Guilty Conscience (Please Read)

[shep88ner]

here my story, i hope some of you can relate so i can get some quality feedback about this situation.

 

me and my GF have been together for 1 year now, and needless to say, we were (not as much as we used to be) very sexualy active back in our earlier months. i always thought about it as an awesome experience and was always wanting more and more of her. all the stuff we did...the fooling around, the sex, the touching...all seemed very fun and i never wanted this sexual aspect of our relationship to die. true, i really cared for her, but who at my age would be willing to give up sex at the snap of a finger?

 

then i made a mistake one day. i left a condom wraper in her room and her mother found it. she never confronted me about it but she did talk to my GF and she even teared up talking to her. she said "you dont know what it's like until you have a little girl of your own". now, i'll be honest, i thought her finding this wraper just sucked for us because we wouldnt be able to fool around as much. it didnt hit me what the emotional strain it was really causing with other people and within myself.

 

her mother now, is very much nervous about how much time we spend together, how we lay down together, and where our hands are. to the point she made my GF put a pillow on her chest when we were laying together so that my head wasnt resting on her breasts. i dont blame her. she's a single mom and my GF is her only child. her little girl. and after all that woman has been through, my GF is really all she has in this world.

 

so the sex really slowed down to a near stop after our friend got pregnant and kind of gave us a reality check. and i'm fine with this. i love her for her and not for her sex anymore. true, the sex is amazing, but if we do it only 1-2 times a month, im totally cool with that if that's what she wants.

 

but here's where it gets troubling to me. we were at her house last week and she was watching her family tapes from every year she was a little baby till now. every christmas, and every birthday was all on tape. i literally got to watch my GF grow up in front of my eyes in a few hours. as i watched, i saw this little girl , 2-3 years old. opening a chistmas present, smiling nice and big, making excited noises in exchange for words, getting up and running to her aunt to show her every present she got if she happened to leave the room for any reason. the cutest little girl ive ever seen, growing up right infront of me. just my GF, her mom, and her aunt. together from day 1 in the same house she lives in now. i heard the phone calls she made to her grandparents on christmas to tell them she saw santa, the excitement in her voice as she played with her new kitchen play set...every memorable moment of her young life.

 

 

and as i watched, it slowly sank in. just how terrible i feel about ever touching her the way i have. i feel so terrible about having sex with her. i saw that little girl on that tape and just wanted to pick her up and protect her from the world. and having sex with her when she's 16, touching her like that...it couldnt have made me feel any worse. i would never wish that on any girl. i now wish as though we didnt ever have sex. but rather save it, save it until the day we're married so that i can protect and honor her as she needs to be. i saw it as a disrespect to her mother as well. i took their little girl, who had only messed around a little bit before me, and did SO much with her so fast without any remorse or concern. a boy jumps into her life, and after knowing her for only 3 months had sex with her, little to the knowedge of her mother, who had raised her for 16 full years, with hopes of purity and good choices.

 

 

i just want to hear about what you think about this. it has really opened my eyes to a lot of things and for those of you who do know what i mean or cannot relate. i hope somehow this has interested you or opened your eyes to new ideas and understandings.

 

 

this is what i think true love really is. when it comes down to protecting her no matter what and keeping her honest and pure as much as i can still save. i cant go back and change the past but i can change the future, and i will deffinatly change it. my only hope is that someday every guy will see this innocence and realize their GF is someone's little girl, and will make their relationship about love and not sex.

 

thank you for reading. any comments will be appreciated.

 

 

thanks again.

[BornToResist]

Well I agree with your statement that your relationship should be about love, not sex.

 

But she is SIXTEEN. You didn't force her to have sex, did you? She has a mind of her own and can make her own choices. Don't try to make them for her.

[shep88ner]

i didnt make her no, but her father left her when she was about 6 weeks old so she has a hard time with guys. and to find "love" and acceptance with guys she thinks sex and sexual activities will keep the guy with her and make them love her. i guess what i feel bad about is not pushing the reality that i was interested in her and not the sex early on. we both now wish we had waited longer. i just didnt tell her with enough authority she didnt have to have sex with me and she didnt believe me anyway. but now we see our relationship is deeper and we should have waited

[EvaGina]

I think you and her mother are being melodramatic...

 

Sex is natural, and you raise a child to be his/her own person, not a protected bundle of oppressed sexual organs.

 

You sound like you really care about her and you realise that she might be (sub-consiously) using sex as a tool to keep you interested...

You didnt wait and you cant change that, so either stop having sex with her, or talk about it openly with her.

 

Dont treat her like she is made of glass... people need a few knocks to grow.

[Jeffrey2095]

I think that sex is a normal thing to be on anyone's mind, (Uh, especially at age 18, so I don't think you should feel so guilty.)

 

The important thing is that you have developed what sounds like real love and appreciation for her. (And respect for her mother.) If this is the result of the mother finding a condom, then maybe it was all for the best.

 

I think you are working it out, think of the abstinance or reduced sex as a worthy sacrifice.

 

Best wishes to you both. (And Mom, and the Aunt.)

[chantal]

everyone has sex , u have been with her for a year ? so she was 15 and you were 17? thats a lil young , but as long as you have respect for her then you have dont nothing wrong. I lost my virginity when i was 15 to guy that was 17. I am no longer with him but i was with him for along time. even tho we arent 2gether anymore i wouldnt change what we did. he was my first love ... and you 2 have been 2gether for a year then you have somthing there.. dont feel guilty.. its better that you shared that experience with her then some pig how would never talk to her again..

dont worry about it.. treat her good!

[yeawutever]

Don't feel bad about it, sex is normal part of one's development. If the grown-ups start making a fuzz over it, might as well say "Well that's called having a life and not being an oppress freak, you done the same so why complain". Chatal's right as long as you respect her and you guys are taking precaucious then don't worry about it. LOL, I lost my virginity 4 days ago in my parents' house.

 

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Erm well - she is of the age of consent.

 

She WAS a child, but she isn't now.

 

Her mother seems a little uptight about sex..I think there may be more issues floating around than you even suspect.

 

If your girlfriend watched home movies of YOU as a toddler, wouldn't you think she was crazy for feeling guilty about having sex with you?