Fiance and porne

[inlovewithhim]

My fiance watches porn on the internet he has never lied to me about it, and he knows it makes me upset that he watches it yet he continues. Lastnight I wanted to spend time with him and he would have rathered go on the net and look at porn. This is causing huge tension in our relationship. We have tried to talk about it he just says "that's just what men do". I have offered to film myself for him and i had taken pictures of myself for him but that didnt work. He says he is never going to stop looking at porn and for me to just get over it. I am trying but i cant, I am sure its my insecurity, although he does tell me how attractive i am ......ect. ..ect........., but i just cant seem to get over it. any ideas?????

[Batya33]

Depends on whether it is a dealbreaker for you personally - only you can decide. It is definitely not what "all (straight) men" do - and depending on the degree of it it likely would be a dealbreaker for me. I would never take photos of myself because you never know where they can turn up.

[BrokenHeart82]

Personally I think the problem here lies in you feeling that he is choosing the porn over you..and really it is.

Most men do enjoy pornography....and so do many women! However...to leave you in a room and go "play" on the internet is a little cheesy and disrespectful.

Perhaps a compromise to strike would be that he be more discreet about his porn habit and not so blatantly check it out while youre in the vicinity.

[Beec]

Lastnight I wanted to spend time with him and he would have rathered go on the net and look at porn.

 

Now, him looking is something that you mgiht just have to accept. He's right in that men look. It's really got little if anything to do with you.

 

But, I quoted the above for a reason, it seems in what you said here it is getting in the way. It's not so much that he looked, it's that he picked it over you. This should be a big problem.

 

Maybe you should give a little on the porn itself issue, maybe you allow it without complaint at the right time. If you told him, OK, but only ___, he'd probably appreciate you more, not less. But when it comes before you, he really should know he has crossed a line in the sand. I'd let him know that the next time this happened, it would have serious repercussions, or maybe you just leave.

[arwen]

But, I quoted the above for a reason, it seems in what you said here it is getting in the way. It's not so much that he looked, it's that he picked it over you. This should be a big problem.

 

I agree. I don't really know if my bf watches it when we are apart during the week, and that is because if so, it has never interfered with his passion for me or the time he wants to spend with me. The issue is that you feel he chooses to do this when you clearly said you wanted to spend time together.

 

ilse

[Dako]

I'd flinch at being asked to change this early in the relationship.

Beec is so right.

 

I'm a believer in giving a guy some slack so it's not a matter of "If you love me, you'll change".

 

That said, if he chooses porn over time wth you this early, I'd assume you're headed for a troubling marriage. I'd consider what ten years of neglect might feel like.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone.

 

It is true, many men do watch porn, as do women. In fact, porn accounts for 1% of the pages on the internet (and I think it may be even more than that!) Porn is the internet's biggest business, so there are clearly lots of people who are doing it.

 

Porn does not bother me as long as my partner is not neglecting me or choosing porn over me. ie, if I am out of town or studying and my partner wants to watch porn, not a problem. If he is spending all of his money on it, losing time at work, or is choosing porn over real intimacy with me? Big problem.

 

I think a lot of men aren't watching the women so much as the sex act itself. humans like variety, so just because he watches it doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive.

 

however, it's not ok that he went in the other room to watch porn instead of spending time with you.

 

how is your relationship outside of this? is he good to you, or can be selfish in other ways?

[darkblue]

Simple:

 

If it hurts you that much, and he won't change - leave him.

 

First of all, ask him how he thinks it makes you feel, and how he would feel if you searched up pictures of other men.

 

Maybe you are simply incompatible because of his high sex drive.

 

Take care.

[Bethany]

I agree with the others. If he chooses porn over you, then you need to choose someone else over him. That is so disrespectful, he doesn't even deserve you.

[flower99]

That said, if he chooses porn over time wth you this early, I'd assume you're headed for a troubling marriage. I'd consider what ten years of neglect might feel like.

 

I completely agree.

Welcome to the rest of your life!Take this as a warning sign. This isn't something that will go away & he's told you that he won't change regardless of your feelings towards it.

Don't marry someone hoping things will change. It's been proven by MANY relaitonship it doesn't work. Take this seriously.

Sure you could cut him some slack or find a way to dismiss your feelings for awhile...but it will all come back. Because this is who he is & You know what you want & are comfortable with. Don't settle for less than you desire for yourself & your life & your marriage (I fully understand your feelings & have been there)

Like Dako said, picture your life 10 years down the road. You're heading for a troubling marriage. This is something I'm afraid will haunt your marriage.

 

You deserve someone who cherishs you. And puts you & your feelings before others...ESPECIALLY nude women on the internet. Don't settle.

Take this as a warning sign. And do yourself a favor, and get out of this.

I wish you happiness***

[Dako]

For what it's worth, I suspect guys with LOW sex drives go for porn when they have a living breathing woman to love, or else they're with a woman that doesn't turn them on.

 

That's just my opinion, so please porn guys, don't bother flaming me.. I'm sure you are all ubermanly and know I'm dead wrong one this. Peace.

 

I was married for a loonnnng time and never got into porn because up until the end of my marriage, it was all about pleasing my wife.