Does age really matter?

[charley]

I find your post really interesting because I remember having the same experience. Noticing younger women sometimes liking me and at first I was wondering if I was mistaken. Then realizing some of them really did like me. Then wondering if that was acceptable for me to return it. Then I did what I typically do when in doubt. I asked each of my friends of various ages their opinion about it.

 

I have more women friends than men, but men also. My friends range in age from 17 to 80 with most being from 21 to 40. Guess what.

 

The guys of all ages said go "get 'em". I was skeptical.

 

I asked my gal friends. Guess what. My younger lady friends said things like age doesn't matter. It only matters how you feel about each other and how you get along, etc. The middle age gals said "go get 'em" exactly like the guys had told me. The gals in their 50s to 80 said exactly the same thing the younger gals had said.

 

Also, I thought back to being 23 and having a 36 year old girlfriend who was awesome. She was really good to me and for me. She made a lasting positive impression on my life that is still with me.

 

So after thinking about all of the above, I was then good with the idea of it. However, the next step was harder. Actually asking a gal out. That's not easy since I was very shy. When I was younger, they asked me out (occasionally), but at my current age, I've got to do the asking now. I've gradually reduced my shyness by practice over 5 months and I am now ready.

 

I would advise you to find out how old they are. Asking their age is not very smooth and may be rude. Instead, ask them where they went to school. Then, "Oh ya, when did you graduate?" or something equivalent. That way you can verify they are not to young.

 

For example, I know a gal who looks 16, but is 26. I know another who looks 19, but is 26. I know another who looks 25, but is 17. Some investigative questions are necessary to avoid potential embarrassment or worse.

 

In closing, I'd like to add that life experience does matter and as one poster said, there are some things that are only learned over time with experience. So what's the problem with that? Nothing, IMO. I think this difference in experience and perspective makes it more exciting and interesting for both people.

[Juha]

In my travels age is more often not important as long as 2 poeple get along, like each other, and have a connection....

 

ALthough here in the U.S. age matters more than anywhere I have seen...

 

For example:

In Europe and S. America women are much more open to being with older men and alot actually prefer it...It is not odd to see a 40 year old man with a 22 year old woman and the thing I noticed is a 22 year old woman in Europe or S. America is much more mature than here in the U.S....

 

Here in the states the same woman would have no interest in a 40 year old or a 30 year old for that matter...The women here are much more immature and age worried than anywhere else...I am not saying every woman here is just ovreall that is how I have seen it...

 

I have seen a 28 year old woman like talking and hanging out with a man and when the age thing comes up she loses interest and he was only 36 years...

 

Now there are plenty on younger women older men couples and vice versa but compared to the rest of the world it is a much bigger issue for the women...

 

The other thing is when a younger woman likes an older man the older man, because of how the society is here in the U.S. is usdure if he should pursue her or not...He feels he will be looked down upon as creep or lech...

 

Don't mean to offend anyone just stating my observations...

 

Good subject by the way....

[charley]

Here in the states the same woman would have no interest in a 40 year old or a 30 year old for that matter...The women here are much more immature and age worried than anywhere else...I am not saying every woman here is just ovreall that is how I have seen it...

 

I have seen a 28 year old woman like talking and hanging out with a man and when the age thing comes up she loses interest and he was only 36 years...

 

Your post is well informed and I mostly agree. However, I'd like to respectfully disagree with a couple things. US society has loosened up a lot in the last 10 to 15 years. I do know many younger gals in their 20s who show no interest in me, or likely any middle age guy. However, I also know many who don't care about age, and a few who even prefer older men.

 

My best friend is a 31 year old woman who's told me many times that she prefers older men. I said really? Then she said, "Yes, but you're not old enough for me." I'm 38. She told me she likes guys from 45 to 50 and she's serious because she's dated a couple of them since I've known her. I recently met another gal who looked 23, but turned out to be 28. She is beautiful, smart, successful, and a local professional woman. I wanted to ask her out, but she told me she has a boyfriend. I met him. He is 47. I'm in the middle, halfway between their ages.

 

So I know darn well that many USA women don't care about age and some prefer older men. The gals who like me are typically 24 to 26. The gals my own age seldom pay me any attention because they usually prefer older guys, typically 5 to 10 years older and sometimes much more.

 

However, I do agree with you that the age-gap relationships in the USA are typically kept within closer age differences than in the rest of the world. I think it's typically within 15 years in the USA. Within 10 years is considered similar-age in the USA, according to what I've read in several places. Outside the USA, I think that 15 to 20 year gaps are common. Regardless of local norms, I think people should be free to be with who they want.

[shygirl79]

Here the subject has been of older men, but what do you all think about older women dating younger men. I know I know Ashton and Demi, but really what is your opinion? Say the girl is 27 and he is a mature 20? What do you all think about that?

[Dako]

I know a 45 y/o who married a 65 y/o and they had a fine marriage.

Sure, folks over 40 are of little interest , but it was cool to see.

 

Why is the younger person often labelled "mature."

Is that like an "articulate" basketball star?

A way to mitigate their youth?

[shygirl79]

in the aforementioned case I wasnt trying to mitigate youth. I only used it as an adjective to signal that in this scenario the male wasnt the typical 20 y.o. male who is carefree and doesnt have a worry in the world. I just wanted to portray a male who has it together and has a sophistication beyond the norm for a male that age.

[Dako]

I'm sorry that seemed like a reaction to your post. It wasn't.

 

I was actually thinking of all the posts here that do that.

Almost every guy dating a younger woman feels compelled to mention her maturity.

When a couple is of similar age, it's seldom mentioned.

Call me pedantic.

[shygirl79]

Dako~ Its all good!!

[Caterina]

Experience breeds maturity, usually. Being as "mature" as someone who is much older is an anomoly. Hence, the need to feel that it be mentioned if someone is dating someone much younger then they are.

 

 

As far as younger people go, I personally like 2 year olds. 2 year olds are my favorite. Wow, too bad that pedophiles add an element to the joke that makes it scarier then its supposed to be.

[charley]

Here the subject has been of older men, but what do you all think about older women dating younger men. I know I know Ashton and Demi, but really what is your opinion? Say the girl is 27 and he is a mature 20? What do you all think about that?

 

I think it's socially fine. Don't worry about that. Most people wouldn't care. If anyone did care, so what? Envy might be the most likely response of others. Experience levels don't need to be equal. A difference might even be exciting for both people. Don't over analyze this. Do you like each other? Are you attracted to each other? If yes to both, then it doesn't matter what anyone else says. Follow your heart.

 

It could prove to be a very sweet and loving relationship with or without sex. If considering sex, then consider this: sexually, I think it'd be dynamite. Think about it. He's in his prime and will be for about 5 more years and you are just entering your prime and you will be at your peak for the next 10 to 15 years.

 

I notice that your name is ShyGirl. I'm a bit shy myself, but becoming less so. However, I'd like to point out that my shyness is limited to women I'm attracted to and no one else. I am interested in hearing other's opinions, but no one outside my closest friends is important enough to determine my behavior. What I'm trying to say is this: Gather opinions, but in the end, only the opinion of you, the guy, and those closest to you in your life matters. The rest of us may contribute our opinions since you asked, but none of us can or should tell you what to do. You decide. Be true to yourself.

[charley]

As far as younger people go, I personally like 2 year olds. 2 year olds are my favorite. Wow, too bad that pedophiles add an element to the joke that makes it scarier then its supposed to be.

 

I don't see the humor. I don't think anyone in this thread posted anything inappropriate that I saw. I don't think that there is any justification for using the word "pedophiles" in an age-gap thread where nothing of the kind was said. The moderator is going to allow that? Maybe I just don't get your joke? Maybe you didn't mean it that way? Am I missing something here?

 

I just observed that 11-15-2006 to 11-16-2006 is the International Day of Tolerance. Could we show some tolerance for age-gap couples? Some sensitivity?

 

If I misunderstood you, then I will apologize and delete or moderate this post. If I did understand you correctly, then perhaps you should apologize? What was your explicit and implicit intent of your post? Do you see how someone might interpet it negatively?

[lost1607307474]

I think once you hit 18-20, age isn't really a big deal.

[charley]

Perhaps I should better explain why I was offended by that joke. She's using a joke to make an analogy that the older person in an age-gap relationship is equivalent to a pedophile, and the younger person is equivalent to an immature, helpless 2 year old. I think that insults both people.

 

That is the analogy she appears to have made. My question is whether she made it accidentally or intentionally.

 

Her joke is the equivalent of making a racial joke and then saying, "No offense intended. It's just a joke." Except in this case, the butt of the joke is age-gap couples.

 

Does this better explain why I find the joke offensive?

 

OK, I won't mention this again and I might moderate it substantially or delete it depending on response.

[Daddy Bear]

if dying at around the same time as your partner is vitally important to you, then more power. in my case, though, i don't seem to have that much in common socially with women my age or above (almost all of my male friends are 30 and under, by the way). if i was to dwell on my reservations about entering into an age gap relationship, i might just talk myself into living and dying alone. i'm not sure that would be good.

[Dako]

Bently,

 

And the shame would be that nobody really cares if you date younger women, except you and them. Well, maybe in Peoria...

[vandgsmom]

no comment... except

[Daddy Bear]

Bently,

 

And the shame would be that nobody really cares if you date younger women, except you and them. Well, maybe in Peoria...

 

well, my 26-year-old daughter might have something to say about having a potential MIL (not that i'm currently marriage-minded) around her own age.

 

as the wise man once said, though: "you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself."

[Dako]

back atcha, young thing!

[charley]

I do not have any personal animosities against anyone. I do occasionally make an objection if some statement seems grossly unfair or insulting to anyone, be it myself or others. However, when I make such an objection, it's an objection to something said or an idea put forth that seems to put others down. I don't like put downs or perceived put downs. If I have ever put anyone down, I apologize. I do not object to any individual person and I wish everyone well.

 

I hope that any disagreements that occurred within this thread can be left within this thread with no hard feelings. I especially hope that no disagreements are carried over to other threads. It should be left here.

 

To Bikjj: I congratulate you on starting a very popular thread, which I think is also informative.

[Caterina]

I don't see the humor. I don't think anyone in this thread posted anything inappropriate that I saw. I don't think that there is any justification for using the word "pedophiles" in an age-gap thread where nothing of the kind was said. The moderator is going to allow that? Maybe I just don't get your joke? Maybe you didn't mean it that way? Am I missing something here?

 

I just observed that 11-15-2006 to 11-16-2006 is the International Day of Tolerance. Could we show some tolerance for age-gap couples? Some sensitivity?

 

If I misunderstood you, then I will apologize and delete or moderate this post. If I did understand you correctly, then perhaps you should apologize? What was your explicit and implicit intent of your post? Do you see how someone might interpet it negatively?

 

Perhaps I should better explain why I was offended by that joke. She's using a joke to make an analogy that the older person in an age-gap relationship is equivalent to a pedophile, and the younger person is equivalent to an immature, helpless 2 year old. I think that insults both people.

 

That is the analogy she appears to have made. My question is whether she made it accidentally or intentionally.

 

Her joke is the equivalent of making a racial joke and then saying, "No offense intended. It's just a joke." Except in this case, the butt of the joke is age-gap couples.

 

Does this better explain why I find the joke offensive?

 

OK, I won't mention this again and I might moderate it substantially or delete it depending on response.

 

I think that the tone of your post is incredibly rude. I don't know why you think its okay to attack me, perhaps because of the last thread you were in with me, but its not okay. I don't appreciate your comment about needing a moderator because I expressed my opinion.

Age gap relationships are a touchy subject because obviously some of the issues with age-gaps can be abused.

Its obvious that some men/women go out with younger people specifically so that they can control/manipulate them or because they have youthful, virile bodies. This is not always the case and it would be unfair to say it is ...but to ignore it as though it isn't there is wrong. In extremely patriarchal nations, one factor that seems to correlate more then it would in more equal countries is the age gap situation where men are much older then the women they marry.

As far as me comparing older men to pedophiles, spare me. I would not make such a ridiculous comparison. You jumped to conclusions...I can see how someone could see me trying to say that but that would be realllly stretching it. I specifically said that the element of the joke that is scary shouldn't be there. Pedophiles are the scary element.

I personally find the whole trend with much older men hitting their mid-life crisis and dating younger women somewhat (if not fully) pathetic and I'm not afraid to say so.

Its interesting that you mention tolerance because you obviously don't have much tolerance for certain opinions. Or humor for that matter.

Also, do not expect any more responses from me unless you drastically change your tone to something more diplomatic.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I personally find the whole trend with much older men hitting their mid-life crisis and dating younger women somewhat (if not fully) pathetic and I'm not afraid to say so.

I think that's pretty judgmental. Why is it pathetic for them to seek companions they find desirable and attractive? They are mid-life, but they aren't dead. I was told by an older man, he likes younger women because women his age don't see life the same way, they were still wonderful women, but the lacked the perspective of youth.

 

I think judging some one by their age is wrong. People don't need to be on this planet the same number of years to understand each other or even to have sex with each other. Once a person is old enough or aware enough to care for themselves they have every right to decide with whom the associate and relate.

[charley]

My preference for younger women is a reaction to a fair portion of them preferring me or other guys my age. I then also oberved that many younger women are very intelligent, some are smarter than I am, and I'm pretty darn smart. Some of them are also very mature and capable. I just recently met a 26 year old lady with a law degree. She's no helpless 2 year old. I also know three other young ladies in their early and mid twenties who are literally certified geniuses. I totally respect them. I don't think they'd appreciate being compared to a 2 year old. Actually, it's the extra smart younger ladies who I like best and often they are the ones who like me best. Not always, but reasonably often.

 

I think part of the attraction for me is respect for their brains and appreciation for the fact that they usually don't have grudges against men like some women my age and older do. So I'm not being gigged for something some other guy or ex-husband did in the past that I had nothing to do with.

 

Also, women my own age very often think I'm to young or immature for them. They typically like men at least 5 years older than me, and often much older.

 

So look at my situation. Women my age usually not usually interested in me, or married, or divorced with teenage kids. I'm not ready to be a father to a teenager until after I get some experience being a father to younger kids. Younger women often interested in me, may or may not have kids, but if they do they are younger kids whom I can easily bond with.

 

Add to that how mentally impressive and accomplished some younger women are, plus I find many of them to be very sweet people with wonderful personalities.

 

In conclusion, they're also darn good looking. Why wouldn't I want them, especially if it's mutual?

 

I say all of the above with respect for women of all ages, zero guilt, and no apology for liking younger women. I owe that confidence to my local platonic lady friends who are younger, my age, and older all the way to 80. Everyone of them told me age-gap relationships are fine if we like each other and treat each other with respect.

[Daddy Bear]

Caterina, i got your joke and i don't see anything wrong with it. in my view, it shouldn't have been necessary for you to have to explain it.

 

having said that, however, i do find an element of offensiveness in your argument that men who are dating younger women are in "crisis" and that these relationships are "pathetic". what you fail to acknowledge is that the women in these AGRs are there voluntarily. they love their men. for people to be clucking their tongues at these couples and calling them names strikes me as more than a little close-minded and intolerant.

 

as i said in a previous post, i just don't fit in well with the 40-ish crowd. believe me, i've tried, but it's just no damn good. i'm into techno and SOAD and painting the town red like a sailor on shore leave. i'd be thrilled to find a female companion who shared these loves and who also remembers the Carter years, but so far i haven't met a single one. what would you have me do, just say, "oh, well, i'm an anachronistic freak," and nail my doors and windows shut? sorry, not my style.

[Dako]

Bently,

I've met very few women my age and they just don't seem into my interests either. Nice ladies, but they sometimes treat me like an irresponsible child. They may be right.

[Daddy Bear]

oh, yeah. in my case, it's definitely me and not them. i probably SHOULD act like a middle-aged man, but.. i dun wanna. i promised myself when i was a kid watching my dad sitting under the backyard crabapple tree, sipping lemonade and listening to Nixon speeches on the radio, that i would never be like him.

 

midlife crisis? HA! i haven't ever grown up, and i ain't gunna.