got drunk and kissed another girl, been with gf for 4.5 years

[matteroffact]

my gf is out of town for the holidays, and i went out with my best friend, he was upset at his gf and me and him had always had similar personalities, that night we decided we should go have some drinks and just hang out.

 

we get to the bar and many drinks i later, there is a girl there pretty much exactly the same as me as far as interests (works in same business, likes same music, clothes etc.) and we have a good time talking and we kiss, more then once through out the night, and then i send her in cab back to her place, i never got her number, i didnt want it. i have to say though i was drunk beyond belief. but i did find her very attractive, someone i personally never thought would think i was attractive.

 

 

i feel bad about it now, my gf have had a rocky past, and shes cheated on me before etc. but i have never ever done this before.

 

lately there seems to be alot of pressure from her and her family to think about marriage, and i feel as if they are trying to change me (our jobs and hobbies couldnt be more different) and my family is telling me to be more and more focused on what im doing with MY life and not hers.

 

i feel like its all related somehow... i dont know i feel horrible, i am 20 years old, but weve been going out for so long. and i feel like i cant make her happy and now that ive done this there is no way i can be happy. i dont know what to do

[DN]

Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

I can tell you this much: there is an ironclad rule that you should follow when contemplating marriage - "if in doubt - don't."

[Day_Walker]

I think that your family has it correct, you are 20 years old there is plenty of time for marriage. You need to work on your life before you are even remotely ready to get married. Given the past with your gf I would realize that its probably not going to work out especially since she wants more than you do at the moment.

[Japanfreak05]

My opion....

 

I don't think her family can say anything about ya'll getting married. THEY are not in the relationship, thereforeeee THEY don't really have any say in what goes on in the relationship.

 

As for the kiss....things like that happen. You decide weather you tell her or not. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it. And she should to, especailly if it's been 4.5 years. I think that now things are getting serious and you might not be ready for that. I mean you ARE 20....You've got your whole life ahead of you.

 

I'm sure the past 3 years ya'll were in high school and the relationship was strong, but not that serious. You had no major worries around that time. Now that your in college, experiencing the real world, you've got issues to deal with. It's all apart of growing up. Maybe you've out grown her? or ya'll have grown appart? It's just appart of life, you can try to hold on to something that's not there....but it's just not worth it.

 

Just let her know how you feel. Most imporantly. The way she reacts to your feelings, may be the deciding factor on what to do from now on. Good Luck!!!

[matteroffact]

just thought id drop in the fact we arent in college, she is graduated and works full time as do i, but in my business you have to start at the bottom and work to the top so its very important i put alot of myself into it.

 

 

blah i feel like its all tied up in one big mess, like its all one large problem, and this was just another sign on the road we are heading down telling me this cant work.

[Japanfreak05]

Try not to stress out, everything should work out. Everything happens for a reason. Did you tell her about the kissing mistake? Don't take it out on yourself, you didn't mean to do it. If you do tell her, hopefully she'll understand. If you WANT it to work MAKE it work. But sometimes what you WANT is not what you NEED. Feel Me? Good Luck!!

[matteroffact]

Try not to stress out, everything should work out. Everything happens for a reason. Did you tell her about the kissing mistake? Don't take it out on yourself, you didn't mean to do it. If you do tell her, hopefully she'll understand. If you WANT it to work MAKE it work. But sometimes what you WANT is not what you NEED. Feel Me? Good Luck!!

 

 

i dont think i will tell her, it wasnt something i would do normally, if anything id flirt and then call it off knowing that if i wanted to i could but im a better person then that, but this really was largely influenced by alcohol, it was either fall off the bar stool or kiss this girl... so i dont think its worth it, and like a few of you have said, and my parents have told me in the past, these things can and do happen to alot of people. i just wonder about the greater meaning of it all, i dont have any inclination to break up with her, i just dont think i can fit into the box her family is trying to put me into.

[Japanfreak05]

Yeah I wouldn't tell my BF. I mean....It was one night, you didn't get her number, thefore you dont plan on talking to her again.

 

Her family should accept you however you may come. I just hope her family doesn't influance her that much. I hope she can think on her own.

[matteroffact]

Yeah I wouldn't tell my BF. I mean....It was one night, you didn't get her number, thefore you dont plan on talking to her again.

 

Her family should accept you however you may come. I just hope her family doesn't influance her that much. I hope she can think on her own.

 

 

 

shes getting better at that, ive been working hard for her to appreciate who i am more then what she wants me to be

[Hope75]

Hi There and Welcome,

 

While I don't condone cheating, I think this definitely may have been a symptom to a much bigger problem.... the fact that you are feeling like your relationship is failing and that you and your gf are going in different directions.

 

Do you want to work things out with the gf?

 

And how do you see that happening- in other words, what steps would each of you need to take in order to build a strong, healthy and trusting relationship?

 

Is this someone who, outside of the pressure from family and friends, that you want to marry?

[jengh]

I agree with Bewitched... if it were me in that position and

a) it was a one-time thing

b) you didn't get her number

c) don't plan on ever contacting this girl again

, I wouldn't tell her. As long as you didn't sleep with this girl, a kiss sometimes is just a kiss. And in this case, some things are just better left untold. I think telling her would cause more problems than it should and may possibly (depending on her personality...if she wants to marry you, which she does from the sounds of it) blow it out of proportion.

[waytoodown]

I somewhat agree with what most people have been saying...if it was a one time thing that you'll never do again, it can cause more damage then what it's worth/what it means.

...Only thing is, if you don't tell her, from what I've seen ( my own relationship, my friends,...) if she never finds out it'll be okay, but if she ends up finding out somewhere down the road ( either by accident, if you can't stand the guilt anymore...) then it'll be worst then if you would have told her right now.

So as long as you don't feel too bad about it, I guess it's safe that you don't tell her about it.

But whatever happens, good luck!

[smiles21]

This is quite the familiar situation. I have some advice for you. I have been where you stand.

 

I dated my ex for 4 years, she was 17 when we met, and I was 19, I'm 23 now she's 21.

 

We are broken up again, its been 8 weeks NC on my part, I couldn't deal with fighting to get her back, she fell out of love.. enough about me.

 

Regardless of what the other posters said, about how her family doesn't matter, they DO matter. My ex's mother did not like me, for reasons still unknown to me.. I am very respectfull and kind, and treated her daughter very well. There were other issues, but the mother did not like me. And in my opinion ruined a lot of the relationship. My ex gave up her family at times for me, I never asked for that. But your GF's family will ALWAYS be her family. Talking about marriage at 20 is crazy in my opinion.

 

You need to figure out a way to please them, or fit in, or it wont work. She will always have to deal with her family, and as much as it hurts, she will be influenced by them. Blood is thicker than water.

 

As for not mentioning the kiss, that's dishonest. I know it may be hard, but it's seems wrong. And I'm not sure what I would do in your situation.

 

We broke up and got back together a few times, and her mom wouldn't accept me, even after trying to talk to her. I wish you the best, you may need to sit with your GF and decide what you both want in life, because if you aren't certain you have the same goals, it isn't going to work either.

 

I wish you the best, I've stood where you stand right now.

[yeawutever]

If it was just this one time innocent kiss and nothing beyond that, then I would say stick to keeping it in silence, besides you didn't even get her #, so don't worry that much. Just do make sure you control your drinkings or simply don't drink for a while.