THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Mhaira]

Feeling really * * * * ty again today. I was just on Facebook and in my "feed" I saw messages he wrote on some girl's photos telling her how good looking she is and such.

 

I have avoided MySpace during NC for this very reason, but thought I'd be ok still chatting to friends on Facebook as he never bothered with it before.

 

I have a party to go to tonight, so I'll be with friends keeping busy at least.

[waveseer]

I've been nc for almost two months. Right now I feel pretty dead. I hope this means I'm getting over caring too much.

[montgomery]

Morning.

 

Ballsed it up yesterday, predictably.

 

Big work party. She came over and asked if we were cool. Not what I wanted to hear. I didn't say anything THAT stupid, but I felt dreadful afterwards.

 

Later on, I poured my heart out to a mutual friend, who knows all about it. It turns out her dad - who is an Important Person - has been very instrumental in the whole dumping thing. I bloody KNEW it.

 

I said I wanted to talk to her when I wasn't drunk. 0/10, I guess.

 

CHRIST, she's so beautiful. Hello again, square one.

[starlight40]

Im day 2 of NC after 6 months of LC, decided NC is the only way to go because while we are still in contact all we basically do is argue and hurt each other. Im still feeling a pull to contact but i guess thats just habit and hurt. Wish me luck. Stay strong guys!

[fiffy]

Have been really having strong urges to call today. I hate it. He hurt me so bad and I would look like a fool if I called him. I am just so sick?

of having to fight this. I am all out of energy. Why is no contact sooooooooooooo hard

[starlight40]

Have been really having strong urges to call today. I hate it. He hurt me so bad and I would look like a fool if I called him. I am just so sick?

of having to fight this. I am all out of energy. Why is no contact sooooooooooooo hard

 

 

Sending you lots of big HUGS beautiful fiffy! You can do this hon, do it for you because you are the most important thing in your life.

 

Heres a link that i found very useful about abusers....

 

link removed

[crab62]

still back at day 0... as i called this morning, but his cell phone is turned off.

 

nice guy. 1yr relationship, no warning, nothing... walks out on me and when i'm hurting and ask for a little empathy and compassion, nothing. we talked a few days after the break-up and he sounded fine with LC if I needed it. Then he called and cancelled a small dinner we were having to have a week after the break-up... and being hurt and all i said "okay", and we said goodbye. Maybe he needed to talk then?... maybe he's mad at me that I hung up so qick? That was 2 weeks tomorrow. I can't imagine he's mad that I haven't called... I'm sure that's not... I just find it extremely heartless that he can't even call me back after being in so much pain yesterday and just askng for one small call

 

God... what kind of man was he? Who was he? Always in a good mood... life is so great, blah blah blah... and throws his girlfriend to the curb like garbage and can't even call when she is hurting so bad.

 

So I won't be counting NC's for a few days... as I have a feeling I'm on a bad relapse here... I want to call him to hear what he has to say and how he can be so heartless. We'll see how many days I call to hear that his phone is off before I stop this crazines.

 

I hate myself, I hate him... today is 3 weeks since the breakup... and I feel like this pain is never going to end.

 

Sorry... obviously noone follow my lead in this thread or for anything for that matter... I'm a mess.

[fiffy]

crab62 I completely understand how hopeless you feel. I have endured this pain for 6 months and it feels like it is never going to end. I wish I could give you some help. When did you guys last speak?

[crab62]

crab62 I completely understand how hopeless you feel. I have endured this pain for 6 months and it feels like it is never going to end. I wish I could give you some help. When did you guys last speak?

 

two weeks ago... just for a minute when he called and said "i don't think we'll be going to dinner".. just like that.. and I said "okay"... and we both said goodbye.

 

i was sure if i had to call him he would answer.... as the few days before he seemed fine with LC. so i was strong for both him and me giving him his space and not calling... but always feeling if i needed to call, he would have picked up. he was my best friend... so i thought... apparently not.

 

i just makes me sick... how he left that day without any warning... and on his way out he said "and such a pretty girl"

 

i wonder sometimes if i was really dating the man i thought i was dating. 1yr is not that long... you can hide behind a mask pretty well for that amount of time. maybe this is who he really is... angry and heartless.

 

thanks fiffy... i'll catch you in a bit. gotta get in the shower and get to work.

 

that's so much for talking

[Tyler82]

Day 12 for me.

 

She text me lastnight. It was the first contact from her since I started NC 12 days ago. The last message from her was asking how my new place was and how the dog liked it. I didnt reply and started NC. Well lastnight she text me this:

 

"Sorry I keep calling you with my speed dial in case you are wondering. Hope you are well"

 

I didnt receive any calls from her as I checked my cell. Not sure if she was trying to find a way to contact me without really breaking NC. Or if she was in fact hitting her speed dial but managed to hang up before it rang on my end but not knowing that. What do you guys think.

 

I didnt respond. I dont want to break NC. The text caught me completely by surprise lastnight. I was driving to hockey and opened my phone to see her name on my screen. Im just lucky I was almost at hockey otherwise I may had responded. Do you think she was really speed dialing me by mistake and thought I was receiving missed calls? Or do you think she was just trying to find a way to conact me? Man I dont need this right now.

[Robert013]

Day 16

 

For some reason I thought she might send me a text message yesterday. She did not but I am not that disapointed. I was with family and friends all day yesterday so it wasn't that bad. I wanted to send her a text message to tell her and her family happy thanksgiving but then i realized she doesn't care. I am starting to doubt if she ever did.

 

I was a little down this morning but then went to a friends house for lunch and we made plans for tonight. We are going to have a few drinks at there house then go out to watch a band. It is going to be fun. Well see ya later I am heading to the gym. Goodluck everyone. Just remember everyone even on the darkest days the sun is still shining. One day we all will be with the one we deserve.

[fiffy]

Guys I nearly f**k*d up!

 

I went to call my ex. I wasn't going to speak I just wanted to hear his voice.

 

My phone was set to hide id so it would have shown up as unavailable. Anyway he didn't answer.

 

I feel so stupid now. Like I ruined all my hard work. I know if I don't call back he won't think it was me. Because usually I try again and again and again. I just feel really weak at the moment.

 

I have noone to call when things get tough which is basically all the time. I just feel so alone.

[starlight40]

Guys I nearly f**k*d up!

 

I went to call my ex. I wasn't going to speak I just wanted to hear his voice.

 

My phone was set to hide id so it would have shown up as unavailable. Anyway he didn't answer.

 

I feel so stupid now. Like I ruined all my hard work. I know if I don't call back he won't think it was me. Because usually I try again and again and again. I just feel really weak at the moment.

 

I have noone to call when things get tough which is basically all the time. I just feel so alone.

 

Hey, youve made some progress because you havent done what you would normally do and tried and tried again to call him!

 

Give yourself a break, you stopped yourself in the act and that is GREAT!!

 

Small steps hon xxx

[fiffy]

thanks starlight!

 

I have just had a really sh*t few days with missing him despite all the terrible things.

 

I guess he will question if it was me who the call was from but I don't think he will think much more of it if I don't do it again.

 

Have I broken NC if he doesn't know it was me?

 

I don't even know why I did it. I wasn't going to speak to him.

[starlight40]

thanks starlight!

 

I have just had a really sh*t few days with missing him despite all the terrible things.

 

I guess he will question if it was me who the call was from but I don't think he will think much more of it if I don't do it again.

 

Have I broken NC if he doesn't know it was me?

 

I don't even know why I did it. I wasn't going to speak to him.

 

 

Na, hes not going to know for sure if it was you and can you stop beating yourself up please! ha.

 

Im totally with you on what your going through cos ive been there and am still struggling with it myself.

 

Your doing so well here i know how hard it is but you CAN do this.xx

[fiffy]

thanks again!

 

its just been a very tough day. I am kind of glad I did it and got no answer because i feel so bad about it I am definitely not doing it again.

 

Starlight when did your relationship end? was it abusive?

[starlight40]

thanks again!

 

its just been a very tough day. I am kind of glad I did it and got no answer because i feel so bad about it I am definitely not doing it again.

 

Starlight when did your relationship end? was it abusive?

 

See then youve learned something....

 

My break up was 6 months ago and yes he was emotionally abusive, infact heres a list i wrote a while ago on one of my threads...

 

1/ taking me for granted

2/putting me down in a jokey way but a little too often for it to be just a joke

3/never complimented me

4/shifting the blame to me when he did things wrong

5/using sex as a tool, withholding it when i wanted to but being all over me when he wanted it, was often after id spent time with other people than him when that would happen, he used to push me away for weeks on end leaving me feeling unwanted, unattractive and questioning my own attractiveness.

6/stopped being affectionate

7/used to end things with me for very small reasons only to beg for me back-eventually

8/everything had to be HIS way even down to silly little things like were we would go for a meal

9/ Found out since we ended things that hes told me quite a few lies

10/ we were together 2 years and even though i wanted to we never had a proper vacation together yet he went to thailand with a male friend for 5 weeks

11/constantly accused me of cheating even though i knew i was totally innocent

12/I too had the feeling it wasnt right, for a long time

13/He never liked any of my friends

14/ never made an effort with my family

15/when i used to arrange to go for a night out with my friends he would find a way of being unavailabe for me to see him any other time than the time i had arranged with my friends

16/ When i did go out he would find a way to punish me for it which was usually the cold shoulder, when id ask him what was wrong he would say "nothing" "

 

 

-Ring any bells with you?

[fiffy]

Hey starlight

 

I recognise a lot of the things you have experienced.

 

From day one he called me overweight, this increased in intensity and included his parents telling me that if I loved him enough I would have lost weight for him, and him telling me he looked over in the supermarket and thought I was so repulsive and fat he couldn't be with me anymore. That is the reason he gave me for ending it. (see my pic I'm hardly obese!)

 

He was rarely intimate and sex was as quick as possible. He always lay on his back and he would never vary sex. Foreplay was a no no. On very lucky occasions I was aloud to give him a blow job. This was from the start. I dismissed it at first then when I brought it up he said I was so repulsive he could not sleep with me. He said he found it vile and disgusting.

 

He never gave me attention never gave me a compliment never bothered on birthdays, valentines.........I got a christmas present but only because I bought it.

 

He would make me shower before and after sex, even before I got into bed with him at night when we weren't having sex. I have since learned this is a common technique of abuse because it embarrasses the woman so greatly. It is also the sign of a gay man who finds sex dirty with women- another suspicion of mine. I was also made to shower as soon as he woke.

 

He never took me out for a meal or a drink or to do anything fun.

 

He went on holiday surfing with his friends and never took me away.

 

I was always wrong all my opinions were wrong

 

I was deluded for studying arts and pathetic and sad for my approach in life.

 

I was ugly and nothing special

 

The list goes on but basically very similar to yours

[starlight40]

Il PM you hon x

[fiffy]

thanks starlight don't know how PM works yet though

[fiffy]

oh yes i do sorry!

[funkymonkey3]

Day 29. Today was a very hard day. I thought I was getting to a point where I could leave the nest of ena but I am having second thoughts. I was very close to calling her or sending an e-mail today but I came here instead and I'm relieved that I didn't. I admit when I started nc it was more about getting her back but now I realize that it's definitely about getting me back. I have healed tremendously since coming here. I still can't believe that she could care less about what I'm up to. I guess it's my own ego problem that I'm dealing with. I keep telling myself "dude she just doesn't really love you." If she did she wouldn't be able to do this. I'm sticking to nc from here on out. She knows how to get a hold of me.

[starlight40]

Day 3, feeling okay today but a little apprehensive cos im going out toniht and worried i may bump inot him. I live in quite a small town and unfortunately cant afford to go further afield tonight but i also dont want to stay in. Im not sure how to handle it if i do see him, any advice guys?

[awakeintx]

Day 3 for me after my falling off the wagon at day 9

 

This morning is tough, I got drunk last night and that was a big, big mistake. My mind is cloudy and my emotions are spinning in my head. This weekend is really making things go by in slow motion.

 

I am hoping my mind gets calmer as the day goes on.

[digitaldiva]

DAY 7

 

I had an anxiety attack the other night. Chipped my tooth, bruised my arms and back. I'm thinking of going on Anti-depressants. I had a really bad reaction to them about 5 years ago so I'm scared.

He called on Thanksgiving to say Happy Thanksgiving. He emphasized that he was JUST calling to say Happy Thanksgiving. I've powered off my cell phone. Every time it rings I hope that it's him.