just want answers

[mitch17]

ok im adopted from thailand and i currently live in asutralia, i was adopted when i was 4 and remember nothing of thailand nor my biological parents. i know nothing about them and the guardians i live with dont know anything or they hide information from me. its hard to live life without nkowing who ur real parents are or if they are even alive now. i have enough money to goto thailand when im 18 (next year) but i dont know if i will suffer more if i go there and find out the real reason why they left me or find out theyre dead. i dont know if i will cry to them for them to love me or smack them for dumping me.. should i leave it alone and live the life i have now which is a second chance to have a good life.. or should i goto the country where i was born and find out the truth even tho it will hurt??

[Sweetemma24]

Hi

 

having never come accross this situation before, in my eyes i would go find out the truth even if its bad, cos that way you wont be asking what if questions the rest of your life and who knows there may be a ton of different answers why they had to let you.

 

go for it at the end of the day you only have one life to live and its better to know the whole truth and not just half

good luck

[Beec]

hhhmmm, not sure. I can clearly understnad your desire to know. If you really want to know, fine, I think you have a right.

 

However, I think you should know how you might react before you go off and do it. You should not be smacking anyone, even if you might want to do so.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

You say you have enough money to go to thailand next year, but do you have enough to get back. I think you should save up a bit more money and make sure you can get out of there if you need to. But apart from that i would say go. Can you really go your whole life not knowing. Having questions in the back of your mind? I've never met my father and i know as soon as i can i'm gonna pay him a visit so i know what you mean bout the smacking then for dumping you. But let them talk it out first you never know what may have happened. If the worst comes to the worst and you find out bad news. Well then you can move on with the rest of your life. Knowing might hurt but at least you'll know what you have to get over. Not knowing will always be there...

 

Just my opinion though in the end you have to make this decision and we can't tell you what to do or how to live your life. As much as right now i bet you wish we could

[mitch17]

thanks heaps everyone for ur opinions, i think i will go and find out the truth, its hard to live life with questions that remain unanswered.

[Skippy]

my opinion is not to go to thailand until you have talked to your adopted parent about your biological parents and find out more. It would give you a good tarting point and will show them that you are getting to a point where you might be matured enough to handle what they MIGHT be keeping from you. If they are not hiding anything form you, it might be a good start to find out where to start searching for yor biological parents.

 

Good luck

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I'm glad you made a decision. Hope it all goes well for you! Goodluck.

[Calvin5]

Mitch

 

If I were you, after I found out who my parents were (and they're still alive) I'd monitor them for a few days and check out how they live.

Meanwhile I'd think really hard about how I introduced myself to them.

You may even decided to keep your identity concealed until you feel it's the right time; you never know how they may react to seeing a child they gave away returning to them.

[Ellie2006]

Mitch,

 

I agree w/ what Skippy says above: I think you should first discuss this matter with your adoptive parents. How do they feel about your search? Are they supportive? Are they feeling hurt by your search (and is this, perhaps, why they are not fully sharing all the information w/ you)?

 

Please do give a consideration to acknowledging your adoptive parents' feelings and their significance in your life.

 

That said: yes, try to get as much information from your adoptive parents as possible -- your birth parents' names, the adoption agency (both in Australia and in Thailand), and etc. etc.

 

THEN contact the adoption agency and see what information they can offer you BEFORE you leave for Thailand. Also see if they can connect you to their Thailand contact so that you will have someone to go to when and if you decide to go to Thailand. You do NOT want to be in a foreign country without anyone to turn to, especially if you do not speak the language.

 

Also, see if there is a support group for people in a similar situation as you and see if they are willing to help you in your search; in other words, someone who will give you help and support in the process of your search for your biological parents and after you arrive in Thailand.

 

Rozi makes a good point as well; make sure you have enough money to get there and come back should your first search turn out to be futile. I do not mean to sound negative (sorry) but you may not be able to locate your biological parents on your very first visit and it may take you a while to find them.

 

 

Visiting Thailand sounds great; perhaps even if on this particular trip you may or may not be able to find your biological parents, I think it would be a great opportunity to learn more about Thailand. And before you go, please be fully prepared -- financially, emotionally, etc etc -- for anything and everything.

 

My two cents worth.

 

Good luck to you!

[lovecrazy]

thanks heaps everyone for ur opinions, i think i will go and find out the truth, its hard to live life with questions that remain unanswered.

 

I have kind of the same situation going on...My father had two kids with different women before he married my mother, J my oldest sister, and M my brother. I never even knew I had a brother until my father died 13 years ago. Then it was sprung on me. Well last year I got the idea to find him, I called my cousin, and I got his number and we actually talk alot.

 

What I am tryign to say is that, I know what you are feeling but its only a small portion. If you dont do it, then you will regret it for the rest of your life. So save up enough money and go...remember things are really expenseive so save save and save...and good luck...

[TheyMustNeverKnow]

Well I don't know my real dad, he left mum when she was pregnant with me apparently (he was a bastard he tried to strangle her to death cuz she was pregnant... she was 19) and if I could go to wear he is I would first call him and ask him why then maybe meet him... in your situation I think you should try contact with them but if you cant i personally dont think you should go there... it could hurt you so bad you'll never recover.. some things are better left unknown!

[sonjam]

I’ve grown up without a Dad, and wanted to meet him when I grew up. My mom always pretended not to know anything about him, and I felt the same way you did Mitch. Then one day I decided, like you, to go out and find him.

 

Before I did I had a talk to my mom. She basically told me there is a reason you are growing up without him. First of all he obviously didn't want you (hence the adoption for you), second of all there was alcoholism and abuse - he abused us kids and my mom before he left (when I was 3). So she had to get a restraining order against him, but after I turned 16 he was free to contact me, if he so wished. He never did.

 

I still perused the idea of finding him. When I did I was horrified. He was a homeless drunk. He felt sorry for himself and had no interest in my feelings. He was a stranger to me. I felt no connection to him.

 

I know now, the things that makes a DAD is love, happiness, attention, respect, and the fact that a person takes part in raising your into the person you become. Any idiot with sperm can become a FATHER but that doesn’t mean anything in a person’s life.

 

Say thank you to your PARENTS, your mom and dad. They took it on themselves to love and care for you since you were a baby. Being somebody’s biological parents doesn’t mean anything if you never raised your child.

[langford]

Mitch,

I really encourage you to find your roots whatever the consequence,even if just means going to thailand and not meeting them at all.It's so important to know where you come from and to not become completely anglo-nized and forget,to lose one's heritage is a massive loss and your sense of indentity will otherwise be a bit dodgy.

 

Thailand is very close to oz and if you ask your parents about it i'm sure they'd give you some information on your parents or at least some help.

 

All the best.

[sonjam]

Finding your roots may be a very fulfilling experience for you, and might bring closure to your nagging concerns about your bio parents - Agreed

 

But what I'm trying to say is, don't push the people that raised you into the person that you are to the side.