My first date EVER in my life at 36(maybe)???(update)

[quietgrl]

Yeah.. I kind of agree with Squarewheel but, I think you should be having fun just to enjoy your life in general, with, or without a guy. I agree thought that your attitude seems very negative and I am SURE that comes through when interacting with guys...

 

I find it very hard to believe that every guy you have ever talked to has wanted just sex from you. Try to make some guy friends even. Even if you have to make it clear you aren't interested in dating them. What about female friends? Do you have a large social circle?

 

I don't understand how every guy who meets you would want "just sex".

 

 

Lansing,

 

A member on this board ask me out on a date but when he found out i wasn't going to give him sex(he read my threads).The date was cancel.He's now on to another member on this board because that woman willing to give him sex.

Lansing the last time i had offline "friends" was in 1987 in High school.I don't have any friends now.People in general don't give me the time of day so i go from home to work and say by myself.The wrold doesn't want me so i say by mself or do things by myself

AGAIN.I put on this stupid act offline and Nobody knows i have no friends,virgin or never had a boyfriend. MEN DON"T WANT ME

[quietgrl]

Baysa,

 

I love post like yours because this time.I want people who posts these comments to prove me wrong. point blank!!!!.Everytime people give me these type of post. It's your negative vibe and you choice to live this way QG.You guys post and run off.Well not this time if i'm wrong (oh gosh i've waited 16 years to be proven wrong)show me these "GOOD" single men who want to date men.I'm free this weekend but Nobody can produce these "good" men who wants to date me. I rest my case.

 

Yes i am force to choice this lifestyle .I can ask every man on this earth on a date but if no man say yes.I can't experience dating or having a bf. The choice is out of my hands and yes i have every right to blame half of the decision on other people.

[Lansing]

Well.... I know for a FACT that you are wrong that all guys are looking for sex. Because, personally, I am not. I would date a girl that didn't want to have sex until marriage or until she was in a commited relationship.

 

I am more concerned that you don't have any "offline" friends. How do you explain that females don't want to be your friend? I think you need to work on that more than finding a boyfriend. I don't want to put you in a worse state of mind, but, you can't explain away girls not wanting to be your friend by saying you won't have sex with them, so, they ran off.

 

I think you should be looking at what you might be doing to push people away. Maybe you are afraid to get close to people in general and are coming up with excuses to push people away....

 

Hopefully this doesn't come accross as too "critical" but, I think if you really want to have happiness in life you need to "reframe" your thinking...

[quietgrl]

lansing,

 

The reason why i don't have offline friend is because i mostly befriend emotional unavailable people.People who don't give me my wants and need so i chase these people and hoping one day.These people will give me my wants and needs. What i'm realizing now i angry for waiting for people to change.I never meet a person who was emotional available towards me.

I'm happy when i don't have friends or men around me but it's not healthy .i thought thinks would finally change for me but nothing has change. People are still the same. Nobody wants a good friend or woman or i wouldn't be alone now.Men keep saying i want a good woman but it's all lip services .I've 36 years old and never had my first date or bf.I'm waiting for a man to prove me wrong but so far.'m right because no man has the balls to prove me wrong.Men want women who trat them like crap and will give them sex in a drop of a hat.

[insofar]

I'm waiting for a man to prove me wrong but so far.'m right because no man has the balls to prove me wrong.Men want women who trat them like crap and will give them sex in a drop of a hat.

 

Please.

 

I'm sorry, but you need a reality check here. People are in happy, loving, healthy relationships all over the world. Men are not inherently evil, and I know you don't truly believe that. I think you're using it as a coping tactic. You're unable to find the right person so you convince yourself that it's not you, it's everyone else.

 

Here it is: You're wrong.

 

You may have just been incredibly unlucky thusfar, but that DOES NOT give you the right to make assumptions about everybody else. And as much as we might want to make you feel better, Batya33 was right: The common denominator here is you.

 

Maybe you're looking for the wrong type of person, maybe you're looking in the wrong places. But I think what you need to do is stop hating the rest of the world because you're unable to find happiness when others are, and start looking inside yourself to try to find out how you can improve you. Things will change for you when you change them. You are in control of your destiny, and nobody else.

 

Have you considered going to some social events? Find something that interests you, perhaps a hobby of yours, and find a group of people that are also interested in it. Maybe join a gym or something, just get out and do something. See what some of your workmates are doing after work perhaps.

 

See, everyone here is a real person as well. We live real lives, and we're not fitting your description of every man out there. So I think you need to rethink your assumptions and take some more chances. I realize you've had a lot of rejection in the past, but life is about risk. If you don't take the risk, you're not truly living.

[quietgrl]

AGAIN everybody dancing around the issue and not answering my question.I'm waiting to be proven wrong folk so far nobody hasn't proven me wrong.Where are all these "good" men?All i see is people posting and not answering my question.

 

The question is if there are good men out there hook me up because i'm free this weekend.

[Batya33]

It's not about proof, it's about faith. It could very well be that in your life you never meet a man who is right for you - which would not be surrpising given your attitude - that doesn't prove anything about all men or even most men - it could be any number of reasons - luck, timing, your attitude, the types of men you are attracted to, the types of men who are attracted to you.

 

I don't have to prove anything to you and there is no entitlement to a relationship much less a healthy one - it is a blessing and it takes work and effort on both sides - sometimes a great deal.

 

If you would like to believe that all men are evil and that there is no man who is right for you, go right ahead. I have no interest in convincing you otherwise particularly since even if mr. wonderful asked you out tomorrow you would likely find a reason why you were still "right." I hope being "right" keeps you warm at night.

[Batya33]

Baysa,

 

I love post like yours because this time.I want people who posts these comments to prove me wrong. point blank!!!!.Everytime people give me these type of post. It's your negative vibe and you choice to live this way QG.You guys post and run off.Well not this time if i'm wrong (oh gosh i've waited 16 years to be proven wrong)show me these "GOOD" single men who want to date men.I'm free this weekend but Nobody can produce these "good" men who wants to date me. I rest my case.

 

Yes i am force to choice this lifestyle .I can ask every man on this earth on a date but if no man say yes.I can't experience dating or having a bf. The choice is out of my hands and yes i have every right to blame half of the decision on other people.

 

When you make the choice to work on your attitude, mindset, vibes, presense and life - i.e. getting a happy fulfilling life - you will find men who have honorable intentions who want to date you. They may be your idea of prince charming, they may not - or it may be somewhere in the middle. But when your mind and heart are open to giving to others and letting others in in a positive way, it will happen - not by magic, but because of the work and effort you put in.

According to your logic, since a little less than half of the men I met in person through on line dating did not ask me out for a second date, then half the men in the world are evil/jerks, etc. I've never felt that way, never will - I never even felt that those particular men were jerks (ok well maybe some of them - the really creepy/freaky/weird ones - but that wasn't the majority!) - so obviously this is all about you and your attitude not some "objective" reality as you put it.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi Quiet Girl,

 

Just wanted to say hello and ask you a little bit about what are your likes/dislikes? Because you know what - I think that you're more lonely by your lack of offline friends than you are by a lack of a boyfriend. How about looking at that first? I love film classes, personally - and I have met some really fab friends through that. What is your passion? Cooking? Sport? Languages? Maybe do something that will let you interact with people and get to know them.

 

Volunteer work is also incredibly satisfying - I've met loads of nice people through this. And though I've not met a bloke through this, I HAVE met guys through their friends!! Widening your social circle means you get to know more people, get a different perspective and just meet lots of different people. I think if you felt less isolated, you would start to feel better.

 

As for men - well, see, you're doing a self-fulfilling prophecy by saying to us 'give me a date on Friday night. See you can't'. You live in the US - I'm in the UK. If you were around here tomorrow night, I could produce some nice guys to go out drinking with us. It wouldn't necessarily be a date, but I could introduce you to nice men. Do you see what I mean? The friends come first, and then you get to meet THEIR nice male friends.

 

Take care of yourself.

[quietgrl]

Batya,

Nobody offline knows men treat me like crap.I've put on the smiles and the positive vibes and i still get overlook by men.I hear men over over tell me. i'm a good woman but no man gives me a chance. I've withheld my feeling for over 16 years and i'm not going to let men mistreat me anymore.I'm speaking out. Men do not want a good woman they want women who mistreat them and will give them sex in the drop of a hat.Everytime i call a man out on this comment.I hear the same lip service.

I want somebody on this board or not on this boardto prove me wrong if there are "good" single men out there.I am free this weekend.hook me up !!!!

[quietgrl]

Honey,

The only hobbies i have is watching TV,writing my soap opera,going to the library,bookstore and surfing the net. I'm a boring person.

Honey don't worry about finding me a date .I wasn't really expecting anybody to find me a date this weekend.I would be too much to ask.

[caro33]

God knows how the men reading your words feel quietgrl, because I personally feel outraged on the behalf of the gentle, good and generous men I know. I know heaps of men who are nothing like the picture you painted, and no, I can't 'prove you wrong' because -

 

(a) I'm in Australia so no meeting is going to happen.

(b) Even if I wasn't, I would not introduce one of my lovely male friends to someone who is obviously going to be unpleasant to them, or at least not be emotionally available herself.

 

I'm with Batya here, and others who say that you should adjust your attitude. We've all met creeps and creepettes, and we've all had someone try and use us. But all men are not the same the way women are not the same.

 

But you know that. You sound frustrated and upset, and I'm sorry. And while I agree totally with the 'just get out there, have faith' perspective, you seem to see it as a but trite and not meeting your needs, so let's put that aside for a second.

 

If you stop and take a breath, and look at your own history and the successes/failures of people around you, do you honestly think there is NOTHING you can do for yourself to help:

(a) your current state of mind, or

(b) your opportunities to meet 'good' men?

[Honey Pumpkin]

Honey,

The only hobbies i have is watching TV,writing my soap opera,going to the library,bookstore and surfing the net. I'm a boring person.

Honey don't worry about finding me a date .I wasn't really expecting anybody to find me a date this weekend.I would be too much to ask.

 

You're not boring, quietgrl. You're actually pretty provocative, and you're interesting!

 

BUT - don't take this the wrong way - I am worried about you. You seem very down, and sort of resigned to the world being a certain way. I stand by my post - I think you need to radically change your lifestyle, and get out there and take risks. NOT dating risks as such, but connecting with people. I know it's hard, god knows, but it's hard for everyone. Most of us are scared at some time, and worried about rejection.

 

On the men and sex thing: I just wanted to say that most of the men I've dated would like to sleep with me on the first date, but that's not me. I don't think the fact that a man wants to have sex with you makes him bad or wrong, just hopeful!! It's actually pretty flattering - but I've found that not sleeping with someone at first doesn't matter, they get even keener! I'm not phrasing this very well, but I just worry that you have certain expectations, and are pre-judging men because they want sex.

 

It's actually okay for a bloke to be desperate to get into your knickers - it doesn't mean you have to say yes, or that they will mind you saying no! I'm not putting this very well - I'm seeing someone I haven't yet slept with because I'm not ready. But that's okay - I know he would love to have sex, but respects my boundaries and taking it slow. Am I making sense? I'm trying to say that a desire for sex doesn't make someone good or bad, so long as they don't pressure you (but you have to date smartly, and not put yourself in dangerous situations).

 

I'm rambling, quietgrl - but I would like you to reach out to the people around you and make connections with real life people. It's hard and painful and scary, but o so rewarding! Don't give up because you think people are a certain way.

 

You say you like writing - what about a writing class? That would be so much fun, you would be doing something you liked, getting feedback, meeting people and so on. You like reading - join a book club. Take risks - it's worth it sooooooooooooo much.

 

Keep posting, and take care!

[DN]

Nobody on here can prove that there are no men who would be interested in you for more than just sex.

 

But you can.

[SW]

No wonder no guy wants you, you sound so damn negative ! You must scare off every man you mee t! Change your attitude or you will be lonely all your life.

 

I dont say this to be mean but hopefully you get help or change.

 

As for me i want nothing more than to have a commited relationship with someone who loves and cares about me as much as i love and care about them. I couldnt give a damn about sex that comes in a far second place.

[quietgrl]

I hope men read my post and get upset.They should be. A good woman is being mistreated and she can't find a good man insight to defead good people honor..I think R kelly song say it all"When a women feed up".

I will say this AGAIN prove me wrong.I want people to prove me wrong.Where are all the "good " men? I don't want to hear excuses anymore. .A good man would step up to the plate and gladly prove me wrong.He's not going to let bad men ruin their good man reputation.

Me I defend good women reputation as much as i can and if a ""good" man was in my area making this post.I would want him to meet me or other good women in my state.I alway try to play matchmaker to people in my same position because I want people to be given a chance.

The only sure way for me to get a man right now is to use voodoo or a witch spell on him or i can take a cure from Sarah.I can write a letter to Jane's Magazine and say i'm a virgin looking for my first boyfriend.I can also put a big ad in my local newspaper saying " i'm 36 years old and never went out on my first date."

I'm asking a simple question. Where are all the good men?I'm free this weekend

[quietgrl]

Honey,

 

I'm off from my job for 3 months and sorry.I'm going to stay by myself.This was the last straw.I've been through 4 years of people brusing me and i can't do it anymore.I just can't.I just can't

[gnabna]

i just got off the phone with my best guy friend. he is more then a good man, he is a GREAT man and i adore him. he is kind, compassionate, HILARIOUS, intelligent, out going, passionate about life, loves children, does volunteer work, mentors young men, works hard, has a HUGE heart, does not do the whole hook up thing- that you are speaking of- he is much more interested in finding a woman that he can spend his life with then the just the night. he is single and goes through the same things i am sure you do as a single woman. all i am saying is there are amazing men out there- i can't "prove" it to you but am thankful to have him and other amazing men (like my Daddies, brothers, my oldest son, uncles, grandfathers and many guy friends- heck even my husband that i am separated from is an amazing man who has made mistakes just like every other human being on this earth.) in my life- because with out them life would just not be the same. many GREAT men have shaped and enriched my life and i count each of them as a blessing!

[DN]

This is becoming disrespectful and repetitive.

 

Thread locked.