Does age really matter?

[CarnelianButterfly]

Yeah, but Bent you're 44 yo "I ain't gunna grow up" is so much more interesting and mature that the 25 yo "I ain't gunna grow up". You at least have weathered responsibility and life, they are just so stuck on them selves to find there's a heck of a lot more world past the end of their nose.

[Daddy Bear]

thanks, CB; and i don't want anyone to misunderstand: my mind has kept pace with chronological growth. what i have kept through all these long years, to honor that promise to myself, is that wide-eyed little Minnesota boy's heart. bring on the demons, let them kick me again and again... i don't care. no matter what happens, this heart will never, ever grow cold and hard.

 

(yippee!)

[Dako]

Dang, Bently, You have a knack for words.

I'm still waiting to become "dirty" but no such luck. I must be a late bloomer. The mirror is my main clue that I'm not a kid.

[Daddy Bear]

i think stodgy old codgers are a thing of the past, Dako-san. i mean, just look at the Rolling Stones.

 

well, don't LOOK at them, but think about it...

[Dako]

That mirror thing...

 

I recall posting about once being attracted to a lady over 70, and being met by disbelief. Maybe I'm from another planet.

[gnabna]

this is going to sound double minded but not so much that at all as it is my own junk-

 

i am attaracted to older men as well as men in my age range. pretty much i am just a fan of men! but i am bigger fan of guys that are older then me, it is just a good fit for me personaly.

 

now let me make this clear once again this is my deal and not at all a judgement call- i cheer on any and all women that are secure enough to date a younger man. however for me personaly while i might be attracted to a younger guy and would possibly date him now- in the long term i really don't think i could get past the age factor. while i am very secure in my appearance now, i would worry that as time went on 15-20 years down the road that the age gap would be a much bigger deal.

 

now i know that i find the salt & pepper hair and the matured lines on a man attractive but on me how is the gentleman going to feel?? so there ya go- in some respects i think age can matter but only to the individual not as whole.

[Dako]

My roomie's wife is much older than him, and recently stopped coloring her hair after many years. It's salt-and-pepper and she looks so much more genuine and attractive because of it. She's looking good at 59.

[charley]

Come to think of it, I am immature. Just the fact that I've never been married or had kids makes me immature for my age with regard to relationships.

 

By contrast, women my age are typically married, or divorced with teenage kids.

 

I had a thought about the value of experience. It does have value as we all know. However, it also has some drawbacks. As a person has more experience over time, they also collect more baggage. Be it emotional baggage, teenage kids, which I'm not ready to deal with, X-spouses, etc.

 

Less experience also has it's advantages. A fresh new perspective, the excitement of things being new, less baggage, etc. The new perspective and excitement is contagious and can be shared by their partner. The less baggage can also be appreciated. FYI - I don't consider young children to be baggage. To me they are fun and wonderful.

 

Actually, a nice mix between experience and inexperience can be attractive to me and I often see that mix in women 25 to 30, but also sometimes in women younger or older. I also am a mix and that might appeal to some women. I don't think that people have to be on the same level, or exactly the same stage of life, but it does help a lot if they are. I think they do need to be at least similar in expectations, which probably requires a similar stage of life.

[PhilliesFan001]

I think age matters in only two situations:

 

(1) One person is underage; or

(2) The people's lifestyles or future plans don't match up (ex: one is in school not looking for seriousness, one wants kids and one doesn't, etc). Same as any same-age relationship.

 

For an AGR to work, just like any other relationship, you need to be in a similar place, or at least be able to compromise and cohabitate if you aren't. You need to have things in common and things that attract you to one another. You need to work at the relationship, especially if the age gap is significantly large and requires extra care and effort.

 

I'm 18, nearly 19, and my boyfriend is 25, nearly 26.

 

Whenever I read about a woman dating an older man or vice versa I have noticed most people say "Because they're more mature." I must be weird, because maturity is not the reason I chose my boyfriend.

 

We just became friends and clicked because we had similar interests in so many things--music, movies, sports, hobbies, likes/dislikes, etc. We could carry on convos forever and I never once felt like he was 7 years older. And I had the added bonus of not having to worry about him wanting to settle down prematurely. We're both on the same page for the future and have discussed it at great length. We're both comfortable with the fact that I've got 2 years of Uni left and don't want to be married yet. He, too, doesn't want marriage or children until his thirties. So, that works nicely.

 

I don't generally gravitate towards older guys; usually I stay within 1-2 years of my own age. But this isn't a conscious choice. I don't go out actively looking for men my age, and I don't go out looking for older men. I just date whomever appeals to me.

 

In this case, it was a 25 year old that I love very much. And, c'est la vie.

[AwdreeHpburn]

My roomie's wife is much older than him, and recently stopped coloring her hair after many years. It's salt-and-pepper and she looks so much more genuine and attractive because of it. She's looking good at 59.

 

oooooohhh that's refreshing to hear and I hope its true - that people really think that.

 

I have been going grey since I was about 17 or so. It's just genetic but I'm only 33 right now and if I didn't color, I would easily look 20 years older.

 

Obviously there's nothing wrong with 53 but I'm not there, yet. Maybe when I'm 70 I'll stop coloring......but I doubt it.

[Dako]

Delilah,

I met my ex when she was 20 and I was about 26. Whatever age difference faded quickly over a long marriage. It was never an issue.

[truthbetold]

These kinds of questions always seem to depend on the person. I am 20 and have a 30 yr old boyfriend. I always liked older men though and I don't know why I almost refuse to date anyone younger than me because to me it seems their maturity level is too young. Occasional things will come up with an age gap relationship. (You can find people who are not willing to accept it, or the older person might accidently make the younger feel younger.) The worst I got was an old friend of his asking if I were his daughter! It was an awkward moment, but I'm 20 and could pass for a 12yr old if I wanted to, I have before, and my b/f is 30 but he's already really salt n peppered (because he starting greying young) and so he could pass for a few years older than he is. The age thing doesn't personally matter to me, and I definitely don't look at him as a father figure. It really depends on the person and what you and your partner can tolerate from other people. Everyone is different and has their own opinion

[PhilliesFan001]

Delilah,

I met my ex when she was 20 and I was about 26. Whatever age difference faded quickly over a long marriage. It was never an issue.

 

That's good to know, thank you

[hosswhispra]

I prefer someone who is -/+ 5 years....nothing more.

 

It gets kinda pedophilic for me when someone 20+ years (usually it's been 30 years) hits on me. That gives me a nauseous feeling, quite honestly.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Could people please stop calling relationships between different age ADULTS pedophilia! Pedophiles prey on children, not adults. Large age gaps may not be something you would personally do, but DO NOT compare it to a deviate sexual behavior. Adults, even if they are young adults, are still adults, they are capable of making their own choices and can decide to be with whom ever they choose. It is not a sexual predator coercing or forcing a child to preform sex acts, it is two adults consenting to a relationship.

[paulm]

I ran into this problem but in the reverse - was seeing a woman who was about 9 years older than me (I'm 24). After a while, the age thing became an issue with her - she was a career woman, but was thinking about the possibility of children, family and so on. Biological clock was ticking. In the end, it didn't work out (much to my regret) due to the age difference. In the future I'll avoid women significantly older than myself.

 

I will add that the age difference made things very interesting. I'm a bit more mature for my age, and I think the maturity match is what made the relationship great.

[shes2smart]

I ran into this problem but in the reverse - was seeing a woman who was about 9 years older than me (I'm 24). After a while, the age thing became an issue with her - she was a career woman, but was thinking about the possibility of children, family and so on. Biological clock was ticking. In the end, it didn't work out (much to my regret) due to the age difference. In the future I'll avoid women significantly older than myself.

 

I will add that the age difference made things very interesting. I'm a bit more mature for my age, and I think the maturity match is what made the relationship great.

 

Based just on what you've said here, I would suggest to you that the problem wasn't necessarily the age difference but a mismatch in relationship goals.

 

If she had been the same age as you (+/- 2 years, give or take) and been wanting to start a family right then, could you have seen yourself staying together and starting a family?

 

If you would've broken up in that hypothetical situation, then the real issue was that she wanted kids -- and/or the timing of having them (sooner rather than later)....not the age difference.

 

Having been in several age gap relationships (both with men significantly older AND significantly younger than myself, inlcuding being married to someone 11 years my junior), it's been my experience that having similar relationship goals as your partner is a better indicator of the longevity of the relationship than the age gap. I'd suggest to you screening potential mates on that parameter (similar relationship goals) might be more useful than automatically disqualifying someone you're interested in based on age alone.

 

BTW, I'm 42 and never wanted kids. I don't doubt that some women have that biological clock stuff happen, but I haven't heard so much as one tick-tock.

[hosswhispra]

Could people please stop calling relationships between different age ADULTS pedophilia! Pedophiles prey on children, not adults. Large age gaps may not be something you would personally do, but DO NOT compare it to a deviate sexual behavior. Adults, even if they are young adults, are still adults, they are capable of making their own choices and can decide to be with whom ever they choose. It is not a sexual predator coercing or forcing a child to preform sex acts, it is two adults consenting to a relationship.

 

I should have been more clear, CB. This happened to me when I was 16 and on the racetrack...so I was almost an adult but not quite 18. It was with a boss of mine. So it was probably sexual harassment.