My break-up story.. Am I wrong??

[Juliana]

"Huh? What does that have to do with anything?? Well what if I want out.. Should I still have to compensate her financially?

 

I would love to hear people opinons that have gone through a bad divorce."

 

Your pre-nup will spell out support, etc. It doesn't make any difference what you hear about other people's divorces. If they were stupid enough to get married without a prenup to someone who was capable of taking them for everything they were worth, how is that your issue? What does that have to do with you? I know of a guy who is currently paying his ex-girlfriend two grand a month in child support for the golden retriever they bought together; believe me, if you're that dumb, you should travel with your lawyer everywhere you go.

 

Aim for the happy medium between no relationship at all, and supporting the chick's dog.

[ImThatGirl]

I must say that: I have two children with two dad's. I didn't marry them because I didn't believe that they had the same goals or principles as myself.

 

I didn't marry them because I knew, I didn't want to be with them forever. (Course it doesn't make sense that I was okay with having children by them - immature decisions maybe but none regretted.)

 

With that said, I completely believe in marriage and divorce is not an option for me. If you find someone that is right for you, all risks are worth it.

 

And Riggz, Are you chedda?

[Riggz41510]

"Huh? What does that have to do with anything?? Well what if I want out.. Should I still have to compensate her financially?

 

I would love to hear people opinons that have gone through a bad divorce."

 

Your pre-nup will spell out support, etc. It doesn't make any difference what you hear about other people's divorces. If they were stupid enough to get married without a prenup to someone who was capable of taking them for everything they were worth, how is that your issue? What does that have to do with you? I know of a guy who is currently paying his ex-girlfriend two grand a month in child support for the golden retriever they bought together; believe me, if you're that dumb, you should travel with your lawyer everywhere you go.

 

Aim for the happy medium between no relationship at all, and supporting the chick's dog.

 

 

 

No the problem is that whenever you mention a prenup, people automatically jump to "Oh how could you possibly be in love, and ask for a prenup".

 

People interpret it as your saying you don't love them, or dont trust them.. Well if I didn't trust you I wouldn't be here in the first place.. But I will tell you what I don't trust is lawyers and the way people act when they're hurt or upset..

 

Imagine walking in on your husband in bed with another woman.. You would want to take it all.. Now I'm not saying the cheating is right, You would probably want to take it all and see him homeless.. Should someone be broke and homeless for cheating??

[rmpavlock]

You don't want to get married. She does. Both of you need to find people who have similar goals and priorities as yourselves. I personally would not stay with a man who said he never wanted to get married. That's just me.

[Riggz41510]

I must say that: I have two children with two dad's. I didn't marry them because I didn't believe that they had the same goals or principles as myself.

 

I didn't marry them because I knew, I didn't want to be with them forever. (Course it doesn't make sense that I was okay with having children by them - immature decisions maybe but none regretted.)

 

With that said, I completely believe in marriage and divorce is not an option for me. If you find someone that is right for you, all risks are worth it.

 

And Riggz, Are you chedda?

 

Huh??? Whats Chedda?

 

What do you mean divorce isn't an option? What if the guy wants a divorce?

[shellshocked]

A troll? Whatever that is..

 

My purpose here was : I posted why my girl broke up with me.. And I've been answering as too why i didn't think I was wrong in feeling how I did..

 

I did get some useful advice from members.. Most members didn't give advice, instead told me I can't possibly love her, they just told me how I know nothing about love, and true love this..... and true love that..

 

Again most of the advice came from biased women.. If I was a woman I would be yelling *marriage* also.. Its a win-win for you guys.. If you decide to leave, I have to pay.... If I decide to leave, I have to pay..

 

TROLL - to post controversial or provocative messages in a deliberate attempt to provoke flames.

[Siriana]

To tell you the truth, I've red only your first post and if you talked to her in the same manner your post was describing situation - well she must be completely crazy for beeing with you.

Did you talk with her in a more polite and sensitive way?

 

But this was just my concern about how polite are you.

 

Ups... I've just seen how she broke up with you.

 

To me it just looks like you didn't want to get married to her.

It is not about the contract - nope - you just mentioned that to her because you knew that she will not go for it!

The fact was you were not into marriage and she was, and you couldn't give her a reasonable and solid reason not to get married,so you managed to bail out with this contract.

 

Your anger while talking about getting married tells me enough about your attitude about marrying this woman. And you have every right not to marry her, but don't blame her for her wishes, or for her values. Also she had every right not to stay with you - because your goals are completely different.

 

I am not saying that you've made the wrong decision - you just didn't love her enough. And you know that, so why do you want us to say your opinion about marriage is right. If you're sure you're right don't ask for approval

[Riggz41510]

TROLL - to post controversial or provocative messages in a deliberate attempt to provoke flames.

 

Well if stating how I fee makes me a troll than so be it..

[ImThatGirl]

Huh??? Whats Chedda?

 

What do you mean divorce isn't an option? What if the guy wants a divorce?

 

Well your thread is so close to the thread posted by Cheddaboy "What's the point of marriage?"

 

I want to be in a relationship that lasts forever.

 

I have walked away from men that have said "Marriage is just a piece of paper."

 

"Marriage is just a piece of paper" = I don't plan to be with someone forever.

 

To me it basically is them stating that "divorce" is an option for them. That they don't plan to commit to anyone "for the rest of their life." That they are self absorbed and don't take their girlfriend/fiance/wife seriously.

 

Within a relationship, there should be mutual goals, respect, consideration, and commitment.

 

I hope that you make your opinion known early on in relationships. I'm guessing your girlfriend didn't know your opinions otherwise she never would have let you in to "play house."

[Riggz41510]

What are you talking about? I don't have to have an excuse not to get married.. I told her that if marriage was that important, I would do it.. All I said was lets sign a prenup..

 

Ladies if you have no intentions on it benefiting you financially if it doesn't work out, why not sigh a prenup??

[RayKay]

No one has to get married; my mother and stepfather have been together over twenty years and never married. They have taken all steps to ensure one anothers financial security (my mom does make more) and really are married in heart and mind - and gone through many struggles and joys together. The important thing is this was by mutual choice.

 

Not being married does not mean a "clean break" though depending on where you are - courts can find legal relationships in common law for example, or there can be joint assets and so forth.

 

Ultimately, I know I do not HAVE to get married; I do however want to get married. Not in general, but to my partner specifically. Certainly not for financial security either - we split finances quite equally, and while I am back in school now again I am still supporting myself. But because it is important to me on other levels. And, again, he is mutually of the same mind. And yes, we have discussed pre nups, and I am absolutely all for them (may be the future lawyer in me!). Of course, I know we both are very committed to never having to resort to pre nups being carried out, but we also have seen many times where people thought that and it did not end very well. Anyway, I don't feel they "doom" a marriage to sign them; though I know some do have that belief and I can see why they may feel that way.

 

Like I said it is fine to never get married, and to never want it. But it does not work where one does want it, and one does not want it because one of you will end up disappointed and resentful.

 

So, if you do not want to get married, for whatever reasons you feel are right to you whether they are soundly based or not; that is your prerogative. But I think at the same time you ask others to respect your feelings on it, you should respect that others are equally entitled to believe it is important to them.

[Riggz41510]

Well your thread is so close to the thread posted by Cheddaboy "What's the point of marriage?"

 

I want to be in a relationship that lasts forever.

 

I have walked away from men that have said "Marriage is just a piece of paper."

 

"Marriage is just a piece of paper" = I don't plan to be with someone forever.

 

To me it basically is them stating that "divorce" is an option for them. That they don't plan to commit to anyone "for the rest of their life." That they are self absorbed and don't take their girlfriend/fiance/wife seriously.

 

Within a relationship, there should be mutual goals, respect, consideration, and commitment.

 

I hope that you make your opinion known early on in relationships. I'm guessing your girlfriend didn't know your opinions otherwise she never would have let you in to "play house."

 

 

 

I took the thread and brought it over and said I agreed with it.. That wasn't my original post though

[Riggz41510]

Well your thread is so close to the thread posted by Cheddaboy "What's the point of marriage?"

 

I want to be in a relationship that lasts forever.

 

I have walked away from men that have said "Marriage is just a piece of paper."

 

"Marriage is just a piece of paper" = I don't plan to be with someone forever.

 

To me it basically is them stating that "divorce" is an option for them. That they don't plan to commit to anyone "for the rest of their life." That they are self absorbed and don't take their girlfriend/fiance/wife seriously.

 

Within a relationship, there should be mutual goals, respect, consideration, and commitment.

 

I hope that you make your opinion known early on in relationships. I'm guessing your girlfriend didn't know your opinions otherwise she never would have let you in to "play house."

 

 

So you're saying that there is no way to commit without marriage?

[ImThatGirl]

I would sign a prenup.

 

But I'd probably insist that if my husband were to cheat on me, or divorce me, he'd pay me a fine.

 

What I'd probably say to my guy if in this situation:

I know I will put in the effort marriage takes once I get married, if I have to sign a prenup to prove I don't want your money, you have to sign an agreement to not cheat, etc. etc. or you have to pay me to prove that you are serious about putting your all into the marriage.

[ImThatGirl]

So you're saying that there is no way to commit without marriage?

 

I'm saying that marriage is a promise of love for an eternity. You've already said you don't believe in love for an eternity so of course you don't believe in marriage. Which means to me that: Any relationship will only last for a period of time. Until you decide you're ready to move on. And then leave me with memories of what I thought was happiness.

[Juliana]

"No the problem is that whenever you mention a prenup, people automatically jump to "Oh how could you possibly be in love, and ask for a prenup".

 

Not me. Money's money and love's love and as far as I'm concerned, looking after financial assets in a particular way doesn't mean anything about whether or not you love the person. It's all about your life experience and your comfort level with financial uncertainty -- real or imagined.

 

"People interpret it as your saying you don't love them, or dont trust them.. Well if I didn't trust you I wouldn't be here in the first place.. But I will tell you what I don't trust is lawyers and the way people act when they're hurt or upset.."

 

I hear that. There are the most horrendous stories about people getting cleaned out in a divorce.

 

"Imagine walking in on your husband in bed with another woman.. You would want to take it all.. Now I'm not saying the cheating is right, You would probably want to take it all and see him homeless.. Should someone be broke and homeless for cheating??"

 

I'm the wrong girl to ask that question to; my whole life is constructed so that I could basically pack a suitcase and never look back. I'm not saying that's healthy, but no, if I found out my husband was cheating on me, my need for revenge would end simultaneously with the relationship. I don't bother taking revenge on people I don't give a d*mn about. But that's what my past has taught me...

[Riggz41510]

Well then can we get married.. Where are you located??

[Riggz41510]

I'm saying that marriage is a promise of love for an eternity. You've already said you don't believe in love for an eternity so of course you don't believe in marriage. Which means to me that: Any relationship will only last for a period of time. Until you decide you're ready to move on. And then leave me with memories of what I thought was happiness.

 

Why should you have to put all those constraints on it.. Why not just be in the relationship take it day by day and be happy..

 

Why all the eternity talk??

[ImThatGirl]

Because that's what I want and deserve.

[ImThatGirl]

Why should you have to put all those constraints on it.. Why not just be in the relationship take it day by day and be happy..

 

Why all the eternity talk??

 

 

Why are you so set on never being tied down?

[Riggz41510]

I would sign a prenup.

 

But I'd probably insist that if my husband were to cheat on me, or divorce me, he'd pay me a fine.

 

What I'd probably say to my guy if in this situation:

I know I will put in the effort marriage takes once I get married, if I have to sign a prenup to prove I don't want your money, you have to sign an agreement to not cheat, etc. etc. or you have to pay me to prove that you are serious about putting your all into the marriage.

 

That's why I'm scared to get married.. Why should he have to pay you a fine, if he wants out?? I'm going to morally give you the one on the fine for cheating, but come on.. Just because he wants out??

[ImThatGirl]

I know it's harsh.

 

I think you may be able to find some "shallow" women that are okay with temporarily being a part of your life.

 

A strong woman, that values herself, loves herself, and believes in herself, will not settle for this "marriage is just a piece of paper" stunt.

 

 

Honestly, if I date someone and I think that we will clash or have different values and principles and opinions on marriage, I'll walk and quickly.

 

The suggestion of a prenup is a red flag that the husband is keeping his options open and knows he may get divorced. In turn, put yourself out there to prove that you will love her forever and have no plan to leave her.

 

Wait... You already said you don't believe in forever.

[Juliana]

"Well then can we get married.. Where are you located??"

 

D*mn, baby, I'm already married!

 

Seriously, good luck.

[Riggz41510]

Why are you so set on never being tied down?

 

Never said that.. But why can't my words be enough.. Why can't I telling you I love you be enough?? I want commitment and love.. Just don't want to be married.. I would much rather be in a relationship and be happy and if it doesn't work walk away.. Versus being in one married and miserable, but I don't want to leave because I'm going to be financially hurt by my wife if I did..

 

Make sense?

 

Why does signing a paper make it more valid?

[Riggz41510]

I know it's harsh.

 

I think you may be able to find some "shallow" women that are okay with temporarily being a part of your life.

 

A strong woman, that values herself, loves herself, and believes in herself, will not settle for this "marriage is just a piece of paper" stunt.

 

 

Honestly, if I date someone and I think that we will clash or have different values and principles and opinions on marriage, I'll walk and quickly.

 

The suggestion of a prenup is a red flag that the husband is keeping his options open and knows he may get divorced. In turn, put yourself out there to prove that you will love her forever and have no plan to leave her.

 

Wait... You already said you don't believe in forever.

 

 

Thats a cold hustle.. LOL.. T he suggestion of a prenup is a red flag that the husband is keeping his options open and knows he may get divorced. In turn, put yourself out there to prove that you will love her forever and have no plan to leave her.

 

Wow so if things don't work out later on.. He should be scared to leave, because he doesn't want to be financially murdered?