THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Sunkist09]

Day 12 - I dreamt of him last night, I woke up...but for some reason, I dreamt of the reasons why we broke p. I woke up all night realizing that we will never get back together and it didn't hurt anymore. I am trying to focus on myself right now and how fun it is to be single.

[Sunkist09]

To all the Guys:

If you really love a girl, but your parents and sibling doesn't like her, would you still pursue her? Also, can someone who say, "once they breakup, they stick to it, do you think as a guy, you will go back to the girl if you really love her"?

[JohnGalt]

To the first question: yes

 

To the second question: Depends. If I'm the dumper and I said those words and then subsequently realized I was wrong, I'd approach her for reconciliation. If I'm the dumpee, I'm not coming back. She has to come back.

[longdist]

I would still pursue the girl. To the second question, I would go back to the girl if I really loved her. Don't get false hope though.

 

Would you go back to a guy if all of your friends told you that he was bad for you?

[LittleLost]

Day 2. As I said before, it's actually way easier than the first time. No facebook page checking. No chatting when she shows up on my IM. The only kicker is that she might still reply to my e-mail from Sunday. But I feel that in the end it was good. It opened up a path for her to come back if she wants, and at the same time made it clear that I'm leaving, that I'll be gone real soon. And that when I'm gone, I'm taking the friendship with me, so all she'll have will be the memories.

 

Day 20

So the good thing is that I think I can make it to day 30 of this. However, by that point what shall be done? LC if I feel healed?

 

No. Keep NC. You'll only be healed when you don't have to ask yourself this question anymore. By that point you won't be afraid of being rejected by your ex. But usually by that point you don't really want to go back anymore.

 

I'm telling you from experience. After we broke up, the first time I contacted to try to get back, it was after 1 1/2 months of LC/NC. I thought I was fine. I thought we were good because she was calling me a lot. I was soooo wrong. It wasn't as bad as when we broke up, but it sucked. Then I went NC because I can't stand being just friend with her. It sucks, but I want more from her. She wants a friend, but that's just egotistical of her.

 

And I do suggest you to let go. I know how hard that is. And I know how you don't want to do it. But I think it's the best for you. From your story, there's no sign at all that she will be coming back. The funny thing about this is that they usually only come back when you are over them.

 

So just start thinking about your future without her. Make a new story for yourself. If that's too hard, than focus on your current life. Seriously: forget her. It'll make NC easier and it'll make you stronger. If not for her, for your next relationship.

[brazilgirl21]

I've been on both ends and I can say this again, and again, and again.

 

I was HORRIBLE to my ex. I called him when I felt like saying a quick "hi". I hung up when I wanted to, I didn't take him seriously... As long as I knew he was still my "safety" I didn't feel a thing. I didn't feel ANY loss. On the moment I felt, and girls have good gut feelings, that he was slipping, that he was genuinely over me, I came back running.

 

Guess what? As much as it confused him, as much as he was reluctant, as much as he still cared and maybe still loved me, in the end, he knew I was after him for the wrong reasons, at least at first. He didn't come back. And now, 1 year later, I hurt and he's abosulely fine and happy with someone else.

 

Guys, it gets better. We just have to move on.

[TLguy]

Im on day 16 I think now.

 

Its been 7 weeks since we broke up...and Ive finally stopped hurting. I still love her, but it doesnt bother me shes not with me. Ive only thought about twice this whole day.

 

This tip may only work for guys but going out meeting/flirting with new people helps. It helps gets you out of that whole "there'll be noone else like her/him" phase. Makes you realise that there are others out there. Others that may actually deserve your love.

 

Keep up the NC everyone. It works

[TLguy]

I just broke NC. Just sent my ex a quick email basically saying my lifes back to normal. Not exactly a huge break of NC because a short email is very informal but whatever. Still broke it.

 

I feel like Ive accomplished what I wanted to do with this challenge anyway. All I wanted to stop hurting and get on with my life. Ive been re-reading my posts and over the last week Ive gradually changed to the point when it doesnt hurt anymore. So I have.

 

Not sure what has happened this week to make me feel better again....but Ive noticed Ive finally got the ability to eat as much as I want again, Im looking healthier, having huge lie-ins like I always used to and finally have my energy back.

[LittleLost]

Im on day 16 I think now.

 

Its been 7 weeks since we broke up...and Ive finally stopped hurting. I still love her, but it doesnt bother me shes not with me. Ive only thought about twice this whole day.

 

This tip may only work for guys but going out meeting/flirting with new people helps. It helps gets you out of that whole "there'll be noone else like her/him" phase. Makes you realise that there are others out there. Others that may actually deserve your love.

 

Keep up the NC everyone. It works

 

This is very true. At least for me, it felt really good to go out and know you still can seduce other women. I still think there won't be no one like my ex. But it doesn't mean there's nothing better either. It's just different.

 

I just broke NC. Just sent my ex a quick email basically saying my lifes back to normal. Not exactly a huge break of NC because a short email is very informal but whatever. Still broke it.

 

I feel like Ive accomplished what I wanted to do with this challenge anyway. All I wanted to stop hurting and get on with my life. Ive been re-reading my posts and over the last week Ive gradually changed to the point when it doesnt hurt anymore. So I have.

 

Not sure what has happened this week to make me feel better again....but Ive noticed Ive finally got the ability to eat as much as I want again, Im looking healthier, having huge lie-ins like I always used to and finally have my energy back.

 

What is done is done, but honestly I think you shouldn't have. You'll start thinking about her, wondering her reactions and etc... Don't gamble with your heart, this is a roller coaster. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Keep going, don't look back. She knows your number, she knows how to find you. As I said before, when you are truly over her, you won't feel the need to send that e-mail telling her you are fine.

[arghgirl]

ok. i broke it. i just sent a text asking how he is. do you think time apart really matters? a friend told me that time is arbritrary. if he really wants to reconcile, he would have done so by now (we broke up end of Jan, and i went four days of NC until today).

[AlliceinWL]

Day #1

 

Well, I deleted his number out of my phone (it is not memorized) and he does not have a profile on any social website (good!). I have class with him and we do homework together... so I'm going to treat this like a "work" situation. The last time we spoke was Valentine's Day morning, and I told him "I don't think you like me the same, and I don't want to be in this situation anymore," he said OK, and I told him I'd see him in class.

 

Here we go.

[le_sex]

i stupidly broke no contact after a month to say how are you aaaaaaahhhhhhh im so stupid!

 

she sent me that i want to smack your ass application on facebook grrrrrrr, i sorta hope i dont get a reply then i have a reason to delete her off facebook!

[grymoire]

It's not V's day where I'm from, so yes, not such a bad day. Until I remembered that in Valentine's day last year and we were broken up HE wanted to take me to dinner and I said NO because I didn't give a damm about him at the time. Gosh, why was I so insensitive back then? And why am I hurting SO much now?

 

Do any of you have tips to STOP beating youself and thinking about your ex and what if's? That's all I do. 24 hours a day. I really need to stop thinking about him, what are the tips??? I'm trying to keep busy but I don't feel like doing much. Is it normal? To think about the person 24 hours a day?? I even dream about him and his new gf. It's SO bad. How do we stop this??

 

Two words - Space and Time.

 

Put the distance between you and him and take it one day at a time. With each day you will get better. It will be slow and you got to be very very patient but rest assured that you will heal.

 

After a year of NC even if you happen to see your ex kissing that girl you wouldn't hurt that much. Because you simply would not care.

[SadJules]

I have been wandering the internet trying to find answers and trying to make myself feel better.....

I have good days and bad days - as we all do.

We were together for 2.5 years.

I have been NC for three months now. I haven't spoken to him or seen him since the night I left him sitting in his car saying that we shouldn' t continue the relationship. It wasn't a clean break since I didn't explain myself well (had been to a party that evening but knew it was 'time')

 

He has since tried to contact me - 3 calls, two texts, a couple of e-mails and leaving a 'message' with a mutual friend since he couldn't get me to respond.

 

He thinks I think he broke up with me and his 'message' was to tell me that he had no intention to do that. What really happened is that he was detaching from me during the summer and he may have even have had another woman in the wings. He ignored by birthday in November and basically was not around to support me during a family crisis. Since this was just another callous gesture on his part I decided that we really were better off apart. I didn't see that he would be there for me.

 

The problem is - I never told him this though he COULD figure it out on his own by observing his own behaviour. I am debating to e-mail him and ask him for a chat so I can get closure on this - I am calm, it has been 3 months, so no yelling I have always tried to take the 'high road' on these things and after reading SuperDave's post on being civil (when we two parted) and letting the other partner know what is happening I am thinking of breaking NC.

 

He is already with another woman (but has no qualms saying we have not broken up and that he misses me) so I am wondering if it is worth it in the end to even try to contact him. He's really not a good man - has had many divorces and doesn't have a great relationship track record.

 

Am I answering my own question here? I need to get some clarity here.....

[In_hiding]

2.5 months since breakup, 2 months of NC!!! Was hard sometimes but I beat my head against the wall till the urge passed.

 

 

Me

[jahur]

my ex txt me before valentines day the first time in 2 months, asking for her ebay account, stating that she had it a long time and would like it back.

 

i replied: i asked you never to contact me, please respect that, go get a new one, i cannot even remember the passwords.

 

was this the right response? or was i rude? she hurt me badly

back in november of last year.

 

we set it up together, my ex is an extremley intelligent women, she would know that ebay could give me my passwords/ she hasnt asked/ mentioned this. could this have been an attempt to contact me?

 

i have kept serious nc since the split check out my very first post why oh why is she lying.

 

can anyone suggest an idea on what to do?

 

all the bank accounts were sorted everything else except ebay.

[jahur]

I understand, I really miss my ex not only as a lover but as a best friend too. We had so much in common and really made each other laugh, I miss the unique connection that we shared. Sometimes I wonder if she misses my friendship in the same way, but I really don't think she does.

 

God, I miss her smile

 

god its as if i had wrote it myself! WOW WE ARE NOT ALONE!!!

[TLguy]

As I said before, when you are truly over her, you won't feel the need to send that e-mail telling her you are fine.

 

Well Im not over her. I did this NC to stop the hurt so my life would be back to normal again. I still have feelings for her, enough to make me want to tell her Im ok, but not enough that I feel bad about anything or to care whether she replies to it/what her reaction will be. I know she wont reply, but she'll read it. And that'll do me.

[LittleLost]

Well Im not over her. I did this NC to stop the hurt so my life would be back to normal again. I still have feelings for her, enough to make me want to tell her Im ok, but not enough that I feel bad about anything or to care whether she replies to it/what her reaction will be. I know she wont reply, but she'll read it. And that'll do me.

 

Oh... Well. I don't know what to say to you man. I mean, at least for me, everytime I think I'm fine and I play around with that I just get myself knocked down. I honestly don't see the difference between being over her and having the pain gone away... I am functional, meaning I can work, eat and sleep, but it still hurts a lot.

 

I can only see two ways for this pain to go away. One is me getting over her. The second is her coming back. But I'm not even sure this will work.

 

Yes, it sucks.

[ladyjp]

I finally caved in Sunday night and text him back from Saturday thanking him for the Valentines day wish. I am starting to think NC is good for somethings and some people but not in every case. With my guy it seems when there is NC for too long he slips further away. We talked text Sunday night and text back and forth all day yesterday. I could tell by the end of the day there was more closeness starting to come back and he was asking me questions like " if I was with someone else right now would I still be thinking of him" and telling me he thinks of me when he is "with" the new girl. I told him that if he wanted to see her and see me that was ok as long as he understood I would go out with whom I wanted as well and if we ended up together fine if not it wasn't meant to be. He didn't seem to respond to that, that was when he started asking questions about thinking of him if I was with another. It was like I gave him what he wanted ( to see her but not lose me) and all of a sudden he didn't seem so sure that was what he wanted. So, I am not sure right now but the contact was a good thing and brought us back to a place we hadn't been in awhile. I am showing NC today and for the next few days waiting for a him to make a move but we needed some contact. I have a date tomorrow night and if he asks I will tell him. " be careful what you ask for you might get it"

[and again]

day 24? not bad , getting fit again really want t keep to that, do miss her still wonder what might happen in x amount of months time if we bump into eachother, have got to put myself in diffrent pubs in next few weeks if i bump into her i can always walk off, im not in wrong any way, and know how much it will shake her to see me 5 out of 10 overall

[ouchh]

SuperDave71, I haven't been on in quite sometime. I couldn't resist posting when I saw you were back. Welcome Back! How are things going? Here is a rundown of my happenings. I Finally had contact with my ex. I unfortunatley broke the rules of NC. I texted to his work email Happy Birthday very nonchalant. I also added that I thought he was right about us and that it had been the wrong timing for us. I wished him the best of luck, and left it at that (it was my acceptance goodbye). I went about my business and did not expect for him to text me back, I figured he would read it and delete it or just delete it. I was very shocked that 2 days later he sent an apology saying that he hadn't checked his email in quite sometime but thanked me for wishing him happy b-day. he told me about his birthday and that he bought a pet. He said he was sorry for hurting me and thanked me for being such a great person, he mentioned our time together with an inflection of didn't I think it was great blah blah blah... he then asked my permission to call me. I did not text back immediatley 1. because I was thrown that he even responded as I had just decided to say my last goodbye to him and did, & 2. beacuse I wasn't sure how to respond. my resopnse was finally congratulations on your pet thank you for the compliment have a great day. I don't know if it was the right thing to do because his response brought so many emotions flooding back. I did not mention anything about accepting his calls. He has texted me since then the last was to wish me a Happy Valentines Day, but I did not respond because I'm afraid to get hurt again. My story is on your - you want your ex back things to do.... forum I was sooo determined to maintain NC and I was doing great but then his Birthday reminder popped up on my phone. I caved because I'm a sucker for special life events. I'm not good with communication (lately) or I would have texted him back Happy Valentines Day but I also think that in doing so I would have left it open for him to wonder about us. I am still moving I am going at the end of this month to procure my living arrangements. I still haven't mentioned it to him as I dont feel he needs to know until I am there and only if it is going to affect him directly. i.e. we have to be in the same place at the same time. Other than that I believe that part of me just wants to stop hurting. I thought I had done that but then stupidly I texted him goodbye and got the response I never thought I would get...what do you think I should do? What would you have done? I realize now that I still care and the main factor in our breakup was the distance between us but now that that gap will be closed should I give him the benefit of the doubt and let him know I'm moving there?

[ladyjp]

I have a similiar situation with distance being a problem for us. I finally sold my home and am moving in 2 weeks which will be near him. When I text him to say thanks for his text on Valentines day- I simply added- " finally sold the house moving in 2 weeks to xxxxxxx. Can't wait"! I think you should let him know now subtly and casually, using your excitement about it as the reason you are letting him know. My 2 cents anyway

[parlae]

To the second question: Depends. If I'm the dumper and I said those words and then subsequently realized I was wrong, I'd approach her for reconciliation. If I'm the dumpee, I'm not coming back. She has to come back.

exactly!

if you're the dumpee, it's really not your place to ask for them back. ya know?

they made the decision to not be with you anymore, they'd have to make the decision to come back.

[brazilgirl21]

Do you guys have problems believing your ex is perfect? Like sheesh, it's easy for you to tell me to move on, your ex wasn't as perfect as mine. Guilt about not being perfect back.

 

Anyone have that? I can't rationalize that my ex is NOT the best boyfriend in the world.