanced and disfunctional my relationship was, is finally hitting me.

 

I don't miss her, I miss who I thought she was and how that made me feel. I feel like sometimes I go through all of the phases of grief in one day....denial and bargaining, self blame and depression, anger and outrage, and back again. I want to get through this phase but feel like someone out in a sailboat when the wind slacks and they simply sit there drifting....hoping to catch a faint breeze to take them somewhere else...

Coyote

[lady00]

I stopped NC. Lost count but I did it for more than 30 days. I talked to him briefly. Normal conversation but it made me emotional. I realized I am much happier not talking to him. As soon as a few hours had passed, I went from being emotional about it back to my normal self. I don't know why talking to him still makes me feel emotional. I think it brings up painful memories. Not cause he was a bad guy or anything, he wasn't but just cause I have a lot of sweet couples around me who I'm friends with and it just reminds me of how my ex gave up a relationship with someone he called his "best friend" in which there were no obvious problems but he just decided I wasn't good enough for him. Ah well, eventually I will be dating again and this will all seem like a distant memory.

[Coyote9]

I agree, we will all move past this....my ex has not interest in speaking with me at all, so I haven't even tried since the first day of our last breakup back in April. She couldn't even do it to my face. I found a note when I got home from a business trip. I went immediately over to her house and waited to talk to her....when she pulled up, she did a u turn and sped away....I considered giving chase and then thought "this is insane and the stuff of crimes of passion," so I just drove home and that was that....the start of NC for us both. I know from past experiences lady00, that in previous situations when my ex and I broke up and we would interact, I'd feel far worse with her than on my own I was so hurt by the about face she had done in our relationship. Time to move on to something else!