The Love-Shy Male

[SA_Guy99]

It lacks instant reaction and tone, so one can decide how they want to word things and change it 5 times before hitting send.

 

I see that as a positive. Instant reactions can be how you don't really feel a lot of the time. Granted it can happen the other way around too, but saying something you don't mean because it was a reactionary comment and having to apologize for it is one of the more awkward things to do. Instant reactions come from instinct, and in the case of people with anxiety, especially with the opposite sex, the immediate reaction to, for example, an invitation out will almost always be no even if we really want to say yes.

 

With meeting the friend I have in another city next month, we made all the plans on BBM. Had we talked on the phone and she said, "lets meet", my reaction would have made her uncomfortable and she would have gone into the "we don't have to if you don't want to" position despite me really wanting to meet her. Since she sent it over BBM, I took a minute to compose myself and to tell myself, "you can do this and you need to do this". A minute or two later, without an awkward silence, I sent a message back saying it was a great idea and we now have plans to meet in October. It's a victory for me because of technology.

[givinggirl]

I guess everyone is different, but in my case, it took me an hour to come up with what I wanted to say & it took him an hour to reply. If it happened in person, I would've had to just say the first thing that came in my head & he would've had to do the same thing. I think it would've made a big difference to hear tones & see facial expressions. Plus, it would've been instantaneous & not over 2 hours of stressing out about the whole thing. Your case is different too because she is not a romantic interest. Don't get me wrong, I'm more comfortable using technology, but sometimes it's better to take the risk, suck it up and put yourself out there.

[SA_Guy99]

Don't get me wrong, I'm more comfortable using technology, but sometimes it's better to take the risk, suck it up and put yourself out there.

 

Not to be disrespectful, but you have to think about just who you are telling that. Just being shy is having butterflies in your stomach. Suffering from anxiety like a love-shy man does, is like having daggers stabbing your entire body and having a noose around your neck.

 

When people say their anxiety is painful, they're not bull****ting.

[givinggirl]

Not to be disrespectful, but you have to think about just who you are telling that. Just being shy is having butterflies in your stomach. Suffering from anxiety like a love-shy man does, is like having daggers stabbing your entire body and having a noose around your neck.

 

When people say their anxiety is painful, they're not bull****ting.

 

I'm sorry I offended you. I was in no way implying that people are bull****ting about their anxiety and how it makes them feel. Everyone feels things on a different level, some mild and some horrendous and at times it all depends on the circumstances. There are things you feel no anxiety over that would cause me a lot of anguish. It's all relative. We are here to express how we see and feel things. My version is not going to be the same as your version. But, our different views could provide a different perspective or way of looking at something to help someone else with their own issues.

 

Being shy is more than just having butterflies in your stomach. At times it's wanting to be invisible. Anxiety can be paralyzing. I have many a time made myself physically ill from anxiety. My chest breaks out in hives, I get all sweaty, my hands shake uncontrollably, my stomach gets so sick I will literally vomit or have to run to the bathroom with diarrhea, my voice quivers, actually my entire body has been known to quiver on the inside. I've vomited in the middle of a party a couple times (embarrassing, yes). I've passed out on occasion too. I understand both those concepts. I've had to deal with them my entire life.

 

I've also been on the other side where I've chosen to sucked it up, took the risk even though my whole body was rejecting it. I've pushed out all my bad thoughts, took some deep breaths, closed my eyes and just did it without allowing myself to think about it. And do you know what, it didn't kill me. It didn't always turn out good, but as soon as I did it, I felt a huge relief fall over me. The noose didn't tighten, but it slowly disappeared. Doesn't mean that I didn't have concern over how my actions would result, I had moments of "oh crap, what did you just do?!", wishing I could take it back, but what's done is done. Being able to do that on occasion has shown me that things aren't always as scary as we may think they are. The world doesn't end, time moves forward and we do get past it. It IS very hard and it's not something that I just decide and do in an instant. These are things I have been considering back and forth for a long time. Things I've made myself sick over and in order to make me feel better, I need to do something about them. This is my way of handling my anxiety. Sometimes anxiety doesn't diffuse on its own, you need to find a way of diffusing it.

[shygal2008]

SA Guy99 and Jake..

 

So, what i am gathering by all your posts is EVEN IF you had a repor (chemistry) with a beautiful young lady that you are attracted to and she made it obvious she's love to be in your company..or at least gave you all the correct overtures that she is interested as well; smiling, laughing, staring, flirting, etc. you still couldn't make a move to show her your interest AT ALL?

 

What is the most you've done when you have been really attracted and wanted to be with/close to the woman?

 

Is it that showing her your true feelings for her would put too much pressure on you at that moment or say the moments AFTER THAT like what the h#ll do i do now type thing??? Say if she says something positive..or yes to a date..and eventually would you feel she'd be let down by you and or your actions..or lack of???? Do you worry she'd say yes?????

 

OR is it really more about being able to be anxiety free and comfortable enough to follow through at that moment of acton persay (complimenting her, exposing your intentions, asking her out, etc.) is that what you think about..i hope i don't turn red, or sweat, i hope i don't stutter, etc.

 

Also, when you want to say something to her...show your true feelings...or at least some interest (ask a question) what exactly goes through your mind AT THAT EXACT MOMENT BEFORE you want to make a move...and is it something you have to rehearse ahead of time..and how does that go in your mind? And does it have anything to do with what SHE is doing or saying at the moment?

 

And if you can't follow through..what goes through your mind then???

 

 

Hope that all makes sense

[Jake]

SA Guy99 and Jake..

 

So, what i am gathering by all your posts is EVEN IF you had a repor (chemistry) with a beautiful young lady that you are attracted to and she made it obvious she's love to be in your company..or at least gave you all the correct overtures that she is interested as well; smiling, laughing, staring, flirting, etc. you still couldn't make a move to show her your interest AT ALL?

 

In short, yes that's correct. However, I've never had a women show interest in me to what you're describing. Maybe back in high school, but not nowadays. Most women are not interested in me, either that or I'm not picking up their subtle signs....

 

But yes I wouldn't make a move... I would just talk to her and kick myself afterwards for not doing or saying anything more forward.

 

 

 

What is the most you've done when you have been really attracted and wanted to be with/close to the woman?

 

Back in high school, it took me 3 years (not joking) to actually approach and talk to a girl I had a huge crush on. Even then, I couldn't show any interest (we had general conversation) and I was nervous as heck. It never went anywhere because I didn't tell her I liked her and she went back to her EX anyway.

 

Girl #2 I met at a job I had during the summer last year. We stared at each other the whole summer. I didn't didn't do anything, the only thing I did was hide from her! In September I got laid off and I went back to college. Fast forward to this summer, I got rehired there again. She was still working there. After working there for 2 whole months I finally said hi to her in July lol! We talked here & there, but I couldn't push myself to do much else. Soon after one of the managers started dating her. Game over for me, again.

 

 

 

Is it that showing her your true feelings for her would put too much pressure on you at that moment or say the moments AFTER THAT like what the h#ll do i do now type thing??? Say if she says something positive..or yes to a date..and eventually would you feel she'd be let down by you and or your actions..or lack of???? Do you worry she'd say yes?????

 

OR is it really more about being able to be anxiety free and comfortable enough to follow through at that moment of acton persay (complimenting her, exposing your intentions, asking her out, etc.) is that what you think about..i hope i don't turn red, or sweat, i hope i don't stutter, etc.

 

I can't really answer your questions here because neither of both girls I mentioned seemed to like me back... So I never showed interest beyond talking / saying hi.

 

 

 

Also, when you want to say something to her...show your true feelings...or at least some interest (ask a question) what exactly goes through your mind AT THAT EXACT MOMENT BEFORE you want to make a move...and is it something you have to rehearse ahead of time..and how does that go in your mind? And does it have anything to do with what SHE is doing or saying at the moment?

 

And if you can't follow through..what goes through your mind then???

 

 

Hope that all makes sense

 

This process is one big mess to be honest. Before I approach her I generally convince myself to do it, I make sure I'm okay on the "outside" (not showing any signs of nervousness), I then take a big breath and take the plunge...

 

I normally only talk to her for a few minutes at the most (it feels like an eternity) since that's how long I can keep my anxiety from showing on the outside.

 

If I don't manage to approach her or at least say hi I normally get really angry at myself and get extremely negative / depressed.

 

 

-Jake

[SA_Guy99]

I wasn't trying to be snappy. If I sounded that way I apologize. I think we have differing opinions on where the line is between shyness and anxiety. What you describe is clearly anxiety. In my opinion, shyness ends at the butterfly stage and anything more is a much more serious issue.

 

 

 

So far, that's been the case.

 

 

 

Simple small talk, never about anything that could suggest I like her.

 

 

 

All of the above. Success is almost as scary as rejection.

 

 

 

I rehearse all the time. When I get into a window of opportunity, I freeze. My mind literally goes blank. After the inevitable failure, my entire day is ruined.

[Jake]

One experience I can share that is still fresh in my mind happened 2 days ago. I went to the grocery store and when I walked in, at the entrance, was a cute young lady giving out Starbuck samples. I kind of slipped by her since she was already being talked up by a young colleague (a guy).

 

Later on, when I was done shopping and I had paid I was walking towards the exit (the way I cam in). She was still there and alone this time. I was checking her out ( and I was actually contemplating approaching her!

 

Next thing I know, she looks up and smiles at me.

 

I freak out, half smile at her in my haste, look down at the ground and walk out the store.

 

Ruined my whole day in 2 seconds flat.

 

 

-Jake

[Bluesman89]

Jake, do you also find it difficult to look a girl (stranger) in the eye? That's something I have great difficulty doing. If I find a girl attractive and she happens to lock eyes with me, I instantly get overcome with embarrassment. I mean it really is overwhelming, like I should be feeling guilty that I made her uncomfortable.

 

A habit I have picked up to help avoid this, is I basically just won't look directly at anyone (especially women) unless I know them or I am talking to them.

 

I'm sure you can relate. Though from what you've said in describing that recent situation you found yourself in, it seems you haven't got too much of a problem with making eye contact with a women you desire.

[shygal2008]

wow Jake...at least you made some sort of attempt..maybe the next girl you see you'll say ''hello'' what could it hurt, right?

 

When you say ruined your whole day..is it something you carry with you afterwards, after she has walked away..what does that conversation with yourself sound like?

 

Also, once you've gotten to the smiling stage, or even saying ''hi'', etc. what keeps you for going for it..is it brain freeze..you seriously can't talk or just the sheer panic of 'what now???' Does it NOT matter that she IS responding to you in a positive way?

 

That is the hardest part for me, i think as a person on the other end of this to

understand, especially if you will go out of your way to be near her..if she looks interested..happy even, or acts like she's really enjoying the attention...what is the dialogue (in your mind) that keeps anything from moving forward?

 

 

Thanks

[SA_Guy99]

When you say ruined your whole day..is it something you carry with you afterwards, after she has walked away..what does that conversation with yourself sound like?

 

Also, once you've gotten to the smiling stage, or even saying ''hi'', etc. what keeps you for going for it..is it brain freeze..you seriously can't talk or just the sheer panic of 'what now???' Does it NOT matter that she IS responding to you in a positive way?

 

That is the hardest part for me, i think as a person on the other end of this to

understand, especially if you will go out of your way to be near her..if she looks interested..happy even, or acts like she's really enjoying the attention...what is the dialogue (in your mind) that keeps anything from moving forward?

 

By saying it ruins my day, it means just that. For example, if I stop for coffee, have a bit of a small conversation with her around lunch time, I'll be criticizing myself until I finally manage to get to sleep that night. It's basically repeating to myself, "What is wrong with you? Why can't you recognize an opportunity? Why can't you offer a compliment? Why can't you ask her out?" It makes for a lot of painful nights, both mentally and with physical symptoms of depression.

 

While I'm there talking to her, my brain is almost numb. My mind is racing so fast that I just cannot think. Afterwards, between the self-criticizm, I also wonder what would happen if I were to miraculously progress to asking her out and if she were to say yes. What the hell would I do then? When it comes down to it, I'm just as scared of success as I am of asking her out in the first place.

[Jake]

Jake, do you also find it difficult to look a girl (stranger) in the eye? That's something I have great difficulty doing. If I find a girl attractive and she happens to lock eyes with me, I instantly get overcome with embarrassment. I mean it really is overwhelming, like I should be feeling guilty that I made her uncomfortable.

 

Yes it's overwhelming for me too and embarrassing. This is exactly what happened in the particular situation I was describing. I was looking at her while she wasn't aware but as soon as she turned, made eye contact with me and smiled I lost all composer that I had and looked down at the ground in embarrassment....

 

This is frustrating for me because it happens with every single girl I find attractive. I simply can not hold eye contact from a distance and smile back. I just can't do the cold approach or any kind of approach for that matter.

 

 

A habit I have picked up to help avoid this, is I basically just won't look directly at anyone (especially women) unless I know them or I am talking to them.

 

I'm sure you can relate. Though from what you've said in describing that recent situation you found yourself in, it seems you haven't got too much of a problem with making eye contact with a women you desire.

 

That's farthest from the truth hahaha! I struggle immensely with making eye contact with a girl I find attractive. Especially if she's looking back at me!

 

The only time I can maintain any kind of eye contact is if I'm somehow talking to the girl or if I said hi to her. Then yes, in those situations I could make eye contact because I'm forced too since I engaged contact with her. But even then, I can only maintain eye contact for brief amounts of time and my eyes are skipping from her forehead, to the floor, to her eyes, to the wall behind her and so forth, because I'm so nervous.

 

 

 

 

wow Jake...at least you made some sort of attempt..maybe the next girl you see you'll say ''hello'' what could it hurt, right?

 

I say that to myself till the actual situation occurs, then I just lose all reasoning in my head. I go into

"flight or fight" panic mode and my body just wants to get the heck out of there! That's why I pretty much ran out the store when it happened. Okay maybe that's an exaggeration to say that "I ran out the store".... but I sure didn't feel like I had any control....

 

When I did get outside however, my reasoning came back but it's already too late by then. It happens like that, every single time.

 

 

When you say ruined your whole day..is it something you carry with you afterwards, after she has walked away..what does that conversation with yourself sound like?

 

"Jake, you failed again, again and Again AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!!! Why am so * * * * ing retarded!?!?!? Why is this so hard?... Why can't I just do it?.... Why do I have to be this way?... I should go right back in there and talk to her, no I can't... I just made her feel like the ugliest person in the world by scurrying out of there. * * * * . FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Sometimes it's worse than that (like if I've crushed on the girl for along time). It gets to a point where I have depression like symptoms and my heart and body are in physical pain. It feels like my heart is being attacked by knives.

 

 

 

 

Also, once you've gotten to the smiling stage, or even saying ''hi'', etc. what keeps you for going for it..is it brain freeze..you seriously can't talk or just the sheer panic of 'what now???' Does it NOT matter that she IS responding to you in a positive way?

 

 

Brain freeze is what it pretty much is. I just shut down and go through the "motions" of having a conversation without....actually living "in the moment" and having the conversation! It's all a blur, I don't know what to do or say. Anxiety overload, basically.](*,)

 

 

^^^If I'm feeling like that^^^..... Her responding positively won't really "register" because I'm so overloaded with anxiety I can't tell if she's flirting or just being nice / friendly.

 

 

 

That is the hardest part for me, i think as a person on the other end of this to

understand, especially if you will go out of your way to be near her..if she looks interested..happy even, or acts like she's really enjoying the attention...what is the dialogue (in your mind) that keeps anything from moving forward?

 

 

Thanks

 

There is no dialogue, my mind is not working worth anything if I'm talking to her. I'm like a deer in headlights. I simply can't cross the line and show interest.

 

 

-Jake

[GernBlanston]

SA Guy99 and Jake..

 

So, what i am gathering by all your posts is EVEN IF you had a repor (chemistry) with a beautiful young lady that you are attracted to and she made it obvious she's love to be in your company..or at least gave you all the correct overtures that she is interested as well; smiling, laughing, staring, flirting, etc. you still couldn't make a move to show her your interest AT ALL?

In short, yes that's correct. However, I've never had a women show interest in me to what you're describing. Maybe back in high school, but not nowadays. Most women are not interested in me, either that or I'm not picking up their subtle signs....

I can certainly relate to a great deal of what /Jake/ and SA_Guy99 are describing. Like /Jake/, it's never been clear (or even implied, for that matter) that a woman is interested in me. If she was giving those signals and I noticed them, I'd simply interpret her behaviour as being friendly and social. Of course, there's the possibility that there have been signals and I've misinterpreted them. There's no way to know, now. In the future, when I have a friendly and social interaction with woman, I can't see what would lead me to believe there would be any romantic interest. The downside risk associated with seeing interest when there is none is much greater than the risk associated with seeing no interest when there may be some.

 

That is the hardest part for me, i think as a person on the other end of this to understand, especially if you will go out of your way to be near her..if she looks interested..happy even, or acts like she's really enjoying the attention...what is the dialogue (in your mind) that keeps anything from moving forward?

While I'm there talking to her, my brain is almost numb. My mind is racing so fast that I just cannot think. Afterwards, between the self-criticizm, I also wonder what would happen if I were to miraculously progress to asking her out and if she were to say yes. What the hell would I do then? When it comes down to it, I'm just as scared of success as I am of asking her out in the first place.

Yup. It's been that way for me, too. I haven't felt that for some time, though. I think I gradually realised that I didn't need to put pressure on myself to try to get dates with strangers. If that whole idea is taken out of the picture, then, I find that I'm much more relaxed and able to interact comfortably with the attractive barista at the coffee shop, for example. I no longer have to feel guilty or critical with myself about not taking an opportunity - there was never any opportunity to take.

 

I see dozens upon dozens of attractive women every day, but why should I put pressure on myself to impose on them any more than on another person I might see on the street? When I have an interaction with someone, my behaviour (to the extent that I'm conscious of it) is no different with someone I find attractive than with someone I don't. I always try to act friendly and positive. Interacting with people already has enough emotional pressure. Why add more?

[shygal2008]

GernBlanston...hi

 

So, what would you do if she dropped a note on your desk or office mailbox and asked you to go for coffee sometime..said she'd like to get to know you better, would you respond then? To me, thats VERY obvious and she is letting you know that yes, in fact, she does like you too, find you attractive, etc!!!!

 

 

What would you do then? Still too much pressure???? Especially since now you know for SURE

 

 

 

Jake, SA GUY and Bluesman i'd like to know what you would do too if you got a little note like that from an attractive woman???? A woman you possibly work with or maybe, you'd see regularly at the local coffee shop!!!!!!!!

[shygal2008]

Just thought of something..you can all answer

 

Do you guys have any issues with a girl you really like a lot knowing personal things about you? Things like your hobbies (sailing, fishing, golf, etc.) you enjoy, what you do on the weekend...your down time or something as minor as you wearing glasses..what about eating in front of her?

 

If so, whhhhy? What is the issue with her knowing things like that?

 

Is there fear she may not think your compatable..bcuz she doesn't like those things or it'll make her change her mind about you?

[givinggirl]

Just thought of something..you can all answer

 

Do you guys have any issues with a girl you really like a lot knowing personal things about you? Things like your hobbies (sailing, fishing, golf, etc.) you enjoy, what you do on the weekend...your down time or something as minor as you wearing glasses..what about eating in front of her?

 

If so, whhhhy? What is the issue with her knowing things like that?

 

Is there fear she may not think your compatable..bcuz she doesn't like those things or it'll make her change her mind about you?

 

I'd like to pipe in my observation on this. The guy I'm referring to won't offer up any information, but if I ask him about something, he will answer me. Like, if I ask him questions about work or if he likes to read and what he reads, etc. He seemed kinda excited to tell me, but it was while texting. I don't recall asking him anything in person, so it could be a different reaction. I don't think he considers any of that really personal. If I was to ask him something he deems private...he would clam up. Anything that has to do with feelings, he'll clam up and even get defensive.

[SA_Guy99]

Jake, SA GUY and Bluesman i'd like to know what you would do too if you got a little note like that from an attractive woman???? A woman you possibly work with or maybe, you'd see regularly at the local coffee shop!!!!!!!!

 

I honestly don't know. It's never happened to me before. I would like to think I would be able to respond to her making a move like that.

 

Just thought of something..you can all answer

 

Do you guys have any issues with a girl you really like a lot knowing personal things about you? Things like your hobbies (sailing, fishing, golf, etc.) you enjoy, what you do on the weekend...your down time or something as minor as you wearing glasses..what about eating in front of her?

 

If so, whhhhy? What is the issue with her knowing things like that?

 

Is there fear she may not think your compatable..bcuz she doesn't like those things or it'll make her change her mind about you?

 

My fear regarding this is actually the opposite. I don't have any such hobbies. My life consists of going to work, going to the rink to do what I do with my involvement in hockey (which is almost like a second job), going home, * * * * ing around on the internet trying to find a way to improve my life, then going to bed only to get up the next morning and repeating the cycle. During the off-season, I do my best to keep physically active with weights and a bike in my basement and I play video games, much like a 14 year-old would.

 

I want to have things to share with a girl. I just don't. It would take 5 minutes to get to know me and what I do. I am a ridiculously boring person.

[Bluesman89]

Jake, SA GUY and Bluesman i'd like to know what you would do too if you got a little note like that from an attractive woman????

Well it's hard to say with complete certainty as such a thing has never happened to me. Well I suppose it did in a sense that I had confirmed interest from girls way back in the past which I already went into here, and in one of those cases I did follow it up with success.

 

So yes I guess things would be far far easier for me if I had confirmed interest from a girl I like, especially coming from her directly as that would indicate a genuine desire on her part to get to know me. I think I would then be able to make contact without too much difficulty as I would be past the stage of uncertainty (which is the battle ground for me).

 

There was a case not too long ago where I forced myself to approach an attractive girl (barmaid), with no clear sings of interest, and the conversation basically ended up one way... which was quite a crushing blow to my confidence.. or what little I had of it.

 

Do you guys have any issues with a girl you really like a lot knowing personal things about you? Things like your hobbies (sailing, fishing, golf, etc.) you enjoy, what you do on the weekend...your down time or something as minor as you wearing glasses..what about eating in front of her?

It depends. Her knowing my hobbies would not be a problem, because such things like my musical talent give me confidence wherever I can express it.

 

As for her knowing what I do on weekends/spare time, I'd rather that not be known because I am a very isolated person with practical no friends, as of recent, and don't get up to much on the weekends where socializing is concerned, apart from some gigging in the local pubs. The only people I could call friends are some middle aged musicians who I perform with. No one my own age.. which I am very ashamed about.

 

And also I am short sighted and wear contact lenses, but still depend on my glasses for a few hours at night. THis is another thing I would be very self conscious about and would not like a girl I am attracted to knowing of this.

[shygal2008]

Why be self conscious about your glasses?

 

If she likes you, she will like EVERYTHING about you. Is it bcuz you think it alters your appearance or bcuz you don't have perfect vision? I don't see a quality woman caring about that.

 

 

How are you with eating in front of a woman you are attracted to? I ask bcuz every shy man i have known can't eat if they are around someone they like They become so self conscious...and too nervous to eat. I have a (female) close friend who is the same way though!!!!!

[Bluesman89]

Why be self conscious about your glasses?

 

If she likes you, she will like EVERYTHING about you. Is it bcuz you think it alters your appearance or bcuz you don't have perfect vision? I don't see a quality woman caring about that.

Okay possibly, but I was referring more to someone who did not yet know me too well.

 

And yes I hate how I look with glasses. I am self conscious enough as it is when I'm not wearing them. That said though, this really isn't a huge issue, because I wear my contact lenses throughout the day and very few people would see me with glasses on as I only wear them for a brief moment before I go to bed.

 

How are you with eating in front of a woman you are attracted to? I ask bcuz every shy man i have known can't eat if they are around someone they like They become so self conscious...and too nervous to eat. I have a (female) close friend who is the same way though!!!!!

Yes I am very self conscious about eating in front of a woman I'm attracted to. Didn't know that was a common thing.

[givinggirl]

I'm also self-conscious about eating in front of a crush. Even if I was starved, my stomach is in such a state that I just feel sick if I try to eat. It's better if there's a group of people rather than just me and him or us and a couple people. The more people the easier it is for me to eat.

 

The guy I'm referring to is self-conscious about a lot of things. Glasses being one of them. He wears contacts and last year he was wearing glasses for about a week straight cause he was going to do the Lasik, but that didn't work out cause the Dr. told him he was not a candidate...the day of surgery. A group of us were hanging out and he was making sarcastic jokes about what a handsome devil he was in his glasses. I thought he looked good with them on. He also doesn't like his real name, so uses a nickname, he doesn't like his eyes and thinks he has a big head. I think part of his problem is he has lots of self-esteem issues.

[shygal2008]

Is that what it is whe you can't eat in front of someone you like, its the nerves kicking in, stomach all in knotts???? Eating i never had an issue with even if i like the guy A LOT i can eat with no problem i just try not to order/eat anything too sloppy..lol..like spaghetti!

 

One of the guys i work with started wearing his glasses daily, he only wore them once in a while before last week..i caught him taking them off when he saw me walk through his office door once..he didn't know i saw him do it, i acted like i didn't notice

 

Apparently he lost one of his contact lenses and now he is forced to wear them...he can barely look at me when we talk now..and he was doing SO WELL too now its like pulling teeth so i backed off bcuz i didnt want to make him feel more uncomfortable, it was obvious having to wear his glasses everyday all of a sudden was making his self esteem take an even bigger nose dive i feel badly for him. But then again if i had to wear mine all the time, especially at work (i wear them to drive) then i'd feel self conscious too!

 

I thought about complimenting him on how he looks in his glasses..bcuz he looks good..but he is just so shy and anxious around me normally..even though he has improved i wasn't sure if drawing more attention to them was a good idia for a love shy guy?

[givinggirl]

For me, yes, I literally feel nauseous with my nerves. I can end up making myself have bathroom issues...not good at all. I try to eat before I go out, but even my nerves just from anticipating seeing him get to me. Not as bad, I can at least eat a little. Drinking is not an issue for me and my stomach. Usually chewing gum helps too.

 

I wear glasses all the time and I don't have any issues with it. Most guys compliment me and my glasses...you know the whole librarian thing that guys think it hot. I don't see it. I would love to be able to wear contacts, but my eyes are so dry it just hasn't worked for me.

 

I wasn't going to say anything to this guy about his glasses either, but he drew attention to them, so I told him he looked good in them. He had a grin, blushed a bit, looked away and then at the floor. If this is your shy guy wearing the glasses, I would compliment him. Nothing big and discreetly.

[shygal2008]

I think i will compliment him on Tuesday when we go back to work, it couldn't hurt. It may make him feel good

 

 

 

Another question..how is it for a love shy man when he is touched, physically by a girl? What goes through his mind, how does it feel to him? Say if she is talking to him and she puts her hand on his shoulder or touches his knee when she is talking to him to get his attention...if he reeeeeally likes her especially????

 

I noticed this once when its just people he knows they can brush by him or put there hand on his arm or shoulder and he doesn't flinch at all, but yet when i did it, just casually...he JUMPED and got so nervous, turned ALL RED and lookd down, then away, etc. then he had to get up and move around..LOL..but he didn't walk away, just jumped and couldn't stop dancing around!

 

 

I never saw anything like it before

[SA_Guy99]

Physical touch is one of my biggest fears, yet I want it sooooo bad. Just thinking about a girl touching my like that, giving me a nice hug or a kiss makes my stomach hurt. That's how bad I want it. It's a fear for me because if it ever happens, I don't know how I will handle it. For all I know, I could cry like a baby because of all the built up frustration and anxiety that comes from never being touched. I believe it is a necessity for people to be happy.

 

On the other side of the coin, I want to be able to touch a woman in that same way. To me the female body can be the most beautiful thing in the world. I'm just so afraid that I am going to cross some kind of boundary so I just keep my distance physically.

 

This is probably the most painful part of having anxiety, depression and love shyness.