ycmanvs Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 Day 20. Almost 3 weeks, wow....this is really cool. Link to comment
yo Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 DAY 1 AGAIN Starting all over again.. Though now it's gotten a little easier. But, still the nightmares continue. Every morning wake up feeling happy, then feel sad knowing that she's gone, try to go back to sleep, doesn't happen so wake up. There is no turning back for me..so NC all the way... Link to comment
bostoneric Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 day 2 of NC.... day is only half over and I'm struggling really hard today! Link to comment
Crows Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 Day 1.. and i'm wondering how my ex is doing with her bf and the whole situation she had the other night. Link to comment
bostoneric Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 Day 1.. and i'm wondering how my ex is doing with her bf and the whole situation she had the other night. I know exactly how you feel, my ex-gf wasnt even out of our relationship and she was already starting another with a girl. first time shes ever done anything with a girl, always said she curious about it, but never had the ability to do it before. I think she used our issues to "try" this. our relationship was an excuse to try something new, also and escape from our issues, also a way to sabotage our relationship so she doesnt feel at fault or guilt. she felt a small amount of guilt for cheating on me, but it seemed to pass quick. I left the day after she broke up with me, I know she hasnt been spending much time in our home, running from her problems and clinging to this new "emotional connection" shes made. I feel sorry for her. She jumped into a new relationship and didn't have the growth and self discovery experience that I'm getting. She will continue to make the same mistakes and carry her issues and baggage into this new relationship. I will not. Link to comment
yo Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 Atleast u know why she left you..I don't even know the reasons and she doesn't want to tell me..maybe if I knew them, I could have tried to fix them..She just made up her mind and decided to move on without me!!! Link to comment
bostoneric Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 I guess I know, but that doesnt justify throwing a long term relationship down the drain with big future plans in the short distance (buy house/marriage/child) just to "try" something.... Atleast u know why she left you..I don't even know the reasons and she doesn't want to tell me..maybe if I knew them, I could have tried to fix them..She just made up her mind and decided to move on without me!!! Link to comment
yo Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 I guess I know, but that doesnt justify throwing a long term relationship down the drain with big future plans in the short distance (buy house/marriage/child) just to "try" something.... I really feel for you All we can do now is just keep the faith and move on. Maybe it's for the good. Maybe we are meant to be with someone who cares, loves and respects us more than our exes. The tunnel may seem to last forever, but I am sure that we will see the light at the end of it real soon!!! I am sure everything will make sense with time. I think we should stop analyzing "why things didn't work out" from today. It's really not taking us anywhere. We just start feeling sad and miserable by the end of it. Whatever it was, it's over, and we cannot change it. If things are really meant to happen, they WILL HAPPEN, if you want it happen or not. We have given our everything. There's nothing more that can we done. They just didn't deserve us!!! Stay Strong. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 damit, why do I keep waking up @ the exact time every morning when she would get up for work!?!?!?!! I'm getting to little sleep as it is, I need to stop waking up so early!! the mornings are so hard..... today starts day 2... I hate that. I can't stop looking at my clock thinking, "he'd be getting up for work right now" or "he'd be on his way home", "I'd be with him right now", "he'd be texting me with 'goodnight I love you xxx'" before he got to bed, etc.etc. It is hard and it's a habit. Habits are hard to get rid of! My sleep has also been extra bad. I've always had sleep problems but it's got worse. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Oh and it's either day 3 or day 4 BTW Link to comment
foleno Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Hi every one. Happy holidays. I went to the store N decide to buy a card 4 some one else. My sister, we volenteered at a homeless shelter recently, kinda because i wanted to do something nice and me and my sister have not been getting along to we. But I gave her the card with a little quote, and she was so nice to me today, it really felt good, okay but the later tonight I went back to the store and brought a card for my ex, but as I was reading the card. It happened. I relaized the life me and my ex had planed togetaher is not a reality any more, Thier really is nothing thier. I ma 26 and never loved any one B4 and thought love would conqure everything, I mean my ex cried during sex. I really know she loved me, but she is not here. I am so happy she found some one else, but we do not have a life togeather. nothing I feel or do can change that. I know i was not thier for her, but it was really because she could not be thier for her self. she would pull and i needed to regroup and think. it got so bad, that she felt totally alone, and she was. when she was gone I realized to late my feelings, and the dream is gone. I have to decide was that love or not. Do i just choose yes. What do i use as a basis. I just know I love her, but I am not in love with the idea of a dream of a life with somebody who is not a part of mine. Good luck every one sorry about the long post Link to comment
lovemeorleaveme00 Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Day 26! Mc To Everyone Doing Nc! Link to comment
bostoneric Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 today more then ever I wanted to go "home" ok I finally had to send the ex an email about some household stuff... my email to her - ok comcast cable ends on saturday, final bill is $XX.XX you'll need to bring in the 2 HD boxes. Sirius your 2 radios were automatically paid through dec. They will be canceled then. here are your serial #s so you can make your own account XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX now the 2nd cell phone its paid till the end of the month. then it will be canceled you can do what you want with it. I dont want it. her reply - are you going to pay the Comcast bill? and do i need the HDMI cables with Verizon Fios? p.s.- i saw your pictures from Universal. looks like you are having quite the good time!! I sent them out to a mail group I had, I thought I deleted everybody related to her, but I just noticed her brother-in-law is still on the list. not sure why he felt the need to show/send them to her?!?!?! i'm probably over analyzing, but it makes me think that she sees me having fun and thinks/feels less guilt because of that. * * * ?!?!?! Link to comment
delerium6 Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Day 9 NC today. I've only dreamt about her a few times since the breakup, surprisingly. But she was in my dreams last night. So, needless to say, this morning's been a bit rougher than usual. Link to comment
bostoneric Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 well after thinking about her email all night, I've decided I'll answer it when I'm good and ready. whats the difference really if I answer it at all?!?! I can just call comcast and pay the bill, she doesnt need to know. as far as the cables go, who really cares, its not worth me getting all worked up over a few cables. and I will not acknowledge her "p.s.- i saw your pictures from Universal. looks like you are having quite the good time!!" again i think any answer to that will just make her think even more that it was the right choice to cheat on and leave me for this girl. so no reply is my goal right now! day 1 starts today! (as usual I keep waking up when she would be getting up for work, i hate the mornings right now) Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 bostoneric, fellow Bostonian here. i was browsing thru this thread and saw your post and looked back at some of the others. obviously your breakup is fresh and all the things you are feeling are completely normal, so don't get frustrated with yourself over things like how you wake up and think about her. 100% normal. that stuff passes with time, it always does, no matter how much you may think it doesn't. right now you need to do NC but can't seem to do it. ive been there, and know how it is. when you have something to say to her, just realize that their is no reason you have to say it right now...it can wait. when you want to contact her about something, tell yourself you'll wait a day...see if you still feel its that important the next day. i remember feeling like i had to tell my ex something...but i said i'd wait. the next day came and i said it can wait another day...days turned into weeks, which turned into months. eventually we talked again, actually are friends now...but it took a longggg time for that to happen. bottom line is this hurts and it sucks, i know it. nobody expects you to just get over it. the one thing you can control is you...you can control if this pain is going to last for a while or a LONG while. staying in constant contact right now is only pro-longing your pain. i understand why you do it....i just hope you understand how its hurting you. its like if you were trying to quit smoking. you have those strong urges...you can either fight through it or you can give in for the "quick fix" and start over the next day. when your ready to give it a serious shot....really go for it. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 UUGGGHH WHHAAATTT?! I'm not even kidding here - I'm reading threads on this board, and I'm signed into MSN as invisable without even relaisng it (forgot to sign out last night obv) and guess what happens - a convo window for my ex pops up, with no message....... ................. What is that? That's never happened to me before...is it a sign? lol...weirdd. Link to comment
bostoneric Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 thanks for the help. I've decided to just let any hope go, she is who she is and she is unable to maintain a healthy relationship with anybody, her past is filled with nothing but men with broken hearts, shes done this many times in her past, I feel pride I was able to get out so quickly.. other men in her past just hung around and got their spirit demolished and their man hood belittled... I was her longest relationship ever, 3 years (also my longest) she has really no long time best friends, just "new" friends she considers her "best" friends.. now she has jumped from our relationship right into a relationship with this girl (something new for her) who she cheated on me with. she had no personal growth and is caught in the excitement/drama/attention shes getting from this new thing.... she is doomed to repeat the same cycle/patterns she has always done.. I feel sad that she gave up unconditional love from me for this new relationship, its doomed more so then our relationship ever was. its building blocks are built off lies/cheating.... at least we started our relationship as friends... her family is extremely disappointed in her for what she did to me... all in all, I'm using this past relationship to learn, grow, and recognize these pattern before this can happen to me again. I will use what I have learned to find somebody who truly loves me as much as I love them. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 This is a good post. Please look at it again whenever you feel like contacting her, and stop yourself from contact. Link to comment
yo Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Woke up to the sound of a text message on my cell phone..for sec I was soo happy..nobody, apart from my ex, has been texting me recently. Felt really sad after seeing that it was from a friend You know what??!! I am really really pissed, when she doesn't miss me, doesn't care about me and is having such a good time, why the hell am I wasting my time and energy thinking and dreaming about her!!! I am really really determined to do something productive today rather than just think and think about my ex!!!!! Link to comment
bostoneric Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Its amazing that we share so many feelings... same thing happens to me every time my phone rings or txt shows... but then i think about the excitement turns to anxiety then turns to sadness.... so I think f it.. I dont need to feel like that, shes out doing her thing having fun... I need to do the same!!! Woke up to the sound of a text message on my cell phone..for sec I was soo happy..nobody, apart from my ex, has been texting me recently. Felt really sad after seeing that it was from a friend You know what??!! I am really really pissed, when she doesn't miss me, doesn't care about me and is having such a good time, why the hell am I wasting my time and energy thinking and dreaming about her!!! I am really really determined to do something productive today rather than just think and think about my ex!!!!! Link to comment
yo Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Yes, I go through the same cycle of feelings - happiness, anxiety, sadness, anger, hatred, happy that she's gone, then sad again and the whole damn cycle just keeps repeating! Don't they have a heart? How can they do this to us!!! They become soo selfish just thinking about their life, their happiness. I think my ex is having so much of fun that she's even forgotten that I exist! I wish there were something I could do to win her back. But there is nothing I can. I soo want to tell her how much I miss her, how much I love her and that I am ready to do anything for her..but nothing's going to make her come back!!! I have soo many things to do..just not been able to get myself to do any of it!! and to think of it, I was a guy who used to work 14-15 hours a day!!!!! and now, I can't even work for 30 mins without my thoughts wandering, or missing her, or feeling sad!! I am just not able to get her thoughts off my head ](*,) I hate the person I have become!!!! I want to get back to the person I was!!! Its amazing that we share so many feelings... same thing happens to me every time my phone rings or txt shows... but then i think about the excitement turns to anxiety then turns to sadness.... so I think f it.. I dont need to feel like that, shes out doing her thing having fun... I need to do the same!!! Link to comment
bostoneric Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 an email that I wrote today, maybe i will maybe i wont send it. who knows... This email is so hard for me to send to you because you know I’m not a person who gets angry, and especially at somebody who I cared for so much. But I’ve given it a lot of thought and I feel you need to know how I truly feel about this, all you’ve seen is that I was heartbroken and in tears… I've tried my best to let go and just think this is the real Star, but you need to know how I truly feel now. I no longer have a reason to be nice to you about this. You dont/didnt give a * * * * about me or my feelings which is obvious by the last 2 months. When you care/love somebody you don’t treat them like this...which is obvious by how I treated you, with nothing but unconditional love. You are a * * * * ing lying cheating * * * * * , you strung my heart along all this time. We shared what we thought was an amazing weekend in black butte just before Halloween, but all along you were already thinking of moving on to lisa.. it makes that weekend feel so cheap, i feel used, what i thought was one of the most amazing sexual connection weekends we ever shared now has turned into me feeling sick about it. I'm an so * * * * ing angry at you for this, I gave you 3 years of my life and all the unconditional love i could. But you know what, I realize you are not good enough for my love nor do you deserve it anymore. You have a troubled relationship history with an excuse for everything so it was never your fault, I should have seen this coming long ago, but i was blinded by my heart and true unconditional love for you. That is my downfall, caring to much for you, and for that I am sorry. You being so afraid I was going to leave you and go back to Boston after Ryan’s wedding might have been real feelings, but now they mean nothing to me... if anything they make me think that you were hoping I would go back. You have done nothing but lie and deceive me especially during the last 3 maybe 4 months. I cant believe you had this in you to do this to me, you know I loved you more then anybody else has every loved and cared for you, but that love means nothing now... Now I just care for you as a person who was in my life. I let you into my shell thinking you were the perfect woman for me, but you aren’t, you are a liar a cheater and don’t deserve my love any longer. Angry Eric has surfaced again to protect his heart, to make sure only somebody who deserves my unconditional true love is allowed in. there are a few people who are allowed in, some people you know very well, but that’s because they love me as much as I love them. Unconditionally I want my stuff out of that house of lies as soon as possible; I can’t stand to think of my stuff being in that house of lies any longer. Do not reply because I will delete it without reading it, I don’t need/want to hear from you right now. It only brings on anger and more heartache. 2 things I don’t want to feel from you any longer. Maybe in time I can try to be friends with you, its a shame because I do feel you are a special part of my life, but right now you are the worst part of it. Link to comment
bostoneric Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 wow I could have wrote that exactly the same... Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Please do not send this email to her. Please start No Contact and try to stick to it. The more you contact her, the longer it will take to move on. Link to comment
Recommended Posts