THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[drum4god]

Day 51. I have to admit I feel like ##$) today. I don't know what happened, but last week I felt I was on the threshold of getting over her, but its obvious I am not.

 

I am obsessed with the thought of her being with someone else, and it kills me. I am praying that if I do see it, I will either be with someone I love, or I am totally over her.

 

I wish we didn't go to the same church, it makes it some much harder. I will not, and can't leave, and I don't think she will either. I saw a good looking man sitting in her row last Sunday, and that is what set me back. Can you believe that? She wasn't even with him, and in my mind I had them married. Your mind can do crazy things.

 

Being in the same church was actually a benefit after our first breakup. When she saw me after the breakup, she saw a confident happy man, and that probably drove her back to me. Looking back, that didn't much good. I am hurt worse the 2nd time around.

 

Those who are hoping to get the ex's back. Please be careful. If you do NC, your ex's may come back, but trust me if they break up with you again, the pain is much worse the 2nd time around.

 

Anyway, though I am dying inside. I am proud I have kept my dignity, and stayed true to NC. Day 51 and counting.

 

I have to believe it will get better. It has to.

 

Good luck to everyone else.

[BlueOcean]

I posted last night in the Breaking Up section and I thought I'd join the NC challenge because I could definitely use the support. So today will be day 4 of NC. I'm not feeling too good today because I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that my eight and a half year relationship has ended. I thought he and I would grow old together. Wrong. Anyway, I'll keep posting here, and hope that it helps!

[Pisces_Princess]

Hi PapaL,

 

I guess when he was contacting me, I felt like I had some control back. I decided when or if I would answer, but now the calls and messages have stopped and I wonder if I have made a mistake. Is it natural to feel like this? I think it's the fear that he will feel unable to contact me because I have ignored his last few attempts at contact and he will think I am cutting him off. It certainly isn't increasing his desire for me!

 

I know this is not the aim of NC, but how many of us (secretly) hope the outcome will be to get them back?

 

I guess because he has initiated contact over the last few weeks I have just let him do the talking, so I am not sure what I would say xxx

[macgyver4ever]

Day 2

 

I haven't contacted her, and don't want to yet. No urges, except to scream at what a bad person she has turned into.

No contact from her, and I'm not expecting anything for a long time.

 

I did talk to her parents, and thanked them for being so wonderful and supportive of me. They are very disappointed in their daughter for her decision and they way they treated me. It was nice to have a little closure.

[boston23]

Day 25 for me!

 

Last night was actually pretty good. I feel like I've accepted all of this and that it feels fine to me. I slept in today (no class this morning) and just had cake for breakfast I'm trying to gain some weight back...I lost 20 lbs since the breakup (2.5 months) and I look really skinny, but since I've been lifting at the gym at least I don't look on the way to emaciated anymore.

 

I guess in terms of the break up, I'm feeling acceptance about the whole situation, but I am a bit sad about how it turned out. I know that neither of us wanted it to be like this (where we aren't talking, etc) and although I know it can change, I'm not sure if there's a point in trying to change it right now. After the challenge, I'm calling his sister to let her know I won't be a bridesmaid in her wedding anymore, and I'm not sure if I should try to contact him first. I'm not doing NC to get him back, and if we were to talk I really think that it would be a good thing for both of us. There are definitely things that I feel I need to say so that I don't continue to be angry at myself for never having said them. The other option I suppose is to forget about that stuff (although being angry at myself is tough) and just let his sister know that I won't be in the wedding, and then maybe call him this summer to see if things will be good enough to even attend the wedding. I don't want to make her wedding uncomfortable.

 

Either way, I'm not spending my days worrying about that stuff anymore. I have my own life to live!

[Siro]

LC day 11

 

can't do NC,so LC next best thing

 

I called today to make sure the ex could get my our son to school very icey in NYC.said she had no problem.Then I get the call car stuck! so I got out of work and took him to school

 

I asked if she needed help with the car "no I'll wait till the sun melts the ice alittle the try to get it out"

WOW she wants no help from me at all. and I know it

 

It's hard to see her as much as I do and also try to move on

but on the brightside I don't feel like I did last month and can look back at those feelings as an experience

[Shaker]

Pisces: Yes, it's normal to feel like NC is driving your ex further away....It probably isn't, but that's not really the biggest concern I have about your question. You still have control because you make the choice daily about whether or not you're going to contact your ex. And when you don't, as you can see by your writings, you're busy enriching your life instead.

 

I have to say that from reading your posts, NC is bringing you back closer to yourself the longer you keep it.

 

BlueOcean: Welcome! Good things come out of this challenge...

 

Drum4god: Whatever it's worth, I also believe things will get better for you. You seem to have a good grasp of the situation, and know what you deserve from life and love.

 

 

Boston23: I feel like we're partners in this! We have the same day count! Glad to hear you're sorting out the wedding issues....

 

 

For myself: It's day 25, and a couple of months into my break-up. I didn't hear from my ex yesterday, which doesn't surprise me but I thought it was worth mentioning. Did anyone on this forum receive Valentine's from their exes?

 

I had a great day, though, and even felt cherished and loved by friends and family. I also got to be someone's Valentine. Which was sweet. I'm now the proud owner of tokens of affection from my new love interest, and it's so nice to be in a comfortable, carefree space.

[papalazarou]

Hi PapaL,

 

I guess when he was contacting me, I felt like I had some control back. I decided when or if I would answer, but now the calls and messages have stopped and I wonder if I have made a mistake. Is it natural to feel like this? I think it's the fear that he will feel unable to contact me because I have ignored his last few attempts at contact and he will think I am cutting him off. It certainly isn't increasing his desire for me!

 

I know this is not the aim of NC, but how many of us (secretly) hope the outcome will be to get them back?

 

I guess because he has initiated contact over the last few weeks I have just let him do the talking, so I am not sure what I would say xxx

 

It is hard isnt it...I would say it is natural to feel exactly like that.

 

It sounds as tho you have healed quite alot and yes he probably thinks well I wont bother contacting her again as she has ignored a few calls/texts.

 

I would wager alot of people secretly hope NC will get them back together - even tho we know it is not for that purpose.

 

Maybe you are now at the stage where you could contact him to say hello howe are you. You will know if you are healed because if he didnt talk about getting back together and it didnt bother you either, then I would say go for it.

 

But then he may ignore your calls! If that thought makes you uneasy then its probably best not to call...

 

Its tough!

[Pisces_Princess]

Hi Shaker,

 

Just feel a little in limbo. Half way through the challenge, too far in to turn back but not close enough to keep going!

 

Glad you are someone's sweetheart this Valentine's Day!

 

Hi PapaL,

 

No, I don't think I am in that place just yet. I want to be emotionally normalised before I attempt contact. I guess in the back of my mind I am hoping he will contact me.

 

Did you have a good Valentine's Day PapaL?

 

XXX

[Parsley]

Hello you lovely people!

 

Pisces - I guess it's like what happens when we start NC for the ex. We stop communicating, and they start wondering. Now it's reversed. I suppose you just have to decide what you're going to persue here - reconciliation or moving on. I'd personally go for the latter...

 

Shaker - how are you feeling? hope you're not going flu-crazy. What's that saying....starve a fever and feed a cold? I also hope muchly that you didn't do anything that made your hand make a very quick journey to see your forehead.

 

Boston - I know there are a lot of things that I thought I wouldn't be able to not say, but given time I've found that it's just not important anymore. To bring up those things now would just reopen and salt barely healed wounds.

 

PapaL - Haven't seen you around here that much recently, how's things?

 

Siro - Hello! I can't imagine how difficult it must be to see her like you have to. I'm glad that you can see it as something to learn from though!!

 

Day 13

Been distracted all day again. Yay for half term meaning it's not just me at home! First I finally got to go for a drive! I love driving. I was quite surprised at how natural it felt, even after having a break of about 5 months. Think I convinced dad to let me get out driving more often again. Boosted my confidence a bit as well, because I stalled less than dad, woop!

When I got back in I got all arty, and painted a design on this wooden box I'd found. It looked a bit plain before, but now it's got flowers and vines on it. I'm also covered in ink to some extent.

 

I'm fairly sure I've turned some kind of corner, but I'm not overly sure what it is, or what makes me think that. I just feel different when my ex does crop up in my thoughts. Still sad, and I know I'm still secretly hoping for a text or something. That's definitely down to him contacting me before. I twas so unexpected before, it's difficult not to hope now - him doing that planted an idea in my mind that's proving difficult to dislodge. However, I did it before, so I can do it again.

[ahhh2jz]

Day 42 NC - still doing okay, the pain is easing up a bit little by little. I'm still wondering if she really wants me back or not. I know I have to get that thought out of my head; but on the plus side, I am not going to act on any of my impulses without putting it down here first.

[mariab.]

Day 9 for me but it's almost a month since we broke up . Its really hard b/c you miss them so much but you just keep going, I guess. I know its supposed to hurt less but when?

[boosted4life84]

Today is day 8 for me. I got curious and took a peek at her away message online and I noticed her away message says she is stressed out and has a lot of studying to do over the next few days. I want to just leave her a quick message saying something like:

 

"I do not expect a response from this, but I just wanted to tell you to keep your chin up. You will get through everything, you always do and it will pay off in the end."

 

Is it wrong for me to do this? I feel as though it is not pushy or anything, merely words of encouragement.

[TijuanaJones]

Today is day 8 for me. I got curious and took a peek at her away message online and I noticed her away message says she is stressed out and has a lot of studying to do over the next few days. I want to just leave her a quick message saying something like:

 

"I do not expect a response from this, but I just wanted to tell you to keep your chin up. You will get through everything, you always do and it will pay off in the end."

 

Is it wrong for me to do this? I feel as though it is not pushy or anything, merely words of encouragement.

 

Don't do it!

NC whatsoever. I recommend you delete and block her from msn... it is harder if you have to see her nick and start wondering things...

 

Don't contact her, it's not worth it, you will come off as weak and fragile.

Forget about her...

[Parsley]

boosted4life - don't! If there was something that she *NEEDED* to know, ok. Otherwise just leave it.

[TijuanaJones]

Well, yesterday was V-day and the day before that was my ex's birthday...

Of course I didn't call her! She didn't call me either... She has a new bf to think about now... I still have a hard time understanding how she dumped me to be with her loser actual bf...

 

Anyway, I met a cute and fun girl at the gym a couple of weeks ago, she just broke up with her bf a couple of days ago. She dreaded V-day, so I convinced her to work out with me yesterday... she said yes, so I picked her up at her house and we did our routines and talked for a while... Fun way to avoid getting V-day blues! and productive too... anyway, I think she really needs a friend right now, as well as I do, so I'll try my best to keep contact with her... She is a really nice girl and makes me laugh a lot...

Somehow going in a quasi-date with her made me feel good about V-day, and not even seeing my ex's new BF's car parked outside her house last night made me feel bad... I can't avoid driving past her house... haha it's on my route home...

 

Everyday I think less and less of her... Somehow I realized that there are better girls for me out there, better persons, more willing to put more into a relationship than my ex. That gives me hope for the future...

[boosted4life84]

I came to my senses on the way home. I am not going to send her anything. It is her job to come to me. She doesn't deserve the attention right now after what she's done to me.

[stephz]

Day 45 for me. I am okay and had been busy doing what I am supposed to do as some here said it...nourishing and enriching my own self.

 

Got a call from my 'ex' yesterday but let it went to voicemail. He said Happy Val and stuff, saying we haven't talked in awhile and he's been busy. He also said he misses me and close with "ttyl."

 

I wasn't going to call him back, but I thought about it long and deep whole nite and whole day today, and I made up my mind, I'm going to give him a call back after my gym just so I won't be perceived as rude and cold. I need to clear things up once and for all, and need to hear from him one last time, what he got to say.

 

I am not hoping much, but reading postings of some "anti-NC", if I maintained NC, there is a possibility that I blow up the chance of reconciliation.

 

I hope I don't regret this. I have things written up of what I'd like things to change if we ever do talk about that...what are the expectations, etc etc. *sigh

[TijuanaJones]

Day 45 for me. I am okay and had been busy doing what I am supposed to do as some here said it...nourishing and enriching my own self.

 

Got a call from my 'ex' yesterday but let it went to voicemail. He said Happy Val and stuff, saying we haven't talked in awhile and he's been busy. He also said he misses me and close with "ttyl."

 

I wasn't going to call him back, but I thought about it long and deep whole nite and whole day today, and I made up my mind, I'm going to give him a call back after my gym just so I won't be perceived as rude and cold.

 

Don't do it! please! If you really want to get back together you have to maintain control. Imagine how you will feel if he does not answer the phone...

Not to good uh? So don't call him. You shouldn't worry about how he perceives you. Im shure he knows you are not rude and cold... He was your BF! You need time and distance to achieve emotional stability. You are just looking for excuses to contact him... you know deep inside that it's best not to call... I mean, 45 days of NC! Are you going to ruin your progress today?

Don't call, think about it more... It took me 3 days to return the call of my ex and even then I still was emotional and the outcome was NOT good, just worse... Think about it...

[Rosie007]

Woke up this morning having just had a vivid dream about the Neverwas ("my ex"). Was a kind of nice dream that I hated to come out of.

 

Still home. Still coughing my brains out. Still feeling the power of the NC commitment.

 

Although I do have to walk my dog three times a day in the bitter cold we're experiencing for the past week (who can complain; we were spared winter for most of December and January), my activity is pretty much isolated to walk from bed to couch, walk from couch to kitchen / bathroom, walk back to couch / walk to bed.

 

Going to miss a Rickie Lee Jones concert tomorrow night with my friends. Nothing I can do about it. Fortunately, I've seen here before.

 

Good news to report: Haven't checked his MySpace for the past two days (this is a major improvement). Haven't done the online Tarot cards about him (part of a Breakup Rules Contract, similar to NC). Haven't looked at pictures of him. This is all major progress, mind you, as I've been doing all of the above daily since a break we had before this one the day before New Years.

 

I did torture myself a little yesterday by reading my version of an NC e-mail to him that I wrote before I learned about this site. Also read a copy of the IM that touched off all this hilarity, when he told me he was going to be sleeping with someone new.

 

New goal: Stop reading torturous e-mails / IMs from that fateful day when we "broke up."

 

Anyway, thanks for "listening" and for being here.

 

-Rosie

[Zaphod]

Day 3 or so of real NC for me - we had a week or so of swapping stuff when we split so NC was difficult.

 

This is a girl who COULD be a future prospective friend for me as we have a lot in common. However I have to have time to see how I feel about that as I am still pretty bitter about our break up and need time to get over that.

 

When we spoke a few days ago she said "ok well I'll call you or you call me" to which I cheerfully replied "yeah ok" and then she sounded a bit confused that I wasn't trying to arrange a time or something. It seems to hit 'em when they realise that in your mind you've severed the break as well (she finished it).

We kinda arranged a couple of weeks or so. In my mind I don't think I'll be in a hurry to call her, I estimate she'll call me. I wonder what the best amount of time is to "avoid" (lol) her?

 

Advice?

[rsxguy520]

day 40...day 39-day40 really stressing yet weird. alright yesterday was valentines...did go so well as i thought. my ex ex gerlfriend kind of had to bail on me cause she had to do something important for her family. no biggie, nothing to cry about...well as the day progess (yesterday) i kept getting this call...it was a number i didn't know and for some odd reason i thought it was the ex's b/f...turns out it was...i guess he saw the lil comments i put on my new myspace and got pissed. one thing is i never nor did i mention any names. its more like i let out a lil fustration on the "who i'd like to meet" portion of my page. well he sent me threat messages online saying, "if i need to stuff say it to his face." blah blah blah. he even called my friend to comfront him and to tell him, "tell your boy to man up this and that." i was like watever. you're 24 and you're playing high school games come on...i receive a total of 4 threat messages about how he going to kick my yeah and i should myself. he even threaten me that he'd come to my college were me and my ex go and hunt me down..you serious? so for some reason i got a bit paranoid cause of my car and in the middle of the night, i drove home to Cerritos from northridge and slept at my house. it was kind of fustrating cause now i got this guy on my back over a couple of words that i just felt like saying. he kept saying, what you lost is mine now. ok! its your geez, leave me alone now..and he had nerves to message my brother and tell him to watch out or else. so now i got to this predicament whether or not i should put a restraining order on him. its weird cause my ex finally called me after 4 months which i assume she wants this crap to stop. no i didn't answer the call. and i didn't bother answer the dudes call either.

 

it surprises me that she says this guy is mature and nice, but yet is messaging me and sending me threats on myspace?? to be honest im not really worried if he beats me up (which i know he can since the dude is huge) but im more worried about my car per say. this guy is getting on my nerves and i honestly wanna be the better man out of this and just walk away from it.

 

well today i went to the gym and for some reason i had a hard time working out cause i was paranoid this guy was in town looking for me. i don't know what to do, but all i know is im going home tomorrow and im out of CSUN for good.

[kevind345]

Alright so im a little confused? i have a post in the breaking up forum, but ill be quick, my gf of 2.5 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago, i didnt see it coming and i did the complete opposite of NC for about a week, and we were kissing and what not during that time....i hope i didnt drive her away, but anyways she says she "likes" some guy, and they went out for Vday, and just today i asked to see her to tell her in person that i need to shut her out from my life for a little and hopefully it will help her figure things out, cause at the beginning of the break up she said she wasent sure and just needs time to figure it out and said "dont you want me to know for sure?" things have gotten worse mayb? We see each other and have so much fun, and she tells me she has so much fun also so its weird, but i went to her today and basically told her I need to be out of her life for a little.

 

So we went out in 2004 for like 3 months (liked each other for like a year before that) and she broke up with me for similair reasons "things changed" but i mean she was young then she was only 16, then a year later after she had two BFs we got back together and it was 10 times more amazing than it was the first time. So i know if we were apart for so long and got back together i could happen again? ANYWAYS my main goal/concern is getting her to come back getting her to realize what she wants, right now she says "as of now i dont see myself being with you" but she slips in at the end "but i dont know what will happen, im not saying we will never be together again"......so i wanna know if the NC thing is really going to help right now (3 weeks after break up) cause i see people saying "day 45" and im like what? so is this NC best for getting over a break up and moving on, or best for getting the one you love back?

 

I really appreciate any help, thanks

[TheGetUpKid]

I dont feel like starting a new thread so I hope its okay that I post in here. Anyways I'm about three weeks of NC with my ex. About a month ago She had called my brother drunk telling him how much she loved me and wanted to get back together with me (My ex sees my brother as her own older brother). So I emailed her asking if she truly meant what she said if it was just drunk talk. She never replied back and everytime I talked to her about she would always "promise" to email me back. Well after the third "promise" I decided I had enough and went NC once again. She left a voicemail yesterday wishing me a happy Valentines day. And today she called which I ignored and sent me a txt message saying "Im at hong kong (a chinese takeout place we always ordered from) and it really makes me think of you... please call me"

 

Is it immature of me for not answering any of her calls and basically ignoring her??

[boston23]

Hey Rosie! I love your posts! And stop worrying about being too long winded...they're not, they're nice to read (and if you do keep worrying about people thinking you're too long winded, just realize that if they don't want to read your post, they don't have to). I think it's a very good idea to stop reading that tortuous stuff about Neverwas. That stuff is painful to even remember, let alone look at again.

 

So my day wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be this morning (I feel like those days that I think are going to be great always turn out to be the toughest). I guess I'm just feeling lonely, the weather is bitterly cold, and school couldn't be more painful. So instead of listening to the professor drone on about the inflammatory response, bradykinin, etc etc, I let my mind wander and started thinking about my ex. ugh. And I actually got tears in my eyes. It just sucked, being in public on the verge of tears. If I had been on the end of the row I would've left but I was trapped.

 

I guess I'm just so not into school right now and I'm worried about doing badly this semester after having put sooo much hard work into getting good grades last semester (and that was really the first time that I have gotten good grades). My little sister cheered me up though, and made me realize that if I just take it one day at a time it will be over with soon enough. 87 days of class left.

 

I need to make more friends, but I just don't feel like I'm ready for the effort. Sorry for the whininess Tomorrow will be a new day.