My break-up story.. Am I wrong??

[bighair]

Some may say the tax benefit. Well if you make good financial investments, and have great write offs the money you will save from the tax credit will all even itself out anyway..

 

Lets move on to the stupidest thing ever invented "Alimony".. Why in gods name should someone still have to give their ex money after a break up?? Could you imagine your wife waking up saying "oh honey, I'm not in love with you anymore, I have a new guy friend and I want a divorce" but you still have too pay her $$$$$ every month until she remarries.. Huh???

 

Well I'm 29 I make close too $150,000. I own a few pieces of property and I'm a pretty well rounded decent guy.

 

She makes $48,000 she has 2 children and lives in a apartment. Who do you think would benefit most? Sure she loves me, but love doesn't pay bills.

 

 

I feel that you determine someone's worth by their assets and liabiltiies because of the above remarks. You draw a big distinction...your 6 figure income and that you're a decent guy, and that she has 2 kids, makes less money, is a renter and would benefit from you financially. YOu also suggest that she is not as responsible as you b/c she doesn't pay bills.

 

Alimony was invented because women have traditionally maintained the home, cared for children and their husbands and never got paid for it. Also, it underscores the idea that marriage is a partnership...thereforeeee, partners make agreements during the marriage as to who will be the breadwinner and who will by the primary caretaker. The thought it is people should not suffer simply because they are no longer married.

 

Again, if women are equal to men, then they have the same responsibiltiies when a marriage ends.

 

If you are so worried that your partner only wants you for your money, you should date someone who makes just as much money as you or even more. This way, you will be able to have a rel. with her based on respect and trust. It seems that you are not able to feel that way w. your current gf because you worry she only wants to marry you b/c you're meal ticket.

[annie24]

i agree 100%.

[annie24]

Yeah.. That's easy to say when your happy and every thing is going great.. But what about the horrible break-up?? Its no guarantee it will happen, but the prenup is like insurance.. "In case something happens

 

well, that is my philosophy in general. I don't ever want to be arguing over who gets the bed or the candlesticks, because my mental health is more important to me than money. I would rather just give up certain items and keep my sanity rather than going back and forth over some bookcases for 4 weeks. that to me, is not worth the money.

[maynards_razorblade69]

I'm 18, and I love my boyfriend whom I've been with for two years. I think that if two people really love each other, they would make the ultimate sacrifice for them. Robin Hood's "I'd die for you" maybe a little dramatic, but in my opinion, if you truly love and respect someone, you love them more than yourself and you'd do anything, absolutely ANYTHING, to make them happy. I'd like to marry my boyfriend one day, I love him completely and would indeed lay down my life for him. I'd like to marry him because I want to be able to call him my husband, to build a married life together knowing that everything I have and will have will be joined in partnership with him. My body, my money, my house, my children and eventually, my deathbed. Sounds romantic? Maybe. Who cares? Marriage is, in my opinion, a day when two people embark on a lifetime of together-ness, recognised not only by themselves, but by all the people around them. If you don't get married to your fiance, yet you want to be with her for the rest of your life then:

a) why NOT get married?

b) people will look at you in the future and wonder why two people so much "in love" are not married

c) marriage generally creates a nice atmosphere for children, which you've stated you would like to have. It's something that proves to the children how much you love each other.

 

You obviously don't trust her. But that doesn't matter. Don't get married if you're pessimistic about your life together. If you shouldnt' get married, why stay together? That may end. Perhaps you should be thinking more with your heart than your wallet. Lay down everything on the table and say, 'That's ours, forever'. However much money she has, surely you would want to contribute and create a nice home for the both of you, enough money to support you BOTH when you're older. What are you going to do when you get old and only have enough money to support yourself? Blow her off?

 

She's a woman. She wants to get married. She wants to love you for the rest of her life and be with you, make you happy, create a family maybe, enjoy life in comfort and security. What the heck's wrong with that?

 

You strike me as being very selfish, out for himself. If that's that case then you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who clearly wants to commit to someone she loves. Money doesn't matter. Don't think with your head, think with your heart.

[dogheadma]

Why does one have to be married in order to feel secure or to be confident that the commitment is real? Because society says so, that's why. It looks good on paper and sounds better when talking to other people, people who have nothing to do with your relationship, when you can say the words "my husband" or "my wife". Makes you look better to your boss and co-workers and family members and friends. It makes you feel better about yourself and your life. It has nothing to do with how you feel about the person whom you say and believe that you love. Does the fact that someone is your significant other and not your husband or wife make you love them less or feel less secure in the relationship? I should certainly hope not. A marriage is a legal contract and a symbol of society; nothing more and nothing less. It should not enter into the way you feel about the person you have chosen to give your heart to.

[jimthzz]

protecting a grown kid with health problems with a prenup or some other mechanism

 

My son has a serious medical condition and if I were in a situation where I were considering marriage I would want to ensure his continued health and welfare.

 

I think I'd consult an attorney and set up some kind of trust fund before marrying.

 

Getting my ducks in a row, so to speak.

 

Now, that said, I don't think I'd wait until a hour before the wedding to tell a fiance about either.

[Beyondthesea]

My fiance makes over double what I do every year. When he asked me to marry him, I immediately asked him if he wanted to sign a pre-nup agreement to protect himself just in case.

 

HE SAID NO.

 

That is real love. He trusts me enough to know that I would never cheat, I would never deceive him, and I have enough of a soul not to 'take him to the cleaners' if anything happened between us.

 

I read through all the opinions on here, and I want to say this...

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for a pre-nup, but I do think there is something wrong with the attitude you are portraying. I feel like you are saying "my money is the most important thing in my life" and that's what the fuss is about.

 

If you really love someone with all your heart, you are also taking a risk. That's a given. But you are always risking something in every move you make in life.

 

Good luck.

[SherriLi]

Well Said !

[Riggz41510]

For the first time in US history. Per the census bureau.. Unwed households are the majority. People are finally waking up and realizing there is no need for this outdated ceremony..

 

If you don't believe me.. Go check the census bureau website..

[Riggz41510]

Love.

>> Two people can love each other without the marriage contract.

** Doesn't feel like love in divorce court.

*** Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

 

Vowing that you have the faith and commitment.

>> You can make that vow without the marriage contract.

** Right up to the time the guy doesn't make enough $$ to keep her happy (moving target!!)

 

And celebrating this with your friends and family.

>> That's gay.

** What, holidays aren't enough?

 

Health insurance.

>> Minor benefit. If both people are working, it's a non-issue. And the marriage penalty in taxes offsets this benefit.

** That's a bull crap reason for getting married.

 

Making it harder to abandon someone during the hard times.

>> That's only a benefit to a woman because women get preferential treatment in divorce court.

** May make it harder on the guy, but women are OK bolting any time. Especially the hard times.

 

Ensuring that the world and society views you and treats you as a team.

>> Why be a tool for society? Make your own decisions, and don't let society tell you how to live.

** Grow up already. Society doesn't give a rats *** about you or me.

 

I ask: why not if you sign a pre-nup?

>> Often, pre-nups expire after a certain amount of years. Plus, women now can contest pre-nups and essentially render them void. Pre-nups don't help at all in issues like who gets the kids, visitation rights, and child support.

[annie24]

you sound really angry at women.

[dogheadma]

you sound really angry at women.

 

I think he just sounds like he dosen't believe in marriage. Many men don't. Marriage is something that women want. I as a man can honestly say that being married could not in any way ever affect the way I feel for the woman that I love. The woman that I chose to love, married or not. I believe there are only two valid reasons to get married:

 

1.)(most importantly) Because your woman really wants to and it would make her happy.

 

2.) If the two of you wish to buy a house and/or have children together.

 

 

That's it. Other than that, marriage holds no bearing on the status of the relationship or the way two people feel about one another. Just my opinion.

[annie24]

** Right up to the time the guy doesn't make enough $$ to keep her happy (moving target!!)

 

Making it harder to abandon someone during the hard times.

>> That's only a benefit to a woman because women get preferential treatment in divorce court.

** May make it harder on the guy, but women are OK bolting any time. Especially the hard times.

 

I ask: why not if you sign a pre-nup?

>> Often, pre-nups expire after a certain amount of years. Plus, women now can contest pre-nups and essentially render them void. Pre-nups don't help at all in issues like who gets the kids, visitation rights, and child support.

 

it's quotes like these that make it seem that he has a serious problem against women. just as many men abandon their wives as women abandon men. i know plenty of women who were abandoned while they were pregant, or with young children, including my mother.

 

I don't think that it's just women who can contest prenups. men can do that too.

[dogheadma]

Yes, we all have our fears. Men, Women, everyone. Life is chock full of risks and each one of has to decide as individuals which ones we are willing to take. It sounds like he's not willing to take this one.

[Riggz41510]

you sound really angry at women.

 

Wow!!! I'm not angry with women.. Its just the fact of the matter is that the legal system shows preferential treatment too women..

 

I don't see how I wanting to protect my finances, makes me angry with women?? I'm simply not willing to put it all on the line for "LOVE".

[Scout]

Its just the fact of the matter is that the legal system shows preferential treatment too women..

 

I can't answer this definitively, but I suspect that this is still the case *somewhat.* However, times are changing. My mother is an attorney who represents men quite often in divorce cases. The courts do not automatically award alimony to the extent they used to, and rarely do they award life-time alimony.

[Riggz41510]

I can't answer this definitively, but I suspect that this is still the case *somewhat.* However, times are changing. My mother is an attorney who represents men quite often in divorce cases. The courts do not automatically award alimony to the extent they used to, and rarely do they award life-time alimony.

 

The laws vary state by state.. But in California its typically one year of Alimony for every two years of marriage..

 

And if you stay married for longer than 10 years.. You have to pay Alimony forever or until she remarries...

[Scout]

The laws vary state by state.. But in California its typically one year of Alimony for every two years of marriage..

 

And if you stay married for longer than 10 years.. You have to pay Alimony forever or until she remarries...

 

I thought in California it was a community property state, so it's a 50/50 split. However, I am not sure if they base the 50/50 on assets acquired during the marriage?

 

Also, please check your private messages because I sent you one. Thanks.

[Beyondthesea]

You don't love her, it's that simple.

 

If you look in your heart, you know we're right.

[Riggz41510]

You don't love her, it's that simple.

 

If you look in your heart, you know we're right.

 

You're actually wrong.. I just don't believe in love enough to run the chance of loosing it all.. If things don't work out.

 

I know how things can turn sour when two people break up. So why not be proactive.

[Scout]

You don't love her, it's that simple.

 

If you look in your heart, you know we're right.

 

Beyondthesea, I'm often on the same page with you, but in this instance, I can't say I agree. I don't know "how much" he loves her, but I don't think he'd be with her for three years if he didn't. He's young, obviously on his way in his career, and he could be out there footloose and fancy-free. However, he's chosen to be with a single mom for a few years now. Let's not overlook that.

[Riggz41510]

Beyondthesea, I'm often on the same page with you, but in this instance, I can't say I agree. I don't know "how much" he loves her, but I don't think he'd be with her for three years if he didn't. He's young, obviously on his way in his career, and he could be out there footloose and fancy-free. However, he's chosen to be with a single mom for a few years now. Let's not overlook that.

 

Thank you!!

 

I was wondering why people were over looking that?? I get so much flack from people(friends, family) about, why would I date a single mom etc?? I simply tell them I love her and we have/had a good relationship outside of the finances..

 

I've seen more horror stories than success stories as far as marriage is concerned.. So why not just be happy and enjoy the time we are spending together..

[dogheadma]

I'm simply not willing to put it all on the line for "LOVE".

 

Then you're not sure what love is really all about. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes you lose. But you have your priorities in order and you know what's most important to you and that's what really matters beause in the end you're the only one who can do that.

[Scout]

Then you're not sure what love is really all about. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes you lose.

 

Well...it could be argued that if his girl really loved him unconditionally, she would respect his desire not to get married and put it all on the line and stay with him, anyway. And take the gamble that he'd stay with her with or without a marriage contract.

 

The point is....it's hard for most people to feel completely "selfless" love.

[dogheadma]

Well...it could be argued that if his girl really loved him unconditionally, she would respect his desire not to get married and put it all on the line and stay with him, anyway. And take the gamble that he'd stay with her with or without a marriage contract.

 

The point is....it's hard for most people to feel completely "selfless" love.

 

Precisely.