matteroffact

shes getting better at that, ive been working hard for her to appreciate who i am more then what she wants me to be

i dont think i will tell her, it wasnt something i would do normally, if anything id flirt and then call it off knowing that if i wanted to i could but im a better person then that, but this really was largely influenced by alcohol, it was either fall off the bar stool or kiss this girl... so i dont think its worth it, and like a few of you have said, and my parents have told me in the past, these things can and do happen to alot of people. i just wonder about the greater meaning of it all, i dont have any inclination to break up with her, i just dont think i can fit into the box her family is trying to put me into.

just thought id drop in the fact we arent in college, she is graduated and works full time as do i, but in my business you have to start at the bottom and work to the top so its very important i put alot of myself into it. blah i feel like its all tied up in one big mess, like its all one large problem, and this was just another sign on the road we are heading down telling me this cant work.

my gf is out of town for the holidays, and i went out with my best friend, he was upset at his gf and me and him had always had similar personalities, that night we decided we should go have some drinks and just hang out. we get to the bar and many drinks i later, there is a girl there pretty much exactly the same as me as far as interests (works in same business, likes same music, clothes etc.) and we have a good time talking and we kiss, more then once through out the night, and then i send her in cab back to her place, i never got her number, i didnt want it. i have to say though i was drunk beyond belief. but i did find her very attractive, someone i personally never thought would think i was attractive. i feel bad about it now, my gf have had a rocky past, and shes cheated on me before etc. but i have never ever done this before. lately there seems to be alot of pressure from her and her family to think about marriage, and i feel as if they are trying to change me (our jobs and hobbies couldnt be more different) and my family is telling me to be more and more focused on what im doing with MY life and not hers. i feel like its all related somehow... i dont know i feel horrible, i am 20 years old, but weve been going out for so long. and i feel like i cant make her happy and now that ive done this there is no way i can be happy. i dont know what to do