THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Eirikr]

Well, it's been almost a month, but guess it's a good compromise!

 

I sign up. Date is Tuesday, Oct 14th. My goal is NC until Nov. 14th or until contact, in which I'll be horribly careful.

 

All those that post here, I want to let you know your posts don't go unread. I don't get to read -all-, but I read most, and it's really moving to find people that feel what I feel.

 

 

So, anyway, day 1 (not counting the last 3.5 weeks of NC already).

 

My day has been focusing on school, to a degree. I have to say "a degree" because the truth is I can't truly focus since the break up. The pain comes in waves, and it has proven such a horrible partner. It never leaves. I have this knot in my chest, the emptiness in my being, so true and so big.

 

I barely sleep some days, other days I oversleep. I sort of eat. I'm alone.

 

As alone as someone can be, with the internet and such.

 

I moved away last year to a city very far from what I called home. No real friends or anything. Pretty much live by my own. No pets. All I have is a mountain of school projects due (grad school can truly suck) and me.

 

I have to try to focus. I must get good grades. I have no error margin, truly. I just have to do it.

 

I'm sick too. Cold hooray. So cold + heartbreak + exhaustion + workload = ](*,)

 

If only I could focus. Things barely make sense, and the simplest things take me thrice the effort to do now.

 

So, trying to think less of her, at least trying to just think of her only "a special time". Sadly, lately I've failed on that and she just pops in my mind 95% of the time.

 

This is silly.

 

C'est la vie, eh? If only I had -time- to exercise

[greeneyedgal]

Stelinha, thanks for your words and also those of Ryan2000 but I really feel like a phony now as I have responded to his contact in the past few days all of which was maybe just an ego boost for him.

 

After preliminary pleasantries, he lay down to watch his favourite show after video calling me on Skype - I feel like such a putz *kicks self* so I hung up on him saying if he has nothing notable to say I'll catch up with him later. Even if he considers us 'just friends' nobody deserves that kind of treatment - nobody! Why is my heart inextricably tied to such an ignoramus??? Don't know what to do - to even continue with this or what? I feel I've failed or at the least capitulated to LC - even if it was all initiated by him but is it heart felt regret on his part? No! Just how has my week been - crap BS! Wow if I sound angry at the moment it's because I am.

 

Sometimes I wonder if this thread category is as hopeless as the affair ones about married men or married women I have read - they are also doomed to fail - I think it's the masochistic streak in us - there is a Depeche Mode song called 'A pain that I'm used to' - sometimes I think that this is what we are addicted to. Well again a depressive note but where I'm at currently.....

[greeneyedgal]

Well I just broke down and told him I'm doing NC - no response yet. Well it may be a blessing in disguise he may just stay scarce or either it might pump his *ss into action - I'm betting on the former - at least it's all out in the open now - I also mentioned his new photos on the dating site - that should be enough to shame him a little. lol. Crying now but it's cathartic I guess. *shrugs*

[Stelinha]

agggh! I have such a huge urge to contact him today. started yesterday- I keep kidding myself that if I say sorry, that if I say something he'll respond.

I think this is a real bump I've got to get over. I don't feel like I'm ever going to feel better at the moment so I'm holding on like someone with two fingers teering on the edge.

I think the reason I feel so bad is that one of the reasons we split was because I wanted to go back to University and change career but I was so frustrated in my previous one.

I'm now in my second year and everyday I go into my placement or lectures and I'm really terrified that this is not what I wanted to do

struggle - apart from this course is very, very techinical, demanding and difficult and I struggle with the work a lot.

Eveyday I feel close to tears and today it's overwhelming. I suppose I want to conact him because he is one of the only people (certainly the only man) I've ever been able to be myself with. I did get good support until he went all weird and it is that support, especially at this moment, that I miss so much.

I know that if I were to just talk with him and have a few jokes about stuff I'd feel so much better.

I wish I could tell him see, I was wrong, I thought I wanted this new career but I'm still not happy but I know I want you and I bloody miss you every minute of everyday'.

I totally disagree with Suicide but can't help feeling I wish I could escape my life right now.

I am posting here again because I'm hooping it might help me to get though this and writing her means I'm not writing to him.

[Robert013]

I am only on day one again and it seems like I cannot get out of this loop. She keeps doing things to hurt me and swomehow she makes sure I find out. She has not been honest about a single thing since she broke up with me. How do I ignore everthing and make it through at least a week? This is hard when you really love someone.

[hulk7280]

Well i broke NC last night. I ended up writing a letter.. i poured my heart out into it and left it at her door step. She text me later that night to tell me thank you for the letter and asked if it was ok to write me back tomorrow? i said ok.. so im waiting to here back from here.

 

I left it all out on the table in the letter, where i think i went wrong and were i think we can improve on our relationship. We will see what makes of it, im not getting my hopes up.

 

The best thing that can happen is that she just gives a chance again and to maybe start seeing each other again very slowly..

 

i dont know what she will say.. one good sign is..

 

I asked did my letter make you think?

 

she said: Yeah it was nice.

 

i dunno.. no one can figure out what women mean.. but i am tryin to not htink about to much.. that letter is my last chance at any type of reconsolation.

 

I plan on attending therapy to help me get through this tough time. I know i probalby dont need it, i just need time. But i do think its a good idea to work all my feelings out and its free through my company.

[Jay_Bird]

Day 36

 

 

I had to go back in the thread,cause I had forgot what day it was

 

lmao,I guess that a good sign

 

today been really good so far

 

last night I had a good conversation with an old flame,my weekend is going to be action packed

 

and I might even have a date friday

 

I'm feeling good

 

just need to stay away from her myspace,there is nothing on there for me

[Eirikr]

Day 2

 

Gosh, this is so hard.

 

Today I've missed her SO MUCH. It's been one of the -worse- days since I started NC three weeks ago. It's so painful. I just miss her so much it hurts. I find myself daydreaming of getting two months past NC. I confess I want to contact her then to test the waters, and if things remain the same truly forget her and date then.The idea of not knowing if she's wondering if she did the right thing is in my mind, even though I try to put it away.

 

I want her to realize what we had is truly rare. That the level of understanding we had was so special and unique.

 

I keep looking at my mail, because of emails from work and school, and every time I see there's no email from her. That reminds me she doesn't want to contact me. She doesn't want me.

 

I'm almost praying she's reconsidering.

 

I want to tell her I know my faults, as she knows hers, and that I want to work things out. I really do. If only she -wanted- to work on it. I just can't get how easy it was for her to just give up and break up. Easy in a way, since I know it took her many moments of thought, but still.

 

Isn't what we had worth fighting for?

 

I look up at the sky and hope she wants it as I do.

[ryan2000]

Day 9 (16)

 

I'm not writing too much today. The anger has kicked in. It feels good.

 

You don't deserve me. Reminding myself of that fact is what i need more than anything right now.

 

YOU have lost me, NOT the other way around.

[Stelinha]

Day 20

 

Still wanting to contact him and it's taking all my self control not to

 

Weird how you go through these rollercoster of moods and somedays the urge to contact isn't as bad but other days it's totally out of control.

[waveseer]

A few days. Today was a good day, I only dragged around for half of it.

[greeneyedgal]

Stay strong Stelinha! I was like this the past few days - I guess I should put Day 1 again after my cockup but I guess I will see how I go the rest of the week before notching up days again. I guess having that contact with him erased any doubt in my mind that he still harbours hopes for reconciliation.

 

Dammit - it also erased the confidence I had gathered as a result of NC so not very productive at all.

 

It's difficult to feel hopeful for the future when you are depressed. I feel like skipping work for a week and just curling up in a foetal position in my nighty all day. Thank goodness for my lil' cat right now!

[greeneyedgal]

I sent him a Phil Collins song - feel like such a tool - he sent me a heart wink back on msn though - not sure what that means - laid the cards on the table shortly before but told him I'm moving on - ball is in his court now - tomorrow is day 1 again for me!

[Robert013]

Day 2 of NC

 

Last night was hard I would wake up about every 2 hours with a rapid heart rate, and nothing but horrible thoughts. The urge to text message in these moments are very hard.

 

I think the reason is that I have been in LC for 3 weeks now and we would text message each other a few times every day. I do not recomend LC at all after the breakup it makes it hard on dumpee witch is me.

[WhatJStoDo]

Wow, where to start,

 

My young (24) GF broke up with me 5 weeks ago, said there was no other man, she just did not feel the same. anyhow. Come to find out, she has been having drinks with one of my best friends....who has a fiance. She called me last night and said she caught them kissing.

 

I know I should walk away, but I think she is making a big mistake, I want her to realize that he is just using her... and throwing away a good thing.

 

What on earth to do now.

[hulk7280]

DAY 2.

 

I was on day 3 .. then broke NC by leaving her a letter at her doot step on tuesday night. She read it and told me she would write me the next day. I still havent heard from her. I cant believe she would blow me of like that...

 

This reminds of me why we dont break NC. So to everyone who has all your plans or whatever of getting ur ex back.. keep them out of your mind they dont work. Just keep doing NC and move on with your life, thats your best shot at feeling good again.

 

Because lets be honest, why do we want our EX back int he first place? Its to feel good again right? well you can feel agian if u go NC and heal also.. so look at it that way. Nothing will stop me now short of her telling me how dumb she is and how sorry she is.. i will keep NC until im fully healed.

[WadeCure]

I hope everyone's doing well. Stick with NC guys. You'll make it through. I'll be praying for you guys.

 

On Day 31, one day after I completed this thing my ex contacted me, it'll be a week tomorrow since she contacted me, asking "hey, how are you?" in an e-mail to my work account. I didn't respond, still haven't responded, and I won't respond. Right now I'm battling emotions of what her intentions were by contacting me. Was she just concerned for me? Was she looking for friendship? Was she trying to keep the option of reconciliation alive? I don't know. Regardless, I felt by contacting her I'd give her power. I read Dave's "Signs Signs Everywhere There's Signs" thread and I think that in all likelihood she was checking that I was still there and looking for a boost of her own ego.

 

Guys keep praying for me. I'm keeping NC. But God it's hard. I refuse to give her power.

[hulk7280]

Do you have alink to that thread?

[Robert013]

Well I am back to day 1

 

I sent her an e-mail that said " I think it is best if I go to destination alone on halloween. I would apreciate it if you would not contact me anymore, and I will do the same for you. Thank You".

 

At least I feel better about letting her know she is not welcome to join me anymore.

 

I think I am in for another sleepless night. Oh well

[Jay_Bird]

wade we got to fight through this

 

me and you both on day 37 right

 

we can make it through this bro

 

my prayers are with you

[Stelinha]

I've been struggling with the NC and I found this website article really useful on keeping me strong. I am hoping maybe some of you other guys might find it useful too when you are experiencing moments of weakness as I have been the last day or two. I especially found it useful by asking myself the questions mentioned as to why I want to make contact:

 

link removed

 

 

Thanks also to greeneyedgal for your support. Funny you said about your cat as I think mine is my best friend right now.

[babes23]

Day 1

 

I'm so glad that i'm doing the no contact, i saw him last night and he had shown his true colours!!! Think i had a lucky escape!!! I'll take this time now for me to heal, it'll be hard but i know that i'll be okay.

[greeneyedgal]

I got those words last night - 'I love you as a friend' - not only is this demoralising but also patronising. Pah!

 

Day 1 again *takes deep breath*

 

Thanks for the helpful article also Stelinha! I had a shocking night last night!

[ryan2000]

Day 10 (17)

 

Constantly tried reminded myself yesterday of qualities that people quite often express to me.

So sick and tired of thinking about her. I need, I MUST start thinking about me.

 

It's HER loss!

 

I am attractive. I am romantic. I am wanted.

 

YOU miss out.

 

Last night, my friend came over. I owed her a home cooked meal and a bottle of wine anyway, and the company was appreciated.

 

One bottle? Silly me..............,four bottles is what i really meant to say!

 

We made love

 

Perhpas it was the candles, or perhaps it was the wine. It very well could have been the pasta that i just recently perfected.

Whatever it was, i am very much appreciative of it.

 

Sure, I am expecting some 'wired' and 'uncomfortable' moments to arise the next time we see each other, which is pretty much everynight consider she frequents the same pub i do. I'll address them when they come. But right now, i couldn't care less.

 

The confidence that it restored in me is amazing. To be wanted like that is a feeling i haven't experienced in quite a while. It was indeed long overdue.

 

Am i deserving of such feelings? My heart wants so much to believe that. In time, i will, and this certainly did help speed the process up that's for sure.

The smile on my face is far to hard to remove as i constantly play out last nights events in my mind. Over and over.

 

I like smiling, it's so theraputic! Perhaps i should try and do it more often

 

Day 10 (17) is a wonderful day.

[hulk7280]

good for you! im sure that helped