Whats the point in marriage???

[Meow18]

First of all, not ALL women are out to push men around! Not all women suddenly become control freaks after marriage. Not all women turn evil after they "trapped" their man.

 

In my opinion, you need to know each other before getting married. And by knowing each other, I mean being with them for a couple of years. That way you have seen them at their worst and you know their personality. Too many people marry before they really know the other person, which is one reason why I think divorce is so high.

 

If marriage isn't for you, then that's great. But don't judge the people who do want to make their love "official" by getting married. The people who marry don't have to justify their reasons.

 

Some people marry for the wrong reasons. But some marry because both truly want to.

[truthbetold]

I only read the first page but I would like to get married because A I have a child with him, B I would really like to stop writing that I'm single on legal paperwork, C I would like to say my husband rather then my boyfriend. Me and my b/f have talked about marriage, we are not engaged yet but it's something we both want. I guess maybe women are the ones who "force" men into marrying them, but in my situation my b/f brought it up first, and I know other men (one of my best male friends) who kept trying to talk his g/f into marrying him, it was before they were even going out for a year and they are now broken up!!

[Riggz41510]

this was the insulting part.

 

He never said that.. That was her summary of what he wrote

[Riggz41510]

I dont think people say you're marrying for money. But its a HUGE since of security knowing if things don't work out, you will be financially compensated

 

Remember *most* women are taught too marry up.

[justpaisley]

He never said that.. That was her summary of what he wrote

 

I didn't make it up.

[Meow18]

Yes, some women are taught to marry up. But do all women care about marrying up? No.

 

It's not appreciated when guys generalize all women, when clearly we are not the same when it comes to marriage.

 

I guess I'm just lucky I have a guy who trusts and knows me better than that.

[Riggz41510]

1. Men can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past;

 

2. Men can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying;

 

3. Men want to avoid divorce and its financial risks;

 

4. Men want to wait until they are older to have children. This is a simple justification to not think about this;

 

5. Men fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises to their current life style;

 

6. Men are waiting for their soul mate to show-up in their life, but she has not yet appeared;

 

7. Today there are fewer social pressures to marry, for example, having children outside of marriage is no longer stigmatized;

 

8. Men are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children;

 

9. Men want to own a house and develop their career before they get a wife;

 

10. Men want to enjoy single life as long as they can.

 

 

Source: The State of Our Unions 2002 - The Social Health of Our Marriage in America.

 

Please note that although this is taken from research carried out in the U.S.A., these findings nevertheless are similar to our experiences here in Australia.

[Dako]

I've been lucky enough to have never met a typical woman.

[Riggz41510]

Yes, some women are taught to marry up. But do all women care about marrying up? No.

 

It's not appreciated when guys generalize all women, when clearly we are not the same when it comes to marriage.

 

I guess I'm just lucky I have a guy who trusts and knows me better than that.

 

Yeah lucky him?? Let's see how nice you would be in divorce court if you found out he cheated on you.. You would take it all!!

[Dako]

Yeah lucky him?? Let's see how nice you would be in divorce court if you found out he cheated on you.. You would take it all!!

 

Actually, that's a bit harsh, and quite untrue.

 

Cheating in a marriage is virtually no crime at all in the US and has little bearing on the outcome of divorce.

Most states split community property, and even in common-law arrangements. Many of the legal entanglements of marriage exist in CL marriages too. Children receive support in a breakup or a marriage.

[tictactoe2006]

I don't think the general gist of this thread is to bash women. There are plenty of good and bad in each gender. Hut, in most cases, in a divorce, the woman is left with plenty of resources that the court takes form the man, and the man is now left to life with his parents or something equally insulting.

 

I, for one, believe in total gender equality. which is why the family court and divorce court need to get more in touch with reality.

[tictactoe2006]

Cheating in a marriage is virtually no crime at all in the US and has little bearing on the outcome of divorce.

 

Ain't that the truth. If you're a woman, and a mom, and tired of being with your husband, jsut go out and start it up with another man. You can get 1/2 of all that your husband worked his whole life for, take his kids away from him, and get "child support" that you can spend on your boyfriend. who cares if the kid doesn't have what they need, thanks to the Democrats, all that matters is making the husband pay.

[Dako]

As a person in the midst of a divorce in California, I don't see any bias to women at all. I'd certainly notice if there were. Divorced men often get clobbered for child support if during the marriage they were the sole support, but in that case they did take on the task of supporting those kids.

That's far from a gender issue. It's a matter of continuing to support kids.

[tictactoe2006]

do you have kids?

[Riggz41510]

As a person in the midst of a divorce in California, I don't see any bias to women at all. I'd certainly notice if there were. Divorced men often get clobbered for child support if during the marriage they were the sole support, but in that case they did take on the task of supporting those kids.

That's far from a gender issue. It'as a matter of continuing to support kids.

 

So if your wife cheated on you, you would be ok with giving her half of what you worked for??

[Dako]

Ain't that the truth. If you're a woman, and a mom, and tired of being with your husband, jsut go out and start it up with another man. You can get 1/2 of all that your husband worked his whole life for, take his kids away from him, and get "child support" that you can spend on your boyfriend. who cares if the kid doesn't have what they need, thanks to the Democrats, all that matters is making the husband pay.

 

I see you've posted it as a woman cheating. The reverse is also true, making it gender neutral. If the woman is sole support of the children and he gets the kids, she has to pay. It happens.

[southerngirl]

If me and hubby were to split up your darn right he would still have to support his children. CHILD SUPPORT is about supporting the children.

 

In the best situation though the children wont have to go through that. I think that often times people are too quick to leave a marriage, when it can be worked out.

 

This is not in all cases, but in alot of cases this is very true.

[tictactoe2006]

That's far from a gender issue. It'as a matter of continuing to support kids.

Agree completely that you need to support your kids. But, when the amount is award ed with no regard to your ability to pay, and there is no accountability for the money being spent, than it is not child support.

 

In my case, my ex went on 4 trips to Florida and bought a brand new car since she started getting "child support". Also, I just found out today that my child is being kicked out of preschool because she has not paid for it in a month (my share of the payment was added to the "child support" taken from me every week.

 

So so, it is not about supporting children. It is about punishing men whose wives no longer wanted them.

[tictactoe2006]

ICHILD SUPPORT is about supporting the children.

 

 

It should be. But there is no accountability for what the CS is spent on. In my case, it goes towards trips to Florida withmy ex's boyfriend, and my ex's new car.

[Dako]

I agree that she's being negligant, even though not all women would do that.

[Riggz41510]

I see you've posted it as a woman cheating. The reverse is also true, making it gender neutral. If the woman is sole support of the children and he gets the kids, she has to pay. It happens.

 

Again people are using the "man bites dog theory". Yes it does happen but generally speaking its the man who's paying.. And generally its the dog biting man!!

 

People normally speak from the majority to the minority on topics. And Its the majority of men paying!!

[tictactoe2006]

thanks for the acknowledgement. you're right that not everyone would do that, but the fact that this loophole remaines tells me their needs to be work done to the family court system.

[Riggz41510]

If me and hubby were to split up your darn right he would still have to support his children. CHILD SUPPORT is about supporting the children.

 

In the best situation though the children wont have to go through that. I think that often times people are too quick to leave a marriage, when it can be worked out.

 

This is not in all cases, but in alot of cases this is very true.

 

I'm speaking on alimony.. Women get them both..

 

Alimony is equivalent to after a divorce, still having to come by and cook for me, give me sex, and plan family functions for me.. All of this while I have a new girlfriend..

 

That's exactly what alimony is when men have to pay it too their ex's

[irishtruegreen]

Hello everyone,

I am married for 7 years and we are together for 10. The communication broke down between us, we didn't fight, we just did nothing except sex was always good, and frequent. And yes it became more often suddenly.

One day my husband told me he wasn't in love with me anymore, next day I catch him sneaking a call to a strange girl. He admits he met her, but says they are only friends she was someone to talk to about our communication breakdown.

I demanded him to break the friendship off and made him go to marriage counsel with me.. Then a week or so later, I hapened to p/u the phone, and he was asking his friend to cover him...I freaked out, and said you didn't end the friendship with her! He said I wont let his mistake go, and I am hearing things....

well 6 months later..his friend came by to see me, and tells me I heard right that phonecall, and he asked him a few times to cover, but he didn't want to do it. When confronting my husband with this new info he says ok there was once that another friend convered and he met her at a bar, and nothing ever happened they were just friends. He says I wont move on and let it go, that he is trying to work things out with us, he is in love with me again, and he wants to be with me, my problem is why did i have to find stuff out this way?

I phoned this girl after she was stupid enough to call here and hang up to alert him to call her, and I told her to stay away..why don't girls respect men are married? Why wasn't anything forthcoming from him? Were they really just friends?And why is he full of so much self pity, self hate, anger, and bitterness? He also felt so guilty he accused me of meeting someone! How do I know it is truly over with her....how can I ever trust him again?

[CarnelianButterfly]

Child support is designed to make all the dead beat men that screwed a woman pay for their part in the consequences. Last time I checked it still took 2 people to make a kid.

 

I happen to happen to have little interest in children or marriage. If I were asked to get married, I'd say no. Weddings are a waste of money and frankly the most important day of my life will be getting my PhD not being shackled to a y chromosome.

 

Don't assume that because a few women out there are happy to use the system to their advantage that all of them will. But when you look at the droves of single parents struggling to make it, don't you dare insult them by saying they don't deserve child support. A lot of families don't have money to throw around and I happen to know a lot of women that got pregnant in college and had to drop out, the loving hubby continues on while she supports him and raises the children. He leaves and what does she have, nothing, no degree, no savings, and children to feed.

 

Enjoy bashing the system, I'm sure if you looked beyond the little bubble of your world you'd see there's a heck of a lot more going on out there.