THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[fiffy]

what happened at the party cas?

[cas]

Nothing happened at the party. It was afterwards, we had a little talk. She still doesn't want to give it a go. And then I wrote to her that I didn't get why she wouldn't. Not the best way to win someone back. Stupid me. Oh well, another lesson learned.

 

Nice going, fiffy. I'm really happy for you!

[babes23]

Aw Babes. I am sorry you are so down but you can do this. Do you wanna hold yourself in this crappy place forever? If you don't give yourself a chance then you won't have a chance.

 

The way out is to let go of that crappy relationship - grieve it but know that you WILL get better again.

 

If you don't see a way out of being so miserable, how do you intend to carry on being so miserable? Maybe you will be the first millionth poster on ENA.

 

Sorry darling - not trying to make light of your heart - just know you will get through this eventually - eventually you will just get fed up with feeling crap and do something about it.

 

Mark

 

i am feeling a bit down also but I have plans for tonight. You need to go and be with a friend or family. Sometimes it seems like there is not a way out but it will happen if you allow it to. Feelings this strong that many of us hear on ENA do not just fade away over night. it shows that we have caracter, and are deeply loving people. Would you want to be any other way? No this is who we are sweetheart. Those who love the most also hurt the most.

 

This will make us stronger, and just believe that there is someone some wonderfull person out there that is also looking for you. We just have not found them or are blind right now to see them.

 

This to shall pass. Stay strong and heal.

 

Babes,

 

I have felt how you feel for the last 6 months. It is hard and most days I haven't wanted to live but even though there is pain this last week of acceptance and posting on here I have felt so much stronger. All suicidal feelings have vanished and I feel the pain has eased.

 

I can't believe I am on day 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I used to look at people on higher numbers and think 'wow how do they do it'. I never thought I would be one of those people!

 

Thank you all for your comments, means a lot.

 

Not sure if i told you what happened to set me back? Will explain it anyway, may help to let it all out and see what others think. He never posted my money all those weeks back, he turned up and returned my money on Wednesday. Fair enough, i was happy to take what belonged to me, wish him well and leave it there. He gave me this sugar dummy kind of thing which he bought back from a trip, he then asked if i had "calmed down" yet, * * * ??? I told him i had every right to react in the way in which i did, i explained how badly he treated me etc and he said he didn't mean what he said, that he did love me etc. He asked what i wanted when i said previously it would be my way, he made hints on going to the cinema, out for a romantic meal etc, he said he had made a mistake. He then tried it on sexually, i refused saying that wasn't what i wanted and i deserved more. I also asked him why he didn't return the money by post, he said he wanted to see me and hoped that by not posting that i'd keep on texting him????? So it was a ploy just to get me to keep on contacting him? Anyway he dropped me back at home and said it was my choice what would happen next.

 

The next night i didn't hear from him, he was out with colleagues, somehow he got me to keep on calling/texting in front of these people, got a female colleague to answer his phone on one occasion and so on. I text him and said we wasn't together anymore so why the hell was he acting so foolishly. He contacted me the next day saying i was acting weird, it wasn't what he wanted and he didn't love me (the night before he did, the guy is a f*cking joke!!!). He obviously was doing all that to make himself look good infront of his colleagues, to make out that i was chasing him, god knows why he's done this, perhaps it was him trying to get some control back from what happened the night before, or just to get sex, i don't know anymore.

 

So last spoke last night (he was off out again), he said it wasn't what he wanted anymore, this stumped me as i told him 5 weeks ago it wasn't what i wanted anyway, on wednesday i didn't want it and i still didn't now, was just hurt how he said all that stuff on Wednesday when it was just obvious to try and mess my head up and hurt me. He said what's done is done, he did mean it on wednesday but it doesn't matter anymore and changed his mind after the way i reacted on thursday (the way I reacted???). He also said that i'm dwelling on it too much (whatever, that was just a ego boost for him, i will show him exactly who isn't dwelling on it when i never have any contact with his sorry a** ever again!!!) We've decided never to talk ever again and that's what i'm doing now. He hurt me so bad and you know what? I'm better than that!!

 

God knows why i put up with this s*it, one thing i'm proud of myself is for not giving into him on that Wednesday night, that in itself shows i have came a little bit further along.

 

I need to do this now guys, the pain is still there but i'm determined to pull through it.

 

xx

[jennamajig]

Posting my thoughts in this thread as well...

 

Day 8

 

I'll admit, I am feeling pretty depressed at the moment. And slightly guilty.

 

I hung out with my new guy friend last night. He likes to cuddle a little and normally I back off - I don't need to involve myself. Last night he put his arm around me, nothing else, and I was so tired I was falling asleep next to him. He leaned into me, to the point where we were touching heads. When I realised what was happening I got up and made myself go home - he walked me (we live within blocks of each other) and I hugged him and when inside. Fell into a troubled sleep right away in my bed. I'll admit, being in someone's arms felt good - but all wrong. So very wrong.

 

This has me missing the ex more than ever this morning. In fact, for the first time in a while, I am near tears. I want to contact him so badly - for a split second thought about calling him (something I have never done), but would that help? Probably not.

 

I have plans this afternoon to keep me busy, but man I miss him. I miss his smile and his silly voices. I am weak this morning, wanting him to miss me back.

[fiffy]

Babes

 

I have been through what you have been through a thousand times.

 

I know how your feeling- confused, hurt and knocked sick. I know you will be questioning his behaviour and everything he has ever said and done. This makes you angry sad and unable to even eat.

 

Once you get back into NC you will feel better. I can assure you that. We are lerning so much and growing so much. Our exs arent. Just remember that. We may be having a few months of misery but our ex's are not facing up to their problems and one day they will have one all mighty crash.

[babes23]

Thank you fiffy, that's exactly it. I think i need to stop dwelling on it so much, he's an a** and no amount of analyzing is going to see him in a better light. Fair enough if he hadn't said all that on Wednesday night, it would've been easier, but why did he feel the need to say all those things eh? A boost to his ego?

 

I agree about the no contact, i'll do it this time!!!!

[fiffy]

Babes

 

The analyzing is the hardest thing to let go if you are a rational person. I have been crying this morning over questions like 'how could he have put that girl on the phone?' 'how could he just end it and feel nothing but happiness?' etc

 

In my case this is the hardest aspect of the situation. That and the pangs of missing him, although in my case I think I am just mising a fantasy!

 

I have all these memories and when I think of them they stab me in the heart. I really ache for him. I am sad he doesn't get these.

 

I think ultimately boosting his ego is why he does it and also to pay you back for going no contact These games and patterns will never be broken by him unless he is in therapy!

[babes23]

I agree, it is the hardest part, but you know what? We need to gently wean ourselves off this. For me all the to-ing and fro-ing is slowly making me realise that however much i analyze his actions it isn't going to make one ounce of difference, as he's a headf*ck, i don't think he even knows himself.

 

I think that's why he did it too, there's no other explanation for it. I hope he feels satisfied, at least he can't hurt me anymore eh? I think in a couple of months he'll realise that what he did was wrong, when all of this settles down he'll end up feeling it. But someone like him will never change, he'll put the blame onto me. He thinks i'll always be there, hence why he delayed sending my money so i'd get in contact with him, he himself said that without any questioning from me.

 

He said we had some great times when we last spoke, i disagreed. I was a much better person than he was, now why would i miss that relationship eh? He:

 

* Only saw me once a week blaming it on his work schedule

* We never went on holiday

* I didn't meet his family

* Never went on a weekend away

* He never bought me anything

* He was selfish

* He was a liar

* He made me anxious

* He let me down

* He upset me

* He gave me false hope

 

Why the hell would i miss that??? The thing what hurts the most is the lies and his actions, i'm proud of myself for not wanting him back that day or doing anything sexually with him when that was obviously what he wanted, he's the loser in all of this and hopefully the nc will help me along.

[fiffy]

babes,

 

My ex was exactly the same. So I don 't know why I miss him. I feel very hurt and alone at the moment.

 

Saw his dating cation which was cyclist looking for friends not love has changed to cyclist looking for friends maybe love!

 

hurts me a little but must push on

[babes23]

I've just read some of my old posts which i posted a few posts on another site and this as been going on back and forth since July, damn!! No wonder i'm bloody hurting myself letting it drag on this long. I was actually cringing and embarrassed when i read them to myself, i should've seen it a long time ago so perhaps i've realised that now? NC is definitely the way forward.

 

Ignore your ex, he as a new gf and he's still posting those ads? Just shows you how much of a t*at he really is.

 

What are your plans for this week fiffy? Do you work? What part of the UK are you from?

 

x

[crab62]

I've just read some of my old posts which i posted a few posts on another site and this as been going on back and forth since July, damn!! No wonder i'm bloody hurting myself letting it drag on this long. I was actually cringing and embarrassed when i read them to myself, i should've seen it a long time ago so perhaps i've realised that now? NC is definitely the way forward.

 

Ignore your ex, he as a new gf and he's still posting those ads? Just shows you how much of a t*at he really is.

 

What are your plans for this week fiffy? Do you work? What part of the UK are you from?

 

x

 

I just read an email I sent to my exbf the day after he walked out. Gross!! Although I miss him, well I miss who I thought he was... I probably shouldn't miss him considering what he did... but even though I'm in pain, I would not write that same email today.

 

It's okay... it's all a process... and in time we will heal... at least that's what I'm telling myself.

[fiffy]

Hey babes,

 

I completely lost my whole life after my break up. I had a series of ops then depression after him treating me so bad so now have moved back to parents in the lake district with no life no friends and no job. Before I had it all was renting in london, loads of friends my sister nearby and a life- job and study! What about you?

 

YOu made me laugh when you called him a tw*t! And you are so right he is such a dog all over dating sites and with a new girl!

 

I just hope one day he realises what he missed out on!

[crab62]

Day 8

 

Ugggh. Day 7 was bad, the morning of day 8 is not so good. I've done more crying the last two days than I have since the weekend following his leaving... ugggh.

 

I guess I miss him. I miss my friend He was my friend and we did so much. I don't know why it hurts today and yesterday so much... but what hurts the most, is that he made this decision on all his own. He has this huge committee in his head that he makes decisions with... he's done this in the past. Holds all his grievances, and has these meetings with whomever in his head, and comes back with these resolutions without a prior word to me... on anything... including what was bothering him in the first place. This is the 2nd time it has happened... the 2nd time he has walked... I just find it amazingly cruel that I can be his best friend, but yet when it comes to some crucial decisions such as leaving, it only matters to him what he says.

 

So day 8 is here. Going to go check out a new stable today and look at some horses... then have my regular horse riding lesson this afternoon...which is always good. Hopefully by the time next year, I'll be in the barn with my own horse=D>

[babes23]

I just read an email I sent to my exbf the day after he walked out. Gross!! Although I miss him, well I miss who I thought he was... I probably shouldn't miss him considering what he did... but even though I'm in pain, I would not write that same email today.

 

It's okay... it's all a process... and in time we will heal... at least that's what I'm telling myself.

 

It's weird looking back isn't it? I can honestly say that reading those earlier posts that my mindset is a little better, small steps eh?

 

Well done you for getting to Day 8, you're doing really, really well and should feel proud of yourself. Enjoy your horse riding lesson.

 

Hey babes,

 

I completely lost my whole life after my break up. I had a series of ops then depression after him treating me so bad so now have moved back to parents in the lake district with no life no friends and no job. Before I had it all was renting in london, loads of friends my sister nearby and a life- job and study! What about you?

 

YOu made me laugh when you called him a tw*t! And you are so right he is such a dog all over dating sites and with a new girl!

 

I just hope one day he realises what he missed out on!

 

It's lovely in the lake district though isn't it? See this as a new beginning for yourself, use this time now to aim towards something, a new job perhaps? At least that way it will boost your confidence by feeling as though you're doing something plus it will enable you to meet more people too. Also look into a evening class of some sort, gym? dance class? Anything which is new and which will take your mind off things.

 

I live near Birmingham, i have a full time job which i've been in for 5 years now, it's office based although i am looking for something a bit more challenging so shall use some of my free time to job search. Most of my friends are settled down now, but i've just started meeting my friend one day a week for dinner/drinks afterwards and then starting a new dance class in the evening which should be fun and something to look forward to. Going shopping on Saturday to get some of my Christmas shopping done too. Meet other friends here and there too which should keep me occupied and have a sister a few years younger than me so when she isn't working we tend to go out. May not be too enjoyable yet with the way i'm feeling, but he's getting out and about so why should i be hiding myself away at home, that isn't going to do me any good whatsoever.

 

And yes he is a T w * t they both were sweetie so we know 100% that we're doing the right thing. Only Day 1 for me today but i know i'm doing the right thing.

[montgomery]

Hi guys,

 

New bug here.

 

A little background, I'll keep it brief: broke up with a girl a couple of months ago. We hadn't been going out for long, but I fell for her very hard, much harder than I thought I would. I'm surprised and disappointed at my inability to get over it. I'm substantially older than her, and feel I should be handling it better. But no, I've spent every waking moment thinking about her, reasons to call her, little notes I could leave her, etc, trying to persuade her, talk her round. We work together, which, as well as meaning I have to see her every day, makes it easy to stay in contact. It took me far too long to realise that this was getting me NOWHERE. Sure, we've got together a couple of times since the breakup, but the odd fumble is really not what I'm after from her.

 

So I decided to go full-on No Contact a few days ago, and I actually already feel substantially better, like I've regained some sort of control. We used to spend the whole time yakking away on our office Instant Messaging network, even after the breakup (she's often been flirtatious and teasing on this which, of course, drives me CRAZY). She tried to start an IM conversation a couple of days ago, so I'm going to stop logging in to that. I don't want it to look like she's forced me to change my routine, but I also don't want her to be able to keep up this kind of contact. She's bound to ask what's going on and how come I'm not online - when she does, I'll tell her. Got a big work party this week, I've no idea what I'm going to do there - I'd be surprised if she doesn't initiate some sort of conversation.

 

Anyway, it's good to know that there's somewhere I can just come and yammer on - I'm pretty sure my friends have heard QUITE enough about it.

 

Hope you're not having too hard a time. Chins up!

[babes23]

I'm learning to switch my phone off too, even if it's just for a few hours a day as it helps not thinking he'll get in contact, which he won't anyway so kinda gives me a piece of mind by doing that.

 

Glad you're feeling better by doing the nc mont, keep it going x

[Mhaira]

I'm learning to switch my phone off too, even if it's just for a few hours a day as it helps not thinking he'll get in contact, which he won't anyway so kinda gives me a piece of mind by doing that.

 

I've started to do that too. I didn't realise just how anxious it was making me, or how often I was checking my phone for texts and missed calls until I switched it off.

[babes23]

I've started to do that too. I didn't realise just how anxious it was making me, or how often I was checking my phone for texts and missed calls until I switched it off.

 

Same here too, and it really helps switching it off doesn't it? Like retraining the brain and of course along with the nc it gets us use to not having it there all the time as a kind of reminder!!

[capuccino83]

Welcome me the challenge.

 

I'm a little ashamed to be here actually - my ex and I broke up about 6, 7 months ago and I had such a hard time, but this site helped so much (I forgot my old username/pw). I was doing really well and it was obvious b/c I was getting a lot of awesome male attention

 

But sadly, I met this guy not too long ago who was very good at getting what he wanted - even though I was iffy at first, he convinced me that he was really into me and was so nice and charismatic - being with him was so much like being with my ex which I didn't think I'd feel so comfortable with someone again - and throw awesome sex into that mix - and bam, recipe for disaster for me - basically, he got what he wanted, which was friends with benefits.

 

I've wanted to break it off for a while but its been hard b/c whenever I do, he always find a way to reel me back in. Now I've decided to take the challenge b/c last night I saw his roommate and his roommate is such a grimey guy, I can't imagine that my guy is much different despite what he says. And his other really good friend was very very drunk and when I approached him at the end of the night and asked about the guy he basically said, he's my best friend, but don't do it.

 

He's so much fun which is why I REALLY don't want to break this off, but for my mental health I know I need to...

[funkymonkey3]

Day 23. I'm slowly moving forward but it seems like I feel really great one moment and then down in the dumps the next. I'm so sick of missing someone who could lie, cheat, and break my heart so easily. I have to get over this. It's been so hard... I have moments where I want to call and yell at her for everything that she put me through by screwing with my head during our break up. The more and more I detach myself from my emotions I see everything that should have made me leave her long before she had a chance to do any real damage. I have learned alot about myself during all of this and I know ultimately it will make me stronger in the end but right now I am still lonely, depressed sometimes, and confused. I still want her even though I know I could never trust her. I hope I'm over this before she ever contacts me. The thing is I know that she was confused and it's only a matter of time before I get a call although I'm not counting on it. Right now I would give in to her and let her back. I can't allow myself to do that. She doesn't deserve a second chance with me but I am still too weak to stop her right now. I have to get over this girl! Until I do I don't stand a chance at meeting the next one who deserves my love. It's been over three months since the break up. Half of how long our relationship lasted. When is this going to go away?

[awakeintx]

I'm in at day 6

 

Today has been the toughest so far because the reality is setting in. I read this board most of the day and am praying things get easier from here. Funny thing is when we broke up last time I made it to 6 weeks before she contact me and I fell for it.

 

Hopefully I will not repeat that situation.

[Irish Jax]

Had to start over.... Darn it.

 

Unfortunately, I had to call him as we have a very important issue to discuss and he really pissed me off. He noticed already though, he was like i wanted to talk to you the last two days, but you left class without talking to me. I felt like replying that if you really wanted to talk to me, you have my phone number.

 

He wanted to tell me that all he can give me right now is friendship and wants to talk everyday if I want to, that he can give me that, but does not want to be in a relationship because he functions better on his own. He admits he would not change any of the time we spent together and would do it all over again if given the choice.

 

I told him I do not want a friend in him, I have plenty of friends and if a slot opens for him, I will let him know. I told him if nothing was wrong with what we had going, what is his problem now. Then he all of a sudden agrees with me and wants to slowly work back to what we had going before.

 

Sorry, as nice as that may sound, its not good enough for me. He is being a little baby right now not wanting the responsibility of a relationship when in reality, he did not do alot anyway.

 

I do not need him and will not agree to be friends. Back to NC again, but I have a feeling it will be difficult seeing as I am in school with him. But onward I go.

[digitaldiva]

I'm seriously back this time.

 

DAY 1

 

Today was horrendous. Yesterday he told me that we will NEVER get back together and I need to move on. I was going to try Sparkie's technique of Getting your Lover back but I folded and ended up asking him to come back. If they feel like they only option they have is to come back or not talk to you again. They will usually choose the latter.

 

I'm having a hard time NOT beating myself up about this relationship. I don't want to say that I just won't do certain things next time. I want to be able to not do certain things and be comfortable with it in my heart and actions, not because I'm following some dating rule.

[Irish Jax]

Where is Sparkies post?

[crab62]

Day 8 evening...

 

today was hard, this whole weekend was hard... but I made it.

 

I had a great lesson today on the horse... it was so awesome!! I have been riding Lady for 6 of my 7 lessons... but I have never ridden her like I did today. She was magnificent. She is a 22yo mare... but quite a spitfire. When I ride her in the small arena, she is fine and calm.. but when I take her outside to the outdoor arena or the large indoor arena, watch out!!... she lights up!! I think about the first time I took her outside and she went crazy running and I almost fell off and was pulling the reins yelling "ho", "ho", "ho", LOL!! It was nuts... and a bit scary!! Today she did the same thing, but I was able to hold her... it was quite awesome. I held her to a trot (even though she wanted to run).. and then I cantered her when ready. It was so great... I rode so great for over an hour. She was dripping wet when I got off her...she and I have never worked so hard... it really was a great day in the arena. Quite a difference from two weeks ago when I pushed my way to the lesson to ride... one day after break-up... I was sick to my stomach, but I rode anyway... but quit 50min into the lesson. Uggh... I can't believe I even went that day.

 

Anyway, back to good stuff...I also bought my first pair of official "riding" pants today... a little more $$$ than I wanted to spend, but hey I'm worth it... and since I'm not buying the exbf and I dinners any longer, I have some extra cash to spend.

 

So even though today was hard... it turned out okay. I still miss my exbf immensely... and I wish more than anything he had it in him to work it out rather than walk but...but I guess not. So this is what I live with.. until it heals.