arghgirl

7 days NC. I am feeling really good. Of course, I miss him but have moved on! Of course, I love him and wish him the best... and of course, I would be happy if he comes back. Most importantly, I want the best for him even if that is not with me. I was in a bad place before we broke up... and now, I am doing much better. I found a new job opportunity and started dating these past couple of weeks. And I already am crushing on someone I recently went out with... not a rebound, but I genuinely like him. And to think that I would never meet someone again just several weeks ago! There is hope! It is just a matter of perspective... always the hardest to change. Things do get better... it is just a matter of time and making sure you take care of yourself.

Day 1 again. Ok, this time, I am really sticking to it!

argh. i broke NC today. just wrote him another email apologizing for my last email where i was a bit unkind to him. i have to stop emailing! if you keep breaking NC, does it diminish the chances of getting back together? i have been doing it for a month now! not begging or pleading anymore but just saying that i am leaving the door open but moving on.

Day 5. He is in my head all the time. Argh. It is for the best.

Day 4. It is getting easier as I know he needs to be alone. He is a disaster, and I do not want to be a part of that. I do love him dearly as a person and miss him. Too bad our timing was so off.

Day 3 for me, too. I am now starting to see that I do care about him and value him as a person, but our timing was not right. We are not ready for each other right now. It hurts but I know it is for the best. I want to feel like we will get together in the future, but I cannot think that far ahead. Hope is my biggest enemy right now.

Day 2. Feeling much better after going to his place unannounced. Have closure but want to continue this as every day is new, and who knows what I will feel. Our timing was just wrong for both of us. So, maybe in six months, I will reach out but not now.

Ok. I broke NC yesterday. I sent a text and did not hear from him. I then sent an email asking if we can meet so that I can let go and get some closure. I know he needs to be alone, but I could not stop myself. I was feeling a great deal of anxiety yesterday. I went on a date with someone else the night before, and all I thought about was my ex. It hurt so much that whole night. The feeling only became stronger yesterday, as I realized that I still have strong feelings for him. I went out with my date again last night but ended it early. Only because I felt that I was not being fair to the new guy if I still had feelings for my ex. My anxiety was so strong... I guess I just really needed closure so I drove to my ex's house last night after the date ended. My heart was pounding as I did not know what was going to happen. He was there and saw me as I walked up. He seemed a little surprised but welcomed me in. I tried to explain my mistakes, asked him how he felt, and of course asked for another chance. He said that it is what it is, and now it is over. He is really busy with school, and he told me that this is the first time that he is becoming comfortable with being single and needs to work on himself so that he does not do the same mistakes again and again in his relationships. I then started to realize that during the whole relationship, it was all about him. How he felt and how he was affected by things. He never thought of me as he was completely self-absorbed. He said that if it were not for school, he would have tried to work things out with me. And this made me realize that he just takes one compulsive behavior to replace another... one that he can control, which is school right now. (He is in AA, too.) He is unable to love himself, so he could never have loved me in a healthy way. Unfortunately, I still care about him but am letting go. If anything, he is not ready for me or anyone. Anyone he meets during this time will not be good. I can try to move on... but I am stupid because I still have hope that we will reconnect again in the future when both of us are ready. I then just sent him an email letting him that he was selfish during the whole time, and that I am done. Can someone who just does not feel it anymore come around? I did all the wrong things and probably ruined any chances anyway. So, Day 1 again.

ok. i broke it. i just sent a text asking how he is. do you think time apart really matters? a friend told me that time is arbritrary. if he really wants to reconcile, he would have done so by now (we broke up end of Jan, and i went four days of NC until today).

Day 4. It feels like it gets harder before it will get better. Today is really hard cuz i just want to say hi.

congrats redreine... sounds like great progress! day 3 for me. sometimes, i feel like he is hurting for me. my heart hurts sometimes, but i am not necessarily thinking about him, and they come at such odd times. does anyone else have this kind of intuition? or is it just wishful thinking?

It is Day 1.5 for me. The way I think about it now (and this is for women)... I usually get waxed about every five or six weeks. I am going to go NC until my next wax, which is March. I figure if I hold on to NC like my wax appointment, my days are a bit easier, and I think about it less. Besides, if we were to meet during this time, my legs would be hairy!

thanks, parlae, for your encouragement. It is so hard because there are times when I want to just call and ask how he is doing. He needs time as do I. So hard though. I am going to try NC for the 30 days. Although it has been almost 30 days since we last saw each other (he has a really busy schedule). Our whole break-up was done via texting... then we talked on the phone, it was emotionally a mess (well more me than him - he just turned cold as he needed to). So many misunderstandings...

redreine... if i may, I know how hard it is, but maybe you should give him some time to cool off. I do not think anything you do right now will help that much as he is still upset and feeling guilt. Let him stew. He may be resistant to any requests that you make because it puts pressure on him that he does not want right now. If anything, he should apologize for his behavior and NOT you. Be strong.

Thanks, redreine, for your encouraging words. I hope it happens but, if not, lesson learned! It takes the loss of someone I really care about to realize a very painful realization about myself. Argh!