How long do you wait for first time sex?

[BrokenHeart82]

I know this isnt an exact science..and im not looking for a number to base personal decisions on..but im curious

 

Provided things are going well...plenty in common, mutural attraction, feels right..how long do you guys and girls find yourself waiting before hittin the sheets?

[Beec]

I think you wait until the other person seems to be investing in the relationship, i.e. puts some time, thought and effort into it.

[luvursmile]

First time ever? or first time with someone new?

[amtjrtcet]

With my b/f I waited til we'd been together for 3 wks. I know that's not really long, but I don't regret it.

[Day_Walker]

As long as I need to in order to feel comfortable, now that could vary from person to person.

[Batya33]

I know this isnt an exact science..and im not looking for a number to base personal decisions on..but im curious

 

Provided things are going well...plenty in common, mutural attraction, feels right..how long do you guys and girls find yourself waiting before hittin the sheets?

 

Until we are exclusively dating with either sincere love or perhaps deep caring and potential for marriage - never earlier than two months and I usually wait longer - about 3-5 months.

 

I wait longer if it has been less than 6 months since he was with someone, for purposes of safety from STDs

[jengh]

i would USUALLY wait 3 months...but with my current boyfriend, we'd known each other for about a year, it was the second night we were "officially" a couple. Yeah, I know...WAY soon, right? But we've been together 9 months now.

[freedom]

Good grief!!!.. You shouldn't think like THAT!!

You do it when you are ready, not any sooner.

[rocio]

Good grief!!!.. You shouldn't think like THAT!!

You do it when you are ready, not any sooner.

 

took the words out of my mouth.

[sparkle1]

With my b/f I waited til we'd been together for 3 wks. I know that's not really long, but I don't regret it.

 

 

ROFL....

 

You done 2 weeks more then me then!

 

X

[shes2smart]

In theory that "waiting to have sex" thing always sounded like a very good idea.

 

In practice, though, I was never able to pull it off. Particularly when I was younger, I was a "burn my candle from both ends AND the middle" type. Even though I've mellowed some with age, I'm still an intensity junkie at heart.

 

Consequently, I may have a horror story or two or twelve more than the average person. At the same though, I don't particularly regret things I've done for the most part.....

[Batya33]

In theory that "waiting to have sex" thing always sounded like a very good idea.

 

In practice, though, I was never able to pull it off. Particularly when I was younger, I was a "burn my candle from both ends AND the middle" type. Even though I've mellowed some with age, I'm still an intensity junkie at heart.

 

Consequently, I may have a horror story or two or twelve more than the average person. At the same though, I don't particularly regret things I've done for the most part.....

 

Just curious - do you mean that you "couldn't" pull it off (waiting) or that you chose not to do what it took to wait, or abstain?

[applepie]

I slept with my first long term boyfriend the night I met him. It was EXCELLENT. I had so much fun.

 

I slept with the current guy I'm dating after a week, or a maybe a little bit less (6 days?). We messed around all night, but had sex the next morning at sunrise. Again, sooo much fun.

 

For me personally, I never understood the concept of waiting. If he didn't respect me afterward, then no hard feelings. He just wasn't the one for me. Honestly though, that hasn't come up with someone I actually liked. If I like him and he likes me for me, then it shouldn't matter.

 

I know I move fast physically, but that's just the way I am and probably always will be. I respect those who choose to wait forever and they should respect me.

[ImThatGirl]

It's a very much a personal decision. What works for one may not work for another.

 

Remember, that typically there is a honeymoon period - a period of time where you feel like you are really interested in someone and only able to see the good about them. During this period it is very possible that you are unable to "truly" determine if this is someone you can see yourself with in the distant future. Don't let the excitement rule your decision making.

 

As far as my experience goes, I've learned from it. I'll wait 6 months or longer in the future. Again, a matter of personal preference. I'd rather not share that until I know for (close to) sure that I really see a future with the person.

[shes2smart]

Just curious - do you mean that you "couldn't" pull it off (waiting) or that you chose not to do what it took to wait, or abstain?

 

I'd start off with the best of intentions, but when faced with the situation following through never seemed like the best course of action at the time.

 

I chose what I chose for a variety of reasons. Although, I suspect part of the problem was a prevailing societal attitude of "you should wait because you're female" raised my hackles a bit and had me going, "Oh, yeah? Says who?" I was very focused on my career and not at all focused on getting into/being in a relationship in my late teens/early 20's....so waiting for a relationship to develop first didn't make much sense to me since I didn't want a relationship anyway.

 

I also have a history of either being REALLY interested in someone or not interested at all. I can recall very few instances where it wasn't a sort of all-or-nothing proposition. Again, it's the extremes of an intensity junkie.

 

While I wouldn't recommend the path I took to anyone else, for the most part I don't regret that I took it. Yeah, I made a lot of mistakes, but I believe I learned well from them and learned to thrive in spite of and because of some of the not-so-great decisions I made when I was younger. I used to work for a guy who had a little plaque in his office with these words wisdom:

 

"Good Judgment comes from Experience.

Experience comes from Bad Judgment."

 

Now, if I had hit my mid-30's and was still doing the same reckless things I was doing in college, there might be a problem...but that wasn't the case. I still tended to move quickly when it came to sexual relationship...but, I had become much pickier about who I'd find myself interested in. The "being really interested" list was insanely short.

 

Ultimately, I think I did pretty well with the choices I made, the resulting consequences, and a bit of luck. To me, that just goes to show that it's not so much the circumstances of one's life (I'm sure in some people's world view, I did everything "wrong"), but it's more the attitude one has toward those events that are a major determinant of one's overall enjoyment/satisfaction with one's life.

[freedom]

She2smart???

are you single..??

[freedom]

The whole idea about waiting blah blah blah...

 

You do it when you are ready. No one can tell you when and if they do it is really poor character.

 

Everyone has their own way of approaching this. It is all abut you and there SHOULD NOT be any fixed schedule.

If yo think that you want to know the person better before having sex with him/her it isnt called 'waiting', it is called watching out for ones self which is a damn good thing with STD;s such as AID's floating out there.

[shes2smart]

She2smart???

are you single..??

 

Nope. Incredibly happily married to quite possibly the coolest guy in the world. Met him when I was 37 and he was 26, chatted online for a few weeks, had sex on the first date, he proposed a week after that and we got married less than a year after we first met. Granted, it doesn't work that way for most people, nor should anyone expect it to.

 

Unlike most folks here, relationship angst did not bring me to enotalone. I stumbled into this site quite by accident following links on random blogs at Xanga.

[CharLit]

1st boyfriend: 3 months, he was my first.

 

2nd & current partner: 5 days - Hey, we found out that we'd been in love with each other and unaware the other felt the same way for SIX MONTHS... i'm surprised we didn't tear off each others' clothes on the spot

 

I don't have any rules about it for myself, and I hope never to be with anyone other than my love ever again, so I don't need to set any.

[DMXtreme]

Met a girl last thursday, went on 2 dates, the second last night, we had another great conversation, had sex 3 times, so 12 days. My ex and I waited a week.. come to think about it the longest I ever had to wait was 2 weeks

 

 

 

 

But you will know when the time is right, chemistry and maturity/experience level is also key

[Lily04]

Well since I am still a virgin...not that experienced, I'd like to wait until I really know the person, can trust him & am comfortable. So... probably about a month, but honestly who knows how long that will be?

 

There were a few guys I met while clubbing or randomly who I felt a strong sexual attraction to, and could have done it that night though.....but I think just because I am a virgin it is difficult for me. If I weren't, I would be more free with this sorta stuff and if I felt a strong physical, emotional and sexual attraction to him, I could probably do it after one night.